Chapter 9: Forever Changed
Summary: Nikki pushes away Jamie and everyone else around her (*muy trieste*)
A/N: Final chapter...it's sad...sequel up soon...Wow! Am I really done?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except Nikki...
Friday morning (a week after the case):
"Nikki! Wait up!" Jamie called. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I said opening my locker.
"Nikki," he said turning me towards him. "You've been avoiding me all week. What's going on?"
"Nothing! I'm going to be late." I said closing my locker and walked away.
"Nikki!" he called after me.
I didn't listen. I just kept walking.
"Hey Nikki," Tyler said as I sat in my desk for English.
"Hey Tyler, hey Hank."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Why have you been avoiding us?" Hank asked.
"Shh, class is starting."
Tyler and Hank exchanged bewildered looks.
At lunch:
"Hey Tyler, do know why Nikki has been avoiding me all week?"
"She's not just avoiding you, she's avoiding Hank and I too."
"Something's on her mind, and I want to know what it is. I hate to see her hurting like this."
"So do I, I have a plan that might get her to open up to you though."
"I'm open to all suggestions. "
After school:
"So are you coming to the track with me?" Val asked.
"Of course. How else am I supposed to stay in shape for cheer tryouts in a couple of months?"
Val and I walked to the track.
"Why have you been so quiet lately? I've never seen you quiet or withdrawn!"
"I don't know. It's hard to explain."
"I'm all ears."
"I guess, it's just that...I just can't trust guys right now. It seems like I'm on autopilot, and I can't feel anything. I'm actually cold, that's the one thing I feel. Cold."
"You're afraid they're going to hurt you like Eric did."
"Exactly."
"Don't worry, Nikki. Tyler, Hank and Jamie won't hurt you. They're nothing like Eric. Jamie loves you, and it hurts him that you're pushing him away from you."
"That's just it. I know he loves me, but, I don't know, I feel that I can't..."
"...that you can't love him back," Val finished for me.
"I guess."
"Nikki, talk to him. Let him know what's going on. He hates seeing you hurting like this."
"Nikki," Jamie said quietly, tapping me on the shoulder.
As I turned around he handed me a bunch of flowers.
"Why are you doing this to me? This is already hard enough," I said burying my head in the flowers.
"Can we talk? Please?"
"Sure."
Jamie and I walked over to the bleachers and sat down.
"Please tell me what's going on. I want to help you Nikki."
"I don't mean to push you or Hank or Tyler away, it's just that...I don't feel I can trust guys right now..."
"Because you think we're going to hurt you like Eric did."
I nodded.
"I love you, Nikki. I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean too much to me."
"I know that. I know you love me...It's just that I don't feel I can love anyone," I said quietly.
"Nikki, please don't push me away. I know you're hurting, and it's so hard for me to see you like this. You don't smile or laugh anymore and I miss it. I miss you. You're not the same person anymore. If you want to go slow, that's fine with me, but please don't push me away."
"I don't know..."
"If you don't want to go out right now, that's fine, but please let me be near you. You're a good friend to me and I want to be a good friend to me."
"I'll try. Thank you for understanding."
One week later at the station:
"Alex, can we talk to you?"
Hank, Jamie, Tyler and Val were at the station to talk to Alex about what had been going on before our shift started that night.
"Of course. What's going on?"
"We're worried about Nikki," Val said.
"She's not herself anymore. She doesn't smile, she doesn't laugh and she hardly jokes around or hangs out with us anymore," Jamie said.
"She's still working hard like always, maybe even better then normal. She never makes mistakes, but it's not the same," Hank said.
"We miss her, the way she was before the trial. Not the way she is now," Tyler said.
"I know, I've noticed it to. She's really quiet around the house and always keeps to herself, but what do you want me to do about it?"
"We were wondering if you could talk to her. Try to get her to lighten up again. Val and I have already tried, but it hasn't made much difference."
"Nikki's dealing with a lot right now. Just give her time, she'll snap out of it. It might take awhile though."
"Alex, could you please try though? We're really worried about her. I don't know what's going on in her head, but I'm worried she might be thinking about suicide," Hank said.
"Really?" Alex said sighing. "Of course I'll talk to her. In fact, send her in when she gets here."
"Thank you, Alex."
"No problem."
Everyone left and started doing different odd jobs.
"Hey Nikki."
"Oh, hi Val. I'm not late am I?" I said noticing that everyone was already working.
"Oh, no. Alex would like to see you in his office though."
"Thanks," I said leaving the room.
"No problem."
"You wanted to see me?" I said knocking on Alex's door.
"Yes I did," he said looking up. "Why don't you sit down?"
I came in and sat down. Alex closed the door behind me.
"We haven't talked in awhile. Look Nikki, I'm going to get right to the point. Everyone, including me, is worried about you. You haven't been yourself and it's obvious something's going on. You're not thinking about suicide are you?
"What?" I exclaimed, "No, I'm not. The thought did cross my mind once, but I immediately pushed it aside. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because of a promise I made to Carrie's mom. She's like a second mother to me, except for the fact that she actually cares. One night, after my parents were killed and I was staying with Carrie's family, I was looking out the window actually thinking about suicide. It seemed to be the only way to get away from the constant pain. Carrie's mom came in and somehow knew what I was thinking about. She turned me around and made me promise that no mater what I faced, I would never do it. I didn't say anything at first, so she took my face in her hands and made me look at her and then told me to promise her that. I made that promise to her, and its one I'm never going to break," I said wiping away the tears.
"I'm so glad to hear you say that. Nikki, why are you pushing everyone away?"
"I don't know...I just want to be alone."
"Nikki, you can't keep doing this. It's making this harder on you then it needs to be. I put you on the DL so you could sort things out and get back to normal, not so that you could start pushing everyone away. Everyone misses you the way you were before the trial. I know you're working even harder then before, but I want you to be normal again."
"Alex, nothing's normal anymore!"
"I know, but things are going to be even better, especially now that you've taken care of Eric. Please promise me you'll stop withdrawing and start smiling again? You don't have to do anything major, but I just want to see you smiling again. Promise?"
"I promise," I said forcing a small smile after a minute.
"Thank you, now why don't you get to work?"
"Okay," I said standing up and left the room again.
I went outside to where Jamie was cleaning the ambulance.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"Hey," he suddenly turned the hose from the ambulance and sprayed me.
"Jamie! I'm going to kill you!"
A huge water fight erupted between everyone, and, for the first time in two weeks, I laughed.
Alex watched everything from his office and smiled.
Summary: Nikki pushes away Jamie and everyone else around her (*muy trieste*)
A/N: Final chapter...it's sad...sequel up soon...Wow! Am I really done?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except Nikki...
Friday morning (a week after the case):
"Nikki! Wait up!" Jamie called. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I said opening my locker.
"Nikki," he said turning me towards him. "You've been avoiding me all week. What's going on?"
"Nothing! I'm going to be late." I said closing my locker and walked away.
"Nikki!" he called after me.
I didn't listen. I just kept walking.
"Hey Nikki," Tyler said as I sat in my desk for English.
"Hey Tyler, hey Hank."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Why have you been avoiding us?" Hank asked.
"Shh, class is starting."
Tyler and Hank exchanged bewildered looks.
At lunch:
"Hey Tyler, do know why Nikki has been avoiding me all week?"
"She's not just avoiding you, she's avoiding Hank and I too."
"Something's on her mind, and I want to know what it is. I hate to see her hurting like this."
"So do I, I have a plan that might get her to open up to you though."
"I'm open to all suggestions. "
After school:
"So are you coming to the track with me?" Val asked.
"Of course. How else am I supposed to stay in shape for cheer tryouts in a couple of months?"
Val and I walked to the track.
"Why have you been so quiet lately? I've never seen you quiet or withdrawn!"
"I don't know. It's hard to explain."
"I'm all ears."
"I guess, it's just that...I just can't trust guys right now. It seems like I'm on autopilot, and I can't feel anything. I'm actually cold, that's the one thing I feel. Cold."
"You're afraid they're going to hurt you like Eric did."
"Exactly."
"Don't worry, Nikki. Tyler, Hank and Jamie won't hurt you. They're nothing like Eric. Jamie loves you, and it hurts him that you're pushing him away from you."
"That's just it. I know he loves me, but, I don't know, I feel that I can't..."
"...that you can't love him back," Val finished for me.
"I guess."
"Nikki, talk to him. Let him know what's going on. He hates seeing you hurting like this."
"Nikki," Jamie said quietly, tapping me on the shoulder.
As I turned around he handed me a bunch of flowers.
"Why are you doing this to me? This is already hard enough," I said burying my head in the flowers.
"Can we talk? Please?"
"Sure."
Jamie and I walked over to the bleachers and sat down.
"Please tell me what's going on. I want to help you Nikki."
"I don't mean to push you or Hank or Tyler away, it's just that...I don't feel I can trust guys right now..."
"Because you think we're going to hurt you like Eric did."
I nodded.
"I love you, Nikki. I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean too much to me."
"I know that. I know you love me...It's just that I don't feel I can love anyone," I said quietly.
"Nikki, please don't push me away. I know you're hurting, and it's so hard for me to see you like this. You don't smile or laugh anymore and I miss it. I miss you. You're not the same person anymore. If you want to go slow, that's fine with me, but please don't push me away."
"I don't know..."
"If you don't want to go out right now, that's fine, but please let me be near you. You're a good friend to me and I want to be a good friend to me."
"I'll try. Thank you for understanding."
One week later at the station:
"Alex, can we talk to you?"
Hank, Jamie, Tyler and Val were at the station to talk to Alex about what had been going on before our shift started that night.
"Of course. What's going on?"
"We're worried about Nikki," Val said.
"She's not herself anymore. She doesn't smile, she doesn't laugh and she hardly jokes around or hangs out with us anymore," Jamie said.
"She's still working hard like always, maybe even better then normal. She never makes mistakes, but it's not the same," Hank said.
"We miss her, the way she was before the trial. Not the way she is now," Tyler said.
"I know, I've noticed it to. She's really quiet around the house and always keeps to herself, but what do you want me to do about it?"
"We were wondering if you could talk to her. Try to get her to lighten up again. Val and I have already tried, but it hasn't made much difference."
"Nikki's dealing with a lot right now. Just give her time, she'll snap out of it. It might take awhile though."
"Alex, could you please try though? We're really worried about her. I don't know what's going on in her head, but I'm worried she might be thinking about suicide," Hank said.
"Really?" Alex said sighing. "Of course I'll talk to her. In fact, send her in when she gets here."
"Thank you, Alex."
"No problem."
Everyone left and started doing different odd jobs.
"Hey Nikki."
"Oh, hi Val. I'm not late am I?" I said noticing that everyone was already working.
"Oh, no. Alex would like to see you in his office though."
"Thanks," I said leaving the room.
"No problem."
"You wanted to see me?" I said knocking on Alex's door.
"Yes I did," he said looking up. "Why don't you sit down?"
I came in and sat down. Alex closed the door behind me.
"We haven't talked in awhile. Look Nikki, I'm going to get right to the point. Everyone, including me, is worried about you. You haven't been yourself and it's obvious something's going on. You're not thinking about suicide are you?
"What?" I exclaimed, "No, I'm not. The thought did cross my mind once, but I immediately pushed it aside. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because of a promise I made to Carrie's mom. She's like a second mother to me, except for the fact that she actually cares. One night, after my parents were killed and I was staying with Carrie's family, I was looking out the window actually thinking about suicide. It seemed to be the only way to get away from the constant pain. Carrie's mom came in and somehow knew what I was thinking about. She turned me around and made me promise that no mater what I faced, I would never do it. I didn't say anything at first, so she took my face in her hands and made me look at her and then told me to promise her that. I made that promise to her, and its one I'm never going to break," I said wiping away the tears.
"I'm so glad to hear you say that. Nikki, why are you pushing everyone away?"
"I don't know...I just want to be alone."
"Nikki, you can't keep doing this. It's making this harder on you then it needs to be. I put you on the DL so you could sort things out and get back to normal, not so that you could start pushing everyone away. Everyone misses you the way you were before the trial. I know you're working even harder then before, but I want you to be normal again."
"Alex, nothing's normal anymore!"
"I know, but things are going to be even better, especially now that you've taken care of Eric. Please promise me you'll stop withdrawing and start smiling again? You don't have to do anything major, but I just want to see you smiling again. Promise?"
"I promise," I said forcing a small smile after a minute.
"Thank you, now why don't you get to work?"
"Okay," I said standing up and left the room again.
I went outside to where Jamie was cleaning the ambulance.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"Hey," he suddenly turned the hose from the ambulance and sprayed me.
"Jamie! I'm going to kill you!"
A huge water fight erupted between everyone, and, for the first time in two weeks, I laughed.
Alex watched everything from his office and smiled.
