Afterword
"I'm going to rush a little," Zaknafein said, feeling self-conscious talking to the computer, and extremely irritated, as he always did when he had to help the Author with her stupid stories. "The Author has gone downstairs to meet the members of her considerable extended family, and so I'm left to talk about this story myself."
"I feel like a total idiot doing this," Zaknafein muttered to himself. "Ah hell. To get it over with – the next story, unless the Author changes her considerably scatter-brained mind, would be a Hellblazer cross with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dark Elf. No doubt the plot would get extremely obvious from chapter one, as it always does."
He took a fortifying drink from a half-full balloon glass of wine next to the computer, and continued. "Also, there will be mentions of the movie 'The Lord of the Rings', whatever that is, because the Author is currently mad over one of the surfacer elves in it. Played by a human." Zaknafein sneered. "I don't see why – I've seen prettier faces, but I suppose you humans have to settle for beauty that is in human limits… "
There was a growl behind him, and Zaknafein whirled around, swords drawn. Nothing met his suspicious eye. "Hmph. I think the Author may have put watchdogs in this room…" he murmured. "Damn. As I was saying, she likes this elf called 'Legolas'. Wallpaper on her computer, screensaver, and so far, forty-over pictures saved into the computer. She's a very pathetic person."
The growl was louder and more menacing this time. "What?" Zaknafein told it irritably. "Humans."
"She'd just got Throne of Bhaal, but with any luck, she won't write on it," Zaknafein smirked. "I have no idea why she keeps using Nalfein now either, but I don't really care."
The voices downstairs got louder, and Zaknafein froze as he heard footsteps approaching the closed door, as well as a babble of female voices. Somewhere in it was the Author, trying without much success to divert her relatives away from her room.
"Vith," Zaknafein muttered, glancing at the last thing on his list to say and skipping all the content in the middle. "Right. Merry Christmas to you lot. Goodbye."
As the door opened and several of the Author's aunts wandered in to poke at things, Zaknafein had already disappeared. At the doorframe, the Author let out a sigh of relief.
