Just Once

As I have said, ten years passed before I again entered Minas Tirith, this time with my friend Náremiri. Although I appeared unchanged in those ten years, inside I felt different. When I dreamed, I no longer felt I had control over what I saw, that another was allowing me to see things. In those dreams, and while I was awake, I felt torn between two calls, that of the sea, and another more elusive call that I still did not wish to name. Náremiri had noticed of course, and that was why he suggested this trip, he thought to help me away from the calls, but it only made them worse. I looked over at my friend as we entered the White City. Though Náremiri felt the sea-calling, he was determined to stay with me in Arda until he learned of my 'mysterious love'. I sighed. This was not easy.

Together we made our way through crowded streets to the palace, we had been invited to the King's eldest daughter's wedding and decided to come. I wondered if I would see the Lady Alassante- then quickly turned my mind to other thoughts.

The wedding was a joyous occasion, the celebration of which lasted for a week, during which I did indeed see Alassante, and I knew then that the other calling I had felt was as I feared- and as part of me hoped. I was in love. This did not go unnoticed by Náremiri who watched her at the dances the first night.

"I see now why you would not tell me," he said quietly, a smile playing about his face.

"And what do you think?" I asked, resigned to hear the worst.

"I think she is beautiful, but Telvar, be certain you love her. It is either Alassante or the lands across the seas."

I stood away from the table suddenly. "I…" I regained control of my voice. "I will be in the gardens, please excuse me."

So in the gardens I sat and thought. Of course I could always cross the seas now, but I felt that if I did so I would wish that I had not for the rest of my life. So the next day I asked the Lady Alassante to meet me in the South Gardens.

I stood as I heard her approach. "You wished to see me?"

I steadied my nerves and spoke. "Lady Alassante, I would ask your father for your hand in marriage, if you would have me."

She sat down on a nearby bench. "Yes," she said simply. For a moment I didn't hear her, then I did. Yes…"My lady, I fear I do not know your father."

"But you do," she said with a smile. "He is Arathorn."

"The king?" I hoped my surprise had not shown.

"Who else?" her smile deepened. My surprise had shown.

And so I asked, and the king gave us his blessing.

"It is unusual of course, but I know that you love Alassante, and she you," the king said to me. "Does this mean you renounce your immortality?"

"Sir, it does."

The king nodded. "I have often wondered why that must be, can you tell me?"

"Certainly," I replied. "A man and a woman, be they human or elven swear to bind themselves to each other through life and death. It would not be so if an elf did not give up immortality."

"I see…Are you sure of this, Telvar?" he asked, giving me a last chance to back out of the marriage.

"I am sir." I said it without thinking. I do not lie; it must have been true…

We were married in Imladris, Náremiri witnessed it for us.

"Do you Telvar of Imladris, son of Ciryatúro, swear that from this day forth you shall cherish and honor Alassante of Gondor, daughter of Arathorn, and no other in like manner, should sea level the land and stars disappear from the sky, in this world and in the world that may yet be, through life and death?"

"I do," I meant it. It was the happiest moment of my life. At that moment, the sea calling completely vanished from my thoughts as I looked into her blue eyes, sparkling with joy.

"Do you Alassante of Gondor, daughter of Arathorn, swear that from this day forth you shall cherish and honor Telvar of Imladris, son of Ciryatúro, and no other in like manner, should sea level the land and stars disappear from the sky, in this world and in the world that may yet be, through life and death?"

"I do."

"Then by Eru's grace and the protection of the Valar, I declare you wed. May the blessings you are in need of always be found."

Ah joyous day….I shall never forget it.

A week after the wedding, Náremiri left Arda, but not before we bid each other farewell.

"I shall look for you, when the world is remade," he told me. "I shall look for you both, and if I find you not, I will…"

"Don't even say it!" Alassante interrupted bravely. She knew what great friends we were, and she herself had come to know all those that remained in Imladris.

"Very well, I will not say it. Fare ye both well, many joyous years and children!"

And so he left, and I have had no word of him since. Many years did Alassante and I live in fading Rivendell. Over the years, all had departed save a few wood-elves in Mirkwood. Finally, only our family remained in the Last Homely House, most of which had been shut off and protected. Alassante grew older in short years, her hair streaked with silver, but her eyes did not dull. Our children resembled her more closely; they had the same flaming hair, but my grey eyes. They would be long-lived but not immortal. They knew that. I began to feel the weight of years more heavily, but I still remained almost unchanged with only a few grey streaks of hair. But I was mortal now, I knew then as I know now, that I will die…soon.

But Alassante went before me. She lived to see her fourth grandchild turn fifteen, but that same year; her body was too wearied to house her spirit. I sat with her day and night and watched her fade. Sometimes she would wake and ask after the children.

"Telvar, where are Súlio, Ataralas, and Faile?" she asked one night when she woke.

"They are asleep," I told her, for the hour was late.

"And why are you not asleep?" she asked mock-stern.

"Because I do not need sleep," I answered, then remembered how tired I felt.

"No, you do need sleep dear Telvar…you may think you…haven't changed much…but I feel it…you are tired…" Alassante's eyes closed and for a few moments she only breathed. "Send Súlio in, if you fear to leave me alone…"

I could feel her time drawing closer, inevitable and I hated it. Why? Why was I powerless to halt this and why did Eru allow it to happen? I knew I would be a widower when I married her, yet I did not think it would be so soon! "I will do better than that, love." She opened her eyes. I left the room for a moment and went to wake up everyone.

In a few minutes I was back with Súlio, his wife Adell, their two children Failon and Anner, Ataralas and Faile, their husbands Michael and Aaron and their children Aire and Calimo. In short, everyone.

Goodbyes were hard and long, but they were finally finished, and everyone filed out of the room to give me a few moments peace with Alassante.

"I love you," I told her.

She squeezed my hand. "I love you too…but now…you are alone…"

"Never alone. You will always be in my heart!" I told her.

She sighed. "Still…I'm…sorry…"

"Do not be…" I told her, but she was gone.

We buried Alassante in a grove of birch trees. It was always pleasant and quiet there, I thought she would like it. There was a view of the valley and I knew she would love that. I missed her so much…the years never weighed more heavily than the year she died.

The years passed and one day Rivendell found itself under a last attack. Humans, ignorant of where they went thought that it was abandoned and would have looted and destroyed.

I whispered the password and the wooden doors to the unused armory opened without even creaking. Súlio held up the torch to illuminate the room. Swords hung in polished scabbards, unstrung bows lay on brackets on the walls and burnished shields with ancient designs were stacked along the wall.

" Súlio, take your pick of weapons, then call Michael, Aaron, Failon, Anner, Aire and Calimo. They are to arm themselves and meet me in the maps room."

"Yes father."

A few minutes later, my impromptu army was assembled. "Listen, this is what we shall do. Failon and Aire, I see you have taken bows, that is well, station yourselves in range near the gates. Fire only when I say so, regardless of what happens. Go now." They left and I fervently hoped there would be no fighting. Although they were trained I felt they were still too young. I turned to my remaining warriors. "The rest of you with the exception of Anner and Calimo will stand with me at the gates. Anner, you and Calimo will go with Faile, Ataralas and Adell. Tell them to arm themselves and if you have no word from us by sunset take them to the Grey Havens."

They left and we headed for the gates. There were about twenty human men attempting to break down the gates and I did not like the orcish look of them. They stopped in surprise when they saw us.

"Go from here and never return if you value your life!" I said sternly.

"Who are you?" One of them asked.

"I chose to not give my name, but I tell you this is my home. If you persist in your actions, you will surely die."

One of them laughed and started towards me, I drew my sword and raised it. "Do not persist," I said quietly, but he drew his sword and touched the blade to mine. All of my sons looked eager to fight him, but I would not allow it. No, this invader was mine. We fought. I had many centuries of experience at my back and I won. The outcome was never in any real doubt. I spared his life, but as I turned he would have killed me. An arrow from Failon ended his life and the battle began in earnest.

When it was finished, five invaders remained, badly wounded. We would do what we could for them, even though they had sought to kill us. Our side was not without its injured. Michael and Aire had been injured, Michael had taken a sword thrust in the side and Aire had fallen from her tree and broken her arm. Had it not been for Failon, she would have died, as she hit the ground one of the men sprang at her. I fired at him with my bow- and missed. Failon did not. I felt my age again as I looked at my hands. What if Failon had missed too? I clenched my hands into fists in my desperation. What if he had? I was growing old…my hands were unsure, my hair streaked more noticeably and the weight of my years began to make me feel stiff as if I had slept in a tight space.

I do not understand. Eru created the world, and it will die, then be remade. Eru created the Firstborn, they are conditionally immortal and when the world is remade, they will be renewed. What of his more vulnerable children, of whom I have become one? What happens after I die? Will I go to a waiting place like the Halls of Mandos, or a black nothingness? Will I see Alassante again? Ever? I fear I can write no longer, my hands grow stiff and tired again as I sit at my desk. The winter is here, and I will not see it out. I fear the black nothingness, but if I may sleep peacefully with my beloved Alassante, then I fear nothing………The wind blows chill…farewell……

A note which I, Súlio, Telvar's son write. This is only part of the manuscript my father had written, he would say the most important part, the one which tells the story of my father and mother. It remains untouched and unedited, displayed for all to see, as he wished. However this is not all of the manuscript, nor is this the only work of my father's. The rest I have been unable to find, and I believe that he carried the secret of their location to the grave. However, if I find any more, I will state what I have found and if I will publish it publicly. I thank you for reading this and hope that it has given you cause to think. If you will remember it, you do my father a kindness.

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