Part 8
Spike's timing had been perfectly executed. No sooner than when
he placed the journal and pen down did Dawn come prancing in.
They traded their usual greeting before Dawn launched into her
story about how her day was. The chip didn't let the conversation
get very far however. Ten minutes after Dawn entered the room,
the chip sent out agonizing electric shocks that sent Spike's body
into convulsions similar to those experienced in a seizure.
Scared, Dawn screamed for her sister to come to Spike's aid.
And she did. Along with the rest of the gang who were startled by
Dawn's cry. Buffy climbed on the bed behind Spike and help his head
until he settled down, unconscious.
Giles took Dawn aside, "Dawn, what happened?"
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I don't know. We were
talking and suddenly it was like he was having a seizure. He was
perfectly fine."
Giles nodded and turned to Buffy, who held Spike's head in her lap,
brushing back his hair. "Buffy, whatever plan you have, I believe
it's time to put it in action."
"He's not going to wake up again, is he?" Willow verbalized Buffy's
fear.
Giles shrugged helplessly, "It's doubtful. But I don't know. I'm
not an expert on the subject."
Buffy looked at the bedside table and saw Spike's journal. It was
left opened, flipped to a certain page. The top of the page is
what caught her attention. In Spike's elegant, flowing, Victorian
handwriting were the words 'Dearest Buffy.' She picked it up.
Xander looked at her, "What is it, Buffy?"
Buffy quickly glanced at him before returning her eyes to the
journal. "Can you guys leave us alone for a while?"
"Sure, Buffy. Whatever you want," Xander replied, still curious
however, as he and the rest leave Buffy and Spike.
Alone, Buffy concentrated on reading the entry Spike wrote for her.
*****
Dearest Buffy,
I hope this gets into your hands, because I'm taking a gamble here
writing all this here and not telling you vocally. But, honestly,
I've never been good with vocalizing my emotions. I tend to write
them down instead, so it seems only fitting for me to do so now.
So...here we go...
I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. I spoke
those words to you, how long ago now, one year? They were true
then just as they're true now. I know I've done horrible things
in the past. I know I'm a killer. I know I cannot atone for my
past deeds. And I don't claim to be doing so either. To do so
would be pointless.
I love you. You know that, where you accept it or not. I love
you and I love Dawn. I know I'm a soulless vampire who shouldn't
be able to love. I know probably don't want to hear...read this,
but I loved Drusilla, worshipped the ground she walked on. But
she never loved me. Wasn't able to, even if she wanted to. I see
and accept that now. I've moved on. I know I'll never be able to
earn your love. You told me once I was beneath you. And you were
right. I am beneath you. I am unworthy of your love. I don't
deserve the love you reserve for your sister and friends. And I'm
not asking for it.
I know I don't have much longer. I'm dying. And I feel my death
drawing closer and closer. Though I'm scared, terrified, I've
accepted it. Perhaps this is a sign from the Higher Powers telling
me that it's time for me to leave this plane of existence. I've
lived a long life, longer than most vampires. Maybe it's not so
much my death I fear, but what lies beyond. I'll be condemned to
some unknown hell dimension. I'll suffer eternal torment, something
perhaps I deserve for everything I've done. Perhaps even that is
not enough. But all I know is that I'll never see you or Dawn again.
And that's something I cannot bear to think about...
After rereading this, I realize this is goodbye letter of sorts,
so I think I should let everyone know my last thoughts. Buffy,
could you grant a dying mans his wish and pass these words along?
Tell the whelp....sorry, I had to go there... Tell Xander that even
though I gave him a hard time and acted like I hated him, I didn't.
Hate him, that is. To be honest, I even liked him. Maybe even
respected him a little. The boy's got guys. Brave. Resourceful.
Reliable. That's more than most people.
Anya - I always liked her. I liked her brutal honesty and
straightforwardness. I like to think the two of us were on the
same level with one another. We both had dark pasts and were trying
to move beyond them. She's a great woman.
Tara - I know we didn't talk much and what all, but she always
listened to me when we did and was willing to give me the benefit
of a doubt. Which is more than I deserved most of the time. But
it touched me a lot. It truly did.
Will - I know she'll become a great and powerful witch someday.
Perhaps she is already there. But I hope she knows to be careful
when messing with the black majiks. I'd hate to see a girl like
her be consumed by power and darkness. But I do have high hopes
that she won't. She is a smart girl after all.
Rupert - I have respected the man. In a lot of ways, he reminded
me of my father. Both were men of honor, dignity, and integrity.
Both were intelligent beyond words. I know I always behaved
differently than what I have just written, but it's true.
Dawn - Like Giles, she reminded me of another important person in
my life as William. My sister. Lizzy. It's quite funny...well,
not really, but Dawn looks almost exactly like her, and I also called
Lizzy 'Niblet' and 'Lil' Bit.' Maybe that's where I got those
nicknames from... I love Dawn. I love her so much. I love her
like my sister. You know, Lizzy was about the same age Dawn is
now when Dru turned me. I know that's not of any importance and what
not, but I just realized it is all...
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, sure, at first, this all
started as a promise I made to the Big Sis. Sure, Dawn and I have
spend time together before, but that was different, you know? Over
the summer we spent more and more time together and I really got to
know her and I realized how much she really was like my little sis.
And I grew to love her deeply like a sister.
I want Dawn to know that I wasn't hanging with her or being nice to
her simply as a tactic to get to you, Buffy. I'm not like that. I
may be a vampire, but I don't do things like that. Dawn means more
to me than that.
Buffy - Most of what I needed to say I wrote down earlier, but I
love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I don't know when exactly I fell
in love; it just sort of happened. And you can't fight love, so I
just let it happen. Dru knew I was in love with you before *I* did.
She might have been insane, but she was insightful like that. (Yeah,
I know, you probably didn't want to read more about, what would you
call her, the crazy bitch?)
Back in the day, when we were enemies, you were a most formidable
opponent. I never in my hundred years plus years of living faced
a more worthy warrior. Your prowess and strength cannot be matched
by anyone. When you fight, you're amazing. Graceful. Beautiful.
But enough of your warrior side, let's talk about your human side.
Equally as beautiful. You are probably the most caring, loving
person I've ever met. Your love for Dawn and the Scoobies is
unwavering. Amazing. And your ability and capacity to care about
a random face in a crowd or on the street - incredible. It does
not matter the past or even present of the person, you care just
the same.
Buffy, this dying man has a couple more requests he hopes you'll
grant. When I depart from the world, could you, at least, not
flush my ashes down the loo? I'd like to think that I've earned
more than that. Secondly, I don't care if you get rid of all my
belongings, but, please, don't toss this journal in the trash. I
want you to keep it. I've had it since I was eighteen - as a human.
And it means a lot to me. Read it if you want. I don't care. And
my final wish. When I'm gone, I'd like to know that you won't simply
forget me. I don't want my passing to be a small little obstruction
on the highway of life that you sidestep with ease. I think that's
probably my biggest fear. I don't want to be forgotten so easily
like when I was human. It would be too painful.
Before I bring this letter to a close, there's one more thing I
have to say. I know the only possible way for me to survive this
is to have the chip removed. But I also know that the branch of
government that's responsible for giving me this lovely piece of
technology doesn't exist anymore. And even if they did, I know
you and the Scoobies won't take the risk of having it removed
because of the chance that I might become lethal again. But,
for what it's worth, I wouldn't have. Attack people, that is.
I haven't even thought about it in ages. But I also understand
your perspective. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the
exact same.
Love,
William
******
Buffy wiped the freely flowing tears from her eyes. But that didn't
stop more from coming. She was surprised by the depth of the vampire's
words. She placed the journal aside and laid next to Spike's prone body.
Cuddling up as close as she could to the unconscious form, she finally
allowed her tears full reign.
Graham entered the team's temporary headquarters with what looked
like a briefcase in his hand.
He held it up, "I got it."
"Good," the major said, "Set it up on the table." He turned to
Riley, "This here, Finn, is going to make it necessary for us to
confirm your suspicions without having to intrude."
"How exactly does it work, sir?" Riley asked.
As the major walked up to the briefcase-turned-laptop, "We will
be able to pinpoint the chip's precise location. No one will know
we have done anything."
The major turned the device on and quickly set to work. He was
finished quickly. He pointed to the screen. "There."
Riley looked over his superior's shoulder. The address showed
1630 Revello Drive. Buffy's house.
End Part 8
A/N: I know my idea on how Riley finds out Spike's at Buffy's
is kinda lame...but I just couldn't come up with another idea
that would have fit...so just go with it....
Spike's timing had been perfectly executed. No sooner than when
he placed the journal and pen down did Dawn come prancing in.
They traded their usual greeting before Dawn launched into her
story about how her day was. The chip didn't let the conversation
get very far however. Ten minutes after Dawn entered the room,
the chip sent out agonizing electric shocks that sent Spike's body
into convulsions similar to those experienced in a seizure.
Scared, Dawn screamed for her sister to come to Spike's aid.
And she did. Along with the rest of the gang who were startled by
Dawn's cry. Buffy climbed on the bed behind Spike and help his head
until he settled down, unconscious.
Giles took Dawn aside, "Dawn, what happened?"
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I don't know. We were
talking and suddenly it was like he was having a seizure. He was
perfectly fine."
Giles nodded and turned to Buffy, who held Spike's head in her lap,
brushing back his hair. "Buffy, whatever plan you have, I believe
it's time to put it in action."
"He's not going to wake up again, is he?" Willow verbalized Buffy's
fear.
Giles shrugged helplessly, "It's doubtful. But I don't know. I'm
not an expert on the subject."
Buffy looked at the bedside table and saw Spike's journal. It was
left opened, flipped to a certain page. The top of the page is
what caught her attention. In Spike's elegant, flowing, Victorian
handwriting were the words 'Dearest Buffy.' She picked it up.
Xander looked at her, "What is it, Buffy?"
Buffy quickly glanced at him before returning her eyes to the
journal. "Can you guys leave us alone for a while?"
"Sure, Buffy. Whatever you want," Xander replied, still curious
however, as he and the rest leave Buffy and Spike.
Alone, Buffy concentrated on reading the entry Spike wrote for her.
*****
Dearest Buffy,
I hope this gets into your hands, because I'm taking a gamble here
writing all this here and not telling you vocally. But, honestly,
I've never been good with vocalizing my emotions. I tend to write
them down instead, so it seems only fitting for me to do so now.
So...here we go...
I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. I spoke
those words to you, how long ago now, one year? They were true
then just as they're true now. I know I've done horrible things
in the past. I know I'm a killer. I know I cannot atone for my
past deeds. And I don't claim to be doing so either. To do so
would be pointless.
I love you. You know that, where you accept it or not. I love
you and I love Dawn. I know I'm a soulless vampire who shouldn't
be able to love. I know probably don't want to hear...read this,
but I loved Drusilla, worshipped the ground she walked on. But
she never loved me. Wasn't able to, even if she wanted to. I see
and accept that now. I've moved on. I know I'll never be able to
earn your love. You told me once I was beneath you. And you were
right. I am beneath you. I am unworthy of your love. I don't
deserve the love you reserve for your sister and friends. And I'm
not asking for it.
I know I don't have much longer. I'm dying. And I feel my death
drawing closer and closer. Though I'm scared, terrified, I've
accepted it. Perhaps this is a sign from the Higher Powers telling
me that it's time for me to leave this plane of existence. I've
lived a long life, longer than most vampires. Maybe it's not so
much my death I fear, but what lies beyond. I'll be condemned to
some unknown hell dimension. I'll suffer eternal torment, something
perhaps I deserve for everything I've done. Perhaps even that is
not enough. But all I know is that I'll never see you or Dawn again.
And that's something I cannot bear to think about...
After rereading this, I realize this is goodbye letter of sorts,
so I think I should let everyone know my last thoughts. Buffy,
could you grant a dying mans his wish and pass these words along?
Tell the whelp....sorry, I had to go there... Tell Xander that even
though I gave him a hard time and acted like I hated him, I didn't.
Hate him, that is. To be honest, I even liked him. Maybe even
respected him a little. The boy's got guys. Brave. Resourceful.
Reliable. That's more than most people.
Anya - I always liked her. I liked her brutal honesty and
straightforwardness. I like to think the two of us were on the
same level with one another. We both had dark pasts and were trying
to move beyond them. She's a great woman.
Tara - I know we didn't talk much and what all, but she always
listened to me when we did and was willing to give me the benefit
of a doubt. Which is more than I deserved most of the time. But
it touched me a lot. It truly did.
Will - I know she'll become a great and powerful witch someday.
Perhaps she is already there. But I hope she knows to be careful
when messing with the black majiks. I'd hate to see a girl like
her be consumed by power and darkness. But I do have high hopes
that she won't. She is a smart girl after all.
Rupert - I have respected the man. In a lot of ways, he reminded
me of my father. Both were men of honor, dignity, and integrity.
Both were intelligent beyond words. I know I always behaved
differently than what I have just written, but it's true.
Dawn - Like Giles, she reminded me of another important person in
my life as William. My sister. Lizzy. It's quite funny...well,
not really, but Dawn looks almost exactly like her, and I also called
Lizzy 'Niblet' and 'Lil' Bit.' Maybe that's where I got those
nicknames from... I love Dawn. I love her so much. I love her
like my sister. You know, Lizzy was about the same age Dawn is
now when Dru turned me. I know that's not of any importance and what
not, but I just realized it is all...
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, sure, at first, this all
started as a promise I made to the Big Sis. Sure, Dawn and I have
spend time together before, but that was different, you know? Over
the summer we spent more and more time together and I really got to
know her and I realized how much she really was like my little sis.
And I grew to love her deeply like a sister.
I want Dawn to know that I wasn't hanging with her or being nice to
her simply as a tactic to get to you, Buffy. I'm not like that. I
may be a vampire, but I don't do things like that. Dawn means more
to me than that.
Buffy - Most of what I needed to say I wrote down earlier, but I
love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I don't know when exactly I fell
in love; it just sort of happened. And you can't fight love, so I
just let it happen. Dru knew I was in love with you before *I* did.
She might have been insane, but she was insightful like that. (Yeah,
I know, you probably didn't want to read more about, what would you
call her, the crazy bitch?)
Back in the day, when we were enemies, you were a most formidable
opponent. I never in my hundred years plus years of living faced
a more worthy warrior. Your prowess and strength cannot be matched
by anyone. When you fight, you're amazing. Graceful. Beautiful.
But enough of your warrior side, let's talk about your human side.
Equally as beautiful. You are probably the most caring, loving
person I've ever met. Your love for Dawn and the Scoobies is
unwavering. Amazing. And your ability and capacity to care about
a random face in a crowd or on the street - incredible. It does
not matter the past or even present of the person, you care just
the same.
Buffy, this dying man has a couple more requests he hopes you'll
grant. When I depart from the world, could you, at least, not
flush my ashes down the loo? I'd like to think that I've earned
more than that. Secondly, I don't care if you get rid of all my
belongings, but, please, don't toss this journal in the trash. I
want you to keep it. I've had it since I was eighteen - as a human.
And it means a lot to me. Read it if you want. I don't care. And
my final wish. When I'm gone, I'd like to know that you won't simply
forget me. I don't want my passing to be a small little obstruction
on the highway of life that you sidestep with ease. I think that's
probably my biggest fear. I don't want to be forgotten so easily
like when I was human. It would be too painful.
Before I bring this letter to a close, there's one more thing I
have to say. I know the only possible way for me to survive this
is to have the chip removed. But I also know that the branch of
government that's responsible for giving me this lovely piece of
technology doesn't exist anymore. And even if they did, I know
you and the Scoobies won't take the risk of having it removed
because of the chance that I might become lethal again. But,
for what it's worth, I wouldn't have. Attack people, that is.
I haven't even thought about it in ages. But I also understand
your perspective. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the
exact same.
Love,
William
******
Buffy wiped the freely flowing tears from her eyes. But that didn't
stop more from coming. She was surprised by the depth of the vampire's
words. She placed the journal aside and laid next to Spike's prone body.
Cuddling up as close as she could to the unconscious form, she finally
allowed her tears full reign.
Graham entered the team's temporary headquarters with what looked
like a briefcase in his hand.
He held it up, "I got it."
"Good," the major said, "Set it up on the table." He turned to
Riley, "This here, Finn, is going to make it necessary for us to
confirm your suspicions without having to intrude."
"How exactly does it work, sir?" Riley asked.
As the major walked up to the briefcase-turned-laptop, "We will
be able to pinpoint the chip's precise location. No one will know
we have done anything."
The major turned the device on and quickly set to work. He was
finished quickly. He pointed to the screen. "There."
Riley looked over his superior's shoulder. The address showed
1630 Revello Drive. Buffy's house.
End Part 8
A/N: I know my idea on how Riley finds out Spike's at Buffy's
is kinda lame...but I just couldn't come up with another idea
that would have fit...so just go with it....
