Part Three: Second Sight

I probably looked like shit.

I didn't bother looking in mirrors any more, didn't bother to do much but make sure I wore my glasses...at least I cared that much. But I didn't bother shaving a whole lot. Didn't matter what I wore—certainly didn't matter how often I worked out. Still, I told myself I was happy.

It'd been years since I had to work in the outside world, but it felt good. I could survive, and I didn't need them. Didn't need all those hassles and responsibilities, because new people depended on me now—people who didn't ask so many questions, didn't doubt me, didn't look at me with judgmental eyes when I came into work half-loaded. The new people didn't remind me of Jean every five minutes. Hell, most the people I work with are worse off than me. Everyone in the warehouse is either INS bait, or half-high. Our boss doesn't care as long as we clock in, clock out, and do our jobs right. We get paid like everybody else. Mutants? Who cares, as long as they help bring in the cash.

Because I spoke English and did a decent job, I quickly made it to shift leader. We loaded trucks from dusk 'til dawn and then sometimes got ourselves loaded, after work. No one cared that I wore dark glasses all the time. They figured I was either some kind of mutant, or that my eyes were pretty bloodshot. If only they knew just how bloodshot.

Mark Barnes was another mutant on my shift. He was a dark-skinned man with gold eyes, with the power to see alternate futures, he said. He didn't drink.

"Used to," he said to me once. He took a cigarette out of his back pocket and smoked it slowly during one of our scheduled breaks. I was itching for a quick drop, but the boss was coming with some of the inspectors. We had to keep it cleaner than normal, and we had to hide all the illegals and the obvious mutants. Even Barnes put in his tinted contacts.

"One drink won't kill you."

"You think so, huh?" He chuckled sadly. "Yeah, that's what I thought, too. You know how hard it is to see visions, man? To keep all that stuff in your head without goin' crazy? It's impossible. You gotta deal with it, or try to block it out. I tried to block it, and hit the ground. Hard."

"You look like you've got it all together."

He winced. "Lost my family, lost my kids...my wife got remarried last year. You ever marry, Summers?"

"Once. Didn't work out."

Barnes nodded. "It's hard to find a woman who accepts you for who you are. Loretta knew I was a mutant, but she loved me anyway. It's the drunk she couldn't love. I got real mean to her and the kids...real mean."

He puffed on his cigarette and stared at the ground. "I knew I had to get my act together after she left me. Took a while, but it happened. See, we got it tougher than most, you and me. It's bad enough bein' a human being—but a mutant, too? No one cares about us. We gotta start carin' about us. Gotta start helpin' each other a little more. We've got an obligation to help our fellow brothers."

I smirked. "Sounds like an old teacher I had."

"Sounds like a smart teacher. Look, Summers, I got help. I found people who've been there, know what I'm sayin'? They're really outcasts. They're mutants, but drunks and druggies, too. They've seen more crap, done more crap, and heard enough crap to help the rest of us. But they're good folks. They know how to help people like me. Like you."

I had no idea why he was telling me this. I certainly wasn't like that. In fact, I was drinking a lot less since leaving the mansion. I started to feel uncomfortable. "Good for you, Barnes. Glad you found the help you needed. I admire people who know when they need extra help."

He looked at me sort of strangely and stuck a new cigarette in his mouth. "Yeah. Sometimes we need to look beyond what we see. So to speak."

"So to speak." I smiled, thinking of his mutant power.

"Anyway." He lit his cigarette and got to his feet, stretching. "I learned how to use my power in a new way. Instead of stuffing it down, I try and see if I can use it to help people. I have that vision in me, y'know? God gave it to me to help put people back on track."

I shook my head. "You really believe that?"

He laughed and held down his hand to help pull me to my feet. "Sure. Beats drownin' in Mad Dog 20/20."

I laughed with him. "Antifreeze beats Mad Dog."

He nodded with a slight smile, and then suddenly thought about something else. "Hey, what're you doin' for Christmas?"

"Nothing, I guess," I thought. I didn't want to think about it. I'd begun hating the holidays. It was easier just to drown my sorrows than seeing all those happy families and their goddamn trees and menorahs.

"Well, since you ain't doin' anything special, why don't you follow me down to my Mom's place? A bunch of us get together, swap some stories. You know, stupid stuff like that. Just don't listen to my Uncle Dan's jokes. They're lethal."

I chuckled. "Thanks for the offer, but I'll be okay."

"You sure, Summers? No one should be alone on the holidays."

There's worse things than being alone, I thought. "I'm sure. A few liquid dinners, and I'll make my own Christmas cheer—kidding," I said, catching the frown on Barnes' face. Sometimes I wondered if he had a humorous bone in his body.

"Well, you know I had to offer."

"Yeah, I know. Let's get that shipment off of Dock 12, before Miller gets back. Maybe he'll let us cut out early."

"Sure thing."

Barnes slowly followed me back into the warehouse, but he was still deep in thought.

I guess I'd only been half-kidding with Barnes. During our holiday break, I succeeded in blotting out most of Christmas.

___________

Sometimes my nights in the warehouse blended together. We had orders to pull, and during the holidays things got more hectic. I probably drank a little more than normal and came in late a few days, but I didn't get yelled at much. According to Dan Miller, I was still the best shift leader he'd ever hired. I knew how to motivate the men and I knew how to get them to use their talents to get the most out of them. Miller was so impressed that after the Christmas rush he called me into his office.

"Scott, have a seat." He held out a glass and a bottle of scotch. "Drink?"

"Thanks." I took it gratefully. "Any problems?"

"No, everything's fine. Better than fine. You're doing a great job, and productivity's up 20% this quarter. Damn sight better than what we had last year. The men're gonna have great paychecks along with their bonuses."

"Glad to hear it." I polished off the drink. "Anything else?"

Miller shook his head, but I knew he still wanted to talk. His quiet, thinking mind reminded me of Professor Xavier a little—even though he was too short and had too much brown hair to look like Charles. But he knew how to feel out a room and make people comfortable with their surroundings. I wondered if he weren't a little telepathic.

"Scott," he sighed, "you know I like having you here. But you could practically get any job you wanted. Hell, you're good enough to be your own boss. Why are you here?"

The question shocked me a little. "You don't want me to stay?"

"Oh, no, no. That's not it at all." He refilled my glass and his. "But...well, you're better than this. It's obvious you've had an education. You're smarter than most of these jerk-offs. Smarter than me, that's for damn sure."

Miller smirked, and I hid my own smirk in my drink. "I don't mind being here. It's not all that bad."

"I'm glad. Really, I am. But son, I can't help thinking that you're meant for so much more than this. You don't need to be here, and it's a waste of your skills. You should be some kind of corporate leader, or business owner, or—"

"Military commander?"

Miller laughed. "Well, okay. So maybe I'm pushing it a little. But I mean it. You don't need to be here. I can't help thinking that if you got rid of something you 'd be better off."

Miller glanced wistfully at my glass and I clamped my jaw. "Is that all?"

"Sure, Scott, sure," he said absently. "But think about it, huh?"

"I'll think about it."

After my shift, I drank until I puked.

___________

Things felt okay after my talk with Miller, but I dunno. Maybe I was restless, maybe a little under the weather. But afterwards I felt like a coiled spring every day. Sometimes I snapped at the men, but they took it in stride, since I was generally cool and I often went out with them after our shift, where all would be forgiven and forgotten. But something was wrong, and I couldn't put my finger on it. It felt like my life was falling apart, but it couldn't be. I was happy.

Barnes came over to me with a half-grin on his face one afternoon, right before the dinner break. I was helping Conrad and Peterson load up a shipment of electronic parts and my muscles ached. I was ready to pack it in and go home, but we still had a busy night ahead of us. "Hey, Summers, you have a secret admirer?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

He held out an envelope. "Pretty handwritin', some girl's name too hard to pronounce, and an address up in ritzy Westchester."

I threw the last box into the truck and snatched the envelope from Barnes' thick hands. "How? How'd they find me?"

Barnes shrugged. "You won't know 'til you open it."

I balled it up and threw it on the loading dock. "That part of my life's over."

Barnes picked it up and followed me into the break room. "Looks important."

"Fine. If you're so interested in it, you can read it yourself."

He shrugged. I didn't really expect him to open it, but he did. Worse, he started reading it out loud.

" 'Dear Cyclops—'" He paused and looked at me with a sly grin. "Cyclops?"

I grabbed it from him. "None of your business."

Barnes chuckled. "Must be one of them pet names. Girlfriend must have the hots for ya, huh?"

I ignored the ribbing and sat leadenly in one of the chairs. Barnes grabbed two Cokes from the machine and slid one over to me. I took the soda, but as I read the letter, I knew I needed something stronger. That made me mad. I had been turning into a lush at the mansion, what with all the reminders of Jean. I'd left to get away but they found me. They were pulling me back in.

Dear Cyclops,

I am surprised as much as you. We searched for you for some time, but as Logan said, "it ain't much good findin' a man who don't wanna be found." Betsy and I were shopping a few weeks ago in the garment district, and we took a wrong turn down 7th Avenue. Much to my surprise, I caught a glimpse of you loading a box onto some large truck. Our traffic light turned green, and Betsy missed seeing your face by a few scant seconds. It was probably for the best. She cares more for you than she should. I kept silent about what I saw, since I know how much you prefer your anonymity right now. But we all miss you terribly at the school. All is forgiven. Over eighteen months have passed since you left, but the children still ask about you. Marie is heartbroken. Sometimes, when Logan isn't around, she even confides in me. She misses Jean and Charles, as do we all. And we all miss you just as much. Please come home.

I put down the letter, unable to finish it.

"Good news or bad?" Barnes asked.

"Neither," I said. My voice sounded hoarse. I got up shakily from the table. "Hey, tell Miller I'm not feeling too well, would you? I'm taking off for the rest of the night."

Barnes made a face. "You know we've got that big shipment in a few hours, don't you? It's a big contract, and it's gotta go out tonight."

"I know, I know," I said absently. "You can handle it. We've got enough men."

"Suit yourself." He sipped his Coke. "Listen, Scott, if you need to talk about—"

"No," I said sharply. I clenched my fists and headed for the door. "I don't need to talk about it. I...I just need some time to get away. That's all."

"Okay," Barnes said. But I don't think he believed me.

_____________

I woke up in a place with bars on the door. My entire body ached and my head pounded.

"Hey, Sleeping-Mutant-Beauty's up."

"We-ell, how 'bout that. Welcome to the world, sunshine."

The biggest, ugliest cop I'd ever seen banged on my cell with his nightstick. I held my head down and kneaded my temples. "Aww, did that hurt? Hope it did. Hope it friggin' blows your head right off."

I sighed leadenly and ran my fingers through my hair. At least they knew enough to let me keep my glasses on. "What's the problem, officer?"

The two cops started laughing. "You, mutie. What else?"

"What's the damn charge?"

The big cop came back to my cell and banged on it with each statement. "You got an attitude? Well, how 'bout this: Destruction of public property. Trespassing. Disturbing the peace. Public intoxication. Attempted manslaughter."

"Manslaughter?"

"Attempted, moron," he yelled, and I massaged the bridge of my nose. "Blew a quarter-sized hole a few inches away from that guy's heart. Any lower, and he would've been six feet under. He'll be in the hospital long enough as it is."

I winced, suddenly feeling sick. I didn't remember any of it. "What happened?"

"People got hurt. Decent, normal people. What more do you need to know?"

I was tempted to burn the wall a few feet above the officer's head but changed my mind, in light of what I'd been charged with. Attempted manslaughter...That worried me. I'd never, ever purposely fired on a non-mutant, but I didn't think I started frying people overnight. What the hell happened?

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"Little late for Joe Conrad, isn't it?"

My mouth went dry. "Joseph Conrad? I fired on him?"

"Yeah, your fellow worker. You came all high an' mighty to your job, drunk as a mutie skunk, and started punchin' holes in boxes with your ray gun retinas. Conrad tried stoppin' ya, so you started punchin' holes in him. Happy?"

"No. Not at all."

"Good. Glad to hear it."

I sat in the corner, too stunned to do anything but stare at the wall. How? Why? It scared me that I didn't remember going back to work. Scared me that I used my powers like one of the Brotherhood. I wasn't in as much control as I thought. I swallowed thickly.

"Hey, laser freak, you gotta couple visitors."

I looked up from my cell and saw Miller and Barnes walking up. I felt too tired to get up from the floor.

"Not too long," the big cop said. "He's considered armed and dangerous, and there's nothing we can do to protect you, apart from gouging out his eyes."

"It's all right," Miller said quietly. "I think we'll be okay."

"Hey, Summers," Barnes said with a heavy sigh. He held a beefy arm over his head and leaned into the bars of the jail cell. "Looks like you got yourself in a hell of a jam, huh?"

My frown deepened. "How's Conrad?"

"Okay, for a man who just had a laser shot through 'im."

"I'm sorry," I spat. "I read that letter and I snapped. I…I made a mistake."

"Got that right."

"Barnes..." Barnes huffed and turned his back, giving Miller a chance to speak. "Scott, I really wish you didn't do what you did. I know you were mad that I fired you, but—"

"Fired? You fired me?"

Miller looked at me oddly. "Well, of course. We had a few big shipments, and when you didn't show up for three days, I had no ch—"

"Wait a minute, wait." I struck the wall and glared at them. "It hasn't been that long. I just left last night."

Barnes and Miller exchanged looks.

"Scott," Barnes asked quietly, "what day is it?"

I turned away from them and worked my jaw. "Tuesday."

"No, it's not. It's Saturday."

"Cut it out, Barnes."

"I'm serious, Scott. You're missing four days."

My hands started to shake. "No way. No fucking way. I know exactly what day it is, because the Quantum Digital shipment was due last night."

"Last Monday night."

I jumped to my feet, suddenly furious, and stabbed the air with my finger. "I know what fucking day it is!"

"Calm down in there, mutie, or we'll have to restrain you." The cop looked nervous. He didn't have the equipment to stop me if I cut loose, and he knew it. The other cop had his finger on his walkie-talkie, just in case. Barnes didn't flinch. He stared me down, and there was a touch of sadness in his eyes.

"You had a blackout, Scott," he said quietly. His tone was on a par with Wolverine's guttural growl, but he didn't sound angry—just sad. "You had one, because you're an alcoholic. You need help. You need my help."

I shook my head and turned away from them. My knees felt weak and shaky but I didn't trust myself to sit down again because I didn't think I could get back up. "I—I went overboard, I admit it, but I'm still in total control of—"

"You call what you did to Conrad 'total control'?"

I didn't have an answer. My eyes felt hot, but not from my powers. I'd nearly killed someone. Nearly killed him, because I'd been on some bender I didn't remember having.

"Scott." Miller wanted me to turn around but I couldn't face them anymore. I leaned face first against the wall and rested my head on my forearms. God, what kind of monster was I? "You've done a lot of damage. Probably more than you realize. When...when you came in blazing, Barnes, Pettis, Conrad, and a few of the others had to take you down. You're not an easy man to knock out."

"Yeah. I know."

"Well, did you also know that now I've got INS breathing down my neck because of you? When the police came, they saw a few of the mutants. They ratted on us, found out we've got a lot of folks who aren't on the books, and now we're looking at some hefty fines and lawsuits. I doubt we'll be in business much longer."

I cleared my throat. "Sorry."

"Yeah, I know you are. You said that already." He sighed and ran his hand across the back of his neck. "Well, that's what I get for not going by the book, I guess. Crap. Rodriguez was just getting his papers together, too."

"Sorry...I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Next move's yours, Summers," Barnes said.

I turned slightly from the wall. "What?"

"Conrad said he doesn't want to press charges. He knew you were drunk—said that he felt like doin' that a bunch of times to the company himself, and was glad someone actually had the guts to do it."

"Great. Now I'm his hero."

"Yeah, well, it don't let you off the hook with the cops, does it? Or with Mr. Miller here?"

Miller cleared his throat. "But I'd be willing to work with the police on your sentencing. On one condition."

I sighed, crossed my arms, and turned to face them. "Yeah, what?"

"AA, or the highway, baby," Barnes said, grinning. "Welcome to the family."