Disclaimer: Bailey, Sam and the profiler gang are not my property. They belong to the Sander/Moses Production and NBC and I'm using them for fun. No infringement is intended and I don't make money out of this.
Classification: SBR. Is there anything else, baby?! Lots of angst, Bailey POV
Rating: PG
Summary: When Sam is badly hurt in a car accident, Bailey contemplates his feelings for her…
Dedication: Enni, this is your entire fault. You made me write this. That's what happens when you dream about"" Bailey Malone's Little Kingdom at night. J
Author's Note: After seeing " three men and a little lady" last night, this one's been brewing in my head all night long. The song in here belongs to me. And if you want to sing along, be my guest.
Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be
Hidden Emotions
By Cindy
I'm sitting in a white, blinding hospital room, watching my best friend die. She was in a car accident last night and now she's in a coma. She's dying and there's nothing I can do about it. If we could trade places, I would. She's so young and she has so much to live for. It's not right
for her to die. She has to live! She has to, because I can't stand the thought of living without her. I need her. I need her so much it's killing me. If Sam would die, a part of me would go with her. But she's not gonna die. Not if I have anything to do with it. I'll stay with her day and
night and give her the strengths of my beliefs. And I strongly believe she'll be okay. Something is telling me Sam has every reason to live. And I know Chloe is one of those reasons.
I hold you hand in mine and I feel how weak you are. There is no strength left in your hand. And I hope that by covering your hand with mine, you will get my strength. I do realize that it is all I can do for you right now. I wish I could do more, but with pain in my heart I have to admit
I can't. I can only watch you die. And believe when I say it is hard to see someone you love die. There, I said it. Because that's the way it is. You're the only person I have ever truly loved.
Of course I did love Janet once, but not in the same way as I love you Sam. I love you with my entire being Sam. I love with my body and soul. I love with my heart and my mind. Love is such a beautiful thing. If only I had realized how much you mean to me before. You mean more to me than I ever held possible. You're my Minnie to my Mickey. You're my ying to my yang. You're the most precious thing in the world. If only I had told you how much I love you when I had the chance. I can't kid myself here anymore. I would be lying if I said I didn't realize how much I love you.
And I would be lying to myself. Because I realized how I felt about you a long time ago. I was just too scared to tell you how I feel and I was scared I would loose you if you found out. But that has to change now. As soon as you wake up, I will tell you how I feel. I'll even write you a
letter to prove I really mean it.
I am sitting here with my paper in one hand and my pen in the other. As I listen to the radio softly playing in the background, I watch your innocent face. And the words come out by themselves. My pen is living a life of its own:
***************************************
" Dear Sam,
Here I am, sitting by your side and holding you hand. As I listen to the soft beats of the music and watch your beautiful face, I realize I have lost too much time hiding my feelings for you.
Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing" is filling the room and I find myself humming along. And then I realize I am not singing the same lyrics. I am humming the words buried deep in my heart. As weird as it may seem, I find myself writing down the words. I don't think here, I just
write. And I want to share my most inner thoughts with you:
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU UP
I can feel my love, just when you're around
Watch your face while you are speaking
When you smile my heart is beating
I would stay alive, just to see you happy
Wanna make a promise to you
Forever
Every time I see you smile
I know that I'm blessed
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
Dreaming while you speak, never in this moment
I could give up what I'm feeling
When I see you I am dreaming
Wanna spend my life just to be around you
Only wish that you could see, how much I need you
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just wanna take one chance
I just wanna say one thing
I just wanna hear you say you need me here just like this
I just wanna feel your love
I just wanna be the one
And stay around you baby, for the rest of my life
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just can't go on like this, it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
I don't wanna give you up
As I read my song again, I realize how deep my feelings for you are. I have loved before Sam, but never as strong as this. This is something I can barely describe. And even if I could describe it, words wouldn't be enough. And I have never been strong with words. I guess that's one of the reasons why I am writing down what I feel. I have never been much of a talker. I am much more talented writing. And I silently contemplate my words, while I drink in your face. I know the stakes are huge here, because I can never take my words back.
Maybe you don't realize how much I really care for you and I can't blame you for that. We've been friends for so long and I never gave you a hint about how I felt. But I didn't know those feelings existed, until I saw you in that hospital bed. Then it occurred to me I had been kidding
myself all those years. And it's not fair, because you deserve more than that. You have always been such a good friend to me. I'm sure you know how much you mean to me. And in a way I have always known I mean a lot to you too. You never told me in so many words, but I can feel it. I
know you love me Sam, but I don't know if you are "in" love with me. It goes without saying that I love you too and that I am also in love with you. And you must believe me Sam when I say that that is my only truth.
I couldn't bear loosing you if you didn't feel the same, but I think our friendship are strong enough to survive. And that's what I am too you in the first place: a friend. I was once told there is not much difference between friendship and love. I can see now how much those words are
true. And if you are as close as we are, the chance of falling in love is even bigger. What we have together goes beyond friendship. We have an emotional and a physical connection. We are always there for each other. It seems like you are the only one able to comfort me just by holding me or touching me. You Sam, you make me feel a whole person. And I don't know if I'd ever be whole again, without you by my side. You complete me Sam.
I guess you may wonder why I love you. That's really simple: I love what you are. I love you for who you are. I love your smile, I love your gentle touch, I love the way you care about Chloe and I even love your stubbornness. If you wouldn't exist, I would invent you. I silently dream about our first kiss. But when I wake up I ask myself why you would love someone like me. I have nothing to offer and there is so much you can give. I could never accept something from you, if I couldn't give something back. And there is nothing I have to give, unless my undying love.
I have loved before Sam, but when I compare those feelings to what I feel for you, I know I have never been in love. You hear people say true love comes around only once, and they are right. I know I have found my true love. And I have lost too much time looking for her, when all the time
she was right under my nose. It may be hard and painful to admit, but I'll never be able to love that way again. I love with my heart and soul, with my mind and my eyes; I love with my whole body. I may repeating myself here Sam, but only because it is the truth. I feel incomplete when you're not around. You're my light in the darkness. You're all I ever want and all I'll ever need. You're my one in a trillion, Sam.
I love you; Sam and I will always love you. And I am the happiest person in the world right, because I was able to express how I feel. And it will be the first thing you read when you wake up. And I know you will wake up.
Love,
Bailey.
*****************************************
As I read this letter again, I find myself smiling. Not because you opened your eyes, but because I know you will get better. You didn't give me any sign of life yet, but you'll never leave me when you know I'll be going down with you. Here I am Sam, sitting by your side again, contemplating my feelings. I have spent too much time thinking about how and when I would tell you how I feel. And all this time I could have spend some wonderful moments with you. That is if you had shared my feelings. Don't get me wrong Sam. I have spent the most wonderful moments of my life by your side. The times I was around you were the happiest moments of my life. I feel alive
when I'm with you. But I want more Sam. I want to be able to hold you and touch you when I feel like it. I want to share my life with you. I want to comfort you when you need it. I want. I want. I want you to get better Sam. I need you to. If you don't, I don't know what'll happen to me.
It's getting late Sam. I think I'll go home and try to sleep for a couple of hours. I haven't slept last night and I am getting tired now. But I promise I'll be back soon. I won't leave you alone for too long. And somehow I feel that my return is going to be happy. I can't tell why I
think that, but I'm just feeling it. So before I leave, I kiss you on the forehead. And secretly I wish I could do that more often.
I lie in bed and recall the events of last night. I was almost asleep when my phone rang. It was the hospital calling me you had had an accident. I was told my best friend had been hurt badly and that she was now in a coma. I immediately left for the hospital and stayed by your side until and hour ago. I left you because sleep was overtaking me. And now I can't sleep because I am thinking about my own death and how immortal we all are. A second of distraction and it's all over. One turn of the head, and what you spend your entire life building is over.
And then it's happening again. I am almost asleep and the phone is ringing. I immediately fear the worst. Luckily I am able to hold back my tears and answer. And when I let the words sink in, a huge smile is breaking out. You opened your eyes just minutes ago and you asked to see me. I get dressed and I race to the hospital. When I almost reach your door, Angel and Chloe come out. The little girl jumps in my arms and hugs me. And Angel offers me the warmest smile I have ever seen. You're alive. I just knew you would get better. I know I have been able to help you by thinking you'd get better. Somehow you felt I knew it and it gave you strength. And the question
I asked my whole life has been answered: does and angel contemplate my faith? Yes, it does. I have a guardian angel I will be forever thankful.
They have moved you to a normal room. You make the fastest recovery they have ever seen. As I walk by your window, I watch you as you read the letter I left you. And then I see you are crying. You are crying like a little kid. I hesitate a while before I walk in. I am seeing such a
beautiful playing before me. When I walk in you look up at me and smile like the sun coming up. I sit down by your side and wipe the tears away. And then you ask me to come nearer you and then you whisper the words I have rehearsed a million times: " I love you too". And for the first time
in my life I know I have made the right decision. And I was right when I said you wouldn't die on me. You didn't. My life is just not over yet, it's only beginning.
The End. Hope you liked it.
Classification: SBR. Is there anything else, baby?! Lots of angst, Bailey POV
Rating: PG
Summary: When Sam is badly hurt in a car accident, Bailey contemplates his feelings for her…
Dedication: Enni, this is your entire fault. You made me write this. That's what happens when you dream about"" Bailey Malone's Little Kingdom at night. J
Author's Note: After seeing " three men and a little lady" last night, this one's been brewing in my head all night long. The song in here belongs to me. And if you want to sing along, be my guest.
Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be
Hidden Emotions
By Cindy
I'm sitting in a white, blinding hospital room, watching my best friend die. She was in a car accident last night and now she's in a coma. She's dying and there's nothing I can do about it. If we could trade places, I would. She's so young and she has so much to live for. It's not right
for her to die. She has to live! She has to, because I can't stand the thought of living without her. I need her. I need her so much it's killing me. If Sam would die, a part of me would go with her. But she's not gonna die. Not if I have anything to do with it. I'll stay with her day and
night and give her the strengths of my beliefs. And I strongly believe she'll be okay. Something is telling me Sam has every reason to live. And I know Chloe is one of those reasons.
I hold you hand in mine and I feel how weak you are. There is no strength left in your hand. And I hope that by covering your hand with mine, you will get my strength. I do realize that it is all I can do for you right now. I wish I could do more, but with pain in my heart I have to admit
I can't. I can only watch you die. And believe when I say it is hard to see someone you love die. There, I said it. Because that's the way it is. You're the only person I have ever truly loved.
Of course I did love Janet once, but not in the same way as I love you Sam. I love you with my entire being Sam. I love with my body and soul. I love with my heart and my mind. Love is such a beautiful thing. If only I had realized how much you mean to me before. You mean more to me than I ever held possible. You're my Minnie to my Mickey. You're my ying to my yang. You're the most precious thing in the world. If only I had told you how much I love you when I had the chance. I can't kid myself here anymore. I would be lying if I said I didn't realize how much I love you.
And I would be lying to myself. Because I realized how I felt about you a long time ago. I was just too scared to tell you how I feel and I was scared I would loose you if you found out. But that has to change now. As soon as you wake up, I will tell you how I feel. I'll even write you a
letter to prove I really mean it.
I am sitting here with my paper in one hand and my pen in the other. As I listen to the radio softly playing in the background, I watch your innocent face. And the words come out by themselves. My pen is living a life of its own:
***************************************
" Dear Sam,
Here I am, sitting by your side and holding you hand. As I listen to the soft beats of the music and watch your beautiful face, I realize I have lost too much time hiding my feelings for you.
Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing" is filling the room and I find myself humming along. And then I realize I am not singing the same lyrics. I am humming the words buried deep in my heart. As weird as it may seem, I find myself writing down the words. I don't think here, I just
write. And I want to share my most inner thoughts with you:
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU UP
I can feel my love, just when you're around
Watch your face while you are speaking
When you smile my heart is beating
I would stay alive, just to see you happy
Wanna make a promise to you
Forever
Every time I see you smile
I know that I'm blessed
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
Dreaming while you speak, never in this moment
I could give up what I'm feeling
When I see you I am dreaming
Wanna spend my life just to be around you
Only wish that you could see, how much I need you
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just wanna take one chance
I just wanna say one thing
I just wanna hear you say you need me here just like this
I just wanna feel your love
I just wanna be the one
And stay around you baby, for the rest of my life
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just can't go on like this, it's you that I always miss
Cause you are the one and I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna close my eyes and miss just one of your smiles
Cause I know it babe and I don't wanna give you up
I just can't go on like this; it's you that I always miss
I don't wanna give you up
As I read my song again, I realize how deep my feelings for you are. I have loved before Sam, but never as strong as this. This is something I can barely describe. And even if I could describe it, words wouldn't be enough. And I have never been strong with words. I guess that's one of the reasons why I am writing down what I feel. I have never been much of a talker. I am much more talented writing. And I silently contemplate my words, while I drink in your face. I know the stakes are huge here, because I can never take my words back.
Maybe you don't realize how much I really care for you and I can't blame you for that. We've been friends for so long and I never gave you a hint about how I felt. But I didn't know those feelings existed, until I saw you in that hospital bed. Then it occurred to me I had been kidding
myself all those years. And it's not fair, because you deserve more than that. You have always been such a good friend to me. I'm sure you know how much you mean to me. And in a way I have always known I mean a lot to you too. You never told me in so many words, but I can feel it. I
know you love me Sam, but I don't know if you are "in" love with me. It goes without saying that I love you too and that I am also in love with you. And you must believe me Sam when I say that that is my only truth.
I couldn't bear loosing you if you didn't feel the same, but I think our friendship are strong enough to survive. And that's what I am too you in the first place: a friend. I was once told there is not much difference between friendship and love. I can see now how much those words are
true. And if you are as close as we are, the chance of falling in love is even bigger. What we have together goes beyond friendship. We have an emotional and a physical connection. We are always there for each other. It seems like you are the only one able to comfort me just by holding me or touching me. You Sam, you make me feel a whole person. And I don't know if I'd ever be whole again, without you by my side. You complete me Sam.
I guess you may wonder why I love you. That's really simple: I love what you are. I love you for who you are. I love your smile, I love your gentle touch, I love the way you care about Chloe and I even love your stubbornness. If you wouldn't exist, I would invent you. I silently dream about our first kiss. But when I wake up I ask myself why you would love someone like me. I have nothing to offer and there is so much you can give. I could never accept something from you, if I couldn't give something back. And there is nothing I have to give, unless my undying love.
I have loved before Sam, but when I compare those feelings to what I feel for you, I know I have never been in love. You hear people say true love comes around only once, and they are right. I know I have found my true love. And I have lost too much time looking for her, when all the time
she was right under my nose. It may be hard and painful to admit, but I'll never be able to love that way again. I love with my heart and soul, with my mind and my eyes; I love with my whole body. I may repeating myself here Sam, but only because it is the truth. I feel incomplete when you're not around. You're my light in the darkness. You're all I ever want and all I'll ever need. You're my one in a trillion, Sam.
I love you; Sam and I will always love you. And I am the happiest person in the world right, because I was able to express how I feel. And it will be the first thing you read when you wake up. And I know you will wake up.
Love,
Bailey.
*****************************************
As I read this letter again, I find myself smiling. Not because you opened your eyes, but because I know you will get better. You didn't give me any sign of life yet, but you'll never leave me when you know I'll be going down with you. Here I am Sam, sitting by your side again, contemplating my feelings. I have spent too much time thinking about how and when I would tell you how I feel. And all this time I could have spend some wonderful moments with you. That is if you had shared my feelings. Don't get me wrong Sam. I have spent the most wonderful moments of my life by your side. The times I was around you were the happiest moments of my life. I feel alive
when I'm with you. But I want more Sam. I want to be able to hold you and touch you when I feel like it. I want to share my life with you. I want to comfort you when you need it. I want. I want. I want you to get better Sam. I need you to. If you don't, I don't know what'll happen to me.
It's getting late Sam. I think I'll go home and try to sleep for a couple of hours. I haven't slept last night and I am getting tired now. But I promise I'll be back soon. I won't leave you alone for too long. And somehow I feel that my return is going to be happy. I can't tell why I
think that, but I'm just feeling it. So before I leave, I kiss you on the forehead. And secretly I wish I could do that more often.
I lie in bed and recall the events of last night. I was almost asleep when my phone rang. It was the hospital calling me you had had an accident. I was told my best friend had been hurt badly and that she was now in a coma. I immediately left for the hospital and stayed by your side until and hour ago. I left you because sleep was overtaking me. And now I can't sleep because I am thinking about my own death and how immortal we all are. A second of distraction and it's all over. One turn of the head, and what you spend your entire life building is over.
And then it's happening again. I am almost asleep and the phone is ringing. I immediately fear the worst. Luckily I am able to hold back my tears and answer. And when I let the words sink in, a huge smile is breaking out. You opened your eyes just minutes ago and you asked to see me. I get dressed and I race to the hospital. When I almost reach your door, Angel and Chloe come out. The little girl jumps in my arms and hugs me. And Angel offers me the warmest smile I have ever seen. You're alive. I just knew you would get better. I know I have been able to help you by thinking you'd get better. Somehow you felt I knew it and it gave you strength. And the question
I asked my whole life has been answered: does and angel contemplate my faith? Yes, it does. I have a guardian angel I will be forever thankful.
They have moved you to a normal room. You make the fastest recovery they have ever seen. As I walk by your window, I watch you as you read the letter I left you. And then I see you are crying. You are crying like a little kid. I hesitate a while before I walk in. I am seeing such a
beautiful playing before me. When I walk in you look up at me and smile like the sun coming up. I sit down by your side and wipe the tears away. And then you ask me to come nearer you and then you whisper the words I have rehearsed a million times: " I love you too". And for the first time
in my life I know I have made the right decision. And I was right when I said you wouldn't die on me. You didn't. My life is just not over yet, it's only beginning.
The End. Hope you liked it.
