The Taming of the Slayer

Disclaimers: The usual.

Summary: PWP Fluffy piece. I just finished watching "Ten Things I Hate About You" for the zillionth time. Remember the scene where Heath Ledger serenades Julia Stiles on the football field? Let's put a B/S spin on that and see what we get.takes place sometime after Wrecked.

A/N: As a rule, I hate songfics. Can't stand them. Too many lyrics and strange imagery for my taste. I tried to shy away from just writing the verses down, and instead incorporated them into part of the story. Hope it has the desired effect. As previously mentioned, this is pure, sweet fluff. Hope you enjoy!!

Epiphany



***

"I'm sorry, Dawn, but there is no bloody way that would ever happen." Spike scoffed at the television. "To win the girl of his dreams, he decides to serenade her during marching band practice? I mean, come on, that's the biggest load of cobblers I've ever seen!"

Dawn raised her eyebrows and glanced at Spike as she reached for the bowl of popcorn between them. "Uh-huh." She said flatly.

Spike narrowed his eyes. The low lighting of the crypt combined with the blue flicker of the television gave him an eerie, ethereal quality. "That was a spell!" he said hotly. "I did not sing by choice. This pillock-" he waved an arm at the television "with his bloody poofy hair - he did it by choice. Did you hear that accent? Pure rubbish. And that Katarina girl is a total bitch, I'd just as soon bite her than waste my time winning her over. Hardly worth the effort if you ask me." He said defensively, suddenly realizing that he was no longer talking about the movie.

"But that's what makes them a perfect match. She's something special and he sees that, where all the other guys just see an ice princess who is so horrible, she scares them all away. It makes all of his efforts worthwhile in the end when he finally wins her." Dawn sighed in that teenage-romance way. "We had to read 'Taming of the Shrew' in English last semester, and this movie is just like the play."

"Oh really? What was your first clue? The part on the box where they state the movie was based on the play?" he asked spitefully.

"Did you know him? When you were human?" Dawn asked.

"Who?" Spike paused the movie and turned to face his young guest.

"You know, Shakespeare." She explained.

"Just how old do you think I am?" he cried indignantly. "He died three hundred years before I was even born. Don't they teach you anything in that school of yours?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sensitive, much?" She chided.

Dawn sighed in frustration and stood up to turn off the television. "Look Spike, in The Taming of the Shrew, there's this guy, Baptista who has two daughters, Katharina and Bianca -"

"I know the bloody story, Dawn." Spike interrupted.

"Then you'll see my point. Buffy is just like Katharina - they're both overly critical and defensive because they have a lot of responsibilities that they're not quite ready to deal with. It's easier for them to be mean and spiteful to everyone than to risk their hearts and care about someone.

"They're both independent and used to getting their own way. They both have little sisters that they feel protective of, and maybe a little jealous of." she paused and looked at Spike who was silently taking in her words. "The only difference is we don't have a father who insists on marrying her off before me." Dawn laid a hand on Spike's shoulder. "Buffy doesn't want her heart broken again, Spike. I think she's pushing you away because deep down, she knows that she could fall for you. Petruchio wore Katarina down and won her over. There's no reason you can't do the same."

"In case you haven't noticed, she won't let me anywhere near the house. She won't let me patrol with her. Whenever I show up at the Magic Box, she does a runner. I wouldn't be surprised if she did another de-invite." Spike reached out for the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table.

"That would be pretty pointless, I'd just invite you back in." Dawn smiled at the sullen vampire. "So, why don't you try it?"

Spike lit his cigarette and scowled. "Try what?"

"Serenade her. Just like in the movie." Dawn said brightly. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Stake through the heart comes to mind." He muttered.

Dawn cuffed him on the arm and stood up. "Don't be such a baby. Where do you keep your CD's?" she asked.

"What? No, Dawn, I'm not going to sing. Last time that happened, she practically left skid marks on the grass, she couldn't get away fast enough."

"What did you sing? Some lame punk song?" Dawn inquired as she headed over to the small bookcase in the corner of the tomb.

"Nothing important." He muttered as she idly surveyed his CD collection. "Dawn, this is a stupid idea - and it's something that only works in teenage movies because when you go to school at Hollywood High, you can chat someone up, fall in love, break up, get back together and live happily ever after until graduation and Bob's your Uncle! All in under two hours."

Dawn looked up. "Bob's your uncle?" she repeated.

Spike sighed and took another drag. "Never mind."

Dawn made a face as she looked over the eclectic music collection. Most of the collection consisted of early eighties Punk Rock. Dawn picked up a case that had nothing more than a picture of a cow on the cover. "Got milk?" she inquired.

Spike narrowed his eyes and peered at the CD she held up. "Dead Milkmen. Bitchin' Camaro is a bloody brilliant piece of work."

"Uhm, I don't think that's the one we're after." She said, replacing the CD in the tower. "They Might Be Giants . Bloodhound Gang . Dead Kennedy's . the Cure. Jeez, Spike. Don't you listen to anything normal? I'm surprised you don't have any Sex Pistols in here"

"Like Britney 'I swear they're real' Spears?" he scoffed as he took a drag from his cigarette. "And I used to have the complete Sex Pistols collection, until that stupid bint, Harmony decided to make a bonfire out of them." Spike sighed. "I'm not going to win, am I?"

"Accept your fate, Vampire. You're no match for the Slayer's little sister."

"Always had a soft spot for you Summers women." He said mildly. "Try looking in the other CD tower - the one on the left. There might be some worthy candidates in there. But I'm warning you." He jabbed a finger in her direction as Dawn pulled a CD from the tower Spike indicated. "If Buffy comes out with a crossbow, I'm using you as a shield."

Dawn's eyes widened as she read the back of the CD. A slow smile spread over her face. "This is the one!" she squealed in delight. She jumped up and tossed the CD into Spike's lap. "Track Four."

Spike made a face. "No. Bloody. Way." He said evenly. Dawn just grinned and rummaged around for a blank tape.

"We need to dub it a little - make the intro long enough so it'll get her attention before the song begins." At Spike's dubious look, she continued. "It's perfect. I promise. Now, let me get to work."

Spike rolled his eyes and ground out his cigarette. If the Slayer was going to kill him, he might as well go out in a memorable way.

TBC!