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Mall Madness!! Part 4

As written by: Keena, Tuffy, and special guest appearances by Chuckles, and special cameo appearances by Cross Town Crush's Jim & José.



Disclaimer: It's kinda obvious that we don't own much. I mean if we did we wouldn't be writing stuff on ff.net and spending all of our time online. We'd be out cruising for dates in a super sweet car instead of in Chuckles Third Base-mobile (her crappy van).

Keena: This part of the story was inspired by several different musicians including Shakira, Save Ferris, Bush, Nelly Furtado, Michelle Branch, Joydrop, Fuel, Fiona Apple, Fleming & John, Cake, Rob Zombie, Bif Naked, Pet Shop Boys, Drowning Pool, Kina, Lifehouse, P.O.D., Lisa Loeb, Silverchair, Kumai Motoko, Michelle Lewis, Stained, Leona ..

Tuffy: Keena stop we don't have time for this!

Chuckles: Keena? Weren't there others?

Keena: Yep, but I mainly want to send my thanks to Bjork. If not for her unique music I would not be able to write such humorous stories.

Tuffy: Dammit Keena you didn't write this on your own. I helped!!

Chuckles: Yeah so did I!!!

Suka: Me too!!

Keena & Tuffy: Shuddup!!!

________

And it begins...



"Rhythm Emotion" is played over our sound system as Lillian Garcia (ring announcer/interviewer) walks down MM ramp. As she gets into the squared circle (wrasslin' ring) the music fades down, and an eerie silence fills the fan fiction arena.



The arena turns pitch black. Then "Sunny Day' by Leah Andreone fills the arena while a video filled with Keena clips is played on the Zero-Tron (Jumbo screen) Keena walks out and lifts her arms while fireworks are shot upward from the stage.

Lillian Garcia: And now making her way to the ring from Fanelia, Gaea; weighing in at one hundred and forty pounds and at five foot ten, the Beat Down Fanfiction Champion of the universe: Keena!!

Keena proceeds to walk down the ramp to the ring. She enters and poses on each of the turnbuckles while doing the guns at the crowd. She grabbed the mic from Lillian Garcia.

Keena: Tuffy you think you're so freaking great. We'll bring your boney butt out here and prove it!

Drowning Pool's "Tear Away" plays and Tuffy comes up from the stage surrounded by a circle of flames.

Lillian Garcia: Making his way to the ring from the fiery pits of Hell, the Hardcore Fanfiction Champion, Tuffy!

He walks down the ramp to the ring and "Woooo's" while flames shoot up from each turnbuckle. He grabs the mic from Keena.

Tuffy: Keena, will you please SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Chants are heard from the crowd

Crowd: Tuffy Sux, Tuffy Sux, Tuffy Sux!!

Tuffy: SHUDDAP! Keena, you know that I am the best at this game. In fact I'm better than the game. I'm beyond the game. But that's beside the point, because I'm sure everybody already knows that. Keena, no one likes you. You are and idiot who likes to stare at pictures of Weirdo Yui.

Crowd: (Cheers as Heero's name is mentioned and various crowd signs are shown on the Zero Tron. Including: "Got Candy?" "Keena ('s Heero 4 EVA!!" And "Where's Chuckles?")

Keena: Listen Tuffy. Tonight you're going to learn the REAL meaning of pain.

Tuffy roles his eyes at Keena while the crowd starts the "slut" chant

Keena: Listen you turkey, I'm gonna kick your @$$ all the way to Albuquerque.

Tuffy: Let's do this.

Before the bell rings, "Death From Above" aka "The Hardyz( Entrance Music" plays as Chuckles runs down to the ring. She jumps on a turnbuckle a flips the crowd off. The music fades down and Chuckles begins to speak into her mic.

Chuckles: Will ya'll please stop bickering so we can finish the story. I mean we've been waiting for MONTHS for this to finish. Most have lost interest and have taken up knitting because it was more exciting than waiting for you lazy fools to get offa your asses!!

The crowd boos Chuckles and starts to chant: "Keena!! Keena!! Keena!!"

Keena: That was not my fault. Some jerky stole my disk and then I had to rewrite it, but I was busy so I told Tuffy too, but he had to write fifteen essays, so we just started writing on Christmas. (That explains the hyperness and wrestling stuff)

Tuffy: YEAH!

Keena: And I was trying to write a bunch of serious fics too!

Tuffy: REVIEW! Stuff happened, we moved, and they were fighting, causing me to drop my yummy pies.

Keena: You ate them anyway

**FLASHBACK!**

Tuffy: I can dance if I want to! I can eat my custard pie! *Eats the custard pie that was on the floor*



*BACK TO THE PRESENT! *

Tuffy: So? It was the principle of the thing! Beside you must admit that I'm a great dancer!

Keena: No way man! I am sooo much better.

Tuffy: Are not!

Keena: Are too!

Tuffy: D2(!!

Keena: DUCKS RULE!!

Tuffy: You dummy! The line is C3PO(!!!

Chuckles: *sighs as she shakes her head* AND I have to live with them.

** Please ignore the fighting authors (again) They had a lot of peppermint and other sugar filled goodies, so they're a little crazier than normal**



Heero has been walking around the mall while numerous girls come up and give him their numbers. In hopes of getting away from these crazy obsessed girls, Heero has entered the Hunting store.

Heero: .. I hope I can get away from those crazy girls.

Suddenly Trowa walks up to him.

Trowa: .. (*excitedly jumps up and down* I found knives!!)

Heero: Hhn. (Any guns?)

Trowa: ... (Check out by the counter in the back)

Heero: Hhn... (Thank you very much)

Trowa goes back to stare at the many knives and other sharp objects while Heero walks to the counter.



** MEANWHILE!! **

Quatre is still blinded by the nakedness.

Quatre: AH! I'm blinded by the nakedness!!



See?



**ELSEWHERE!! **

Duo has finished he fun adventures at Hot Topic( and sings his last number for the store.

Duo: I can dance if I want to! I can eat my apple pie!

Tuffy: HEY! That's my song. And it's "custard pie" not "apple pie"

Duo: Gomen Nasai Tuffy-sama.

Duo enters Babbages( while humming "Kitto OK". There he finds numerous kids trying to play a Gundam( game on Gamecube(. Of course they are doing terribly.

Duo: Amateurs.

Kid playing Gundam: Ya think ya can do better biznatch!

Duo smirks and rolls up his sleeves.

Duo: Watch a master.

**At Victoria's Secret(**

Wufei: .. What's this place? **Looks at window displays** .. **gets a nosebleed**



**At the author's mansion**

Keena: How'd we get here? I thought we were gonna wrestle.

Chuckles: We were, but Tuffy wanted to play Crazy Taxi(. *Leans over to Keena and whispers* He got it for Christmas.

Keena: Ohhhh. I understand. So. ummmm... Want to go bother the guys at the mall?

Chuckles: OKAY!

And so Keena and Chuckles went to the mall.



*At the mall with Keena and Chuckles*

Keena: *tummy growls* ...

Chuckles: What's a matter Keena?

Keena: Me . so ... hungy.. **tummy growls again**

Chuckles: Ya wanna go to the food court and get burgers?

Keena: **tummy growls even louder**

Chuckles: I'll take that as a "yes".

Keena: It's not my fault.. Tuffy ate all of the pies.

Chuckles: But they were ON THE FLOOR!!

**FLASHBACK!!**

Tuffy: Teeeennnnn.. cuuustarrrrrdddddd. piiiieeeeeesssssss.. AHHHHH!!!!

**END FLASHBACK!!**



Keena: Your point being?

Chuckles: Never mind. Let's go to The Mexi Burger(.

Keena: Eh?

**A random table at Mexi Burger(**

Jim: Man, don't eat that. You don't know what's in it. There could be dog meat in that for all you know.

José: So?

Jim: I can't even eat this. *Throws Mexi Burger away*

José: Hey man!! I was gonna eat that!!

Jim: It's on the ground.

José: But 5 second rule!

Jim: Didn't you get the memo?

José: Memo? What memo?

Jim: The memo about the rule.

José: What it say man?

Jim: That they changed the five-second rule to the three second rule.

José: Really?

Jim: Yeah, but you may not have read it because it was on your floor for more than five seconds. You know sometimes it's just easier to call you an idiot.



Burger Boy Luis: OH MY GOD!! It's Keena! How may I serve you Keena!!!

Chuckles: It's you! You're not gonna take her order you dirty hentai freak!! **Jumps over counter, puts on apron, hairnet, and Mexi Burger hat**

Burger Boy Luis: HEY! You can't do that!

*Tuffy appears*

Tuffy: Yes she can!! **Proceeds to grab Luis's chest and then disapears**

Chuckles: Hello Keena. May I take your order?

Keena: Actually. I don't want a burger. I want a sandwich instead, and then some pancakes.

Chuckles: Anything you say Ma'am.



And so Keena and Chuckles went to Quiznos. Where they got delicious samiches, a bag of chips, and some soda.



**ELSEWHERE!!**

Heero: Hhn.. (This is a really cool gun) ... Hhn.. (And these are sweet bullets)

Trowa: ... (So many knives..) **starts to drool over knives**

**Another place..**

After throwing away all of the bloody tissues, Wufei stumbles upon the Hunting store.

Wufei: What are you guys doing here?

Heero: Hhn.... (And this one has a really cool design on the handle. And this one comes with free bullets.)

Trowa: **Is still drooling** .... (So many pretty pretty knives. Look at this one. It matches my mask... And ooh! I can REALLY get hurt but this one!!)

Wufei: Bakas.. **He turns his head in disgust, but his eyes catch the glimpse of light reflecting off of a large metal object** .... **His eyes become starry, and a huge sappy smile comes across his face** Pretty..



**At Babbages(**

Duo has defeated twenty-three young children in very little time.

Duo: HA HA HA!! You guys suck! Who is next? I need a challenge. Come on! I haven't even broken out a sweat yet! Wusses!! Ha ha ha. Ya'll are afraid of me. Yeah yeah. Ya betta recognize the champ!!

A large shadow engrosses Duo.

Big man: I accept your challenge little man.

Duo: **gulp** ...



**UMM.. YEAH.. SOMEWHERE ELSE**

Crowd: Somewhere else!! Somewhere else!!

Quatre has escaped from the evil clutches of the naughty naked store, also known as Abercrombie & Fitch( and is now entering Marshall Field's(.

Quatre: ... Don't see nakedness here. Thank goodness.

M.F. Employee: Hello Miss would you like to sample some of our fine fragrances?

Quatre: Why yes, yes I would. And thank you for asking so kindly.

**M.F.E. sprays fragrance on a piece of paper and gives it to Quatre**

Quatre: My sister would love this. Do you have any more; I would like to buy some for my other sisters.

M.F.E.: Certainly. How many sisters do you have?

Quatre: Twenty-nine.

**Large green dollar signs appear in the employee's eyes**



After an hour and a half of choosing fragrances for his sisters and himself, Quatre left the store satisfied, with thoughts of the evil naughty naked store far behind him.

**Outside of Babbages(**

Duo walk out looking extremely gompa and runs into a happy Quatre.

Quatre: Why some gompa Duo?

Duo: I was in there beating a bunch of kids at video games, but then this one big fat guy game and played me.

Quatre: And then you lost.

Duo: No, I won. I beat him old skool.

Quatre: So then what's the problem dear friend?

Duo: ... He. He. He sat on me after I beat him. I got skurd yo. I got skurd.

Quatre: Ohhh. That happened to me once, so I got the Magnanacs to beat the guy up for me.

Duo: Yeah, but I don't have a large group of men that would do that for me.

Quatre: Leave it to me! **Rings bell and Magnanacs appear**

Rashim: You rang sir.

Quatre: Will you take care of that infidel?

Rashim: As you wish.

The Magnanacs walk into Babbages( and proceed to beat the stuffing out of the Big Fat Guy. They then come out carrying the now beaten Big Fat Guy.

Rashim: And what do you say?

BFG: You guys are messed up. Beaten up someone in a store.

Rashim looks at him with aggravation in his eyes.

BFG: I'm sorry, sir.

**Chuckles appears**

Chuckles: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! **smacks BFG**

BFG: .. *is unconscious*

Duo: Apology accepted!

Rashim lets go of the Big Fat Guy and he runs away like a scared little rabbit.

Duo: Whadda ya wanna do now?

Quatre: We should go find everyone else.

**AT THE HUNTING STORE**

Heero: Hhn.. (And this one a laser scope, and this one has a silencer, and this one comes with an infrared beam, and this one has night vision, and this one comes with a loudener, and..)

Trowa: .... (So many pretty sharp knives.)

Wufei: Pretty Pretty Katana!! **Dances around while hugging a new katana** La la la! I love you! You love me!

Tuffy: **dances around singing** I can dance if I want to. I can eat my Mexi Burger(!

Keena: Shiny. and so.. sparkly.

*Enter Quatre and Duo*

Chuckles: That raccoon stole my pork chop!! *Chases after the dancing Tuffy*

Quatre: What are you guys doing in this place? It's full of dangerous weapons. You could be killed. Don't you care if you die?

Lights go out. Spotlight appears on Heero.

Heero: There's no time for us..

**Spotlight is on Wufei**

Wufei: There's no place for us.

*Spotlight on Trowa*

Trowa: What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away from us?

Heero: Who wants to live forever?

Trowa: Who wants to live forever?

Wufei: There's no chance for us..

Heero: It's all decided for us.

Trowa: This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us..

Heero: Who wants to live forever?

Trowa: Who wants to live forever?

Wufei: Who dares to love forever?

**Duo jumps infront of everyone and the spotlight is on him**

Duo: Ohhhhh oooooohh wohhhhhh.. WHEN LOVE MUST DIE?



*Keena, Tuffy, and Chuckles break out into applause*

Keena: **sniff** That was beautiful..

Chuckles: **hands Keena a tissue** So moving..

Tuffy: I made a poopy...

**They are all then kicked out of the store for nearly causing a fire. (The lighters and candles that were lighted after the song)**

Quatre: Umm... Can we go home now?

Chuckles: Duo you can come home with me, and Heero can come with Keena.

Duo: Heero dude.. What's on your arm?

Heero: Nothing.

Tuffy: They look like phone numbers.

Duo: Heero was picking up chicks with out me! I feel hurt. But you know that I'd get more numbers. I'm a chick magnet.

Wufei: Shut up Maxwell. The only thing you attract is flies.

Duo: Wait.. wait wait!! I just thought of something funny!! **leans over to Wufei** Your mama!! *starts to laugh hysterically*

Keena: What do you have in that bag Quatre?

Quatre: Some perfume for my sisters, and some cologne for myself. I love the name.

Keena: What is it?

Quatre: Clinique's( "Happy" **pulls out bottle**

Duo: Umm.. Quatre that says for women.

Quatre: No it doesn't. The lady said that it was perfect for me.

Wufei: Did the onna call you "Miss".

Keena: Poor Quatre. It's cuz his hair's so pretty.

Chuckles: And he has pretty eyes and great fashion sense.

Quatre: What are you talking about?

Duo: That the lady thought you were a woman.

Quatre: NO!

Heero: Yes, come on Quatre admit it. You're gay right?

Quatre: NO!!

Keena: You're not?

Trowa: He better not be.

Wufei: HA! You're a weak onna!

Quatre: I am not! I'm a man.

Tuffy: Yeah! He's a man. A man man man man!! MAN!! He's a man. Manny man Ma- ma-ma m-m-m-m-man.

Keena: Stop it Tuffy. I'm the almighty author Keena and I say Quatre is NOT gay, and that we all should go home.

Duo: Heero you're going with Keena.

Wufei: NO!!

Duo: What's a matter Wu-man. Jealous?

Wufei: Of course not, but I don't think Heero would like to spend time with that onna.

Chuckles: Heero is not gay, but I'm starting to think you like him.

Wufei: NO!!!

Quatre: Then whom do you like?

Tuffy: Oh come on!! It's so obvious.

Everyone, but Tuffy and Wufei: WHO??

Tuffy: Wufei likes Keena.

Everyone but Wufei starts to laugh and point at Wufei.

Duo: Oh come on. If Keena is gonna like anyone of us it's gonna be Heero.

Wufei: How do you know?

Quatre: Haven't you been reading the story?

Wufei: I glimpsed over the parts without me..

Heero: Keena likes me?

Keena: .. Ummm.. Look a bush. I think I'll go talk to it!

Chuckles: **grabs Keena** Keena, tell him.

Keena: Hi.. Ummm.. Would. you . like .. to .. to . like ... go on... a umm...

Relena: HEERO!!! *jumps onto Heero's back*

Everyone but Heero and Relena: AHHH!! How'd she get here?

Hilde: We're here get decorations for the party. Relena, please distance yourself.

Wufei: Party? What party?

Relena: **thinks** Drat. Now I have to invite him. **speaks** Wufei, you didn't get your invitation? I'm sure I sent it. I guess it got lost in the mail. Would you like to come?

Wufei: No, I don't participate in such weakling things as parties.

Chuckles: Dammit!! Wufei kill her!!

Tuffy: Leave it to me! *pulls out mallet and bashes Relena*

Chuckles: Thank you.

Tuffy: Just doing my job.

Trowa: ..( Oh my god! You killed Relena!! You. heroes!!)

Before they have a chance to sing "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead" Quatre notices that Keena has disappeared.

Quatre: Keena has disappeared!!

Chuckles: Dangit! We've embarrassed her, and now she's probably hiding in her closet. *sigh* As the secondary author I say that Relena is alive, and you all must go to her party.

At this everyone looks sad.

Tuffy: BUT!! Don't expect us to just let you have a party with out us. Once we find Keena and beat some sense into her, we'll be back.

Chuckles: Ja ne!

Duo: Bye-bye

Wufei: Whatever.

Quatre: Sayonara!

Trowa: .. (Bye!)

Heero: hhn.. (I didn't know Keena liked me. Keena come back before Relena wakes up!!!)





The End..



Or is it??



Keena: Wow... I wrote that in a total of four hours, which is pretty good considering I kept getting interrupted by peoples.

Tuffy: YEAH!! Finished!!!

Chuckles: Now ya gotta do the party fic.

Keena: Oh I'm not doing that till I get more of Pizzazz and Renaissance done.

Tuffy: You better get typing!!

Luis: I was only in for a short time..

Tuffy: Shuddap! *grabs Luis's chest*

Authors' Note: Cross Town Crush is my friend's comic book (shameless plug). His site is http://jhim43.tripod.com/ or you can check out some of his poetry here. He's Jhim43!!