v1.2
I slid out of the bushes without a sound. Grass was crushed underfoot as I silently crept towards Dr. Light's laboratory. Dew and frost clung to my boots as it was disturbed and sent rolling off the blades of grass and leaves of unopened flowers that it had clung to during the evening hours. Crickets chirped their annoyance at my presence, but hopped away without protest. The only sounds that pierced the silence were those coming from the laboratory's kitchen as Roll prepared the evening meal. I ignored the rumbling of my stomach as I smelled what Roll was cooking. Not that I needed the food anyway, but it sure did smell appetizing.
I shook my head and pressed my back against the metallic wall, as close to the window as I could get without being seen and still being able to hear what was transpiring inside.
The conversations between Rock, Roll, and Dr. Light turned out to be rather dull and uninteresting. A terraforming project Dr. Light was thinking about ( who cares? ), a few new successful recipes of Roll's ( Aw. Now why would anyone want to abandon Dr. Wily's "cooking"? ), successful news on a construction project that had required Rock's strength ( Better than you coulda done ), but nothing really interesting, and nothing suggesting that they had found out about Crystal Man and Magnet Man ( Surprising ).
And you can just shut up.
( Heh )
I probably wasn't there for more than twenty minutes, but I had finished my task -- I had made sure that they didn't suspect something was going on among Wily's ranks ( other than the usual, insane crap ), so Magnet Man and Crystal Man were free to continue checking out the remaining castles.
I stepped away from the wall, backing away from the window, and started to leave, but I ended up slipping on a piece of trash that Rush had torn from the garbage ( smooth ) and crashed into the garbage can. Yippee for me ( I second that ).
I heard confused questions from the dining room as Roll and Rock wondered what had made such a sound ( Over here! He's over here! ). I tried to get up to get away, but only succeeded in crashing into the trash cans again ( bravo! ).
I think I swore. Whatever I did after the second crash had ruled out Roll's guesses at a stray dog, and the next thing I knew I was staring down the line of the lab and at an unarmored Rock. I could only hope that he didn't recognize me.
"Elec Man?"
Shit.
"Elec Man?" he repeated, starting toward me. He didn't seem concerned in the least. I could have zapped him without him getting a chance to even yelp ( love your grammar there ). He tilted his head quizzically. "Um...isn't it a bit...late...?" he drawled, "Are you...hungry...? Or something...?" I started to stiffen, thinking that he knew about me somehow, but remembered that Dr. Light had given all of us the ability to eat and convert food into energy. It's just that living machines -- like Rock -- have taste added to their senses. You wouldn't believe some of the crap I've ended up tasting due to Dr. Wily's insane experiments ( like that gingerbread house with caulk for icing that Flash Man made a few Christmases ago ). I stumbled to my feet, trying to look as dignified as I could. And failing.
"How did you know it was me?" I wanted to know. I didn't think my disguise was that bad, and besides, Ring Man had pointed out the shirt.
"Your voice," Rock answered, "You cussed in front of me before." Okay. That nearly floored me. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Metal Man always did say that I needed to wash my mouth out with soap. The Voice was doing cartwheels and screaming with laughter. "Remember?" Indeed I did. I remembered dropping that huge box of books and various other pieces of crap on my foot not long at all before Wily went nuts. Dr. Light had thought I had simply been created with "good reaction circuitry" as he put it. Wily thought I was just showing off because I had apparently been built "slightly more advanced than the others".
Truth be told, it hurt like shit.
I just nodded, doing my best to act like a "good little robot" as Centaur Man always so...eloquently -- yeah, that's the word I want -- put it. I'm not the best actor among the Kaisers -- Centaur Man and Ring Man have got me beat, hands down -- but I make do. The Voice giggled at my attempts, but hey, if I could fool Wily, I could sure as hell fool Rock. Frankly, I was surprised he wasn't attacking me.
"So..." Rock continued, blinking, "Why are you here? Hungry?"
Dr. Light rounded the corner, unconcerned as he spoke, "You can come in if you like." That caught me off guard. Were they really that naive?
"Wh...why? We're..." I stammered, losing my "good little robot" exterior for a minute. They didn't notice, or, if they did, they didn't show it.
Rock shrugged, smiling weakly as he answered, "Well...you're not here to fight...so it's okay, right?" I hesitated, but nodded.
( They're naive idiots. )
I seconded that opinion.
"So!" Rock chirped, "Are you hungry?" I shook my head even though Roll's cooking had smelled good. "Do you need anything...?"
( You just wanted to visit. )
"I just...wanted to visit, I guess..." I muttered, kicking the Voice into its corner and silencing it for at least a few moments. Rock's expression brightened.
"Oh! Come on inside!" he crowed, running back around and re-entering the lab. I couldn't help but feel like I'd been tricked somehow as I followed him, taking off my sunglasses and shoving them into one pocket of my coat. What the hell did I just get myself into?
And I don't want any comment from you.
( I didn't say anything! )
I was lead inside and to the kitchen. I didn't want to sit down, but I didn't really have much of a choice, did I?
"It's good to see you," Dr. Light spoke, "How have you been?"
"Okay," was all I said. I was doing my damnedest to look innocent. Really, I was.
"That's good!" Roll crooned. I think naive is an understatement.
( I second that opinion. )
I did my best to ignore Rock's scrutinization, but it quickly got on my nerves.
"Rock, don't stare," Dr. Light admonished. Believe me, it took a lot of willpower to keep from grinning when Rock shrank away, face flushed. They managed to get me into a conversation, although I forget what it was about right now ( crap ).
The communicator in my pocket went off so suddenly, I jumped, banging my knees on the table. I managed to bite back a string of curses -- Metal Man would be proud. You see, I've got bad knees -- I took a Rolling Cutter to one and both a Gyro Blade and a Silver Tomahawk to the other. I can run miles on end, and I'm still the fastest of my original army, but bang them on something or give me a flight of stairs to climb and I'm at your mercy. Considering how many times Wily's smacked one or both of my knees with pieces of sheet metal, tools, and other stuff ( or that time Centaur Man accidentally kicked you ), I'm surprised they're still working as well as they are. Wily thinks the metal's just old.
I dismissed myself, avoiding their quizzical glances, and went into the next room without limping. Point for me. Of course, the second I was out of sight, I hit the floor whimpering as quietly as I could. Did I mention that they're sensitive as well as being weak?
I fished out the communicator before it started beeping again and hit the button to turn it on. "Yeah?" I croaked. Hey, I was in pain, okay? "That you, Crystal Man?"
"Yes," he answered, louder than I thought he would. I turned down the volume a split second before Crystal Man asked, "You sound hurt. What's wrong? And why are you whispering?"
"I'm in Dr. Light's lab and I don't want them to overhear; they're in the next room," I answered, the pain finally dulling down to a persistent numbness, "And I hit my knees. Both of 'em."
"Owch," was the reply. Had it been Magnet Man, I probably wouldn't have gotten even that much. He doesn't like me ( who would? ). "You're inside...? Incredible..."
"They're naive idiots. How's the search going?"
"I've found an almost perfect fortress. It would require little to no effort to restore it."
"Perfect. How soon can you change the passwords and put in the cryptograms?"
"I'm working on that right now...but you need to be careful."
"I'm being careful. Like I said, they're naive idiots. The first thing Rock did when he saw me was invite me inside..." I shook my head. "Contact Centaur Man, Metal Man, and Ring Man and tell them I said to get started on their assignments. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Got it." The connection was cut, and I shoved the communicator back into my pocket. I started back to the kitchen, but stopped just before the doorway when I heard what Dr. Light, Rock, and Roll were talking about.
"What do you mean?" Roll asked.
"A normal robot doesn't jump like that..." Dr. Light was muttering. I think my blood went cold. "And didn't you see? When he hit his knees on the table, he winced. He was trying hard not to, but I could still see it." The Voice started cackling, running around in circles and howling, finding my screw up ridiculously funny for some reason.
"What does that mean?" Rock asked. I knew he was looking over his shoulder toward the doorway, and I was thankful that I was out of sight.
Dr. Light was still muttering mostly to himself. "I'm suddenly reminded of the way he reacted when he dropped that box on his foot so long ago..."
"I thought you just said he had good reaction circuitry or something," Rock responded, "And, besides, you did put circuitry in all of them to resemble pain..." That was very true. Dr. Light and Dr. Wily had installed a program and circuitry to simulate pain even in the other five and Roll, although I think mine came natural as did the other Kaisers'. Probably part of being alive. The others needed the circuitry and simulated nerves to inform them if they had their arm caught in a piece of machinery or something so they could enact the Second Law of Robotics: "A robot must preserve its own existence so long as it does not contradict the first Law."
However, a robot wasn't expected to actually react to pain like a human would.
"Yes, but that doesn't include jumping out of your seat at an unexpected noise," Dr. Light answered. I wanted to bang my head on the wall. The Voice had gone into uncontrollable screams of laughter. I shoved it into a box and sat on the lid. It was muffled, but I could still hear it. "I was looking through his and the others' schematics the other day...remember, I took scans of all of you before you were activated, and again shortly afterwards." My stomach knotted up. "Elec Man's second scan was almost entirely different than the first -- in terms of internal wiring and mechanical structure, that is. I compared the second scan to one of your most recent ones, Rock..."
"...and?" Rock piped after Dr. Light trailed off.
"It's almost identical to yours."
The Voice erupted out of its box, screaming and cackling and chortling. My stomach's knot just grew tighter and tighter to the point that it was painful. If I'd had a urinary system -- thankfully, whatever made us what we are left us without that at least... -- I more than likely would have wet my pants by now.
( They won't like this! They won't like this at aaaaaall! )
The Voice was still laughing, however.
When I could trust my voice again, I stepped back into the kitchen and lied, "I have to go. Wily wants me back." My voice didn't break or waver. A zillion brownie points for me. Rock looked disappointed. Roll looked apathetic like a "good little robot" should. Dr. Light looked lost in thought. Shit.
I left before they could say anything further, recalling my armor. I didn't need the disguise anymore, anyway. I resisted stopping when I heard Dr. Light continue before I was out of earshot, "...I think he may be alive, Rock..."
I ran the rest of the way to the trees, disappearing into the bushes, trying to deny how much I'd given away. It wasn't necessary that they didn't know our secret, but still. I shitted up so bad.
Once I was out of sight of the lab, I pulled out the communicator and spoke into it, "Crystal Man?"
"What is it?" Magnet Man's irritated-as-usual voice answered. Double shit. Just who I didn't want to talk to.
"What are the coordinates to the fortress you and Crystal Man picked out?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level. He sent them, and I fumbled for my teleporter.
( He's not going to like thiiiiis! ) The Voice broke into fresh peels of laughter.
Why, oh, why am I the only Kaiser who hears voices?
* * * * *
^ PATHOS! ^
( Yeees? What do you want, Fuegos? )
Is everything going as we hoped?
( If you mean Elec Man's screw up...yep. He jumped just like you predicted, Charos. )
[ Good. Now we can work on Phase Two. ]
~ What was Phase Two? I forget. ~
* Me too. *
^ You're both idiots. ^
[ No matter. Once the ball has been dropped, the waltz shall begin. ]
* But will it be an endless waltz? *
( I doubt it. )
No. There will eventually be a victor.
~ But it is up to the Kaisers to decide which will triumph. ~
^ They were not branded as "puppetmasters" for nothing...we shall see who dances the last dance. ^
