Author's Note: This is the last chapter of this story. I still don't own the characters. The song in chapter 6 is "Send His Love To Me" by PJ Harvey; the song in this chapter is "Hey Pretty" by Poe. In both cases I took some liberties with the lyrics, deleting some and guessing at some in this chapter. Thanks for reading! :)
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Well it's 3 a.m., I'm out here riding again
through the wicked winding streets of my world
I make a wrong turn, brake it, now I'm too far gone
I got a siren on my tail and that ain't the fine I'm looking for
I had forgotten what a calming experience simply driving
aimlessly can be. I did have a destination in mind, one
that had been specified in the letters in case anyone wanted to
reach me. It was time to take a break from Hope Springs,
the most ironically titled town on earth. There was no hope
in Hope Springs, just ruts to get stuck in. There was
nothing like the peace of the highway in a small car, with only
my own thoughts to keep my company. It would be difficult
to keep them in line, but eventually we'd sink into the rhythm of
the engine and the hum of tires on asphalt.
I see a stairway so I follow it down into the belly of the
whale
Where my secrets echo all around
You know me now but to do better than that, you've got to follow
me
Boy, I'm trying to show you where I'm at
Maybe my main problem was that I had always looked at myself
in terms of the other people in my life. I was constantly
deserted and mistreated, ignored and invisible. Well, now
it was time to move forward, like Irene had suggested. It
was time to push everyone away and find out who I really was
without them. Songwriting had been the only way I was able
to do that before; well, songwriting and my little habit, anyway.
Hey pretty, don't you wanna take a ride with me through my
world?
Hey pretty, don't you wanna kick and slide through my world?
By about 6 the next night, I rolled into a town of sorts, if
by town you mean a collection of very small buildings and tiny
crackerbox houses and one motel with a giant vacancy sign
flashing desperately.
I got a mind full of wicked designs
I got a nonstop hole in my head imagination
I'm in a building that has two thousand floors and when they all
fall down
I think you know just who they're falling for
I had come to the conclusion that the era of responsible
mother, sensitive friend, and supportive wife was over. I
still loved my kids, Irene and Ned, and even Rick. But the
person I had deserted twenty-five years ago was still alive and
begging to get out. She was the one with the knife in her
hand. She was the one I would no longer hide. Irene
had been right. I was damaged. But who the hell
isn't? Why fight it?
I can't forget I am the sole architect
I built the shadows here, I built the growl in the voice I fear
You add it up but to do better than that you've got to follow me
Boy, I'm trying to show you where I'm at
I checked in to the motel and drove the car around to the
room I was given. No other cars were in the parking lot.
It was a little creepy, kind of like The Shining.
This was probably exactly the kind of little town in which
someone with bigger aspirations could go mad.
Hey now, can't you feel me longing?
(Do you get the gist of the song now?)
Hey now, can't you feel me? Feel me now...
I took a shower and tried to sleep, but I was too wired, too
enamored with my own impetuousness to calm down long enough to
drift off. I tried to turn on the TV, but there was no
reception. Of course. The only reading material in
sight was the Bible. So I just lay still, trying to focus
my thoughts on something other than my plans for the immediate
future and the new personality I would adopt--or stop concealing,
as it were. A color, maybe. Beige. I focused on
beige. It's a stupid idea, but I read about the technique
in a magazine, and it had worked before. Beige, beige,
beige. The most boring color in the world. I finally
found myself in the midst of one of those waking dreams where I
was dreaming, but still convinced I was awake. There were
these small furry aliens, but they were evil, so I was trying to
kick them away, but they kept clamping on to my legs and arms and
slowing me down. The aliens were about to overtake me when
the pounding started. I was convinced it was coming from
the mouths of the aliens themselves, but finally the noise shook
me fully awake. I stayed there in bed for a moment,
quietly, to see if the pounding would cease. It remained
steady.
I opened the door and smiled...
(Do you get the gist of the song now?)
