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Another Opportunity For Sibling Bonding
Chapter II: My Brother, the Ideal Woman?
~*~
"Niisama, you make an even better girl than I do." I smiled, twisted the last lock of violet hair and tucked it under a clip, then stood back to admire my work.
I felt a slight chill tickle up my spine. Ryuen was perfect. Maybe scarily perfect. I mean, I guess I'd always known that he had a pretty face, that that soft white skin and those delicate features weren't exactly the kind your typical male possessed. But this was...well, scary. I'd pulled his hair up into a visually-complicated set of braids and twists, lacing a few ribbons in through the strands to give it more cohesion. Some of Niisama's hair was too short to stay in the braids, though, and that dangled down in front of his eyes in wispy bangs, framed the face I was having trouble recognizing as...well, my BROTHER'S.
"Great Suzaku." Rokou sat down hard, wiped an imaginary bead of sweat from his forehead. "Ryuen, you look...you look--!"
Niisama raised an eyebrow, hands still folded neatly in his lap. "Like a boy in girl's clothing?" he offered dryly.
Rokou shook his head adamantly. "No. You look like...you look like a..." There was a long pause, in which Ryuen and I both glanced up, studied Aniki with matching frowns. Suddenly seeming to realize he was being stared at, Rokou blushed, slid a little abruptly off his stool and stalked to the door. "I'll be back later," he mumbled. A moment later, he'd vanished into the main room of the shop, and we heard him clomping to the door.
I burst out laughing. "I guess it was too much for him."
Ryuen's eyebrow lifted a little more. It was strange, watching the facial expressions I was so familiar with enact themselves on this beautiful, unfamiliar girl's face. I looked at her again, struggled to remember how she'd looked about ten minutes earlier...but, that knowledge was gone. There was only her, now, with her wide violet eyes and delicate cheekbones and lightly-painted lips.
"Do I really look that different?"
I snapped out of it at the sound of Niisama's voice, breaking through the illusion with what I hoped was a barely-noticeable start. I nodded, latched onto his hands and pulled him to his feet. To his credit, Niisama moved with a strange, natural sort of grace, swishing along in the skirts like he'd been born to do just that. As we crossed to the full-length mirror in the corner, I found myself envying the effortless fluidity to his stance and walk, envying the strange and very feminine beauty that seemed to surround Ryuen in an aura of untouchable grace and sophistication. How had this happened? My brother, the ideal woman? My brother, the epitome of beauty and elegance?
Kaasan would be so proud that her endless femininity lessons hadn't gone to waste on SOMEONE in this family.
Finally, we reached the mirror, and I felt Ryuen stiffen beside me. In the mirror, the beautiful girl's eyes went wide, and the painted rose of her lips parted in shock. Standing there beside her, of course, was me, looking short and almost boyish in comparison. My hair hung in a simple ponytail, that being the easiest way to keep it out of my face, and I was dressed in what seemed, now, to be a drab and simple dress, intended more for freedom of movement than for its looks. Standing here next to this beautiful girl with the elegant twists to her hair and the stylish burgundy dress emphasizing the slimness of her figure, it was almost painfully obvious just how inadequate I was.
I felt a hand on my arm, snapped out of the thoughts like I'd been struck. I turned away from the mirror, found myself staring into eyes that were large and violet and lightly lined in black...but, which were unmistakably the eyes of my brother, of Ryuen, of someone who knew me better than I knew myself. His fingers were strong, slim and delicate but possessing a strength all their own. I closed my eyes, felt a soft smile trickle onto my lips. Yes, this was the touch of my brother. Niisama's strong hands, Niisama's knowing eyes; that hadn't changed. HE hadn't changed.
But, maybe I had.
"Korin," Ryuen said softly. "We should probably go."
I managed a nod, opened my eyes. "Hai," I agreed, "we probably should."
"It's still me under here, you know."
I nodded, turned away and gathered the remainder of the hair clips from the table, slipped them into the pouch I carried at my waist. "Hai, hai, I know." My voice sounded high and a little unnatural, but there was nothing I could do to fix it. Something inside of me was writhing, and all the logic in the world wasn't going to stop it.
Niisama snagged my wrist, spun me back to face him. "You don't have to pretend with me, Korin."
I knew that. I knew that. But, gods...gods, why was it always so easy for him? It wasn't that I wanted to be pretty and dainty and elegant--I liked who I was, and I didn't want to change that...but, Ryuen had just achieved in a few minutes what Kaasan and everyone else in my life had been struggling to get me to accomplish for most of my life.
He got it, I could see it in his eyes. He could've called me on it right there, said, "You're jealous because I make a better girl than you do!" and ended the entire discussion...but, of course, he didn't. He wasn't Rokou. And, hey, what was the point, anyway? We both knew what was going on. No need to vocalize it.
So, I just nodded, let Niisama's fingers slip off my wrist and tried to recapture some of my dignity. "I know. Gomen. But...you're right. We should get going. Suzaku only knows where those bandits are, and we need to get those dresses in time for Tousan to have them shipped tonight."
He still had that troubled look in his eyes, that this-is-my-fault-somehow-and-I-have-to-fix-it look, but after a few seconds, he nodded, and I watched those mental tracks shift again to the problem at hand. "Right. Let's get going."
We gathered up our meager belongings--I had a small leather satchel, and Ryuen was dragging along a bag with a change of clothes in it for when we returned--and started to make our way to the storeroom door. I was just stepping out into the shop when, abruptly, the front door jingled open, and a familiar and slightly-wobbly figure moved into view.
"Get back," I hissed over my shoulder.
I didn't have time to check if Ryuen had moved, or not. I took a long step forward and swung the door shut behind me. As such, I was standing with my back leaning against the doorknob when Tousan reached me.
"Korin?" he said. His eyes were a little bloodshot, and I could catch a faint whiff of something alcoholic on his breath. "What're you doing back here? Shop's closed for the day. Go home." He blinked a few times, coughed once and sent a flood of toxic breath flooding into my face. I tried not to gag. "Where're your brothers?"
I answered without pause. "At home. Ryuen wasn't feeling well, and Rokou wanted to go with him."
Tousan nodded, offered a brief, "Mm." Then, he turned around, walked a little wobbily to the counter, and leaned against it, elbows pressing down against the polished wood. "Ne, Kori-chan."
I felt my eyes widen. Kori-chan? How drunk was he? I hadn't heard that name since I was little, and even then, Tousan only used it on certain occasions, usually when he was trying to comfort me. I remembered one time in particular--Ryuen was spending the night in the city with Kaasan, and I had a nightmare. Rokou slept like the dead, didn't hear me crying...but, Tousan did. He came into the room, picked me up and held me in his arms and said, "It's okay, Kori-chan. Just a dream. Just a dream, it's okay."
Why was he using it now? Did he think I needed comforting or something? Or...
I moved to his side, leaned against the counter beside him. "Hai?"
He was staring down at the swirls on the wood, his eyes distant and vaguely thoughtful. "I'm sorry this had to happen this way. I wanted something better for you."
The frown bent at my lips. What the hell was he talking about? "Something...better?"
Tousan nodded. He still looked a little wobbly, but there was a new clarity in his eyes, making his next words all the more puzzling. "Hai. Something better than this. Working in the shop, not having time for schooling or friends or...boys. This order of Haiko-sama's was supposed to change that. All that money..." A slight, bittersweet smile touched his lips. "Was gonna send you to the capital. The palace. You coulda been an empress, Kori-chan. I'know Heika-sama would've loved you..."
I felt cold. What in the name of the gods...? "Tousan, you've been drinking--"
"Something better," he continued. "It'd put you with girls your own age, get you away from all these...all these *men.*"
I closed my eyes. I didn't have time for this, and was certainly not in the mood for another why-can't-you-act-more-like-a-girl speech. "I need to get home," I said. "Ryuen--"
"You know, when you were born, your mother was so happy. That was all she ever wanted, a little girl..." He sighed. "It's my fault things happened the way they did. Should never've made you work in the shop. That's what did it, I'll bet. Hanging around with all these boys, seeing nobody but your brothers every day...it's my fault." He looked up, then, stared at me with such intense sorrow in his eyes that I felt the breath catch in my lungs. "I'm sorry, Kori-chan," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
Tears burned in my eyes, and I had to turn away. I wanted to get out of here. So. Badly. Why was Tousan doing this to me? Was he TRYING to hurt me? I had to...I had to leave.
I was outside a few seconds later, and Tousan didn't make any move to stop me or come after me. My vision was blurred, and I could feel the heat of the sobs hanging in the back of my throat, begging to be released...but I couldn't cry. Not here, not now. Not when I was trying to be strong, damn it. Something touched my arm, and I skidded to a halt just at the edge of the road.
Ryuen was behind me, his eyes dark and angry and alive with something vaguely frightening. "That man," he growled, "is full of *shit.*"
I blinked, stared at him as if really seeing him for the first time. "How did you--"
"Through the front door. Tousan's practically passed out on the counter. But, good gods, Korin, don't listen to him. Where the hell does he get off, talking to you like that? Great Suzaku, if he wasn't my father..."
I frowned. "Niisama..."
He drew in a deep breath, let it out slowly through the lips I'd painted a dusky rose. "Sorry. It's just..." Ryuen shook his head, grabbed me by the shoulders and locked me in a strange, intense stare. "There's nothing *wrong* with you, Korin. There's nothing wrong with the way you are. Don't let them do this to you. Don't let them tell you that you should try to be something you're *not.* It isn't right."
I could only stare at my brother in stricken silence, the fervor of his words still ringing in my ears, and nod wordlessly. Where was this sudden passion coming from? I shook my head, resolved to figure it out later, when there wasn't so much to be done...and so little time to do it in.
Noticing the change in my expression, Ryuen nodded. "Right," he said quietly. "We'll talk about this later. Let's go. Rokou said they cut off into the woods--I think I might know where they went."
"Hai."
Niisama led the way, me trailing just behind, observing the reactions of the passersby with something bordering between amusement and consternation. More than one male jaw dropped upon glimpsing the elegant beauty in front of me, and several female eyebrows raised in envy. I glanced at Ryuen's profile as I walked, saw that it was creased with thought. Planning out our daring dress rescue, I was sure. Was he completely oblivious?
And, was it wrong of me, to be jealous of my own brother? And, for something like THIS?
It wasn't until much later than the impact of Ryuen's speech touched me, or that I realized just where all that passion had come from. There was more to my brother than even I knew, and I was about to find out just how deeply that passion ran.
~*~
To Be Continued.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
[1] Well, I've tried to work away from it, but it seems Korin is determined not to be twelve in this fic. -_-;; So, from henceforth, Korin is now thirteen-going-on-fourteen, and--gomen ne, Mouse-chan--all other ages will have to be adjusted accordingly. :) But, hey, a thirteen-year-old Tasuki will be ALMOST as amusing, ne? ^_~.
[2] Arrigato to Kokkei for reading over this for me and spotting *gasp* a typo. One went unnoticed in the last chapter, and alas, I feared I might die of shame. ^_~.
[3] More to come. And, gasp-choke, the next chapter will involve the appearance of one of the other Suzaku seishi! Who could it be, who could it beeeeeee? Muwahaha.
[4] Commentary and criticism welcome, and very conducive to Author Happiness. *nods*
Another Opportunity For Sibling Bonding
Chapter II: My Brother, the Ideal Woman?
~*~
"Niisama, you make an even better girl than I do." I smiled, twisted the last lock of violet hair and tucked it under a clip, then stood back to admire my work.
I felt a slight chill tickle up my spine. Ryuen was perfect. Maybe scarily perfect. I mean, I guess I'd always known that he had a pretty face, that that soft white skin and those delicate features weren't exactly the kind your typical male possessed. But this was...well, scary. I'd pulled his hair up into a visually-complicated set of braids and twists, lacing a few ribbons in through the strands to give it more cohesion. Some of Niisama's hair was too short to stay in the braids, though, and that dangled down in front of his eyes in wispy bangs, framed the face I was having trouble recognizing as...well, my BROTHER'S.
"Great Suzaku." Rokou sat down hard, wiped an imaginary bead of sweat from his forehead. "Ryuen, you look...you look--!"
Niisama raised an eyebrow, hands still folded neatly in his lap. "Like a boy in girl's clothing?" he offered dryly.
Rokou shook his head adamantly. "No. You look like...you look like a..." There was a long pause, in which Ryuen and I both glanced up, studied Aniki with matching frowns. Suddenly seeming to realize he was being stared at, Rokou blushed, slid a little abruptly off his stool and stalked to the door. "I'll be back later," he mumbled. A moment later, he'd vanished into the main room of the shop, and we heard him clomping to the door.
I burst out laughing. "I guess it was too much for him."
Ryuen's eyebrow lifted a little more. It was strange, watching the facial expressions I was so familiar with enact themselves on this beautiful, unfamiliar girl's face. I looked at her again, struggled to remember how she'd looked about ten minutes earlier...but, that knowledge was gone. There was only her, now, with her wide violet eyes and delicate cheekbones and lightly-painted lips.
"Do I really look that different?"
I snapped out of it at the sound of Niisama's voice, breaking through the illusion with what I hoped was a barely-noticeable start. I nodded, latched onto his hands and pulled him to his feet. To his credit, Niisama moved with a strange, natural sort of grace, swishing along in the skirts like he'd been born to do just that. As we crossed to the full-length mirror in the corner, I found myself envying the effortless fluidity to his stance and walk, envying the strange and very feminine beauty that seemed to surround Ryuen in an aura of untouchable grace and sophistication. How had this happened? My brother, the ideal woman? My brother, the epitome of beauty and elegance?
Kaasan would be so proud that her endless femininity lessons hadn't gone to waste on SOMEONE in this family.
Finally, we reached the mirror, and I felt Ryuen stiffen beside me. In the mirror, the beautiful girl's eyes went wide, and the painted rose of her lips parted in shock. Standing there beside her, of course, was me, looking short and almost boyish in comparison. My hair hung in a simple ponytail, that being the easiest way to keep it out of my face, and I was dressed in what seemed, now, to be a drab and simple dress, intended more for freedom of movement than for its looks. Standing here next to this beautiful girl with the elegant twists to her hair and the stylish burgundy dress emphasizing the slimness of her figure, it was almost painfully obvious just how inadequate I was.
I felt a hand on my arm, snapped out of the thoughts like I'd been struck. I turned away from the mirror, found myself staring into eyes that were large and violet and lightly lined in black...but, which were unmistakably the eyes of my brother, of Ryuen, of someone who knew me better than I knew myself. His fingers were strong, slim and delicate but possessing a strength all their own. I closed my eyes, felt a soft smile trickle onto my lips. Yes, this was the touch of my brother. Niisama's strong hands, Niisama's knowing eyes; that hadn't changed. HE hadn't changed.
But, maybe I had.
"Korin," Ryuen said softly. "We should probably go."
I managed a nod, opened my eyes. "Hai," I agreed, "we probably should."
"It's still me under here, you know."
I nodded, turned away and gathered the remainder of the hair clips from the table, slipped them into the pouch I carried at my waist. "Hai, hai, I know." My voice sounded high and a little unnatural, but there was nothing I could do to fix it. Something inside of me was writhing, and all the logic in the world wasn't going to stop it.
Niisama snagged my wrist, spun me back to face him. "You don't have to pretend with me, Korin."
I knew that. I knew that. But, gods...gods, why was it always so easy for him? It wasn't that I wanted to be pretty and dainty and elegant--I liked who I was, and I didn't want to change that...but, Ryuen had just achieved in a few minutes what Kaasan and everyone else in my life had been struggling to get me to accomplish for most of my life.
He got it, I could see it in his eyes. He could've called me on it right there, said, "You're jealous because I make a better girl than you do!" and ended the entire discussion...but, of course, he didn't. He wasn't Rokou. And, hey, what was the point, anyway? We both knew what was going on. No need to vocalize it.
So, I just nodded, let Niisama's fingers slip off my wrist and tried to recapture some of my dignity. "I know. Gomen. But...you're right. We should get going. Suzaku only knows where those bandits are, and we need to get those dresses in time for Tousan to have them shipped tonight."
He still had that troubled look in his eyes, that this-is-my-fault-somehow-and-I-have-to-fix-it look, but after a few seconds, he nodded, and I watched those mental tracks shift again to the problem at hand. "Right. Let's get going."
We gathered up our meager belongings--I had a small leather satchel, and Ryuen was dragging along a bag with a change of clothes in it for when we returned--and started to make our way to the storeroom door. I was just stepping out into the shop when, abruptly, the front door jingled open, and a familiar and slightly-wobbly figure moved into view.
"Get back," I hissed over my shoulder.
I didn't have time to check if Ryuen had moved, or not. I took a long step forward and swung the door shut behind me. As such, I was standing with my back leaning against the doorknob when Tousan reached me.
"Korin?" he said. His eyes were a little bloodshot, and I could catch a faint whiff of something alcoholic on his breath. "What're you doing back here? Shop's closed for the day. Go home." He blinked a few times, coughed once and sent a flood of toxic breath flooding into my face. I tried not to gag. "Where're your brothers?"
I answered without pause. "At home. Ryuen wasn't feeling well, and Rokou wanted to go with him."
Tousan nodded, offered a brief, "Mm." Then, he turned around, walked a little wobbily to the counter, and leaned against it, elbows pressing down against the polished wood. "Ne, Kori-chan."
I felt my eyes widen. Kori-chan? How drunk was he? I hadn't heard that name since I was little, and even then, Tousan only used it on certain occasions, usually when he was trying to comfort me. I remembered one time in particular--Ryuen was spending the night in the city with Kaasan, and I had a nightmare. Rokou slept like the dead, didn't hear me crying...but, Tousan did. He came into the room, picked me up and held me in his arms and said, "It's okay, Kori-chan. Just a dream. Just a dream, it's okay."
Why was he using it now? Did he think I needed comforting or something? Or...
I moved to his side, leaned against the counter beside him. "Hai?"
He was staring down at the swirls on the wood, his eyes distant and vaguely thoughtful. "I'm sorry this had to happen this way. I wanted something better for you."
The frown bent at my lips. What the hell was he talking about? "Something...better?"
Tousan nodded. He still looked a little wobbly, but there was a new clarity in his eyes, making his next words all the more puzzling. "Hai. Something better than this. Working in the shop, not having time for schooling or friends or...boys. This order of Haiko-sama's was supposed to change that. All that money..." A slight, bittersweet smile touched his lips. "Was gonna send you to the capital. The palace. You coulda been an empress, Kori-chan. I'know Heika-sama would've loved you..."
I felt cold. What in the name of the gods...? "Tousan, you've been drinking--"
"Something better," he continued. "It'd put you with girls your own age, get you away from all these...all these *men.*"
I closed my eyes. I didn't have time for this, and was certainly not in the mood for another why-can't-you-act-more-like-a-girl speech. "I need to get home," I said. "Ryuen--"
"You know, when you were born, your mother was so happy. That was all she ever wanted, a little girl..." He sighed. "It's my fault things happened the way they did. Should never've made you work in the shop. That's what did it, I'll bet. Hanging around with all these boys, seeing nobody but your brothers every day...it's my fault." He looked up, then, stared at me with such intense sorrow in his eyes that I felt the breath catch in my lungs. "I'm sorry, Kori-chan," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
Tears burned in my eyes, and I had to turn away. I wanted to get out of here. So. Badly. Why was Tousan doing this to me? Was he TRYING to hurt me? I had to...I had to leave.
I was outside a few seconds later, and Tousan didn't make any move to stop me or come after me. My vision was blurred, and I could feel the heat of the sobs hanging in the back of my throat, begging to be released...but I couldn't cry. Not here, not now. Not when I was trying to be strong, damn it. Something touched my arm, and I skidded to a halt just at the edge of the road.
Ryuen was behind me, his eyes dark and angry and alive with something vaguely frightening. "That man," he growled, "is full of *shit.*"
I blinked, stared at him as if really seeing him for the first time. "How did you--"
"Through the front door. Tousan's practically passed out on the counter. But, good gods, Korin, don't listen to him. Where the hell does he get off, talking to you like that? Great Suzaku, if he wasn't my father..."
I frowned. "Niisama..."
He drew in a deep breath, let it out slowly through the lips I'd painted a dusky rose. "Sorry. It's just..." Ryuen shook his head, grabbed me by the shoulders and locked me in a strange, intense stare. "There's nothing *wrong* with you, Korin. There's nothing wrong with the way you are. Don't let them do this to you. Don't let them tell you that you should try to be something you're *not.* It isn't right."
I could only stare at my brother in stricken silence, the fervor of his words still ringing in my ears, and nod wordlessly. Where was this sudden passion coming from? I shook my head, resolved to figure it out later, when there wasn't so much to be done...and so little time to do it in.
Noticing the change in my expression, Ryuen nodded. "Right," he said quietly. "We'll talk about this later. Let's go. Rokou said they cut off into the woods--I think I might know where they went."
"Hai."
Niisama led the way, me trailing just behind, observing the reactions of the passersby with something bordering between amusement and consternation. More than one male jaw dropped upon glimpsing the elegant beauty in front of me, and several female eyebrows raised in envy. I glanced at Ryuen's profile as I walked, saw that it was creased with thought. Planning out our daring dress rescue, I was sure. Was he completely oblivious?
And, was it wrong of me, to be jealous of my own brother? And, for something like THIS?
It wasn't until much later than the impact of Ryuen's speech touched me, or that I realized just where all that passion had come from. There was more to my brother than even I knew, and I was about to find out just how deeply that passion ran.
~*~
To Be Continued.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
[1] Well, I've tried to work away from it, but it seems Korin is determined not to be twelve in this fic. -_-;; So, from henceforth, Korin is now thirteen-going-on-fourteen, and--gomen ne, Mouse-chan--all other ages will have to be adjusted accordingly. :) But, hey, a thirteen-year-old Tasuki will be ALMOST as amusing, ne? ^_~.
[2] Arrigato to Kokkei for reading over this for me and spotting *gasp* a typo. One went unnoticed in the last chapter, and alas, I feared I might die of shame. ^_~.
[3] More to come. And, gasp-choke, the next chapter will involve the appearance of one of the other Suzaku seishi! Who could it be, who could it beeeeeee? Muwahaha.
[4] Commentary and criticism welcome, and very conducive to Author Happiness. *nods*
