Title: Christmas Wishes

Author: Larkin

Rating: R - contains slash, if you don't like slash, that is male/male relationships do not read. Do not flame me because it is slash, you were warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Harry Potter belongs to J.K.Rowling, I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

This is just a little piece of Christmas fluff, It's my first effort, reviews appreciated.


Chapter One - What Harry wants for Christmas

Harry sighed as he sat in a window seat in one of the towers at Hogwart's Academy looking out over the lake on the day before Christmas.

The view looked like something he had seen on a Muggle Christmas card. The lights of the castle were reflected as twinkling stars in the lake; and the grounds, Hagrid's cottage and the whole of the Forbidden Forest were covered in a light dusting of snow that made everything glitter and shine.

There were far worse fates that spending the holidays at Hogwart's. The memory of every Christmas that he had ever spent at number four Privet Drive reminded him of that. This would be the seventh and last Christmas that Harry would spend at Hogwart's. Who knew where he would be next year at the holiday season?

Harry sat for a bit longer staring out at the scenery and trying to figure out exactly what was bugging him. It wasn't the lack of family, he had no memory of Christmas with has parents and his other family was no loss. It wasn't a lack of friends to spend the holiday with. Although this was the first time that Harry was the only Gryffindor of his year staying for the holiday he was not lonely for his friends. What was it that had him in the dismals?

Almost all of his friends had paired up in some form or another. Ron and Hermoine had been obvious to everyone long before they figured it out. Neville and Ginny had come as a bit of a surprise, but it was proving to be a great relationship. Ginny gave Neville social skills and improved his confidence while Neville had finally managed to repair the damage to Ginny's self esteem caused by Tom Riddle during her first year at Hogwarts. Seamus and Dean had been a surprise, but once Harry got used to it he found that they were great for each other. He had been surprised how easily he had accepted the boy/boy relationship, it was something that his Muggle upbringing had conditioned him to believe was very wrong, but watching Seamus and Dean he knew that that was not the case.

Harry had not ended up partnered with anyone. There had been a couple of girl friends over the last couple of years, Cho and another girl from Ravenclaw and briefly, very briefly, with Lavender from Gryffindor. Harry had to grin at the memory of that relationship. Fortunately it had ended well and his relationship with his house mate had reverted to its previous status.

The more Harry thought the more he realized that this topic was the source of his disquiet. He was not in love, but he wished that he were. He wanted there to be a person who viewed him as the most important person in the world and he wanted to feel that way about someone else. He wanted to belong. He was ready to start his own family and share with someone else; the problem was he had not met the right boy, er girl. Hold on, Harry thought, I thought I dealt with those ideas.

After Seamus and Dean had got together, Harry had found himself thinking about the implications of falling in love with a boy. In practice he had no real objections to that type of relationship, his problem was that the face that kept coming into his fantasies was that of Draco Malfoy. Harry had ruthlessly pushed the whole issue down into an unused part of his brain and left it alone.

Now Harry found himself again thinking about the nature of a male/male relationship. As he reflected he realized that while he had had affection for the girls he had dated there had not been passion, he had watched Ron and Hermoine trying to keep their hands of each other, but he had never felt that intensity of attraction, except, he realized, when he had dreamed about Draco.
It was the attraction of the hard planes and angles of a male body that Harry dreamed of. He realized it with a jolt. He was gay.

Actually Harry felt a sense of relief. He had no idea where he would go with this new knowledge, but having realized the truth was freeing. He would figure it out in time. Harry became aware of the passage of time, he was getting cold and stiff from leaning against the window and he had missed dinner. Standing up and giving himself a shake Harry headed for the corridor under the great hall that led to the kitchen.