Chapter 8

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am.

Nickelback, "How You Remind Me"

"Strange, isn't it?" Ezri mused. "Cultures and planets can be so widely different, and yet there's this universal look for the places sequestering their clergy."

"Well, there's something to be said for setting," Julian said. "I'd imagine it's easy to keep a certain air of reverence, living in a place like this."

She nodded in agreement. The beauty of Beltarr was a rugged and ancient one. It was a bucolic place nestled near the mountains, renowned for its sun-drenched hills and seasoned vineyards. The wood and brick buildings that dotted the countryside probably looked much the same now as they had before Dax's time. Even its name – to run deep, roughly translated – spoke of tradition reaching back for ages.

At this time of year, the mountain air was still sharply cool, and the only clouds in the morning sky were thin and pure white. The clear sunlight gleamed over the landscape; every color was vivid. As they walked along the worn gravel road leading to the Beltarr Monastery, Julian couldn't think of a more fitting birthplace for the Dax legacy, and he told her so.

Ezri squinted against the dazzling blue of the sky. "The mountains beyond these hills – you remember, we had a good view of them on the transport from town – they feed the brine pools here. There are networks of tunnels stretching for miles, all the way from the snow peaks to the foothills." She indicated a steep, grassy embankment on the other side of a grain field to their left. "The largest cavern, the one that the monastery tends, is actually just below that ridge."

Julian shielded his eyes to look. "Really?"

"Yeah." Then her eyes widened in mock chagrin. "Oh, don't tell anyone I told you!"

He snickered. "Don't worry, Trillian's secrets are safe with me. They're really that sensitive about the pools?"

Ezri nodded. "As recently as fifteen years ago, we could have been arrested for coming here. The Commission used to be very touchy about how much off-worlders know about the Symbionts. It's better now, though they still love their secrets. The Temple and the monastery gardens are open to everyone. The caves are restricted, but I'm escorting you so it's all right."

"Are you certain they'll want me around?"

"Nothing to worry about. Jethral has been a Guardian-Priest here for years. He may not have seen many off-worlders, but it's not like he thinks you bite. I told him you're willing to learn about the Trill, and he approved." As they reached the gate of the monastery, she paused to give him a wry look over her shoulder. "We do so love to educate the more-naive races about our unfathomable wisdom these days."

Julian smiled at the joke. Since coming here, Ezri's outlook had been frank and open. For the first time, she seemed completely willing to tell the real history of her people and herself. It was a great relief, this honesty.

The winding lane from the gate led up to a series of rustic stone buildings. A garden surrounded the grounds, as practical as it was decorative. Sharp-smelling herbs grew among the flowers; Julian recognized many that were still used in modern medicine.

Ezri stopped in the garden and inhaled the fresh scent, looking quite at home. "We can wait here for a little while. I told Jethral we'd meet him after his morning rites, and we're a bit early."

"How do you know him?" Julian asked, glancing appreciatively at the view.

Ezri sat on a bench surrounded by tall, delicate flowers. She brushed a stem with her hand, stirring a whiff of something like jasmine. "Guardians do a lot of traveling between the capitol and here. Much of it is to transport Symbionts to the complex for Joining, but they also go to teach. Since Jethral's order is made up primarily of healers, he became one of my instructors."

Julian smiled a bit at that. "You were training to be a healer?"

A wide grin crossed Ezri's face. "To my people, there is no difference between what I do and what you do – it's just a matter of specialty. And Symbiosis being what it is, mental and psychological health is often considered far more important than physical health." She shrugged her shoulders. "Jethral and I became friends quickly. He was the one that sponsored me into the Initiate Program. I didn't realize until later that he was a scribe for the histories of Symbionts born here in Beltarr – including Dax. Small world."

Julian raised his eyebrows, sitting next to her on the bench. "You didn't tell me you were an Initiate."

"It's pretty well forced on you if you have the genes," she said. She showed not a trace of apology. "Once I completed the first level, I quit. Didn't even file the final forms. Instead, I sent a letter of protest."

Somehow, that didn't surprise him. "What were you protesting, exactly?"

Ezri paused to consider her answer. She trailed a pensive glance over the monastery grounds. "I got old enough to think about what we were doing. I started my psychology training, and all at once I could see how ... perverse it all was. We were being told that our greatest worth – our only worth – was to be carriers for this alien life that completely ruled our society. That in the end, the Unjoined existence didn't really matter. I just decided that if Joining would isolate me so much from the life I wanted to live, I was better off without it. I applied for the ROTC program at Pareel University. As soon as I was accepted into Starfleet Academy, I quit Initiate training. Same day, in fact."

"And now...." Julian trailed off and glanced at the curve of her abdomen.

"Here I am," she finished. A bittersweet smile crossed her face. "As angry as I was at the Symbionts for the stigma they placed on all of us, I looked at it – at Dax – and I couldn't let it die. I'd take that risk to save its life." She looked up. "Honestly, if you were Trill, you'd probably do the same thing."

Julian was touched and impressed. But before he could find a way to voice that, he became aware of a presence behind them. He looked over his shoulder to find a Trill man standing there, thinning white hair and laugh lines etched around his eyes and mouth giving the lie to his youthful expression.

Ezri followed Julian's gaze and stood up, almost at attention. The man laughed and shook his head.

"I should be the one jumping out of my seat at your voice, not the other way around," he said. A hearty grin split his face, reminding Julian of Miles O'Brien on a good day. "I never thought I'd hear that you'd been Joined, Ezri. Once you left I was sure I'd never see you again."

She looked at her feet, oddly shy. "I didn't think so either, but you know the Commission. If they want you back home, you come home." Then she smiled. "It is good to see you, Jethral."

The Guardian beamed. Then he looked at Julian as if noticing him for the first time, and his eyes filled with curiosity. Ezri hastened to introduce them.

Julian clasped his hands in front of him and nodded. He remembered that from his last trip here – a gesture of respect. Jethral returned the gesture, but his searching gaze never wavered. He tipped his head to examine the side of Julian's face, and Julian found himself imagining how odd his unmarked Human skin must look to a Trill.

After a moment, Jethral shook himself in a scolding gesture and took a step back. "Forgive me, but I have never left the homeworld. I see very few outside my own kind."

"Quite all right," Julian said. "Ezri is giving me a fine look at your planet. It really is as beautiful as I've heard."

The Guardian's face grew solemn. "Beauty is a mere mask. Under its feathers and gauze lies a face we have yet to know or see."

Julian opened his mouth, then closed it as he realized he had no clue how to react to that. But Ezri grinned, and in a moment so did Jethral. "Taresh Moliza – a fine poet native to this planet."

"Interesting," Julian said with a chuckle. "I'll have to find some of his work later."

"I'd lose you for three days if I put you in a library, Julian," Ezri teased.

Jethral stepped behind them and guided them forward, toward the central building. "Well, I've kept you waiting long enough. I have to finish tending the pools. You are both welcome to come with me."


*****


The buildings of the monastery, Julian quickly noticed, were centered around the entrance to the caverns. The three of them took a narrow, spiral staircase below ground and ended up in front of a heavy door. Jethral's fingers worked deftly at the old-fashioned locks. "All I'm doing is checking the Symbionts in the main pool," he explained. "They need to be fed and their brine maintained, after all. They get very cranky if neither is done in a timely fashion."

He swung the door open on creaking hinges, and they stepped inside. Now the only walls were of natural stone, and the air smelled musty with a sharper, salty tang. Julian and Ezri followed the Guardian down carved stone steps; their footsteps were muted in the narrow passageway, but there was the slight ring of an echo further ahead. Just as Julian began to hear the faint trickle of water in the distance, the dim tunnel opened into a cave the size of a stadium.

He let his eyes adjust to the thin light of several modern lamps. In this chamber, a wide pool of grayish brine stretched off into the distance, larger than the ones he'd seen before. As he watched, Julian saw a Symbiont appear near the raised edge. A crackle of blue-purple energy danced across the water for a moment; then the creature slipped beneath the surface.

Dax smiled to herself. "They can tell we have company."

Jethral crossed the chamber to a cabinet and workstation set along one wall. It was almost jarring to see this combination of high technology in such a primitive-looking cave. He glanced at a monitor and nodded in approval. "Ah, yes. The brine pH is doing fine. It was a bit too acidic this morning." He opened the cabinet and brought out a metal canister. Walking to the water's edge, he poured a dark, sandy substance onto the surface of the pool. One of the Symbionts surfaced and swam toward it. Jethral cupped his hand beneath the slug-like form and smiled proudly.

"I say good-bye to Thiet tomorrow. He's going to Pareel for his first Joining. He'll be good to his Host, I'm sure, but he's very nervous." He cradled the Symbiont in his palm and spoke as if he was sure it would understand. "No, it will be fine, Thiet. Dax came from the same brine pool you're swimming in now. See," he gestured over to Ezri. "Just fine. Harvested from here at the age of fifty, same as you...."

Julian looked at the pool with an almost eerie sense of its history. The water was dim, but he could catch glimpses of the dark forms gliding just below the surface; every so often, there was a flicker in the depths, like distant lightning on a summer night. So this was where it all began – that common connection that tied his former captain's mentor to his dearly missed friend, and now lived on in Ezri.

Dax caught his gaze and smiled at him. He really thought he should say something, but he locked up when it came to the words.

As if reading his thoughts, Jethral nodded in understanding. "They are a mystery to many of us, my friend. Even years of study cannot truly reveal their nature. The world of the Symbionts is very different from ours."

Julian shook his head. "It's amazing that you seem to know as much as you do about them. I've rarely come across a species quite so alien."

The Guardian gazed at him with an oddly knowing expression and tipped his head in Ezri's direction. "A great deal more approachable to you when they are Joined, perhaps?"

He laughed, self-conscious. "Perhaps."

Though she stood right next to them, Ezri seemed to be outside their conversation. Thiet had drifted quite close to her, and she reached out to touch its mottled surface. A faint glimmer of light sprang to life at her fingertips; for a moment, her eyes grew distant and unfocused.

Jethral spoke softly, careful not to disturb her. "There are records on Dax, if you'd like to see them. They were faithfully copied into our Archives. We've kept track of every Symbiont that has been born in these caves for the past six-hundred years."

"It sounds fascinating," Julian said.

The Guardian smiled, as if willing to launch into old stories right then and there. But the sound of footsteps approaching interrupted him. A second later, a roughly-accented voice called from the entrance.

"Jethral?"

Ezri blinked. At the disturbance, Theit flicked slightly at the surface of the water, and she lifted her hand. A moment later, the Symbiont was gone.

Jethral sighed and shook his head. "My my."

They turned to face the newcomer. Another, less amiable Guardian stood at the foot of the steps. "There you are."

"Hello, Vur." Jethral smiled patiently.

The other's response was rather gruff. "Who are these people? Have you asked permission before bringing them here?"

"Relax. I'm just showing this young Host the birthplace of her Symbiont." He gestured to Ezri. "May I present Parent Ezri Dax."

Vur seemed to regret his curtness when he realized that Ezri was a Joined, and gave her an embarrassed nod of greeting. But his doubtful expression returned when he examined Julian. "And this one...?"

Dax answered for Jethral, her voice measured and cool. "A Human who's trying to know our world a little better. He's behaving himself, don't worry."

"I see, I see," Vur said hastily. His face softened to a placating smile. "I heard about your situation, Parent Dax. Such an unfortunate turn of events – I'm only glad your health is no longer in danger."

Her face twitched with an amusement more weathered than Ezri's usual mischievous humor. "Are you so fearful for my well-being, Guardian?"

"My concern...." Vur dropped his eyes. "I simply wish you could have received the consideration you deserved after your former host's passing. Such a legacy to carry...."

The casual brush-off of Jadzia's death, as well as the implications about Ezri's suitability, proved too much for Julian's restraint. He snapped an answer before he could pause to consider the consequences. "She carries it just fine."

Dax intervened before their mutual glower could break out into an argument. "It's my legacy to carry, both of you. Don't be concerned about me, Guardian, I'm doing all right."

"I've checked the brine and fed the Symbionts today," said Jethral, smoothly changing subjects. "Everything is well here, Vur. Was there any particular thing you needed me for?"

"Salijar is asking for you," the other Guardian replied after a reluctant pause. "I was told it was important."

Jethral nodded sagely. "Ah, Salijar. I'll be along soon enough. Tell him I will meet with him at our scheduled time and not a moment before. I have guests to attend to."

Vur grumbled. "As you choose. But it is my duty to inform him of why you are currently unavailable. He will not approve of us giving guided tours, Jethral; don't let it become a regular occurrence." With that, he spun on his heel and left.

Ezri sighed heavily, and Julian concentrated on getting his temper back in check. Jethral simply laughed it off. "Salijar would sooner have us lock ourselves in our temples and have no contact with the outside world. Always so charming, these purists. At least Vur isn't around to be a grouch anymore." He started walking them back up the stairs. "Come. We will be more comfortable in the open air. May I show you the Archives, Doctor? I think you'll find them of great interest."

"Thank you," Julian said, brightening. "I'd enjoy that."

"Good. Dax...." The Guardian laid a hand on Ezri's shoulder. "A word with you, in a few minutes?"

Ezri looked curious, but she only nodded. "Of course."