It was the third day of seventh grade. Jason had slept the day away on the bus, and woke up while it was taking him home. He just smiled and slobbered, and bit Andre. It bled, and Andre tried to hit him with his tennis racket, crying wildly. Jason just stared at him and laughed. He felt no pain. Today Jason was awake on the bus and tormented Andre by staring into his eyes and slobbering. Andre was scared!
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. David came to the bus stop crying. D'Arcy did not even have the chance to ask what was wrong. David was blubbering onto her shoulder before she knew it. "Why didn't I get the part in the movie?! Why me? Why now?"
D'Arcy popped his forehead. "Shut up kindergarten baby." What was he talking about? Besides, she had her own troubles to worry about, like, what to do when it came time for her to read in class. She doesn't speak English.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Jimmy threw his binoculars against the wall of his tree house. He had just seen Brandon in the schoolyard beating the girls off with a stick. It was obvious that they had stopped coming after him long ago. Now Brandon just ran about beating them with a stick.
Jimmy decided that no longer would he sit and watch this madness. He suddenly had an idea. "Buckleberry Ferry!" he shouted. He put on his "not-Jimmy-Fallon" suit and wandered into the schoolyard coolly.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Daniel's mom made him go to school, sick or no. All the toilets in the house had to be cleaned after his brownie experience.
Daniel once more ate lunch with Kurt and Jesse, and once more ate those mysterious brownies that came from the hell fire of Jesse's Alf lunch box. He, like Kurt, would soon be immune to the effects of the brownies. Kurt had an ulcer.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. John finally remembered that he had a trigonometry club meeting, so he climbed out of his hole to China. He smelled like noodles, the Oriental kind.
Billy sniffed the wind. He smelled something delicious. All of the sudden, he knew what it was. He smiled slyly and licked his lips. It was time for another ear.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Dave and Boyfriend had decided what they were going to do. This popular business was too much. They would steal a car, kill themselves, rob a bank, learn Portuguese and rape every girl in CALI-FORN-I-A! Or wait, what was that order again?
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Cory and Kyla were very happy. They thought that less people were making fun of them since they were "together". Really they were just too busy thinking about maybe holding hands to think about anyone else. Kyla had worn that dirty, saggy pinstriped body suit 3 days in a row now, because she was afraid if she took it off, Cory would no longer think she was pretty.
Actually Cory liked the way she smelled. SNAP BANG, he had a girlfriend.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Chris could hear sad music in the background everywhere he went, the sad kind like on Full House. At last, Chris asked his parents to go to Hogwarts Academy for witches and wizards, so he could hang out with Harry Potter and go out for the Quidditch team. Even though he was way too fat to get on such a broom as a Nimbus 2000. Chris' parents laughed, and then realized they would be rid of him.
NO MORE BIG GROCERY BILLS! So they sent him to the train station and told him to find platform 9 ¾. He was so excited. Gee whilikers, this will be the adventure of a lifetime.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Lisa was beginning to regret that she had ever trifled with Kyla. Kyla had a boyfriend! Lisa was very jealous. So she went and stole Daniel away from Kurt and Jesse at lunch time. What a fox.
She would make him her own. Today! Daniel was frightened. She put him on a leash and dragged him every where.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. James and Mick had a great idea! They were all a bustle with the thought of this. They would combine Egghead and Dirty Sock to make a super-band! They decided to call it The Clashing Pumpkins. Hooray! James Iha and Mick Jones were going to be the coolest kids around.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Tony and Landon had a new plan. They were going to be cool cats this year. No more vegetables being lobbed at them! They put their thinking caps on and thought for a bit. "What makes everyone else so cool?" Tony pondered. Landon had no clue. They finally decided what they would do-stop being nerds! Tony shaved his head and got ADIDAS pants and a guitar. Landon broke his leg and became funny. THEY WERE A LARGE HIT.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Helmets were no longer cool. Mike and Wolfgang's helmets were taken on the bus and thrown out the window.
But Mike was strong, and managed not to call any of his teachers mommy that day. Wolfgang was rather proud of him, and slapped him around like manly men do. So what if they were a little bruised when they got home? The cheese tastes the same or not.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Adam was amazed to find out that there was another Jewish Witch kid at school, and her name was Elijah Wood. Jimmy took this pretty hard. What if he was now rejected? But Adam played it cool, and said they could all play Barbies at his house today. Jimmy gave a sigh of relief. Adam immediately felt like a hero-until he realized that Jimmy was relieved because he had made Adam a present.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Pretty soon, Charlie was the coolest retard, and was often seen sitting with Brandon Boyd, the coolest kid around. Girls fawned over Charlie and his women clothing.
This made Russell very upset. Once again, his freckleosis was flaring up. He was embarrassed to use the peanut butter at school, so he used Preparation-H instead. HOW THEY LAUGHED. Russell got a spanking!
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Julia was very comfortable in her Donny suit. The arms were a little long but none the less, she was comfortable. Gwen knew right away that something was wrong with Donny. He gagged when she fed him. What was the matter? Donny never gagged.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Owen stood bawling for a long time. Brian flung himself to the ground and wept. But after a few hours, Brian heard a faint tambourine rattling. He drug his nose across the shag carpet to get the snot off, and looked up, snuffling. Owen was dancing with a tambourine.
Brian crept to his feet and grabbed his bass. They would be an instrumental band!
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. David came to the bus stop crying. D'Arcy did not even have the chance to ask what was wrong. David was blubbering onto her shoulder before she knew it. "Why didn't I get the part in the movie?! Why me? Why now?"
D'Arcy popped his forehead. "Shut up kindergarten baby." What was he talking about? Besides, she had her own troubles to worry about, like, what to do when it came time for her to read in class. She doesn't speak English.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Jimmy threw his binoculars against the wall of his tree house. He had just seen Brandon in the schoolyard beating the girls off with a stick. It was obvious that they had stopped coming after him long ago. Now Brandon just ran about beating them with a stick.
Jimmy decided that no longer would he sit and watch this madness. He suddenly had an idea. "Buckleberry Ferry!" he shouted. He put on his "not-Jimmy-Fallon" suit and wandered into the schoolyard coolly.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Daniel's mom made him go to school, sick or no. All the toilets in the house had to be cleaned after his brownie experience.
Daniel once more ate lunch with Kurt and Jesse, and once more ate those mysterious brownies that came from the hell fire of Jesse's Alf lunch box. He, like Kurt, would soon be immune to the effects of the brownies. Kurt had an ulcer.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. John finally remembered that he had a trigonometry club meeting, so he climbed out of his hole to China. He smelled like noodles, the Oriental kind.
Billy sniffed the wind. He smelled something delicious. All of the sudden, he knew what it was. He smiled slyly and licked his lips. It was time for another ear.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Dave and Boyfriend had decided what they were going to do. This popular business was too much. They would steal a car, kill themselves, rob a bank, learn Portuguese and rape every girl in CALI-FORN-I-A! Or wait, what was that order again?
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Cory and Kyla were very happy. They thought that less people were making fun of them since they were "together". Really they were just too busy thinking about maybe holding hands to think about anyone else. Kyla had worn that dirty, saggy pinstriped body suit 3 days in a row now, because she was afraid if she took it off, Cory would no longer think she was pretty.
Actually Cory liked the way she smelled. SNAP BANG, he had a girlfriend.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Chris could hear sad music in the background everywhere he went, the sad kind like on Full House. At last, Chris asked his parents to go to Hogwarts Academy for witches and wizards, so he could hang out with Harry Potter and go out for the Quidditch team. Even though he was way too fat to get on such a broom as a Nimbus 2000. Chris' parents laughed, and then realized they would be rid of him.
NO MORE BIG GROCERY BILLS! So they sent him to the train station and told him to find platform 9 ¾. He was so excited. Gee whilikers, this will be the adventure of a lifetime.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Lisa was beginning to regret that she had ever trifled with Kyla. Kyla had a boyfriend! Lisa was very jealous. So she went and stole Daniel away from Kurt and Jesse at lunch time. What a fox.
She would make him her own. Today! Daniel was frightened. She put him on a leash and dragged him every where.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. James and Mick had a great idea! They were all a bustle with the thought of this. They would combine Egghead and Dirty Sock to make a super-band! They decided to call it The Clashing Pumpkins. Hooray! James Iha and Mick Jones were going to be the coolest kids around.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Tony and Landon had a new plan. They were going to be cool cats this year. No more vegetables being lobbed at them! They put their thinking caps on and thought for a bit. "What makes everyone else so cool?" Tony pondered. Landon had no clue. They finally decided what they would do-stop being nerds! Tony shaved his head and got ADIDAS pants and a guitar. Landon broke his leg and became funny. THEY WERE A LARGE HIT.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Helmets were no longer cool. Mike and Wolfgang's helmets were taken on the bus and thrown out the window.
But Mike was strong, and managed not to call any of his teachers mommy that day. Wolfgang was rather proud of him, and slapped him around like manly men do. So what if they were a little bruised when they got home? The cheese tastes the same or not.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Adam was amazed to find out that there was another Jewish Witch kid at school, and her name was Elijah Wood. Jimmy took this pretty hard. What if he was now rejected? But Adam played it cool, and said they could all play Barbies at his house today. Jimmy gave a sigh of relief. Adam immediately felt like a hero-until he realized that Jimmy was relieved because he had made Adam a present.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Pretty soon, Charlie was the coolest retard, and was often seen sitting with Brandon Boyd, the coolest kid around. Girls fawned over Charlie and his women clothing.
This made Russell very upset. Once again, his freckleosis was flaring up. He was embarrassed to use the peanut butter at school, so he used Preparation-H instead. HOW THEY LAUGHED. Russell got a spanking!
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Julia was very comfortable in her Donny suit. The arms were a little long but none the less, she was comfortable. Gwen knew right away that something was wrong with Donny. He gagged when she fed him. What was the matter? Donny never gagged.
*****
It was the third day of seventh grade. Owen stood bawling for a long time. Brian flung himself to the ground and wept. But after a few hours, Brian heard a faint tambourine rattling. He drug his nose across the shag carpet to get the snot off, and looked up, snuffling. Owen was dancing with a tambourine.
Brian crept to his feet and grabbed his bass. They would be an instrumental band!
