Chapter 10
Follow me follow me follow me down down down down
'Till you see all my dreams;
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems.
-- Nellie Furtado, "Turn Off The Light"
It was early morning, very early, and a thin mist was falling. The stone courtyard of the monastery had a silvery sheen in the pre-dawn light. Julian pressed back into a nook of the wall and shivered. Beside him, Ezri was completely silent, gazing out toward the buildings, watching for movement.
In a moment, she nodded slightly. "It's clear," she said, her voice barely a breath fogging at her lips. "Let's go."
She slipped out from their momentary hiding place. Julian followed, still nervous that someone had heard or seen the transporter beam as they'd arrived. They weren't supposed to be here; if anyone discovered them or had the slightest idea what they were planning to do, the situation would not be pleasant. But Ezri moved with amazing confidence, her footsteps hardly making a sound. They edged along the courtyard until they reached one of the simple stone buildings - a sanctuary that was set aside for meditation and prayer.
Another tense pause, at least on Julian's part, as Ezri worked at the latch of the door. It slid open with a gentle click, and he breathed an unconscious sigh.
Dax grinned at him and followed him inside, easing the door shut behind them. The ground level was dark and empty, the shrines and benches tidied neatly away until morning, but a narrow door across the way stood ajar. The curve of a staircase was visible beyond it, and a glow of candlelight seeped upward from some basement study. "Told you," she said in a slightly louder whisper. "He made it."
"So far, so good." He couldn't hide the doubt in his voice. "You're really sure about this?"
Even in the shadows, he could tell she was smiling. She pressed his arm reassuringly. "You've asked me that at least ten times."
"I know, I know." he whispered, glancing back at the entrance. "I just want to be sure. That you're sure. That's all," he finished lamely.
Ezri slipped her hand through his and leaned forward. Her fingers were cold like always and damp from the rain, but she kissed him and felt as warm as he was, maybe warmer. "I'm sure."
Out of words, he nodded and let her pull him toward the stairs. The light strengthened as they climbed down, and they found themselves in a tiny, bare room containing nothing but an icon of some Trillian deity, set in an alcove in the stone wall. Jethral was on the floor before this icon, kneeling on a folded blanket. His lips moved in soundless prayer.
"Jethral." Dax carefully interrupted the vigil.
The Guardian turned. No sense of surprise at their arrival, but his face was creased in wary concentration. "You were not seen?"
"No," she said evenly. "Thank you for doing this for us, Jethral. I know the risk you took in arranging it."
He climbed to his feet and walked to them. His gaze took in her face, her eager determination, and he focused all his solemnity into his reply. "There are many risks for all of us. Your action would not be accepted by this order or by our superiors in the Commission."
"I realize that," she said calmly. "But it is a worthy measure - that's why you agreed to this. There are no laws forbidding it, and I know what I'm doing."
Jethral's expression softened for a moment, a testament to the understanding between them. "I know."
Julian had only just begun to sense how out of the loop he was when the Guardian turned abruptly to him. "She has explained this to you?"
He swallowed. "A little. I'll do the best I can."
Jethral dipped his head in a slight nod and tugged at his robe, more a nervous gesture than anything. "It might be a vague connection at best," he said slowly. "It might not work at all. It has never been attempted with a Human before, or with a Joining so unorthodox. I don't know what to expect - none of us can."
"Let me worry about that," Dax said. "I wouldn't have asked this of you if I didn't think we could handle it. And at the very least, it could give us a new perspective."
"All right." The Guardian took a last calming breath. He lifted his face to the icon for a moment, and his emotions slipped somewhere below the surface. He reached out a hand, urged Julian forward. "I will guide you as much as I can. Face each other. Stay close, don't lose contact with her. It could be harmful to either or both of you if the connection breaks unexpectedly."
Julian made some indistinct sound of acknowledgement, trying to clear his mind or obtain inner calm or do whatever was expected of people in these situations. It seemed a futile effort. Even with his knowledge of multi-species physiology, it was easy to forget how truly alien Dax was. Now, the unsettling idea that he was going to meet this alien life face-to-face simply refused to be pushed aside.
Ezri turned to face Julian squarely. As he stepped closer in response, he took a slow, deep breath and tried not to look as nervous as he felt. "What should I do?" he asked her.
Her smile was serene. She leaned forward until they met in a gentle embrace. "Trust me," she whispered.
The room fell silent. Jethral took his place beside them and seemed to draw himself up, gathering some perfected skill to the fore. There was a sense of growing stillness, until it seemed that all three of them were held in place by Jethral's focus. In a moment, soft enough that Julian wondered if he'd imagined the sound, the Guardian's voice spilled into the air.
"Inora jokala vok," he whispered, his voice deeper with the ancient words. "Za Ezri, zhian'tara Rek, pora al zim Dax...."
Ezri moved slightly in Julian's arms, exhaling slowly. He wondered if the chant was striking a chord somewhere in her memories; was the Symbiont responding somehow? A mental connection, something shifting?
He stopped his wandering thoughts abruptly when he felt the Guardian draw close. "Zhian'Tani Res," Jethral continued after a scrutinizing moment. "Zhian'par gaur'Koj..." he gently touched Ezri's side, "...kal'thai zim guar'vena." He lifted his hand from Ezri and stroked Julian's temple with fingers like ice.
Julian had barely registered that he was uncomfortable at the oddly intimate gesture before Jethral scowled and shook his head in mild frustration. "This won't work if you push it back," he told Julian matter-of-factly.
"Uh... sorry."
Against his shoulder, Ezri's mouth turned up in a teasing smile.
The Guardian inhaled briskly, flexing his hands, then let the emotions fall from his face once more. "Zhian'Tani Res," he said. "Zhian'par guar'Koj, kal'thai zim guar'vena." The same sequence of feather-light touches, from Ezri to Julian, Trill to Human, almost like a baptism. And this time, he seemed satisfied - whatever he was trying to evoke, it was working. Julian waited.
"Inora jokala vok; za Ezri, zhian'tara Rek...." The words began to roll off Jethral's tongue, his voice growing soft with concentration as he repeated the ritual over and over in an unbroken stream. Ezri had grown very still, her breathing steady and measured, somehow in resonance with the cadence. Julian couldn't be sure, but he thought he felt her lips move. Zhian'par guar'Koj, kal'thai zim guar'vena....
This time, Jethral's hand remained at his side. But Julian still felt a touch, light and tentative, ghosting across his mind. He froze, and Ezri's arms tightened very subtly around him, encouraging. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to breathe as the telepathic presence drew him gently closer. It's all right, he told himself. This is Ezri - this is Dax. The words continued, melding together. Zhian'tara Rek, pora al zim Dax - this is Dax... it's all right....
"Guar'Koj, kal'thai zim guar'vena."
This is me.
He felt her. Closer than the pressure of her body against his, warmer than the smile he couldn't see. Dax. Everything she was, everything she felt, everything he'd ever seen in her eyes.
"Oh...." His voice was faint, awed. "Ezri, I never imagined...."
"Shh. I know. Just let me in."
He did. Slowly, like water gates sliding open, their minds met and began to bleed together. Dax was careful at first, then grew bolder, pulling him in like another Host mind to explore. He felt her unquenchable curiosity, the passion for life that neither Jadzia nor Ezri had completely revealed to him as yet, burning under the surface. He reached for that part of her; she responded. They embraced, and....
He couldn't describe it. He couldn't even try.
They'd lost track of how much time had passed when something seemed to shift in the connection between them, intensify in strength and clarity. There was a sudden urgency, a sense of danger and excitement radiating from them both. Julian was beginning to feel lightheaded; Ezri took several steadying breaths. The kal'thai deepened ever faster, and briefly, Julian wondered if they could stop it, even if they wanted to.
"Za Ezri, zhian'tara - Rek...." Dimly, as if from a great distance, he heard the chant falter. "Pora al...zim.... I-I'm sorry, I can't - oh, my...."
Dax... what's happening...?
And then something between them broke free and slipped powerfully into place, and Jethral's voice, the knowledge of his very existence, was burned away in the exploding light.
Dax reached out with abrupt intensity, engulfing everything. The flood of emotions jolted him to the furthest reaches of his mind, and his body snapped rigid, jerking his head up, opening his eyes without meaning to. Through the haze covering his senses, he felt Ezri grab his shoulders to hold him steady, pull him close again before the connection could be severed. They locked eyes, breathing heavily. Julian felt, more than saw, the flickers of light that played over them both, the Symbiont's electrochemical energy binding them together.
Ezri was pale, astonished. Tendrils of blue flame whispered into nothing over her temples.
Another sudden shift, and the barriers of his mind leapt back to infinite space, faces and voices and centuries of life, so quickly his thoughts reeled. He focused on the Dax he knew, pictured her face when he couldn't see it anymore. Stay with me, Ezri. Stay with me....
They were beyond words by the time she responded. Her being simply filled him and held him close, and he was safe, they were safe. Julian felt relaxed and heavy; he closed his eyes. She drew his head forward to rest against hers, and that touch was heat, melding them together. He breathed, her chest rose in rhythm. For an instant, as he let go completely, he couldn't remember where he ended and she began.
Neither realized his weakness until it was too late. Julian's concentration faltered, then succumbed - the rush of Dax's mind overwhelmed him in a swiftly rising flood. She sensed it and pulled away with a stab of panic, but part of him was caught in the undertow, unable to fight back. Darkness swept over him, and he fell forward into the unknown.
*****
"Oh... oh, no...." Ezri's voice was ragged and uneven, as if she didn't quite remember how to use it. She staggered as Julian collapsed against her, falling to her knees under his weight. His body rolled from her arms to the cold tile floor and lay there, motionless.
"How did that happen?" Jethral stood nearby, wringing his hands, barely able to speak. "You aren't supposed to be able to do that - how did you do that?"
"Stupid," she rasped. The last flickers of symbiotic energy danced over her body, making her shiver, but she barely touched a hand to her abdominal pocket as she carefully rolled Julian over. "Damn it, that was stupid - Julian? Julian, open your eyes, look at me...."
The Guardian looked dazed. "I don't understand. A Human mind cannot...."
"But he did," Dax said, agitated. "I adjusted my biochemical patterns, I thought his mind could handle it ... it wasn't supposed to go that far." Leaning over the unconscious doctor, she lifted his hand between both of hers and spoke softly. "Julian. Can you hear me? Julian."
Jethral knelt. "He is still breathing, but I doubt it is normal for Humans to breathe this shallowly."
Ezri felt for a pulse. Steady, but rapid enough that she was afraid he'd slip into shock. Gods, what had she done? She had brought him here to draw him closer to her, not to put his life in danger! "We have to get him out of here," she said nervously. "Help me cover him up."
"He will need a physician familiar with his kind. I'm afraid that this will attract attention, Parent Dax." Jethral took the blanket he had been sitting on and handed it to Ezri.
"Don't call me that," she snapped, and immediately regretted it. She accepted the blanket and spread the coarse material over as much of Julian as possible. "I'm sorry. Just do what you have to."
The Guardian nodded and left. Within minutes, the pair was transported to a local hospital.
