Searching for Eden
Rei slowly pealed herself out of her brother's embrace.
Shinji stared at her with a fearful expression, as he gently wiped the last of her tears off her flushed cheeks. Besides being extremely sad, her face gave no other expression. So to get the answers he needed, he whispered. "Are you ok now, Rei-chan?"
She sniffed back an on coming flood of sobs and nodded. She really wasn't feeling better, but she didn't want Shinji to worry anymore.
Too bad he could tell she was lying. "Rei, will you please tell me what just happened?"
She bit on her bottom lip and shook her head no. She was afraid to tell him. She was afraid that he would leave her if she told him. A few seconds later, she nodded after a conflicting emotion surfaced. The emotion was still fear; however, it was the fear that his life would be in great danger if he didn't know. After about a minute of silence, she nodded again, and agreed to tell him. "Later..."
Shinji nodded and forced as warm smile, as he tried to help her stand on her feet.
"I am ok, Shinji." She assured in a melancholy whisper as she gently brushed his hands away. She really did want his help. She didn't need his help physically; the lethargy was gone, but she did need to be comforted by his touch. It calmed her in a way she didn't understand. So for that very same reason, she refused his help. She felt that she was growing dependent on him, and that was a weakness she couldn't afford to have if he decided to leave her after her confession.
Shinji watched his sister walk in front of him, with the fluid grace she always displayed. Her mannerisms, now, showed no trace of the sorrow she had displayed. The sorrow that he had comforted her through, for the past 20 minutes. Inwardly, he felt saddened that she no longer needed his comfort, as well as happy that she seemed to be feeling better. But guiltily... a larger part of him wished that she still needed him.
~~~~~~~~
When they got back to the cabin, Rei went straight to her book bag and delved in it until she found a clean set of under clothes, and her toothbrush. Shinji went to his book bag and dug out their bar of soap, and the toothpaste then handed it to the first child.
"Here you, Rei-chan."
Silently, she received the items, and walked out of the cabin room to go to the public bathroom to bathe. Shinji watched her leave; her disposition was so much like the girl he had always known. Not the girl he had come to know these past few days. Rei was once again showing no emotion, nor had she spoke to him since they left the dinning room.
The pilot sat on his bed, once she left , rested he elbows on his knees and sighed dejectedly. He didn't know what to do or how to help her. He figured she knew that too, because she reverted back to the cool independent Ayanami Rei he has always known, and that's why she was rejecting him and his efforts to help her. However, he didn't entirely believe that, but it was easier for him to explain her actions as being rejected. He was used to being rejected. He understood rejection; he didn't understand Rei.
~~~~~~~~
About twenty minutes later.
Rei walked out of the public bathroom only to almost trip over her brother. He was sitting on the floor with his back resting against the door.
The pilot caught himself from falling back when the door unexpectedly opened, and tightly shut his eyes as he braced himself to be toppled over by his sister. After a few seconds passed, and no collision, he slowly opened his eyes.
Rei passively stared at him, behind her tinted glasses, betraying neither emotion nor curiosity to him being there. She already knew why he was there.
Shinji gave her a sheepish grin and scrambled to his feet. "I...I was worried about you..." He reluctantly admitted. "I didn't want to be in the cabin if you....uhh...umm" He tired to think of a word besides the word 'died' to explain what happened to her in the dinning room. "If you ... had another fainting spell."
Rei gave no response to his confession. Instead she sidestepped around him and walked toward the cabin.
Shinji followed closely and prepared himself to catch her if she happened to 'faint' again.
When they arrived at the cabin, Shinji opened the door for her. Rei glanced at him behind her tinted glasses then quickly looked away as she walked in and toward her bed. The first child knew that he was ready for an explanation. An explanation that she was not ready to confess. She also knew that Shinji knew that his father was dead; however, he didn't know that it was she who killed him. It was an honest omission, for at the time she didn't know either. Now, she was afraid of how, or if, he would accepted her when he found out. Rei glanced back at him as she took off her black wig and let her wet blue hair fall and frame her face. She watched Shinji sit on his bed and noticed when he slumped his shoulders dejectedly. She inwardly groaned; she knew she was causing him pain. So again, she looked away and busied herself with getting ready for bed.
"Shinji" She softly called out in a monotone voice, not bothering to turn around or pause in her nocturnal preparations
The boy immediately perked up, and gave an expectant answer of "Hai."
Rei could hear the hope that she was ready to confide in him in his voice. She hated herself when she said "You should go and use this opportunity to use the bathroom to bathe with out being disturbed. Tomorrow morning there will be a line" instead of confessing.
Shinji sighed and deflated as watched her prepare herself for bed. She was back to normal. Well, *her* normal behavior, which showed no signs that she needed his assistance, or needed *him* any further. He sighed again, for he wanted to ask her what happened in the dining room. But he was afraid, so he complied with her command and said "Ok." Shinji got up, grabbed his book bag, picked out a clean pair of boxers, and his tooth brush.
As he did this, Rei silently placed the toothpaste and the soap on his bed then walked back to her side of the cabin. Shinji turned to say thank you, but the words died in his mouth went he saw her crawl into the bed and lay on her side with her back facing him.
she really doesn't need me...anymore..
~~~
Shinji took a quick shower because the was afraid that Rei would have one of her 'spells' again while he was away. When he returned to the room, she was resting peacefully. His eyes tripled their size, and terror surged through his entire being once he realized that she was laying in the same exact position he left her in. So much terror in fact, he rushed over to her and shook her awake.
Rei's crimson eyes snapped open and she looked upon her brother in shock. Her facial expression clearly asked What the hell is wrong with you?
"Gomen!" He sheepishly squeaked out and quickly let her go then bowed profusely. "I.. I over reacted!"
In a Rei type voice, she forgave him by saying "Considering what happened, that is understandable." She then returned to laying on her side, with her back turned away from him.
He observed how she quickly turned her back to him and whispered "Gomen" one more time. Dejectedly, Shinji stood there, in the middle of the small cabin, for about five minutes and just stared at her. All the while he hoped a prayed that Rei would turn around and talk to him, or at least give her one of her rare smiles that told him that everything was going to be ok. But she did neither. After one more minute passed, and his tears began to trickle down his cheeks, he turned around, walked back to his bed, and got in.
Rei was utterly grateful when Shinji went to his bed. She could feel his eyes burrowing into the back of her head. She hated hurting him like this, but she was afraid to tell him what she knew. Since her shower she understood more of her reason why she had turned against the commander, and why when she reawakened as the third, her heart was filled with hate toward the man. So as the first child laid silently in the bed, she thought about it. She wanted to make sense of the new found knowledge before she discussed it with Shinji.
~~~
A memory came to her when she was washing her natural hair, in the shower. No... not a memory, it was more like a soft familiar voice... the voice that belonged to the second. It said
"Revenge"
Rei wasn't exactly sure who the voice was talking about. revenge?... against the... commander?
"No... against the imposter"
the imposter..?
The tender voice did not reply.
And that was all the, second's voice said before it left her thoughts completely. Thus leaving the third, first child to ponder on the meaning.
~~~~
Rei shifted herself on her back, and rested her wrist on her forehead as she thought about who the 'imposter' may be. After about twenty minutes, it came to her. "Adam." I must have found out... before I died.. She nodded at her conclusion. With better clarity on her reasons for killing the shell of Shinji's father, Rei was a little less reluctant to confide in her brother; even though, she was deathly afraid that he would want to go separate ways, because the angel Adam was still after her. She turned her head to face him, and noticed that he was having another one of his nightmares.
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If only the third child *was* having a nightmare, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. What he was actually experiencing was ten times worse, it was a memory; a memory of a choice he made.
Shinji found himself being pressed against a wall with a wounded Misato pressed against him, and giving him a very passionate and open mouthed kiss, despite the 'war' going on around them.
When she parted for air, she breathed out painfully. "That's how adults kiss..."
Shinji just stood there staring at her wide eyed, with a mixture of fear, because of what was going on around them, and desire to be once again kissed like that from the woman before him. Apparently she could tell that he desired more physical affection, for what she said next, was a promise of
"We'll do the rest later..." Then with the last of her energy, she pushed him to safety inside the elevator.
As the door slowly closed, Shinji could see his guardian shoot her gun to fend of the oncoming SEELE soldiers and then....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei watched her brother break out into a fit of sobs as he slept. She quickly got up and out of her bed, and made her way over to his bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doors had just closed, and Shinji was alone in the elevator. He stood there, in complete shock, for he had just witnessed the demise of his guardian. With trembling hands, he wiped off the warm blood that sprayed all over his face. The blood was Misato's; it splattered on him when she fell back against the closing elevator doors after the soldiers repeatedly shot her.
He was too shocked to even cry out. It was surreal and his mind refused to except what just happened. So he stood there, wide eyed, for about a minute. He would stayed there longer, but the soldiers were shooting at the elevator. Shinji snapped out of his daze, and stared at the buttons on the elevator control pad. He one of two choices to make. Misato wanted him to get to his Eva and help Asuka and save them all, but he had promised Rei that he would meet her in central dogma. They were going to runaway.... They were going to use this 'war' as their means to escape without getting caught. This was the only way she would be able to get away from his father.
Even though the bullets were denting into the doors, and were almost about to penetrate through, Shinji thought long and hard on this decisions. He wanted to help Asuka and protect her, but he didn't want to disappoint Rei and not be there. He didn't want Rei to get killed waiting for him at their meeting spot. When a bullet made its way through the door and whizzed past his face, he had made his decision.
"Asuka never wanted me......." He pulled out the NERV card that Rei had given him, so that he would have clearance to restricted areas, swiped it, " she doesn't need me...." and pushed the button to take him to central dogma. He nodded at his decision and whispered to himself. "Rei wants me..."
The scenery changed into a dark void, and a cold familiar voice screamed
"DO BODY WANTS YOU BAKA SHINJI!!!"
The third child immediately became consumed with guilt and cried out. leave me alone,... Asuka
"WHY SHOULD I? Hmm? YOU KILLED ME! DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU_ KILLED_ ME!! SO WHY SHOULD I LEAVE YOU IN PEACE?"
I.I..I didn't.....
The second child voice interrupted. "I..I..I.....STOP STUTTERING BAKA!! YOU KILLED ME!! SO I'LL F*CKING HAUNT YOU IF I WANT TO!!!"
I didn't... kill you The boy cried out and thrashed his arms. He felt like Asuka's ghost was trying to grab him.
"YOU CHOSE!!" She growled bitterly. "YOU CHOSE THE DOLL OVER ME!! SHE NEVER EVEN GAVE YOU THE TIME OF DAY, AND YOU F*CKING CHOSE HER LIFE OVER MINE!!"
Shinji didn't respond, but again he hit away the unseen assailant.
Asuka laughed cruelly at his silence and coaxed. "SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE YOU!!"
No.... she won't The third child cried out.
"SHE IS, AND YOU KNOW IT!" Asuka gave him one of her victory laughs. "SHE'S ALREADY REGRETTING SHE'S STUCK WITH YOU!! AND YOU KNOW IT!!! YOU SEE IT IN HER ACTIONS!! THE WAY SHE'S TREATING YOU NOW!!"
Shinji was crying uncontrollably because of the guilt he felt for not trying to save Asuka, and the fear that her words where true. She promised to...
"STAY WITH YOU FOREVER?" Her laughter became hateful. Then for no reason at all, her boisterous voice began to fade into a whisper "SHE'S GOING TO Leave you!! And it serves you right for letting me...."
Her words stopped as abruptly as they started. A blinding ray of light pierced the blackness of void, and a warm comforting feeling quickly over came the sorrow, guilt and fear that consumed him.
~~~~~~
Rei sucked on her busted lip and rested her head on Shinji's shoulder as she laid herself on top of him. She tried to wake him up, but couldn't. It was as if he were in some type of trance. She then tried to lay beside him and comfort him, but he thrashed wildly and hit her a couple of times. Hard, very hard. However, as soon she forced herself to lay on top of him, and allowed her weight to hold him down, he calmed down immediately.
A few minutes later, Shinji's eyes slowly fluttered open, and he slowly focused on the figure on top of him. In his heart, he felt that that whoever was on top of him would have been only one of two people, the poltergeist of Asuka or his beloved imooto-chan.
please let that be you Rei
The lights were off, so they could sleep, but the window allowed the moonlight to illuminate the small cabin. Painfully slow, Shinji's sleepy and tear blurred eyes focused and the figure was identified. The pilot took a deep breath and was happily surprised to find that the person on top of him was his sister. So happy in fact that he cupped the sides of her face in his hands and.....
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I still don't own any thing that deals with Evangelion
Chewy you're right, ^_^ you guys didn't say I was into that stuff ^_~ (thank god) I'm sorry I had to put that little ending on the last chapter. However, I had to do that because I had deleted that email right when I got it. At the time, I didn't even think about replying and telling that person off. I just wanted it out of my mail. It wasn't until later that day, and because it was still on my mind, did I get so ANGRY! I mean, I was *already* angry, but as it festered on my mind during the day, it made my rage come out in a fury. ~_~ *grrrr* (as you read in the last chapter) I was already having a bad two weeks being sick and my computer acting up (and other numerous things that seemed to plague me at the same time.) So it was kinda like the straw that broke the camels back. I'm sorry if I offended anyone who reads my work. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to one particular person and he/she knows who he/she is. Again. I'm sorry. I honestly felt bad as soon as I posted it. But in my humble opinion, it was a necessary evil ^_~
Again I'm sorry, but that last ending still applies if anyone sends me anything vulgar. ^_~
I love ya lots I really really do ^_^
Kimberly
