Human Definition

By: Crystalis Blade


Author's Note: Yet another vignette, but from Hojo's point of view. I hope you enjoy. As per usual, Hojo and all of FFVII belongs to Squaresoft.


Insanity…defined as "irrationality" in the dictionary, but when you really get down to it, you can't call me irrational. I knew exactly what I was doing. Heh, I still do. If you must say something so harsh and cruel as that, I don't think insanity quite fits me. What I did was for the love of my work. Actually, psychosis fits it better… more of what I did had more to do with an obsession than with my mental state. Just… listen, and maybe you will hear the logic in my insanity, for you see, I'm not as "evil" or "insane" as others may think. Quite the contrary in fact. I have just as much common sense as you or anyone else. I act and feel things like you; so why must you say such callous things? It hurts…really it does.

I know how you all look at me. You, the ones I supposedly hurt; my love, her…ugh, lover, the boy; all think I am a monster with no regard for life. Not true at all. What I did, I did for them. It is not my fault that she died. Please, forgive me my love, I never meant for that to happen that way. But then again, you agreed no matter what the consequences.

Of course, Mr. Vincent…Valentine. The lover. Oh come now, I'm allowed to have some fun, aren't I? He was a little… disturbing…don't you agree?

The boy…my son. I believe I made a fine father. I never drove him insane; it was that damn "crisis from the sky." I took care of him, watched over him, loved him. Everything and more.

Subtle defenses, I know, but still, I am not what you think I am. Far from it in fact. I have always been stereotyped "mad man." That is utterly incorrect and I refuse to accept that.

You! All of you! Accuse me of such atrocious things. Yes! I concede. I did them! My guilt is plain for all.

So why won't you free me!

Forgiveness is supposed to be the most humane phenomenon, so why do I become exempt? Do I not fit your…your…criteria? Did I not confess to my indulgences? Am I not saved enough for you? Does salvation not go to those who need it most?

Then save me! Please! I'm burning within my own Hell! My life was my Hell! Or are you just to damn ignorant to notice that? That cool, "evil" exterior? Just a cover…

I am just as human as the next.

But you, no, you could never see that aspect of me. The one, thing, I have ever wanted to be seen; my humanity. And don't give me, "lack thereof." I was human and apparently more than you. It blows my feeble mind that you, all of you were chosen as the "planets protectors."

You have no humanity.

No benevolence…

No sympathy…

No compassion…

These are new ideals to you.

I ask you: what becomes of a man's soul when all he's done is fall forgotten? Does he not get the simplest prayer? For Christ's sake! Even he told me "rest in peace." Will you not even give me that?

Heh, no…never…who am I kidding. I'm not worth that…I'm not worth all this breath, am I?

No.

Don't say anything…

You're words are numb to my ears. I don't hear you anymore. I can't. I'm gone from you…transcended. I am of an utterly higher level; have been and will be forever. You are drunkards trying to judge me! You're eyes cannot see what mine have had burned within them.

I am a man.

I have erred.

I have fallen forgotten.

Forever as an immortal…

Forever as a man…

Yet I…

I am still a man…

I still have my humanity.

Tell me planet, when did you lose yours?

Wait…

…You never had any to begin with…