Schuldich sighed shakily. He hadn't slept since his abrupt awakening the previous night. He'd been almost nodding off in a coffee shop, when he'd been scared into wakefulness by Bradley and --
He shuddered. No. There was no way HE was here. Determined to keep his thoughts away from the dangerous stretch of memory called his past, he slid off the barstool and stepped into the orgy of people, all of them pressing against each other as they thrusted and pivoted in a vague semblance of dancing to the heavy music blasting in his ears.
Normally when he came to a club like this, he'd come as much for the amusement of dipping through people's minds as for the alcohol.
But tonight he just wanted to lose himself. To let his mind flow free in the smoke-filled room. To lose himself in the maddening crush of bodies, twisting and gyrating to the music, listening now not to the thoughts but the words.
He managed to lose himself rather well, dancing mindlessly as he listened to varying songs about love, death, and sex.
Then it hit him. He didn't recognize the song; it was one of the few songs they were playing in English.
//I know I should have told you.
But I was so afraid you'd leave.
And now there's nothing left to say.
Well nothing you'd believe.//
He gasped, a feeling of claustrophobia overwhelming him as the words hit too close to home. He had to get out of the crowd.
//I never meant to hurt you with
the things I couldn't say.
I promise you tomorrow while
denying you today.//
He tried to fight his way through the sea of dancers, who were mere minutes ago such a comfort. Now they closed in on him, cutting him off from sanity.
//These lies have torn my world apart.
These lies have torn my world apart.
These lies have torn my world apart.//
He dimly noticed that his agitation was beginning to seep into the crowd. A small scuffle was breaking out near the bar, and there were numerous scowling faces. He didn't care. He had to get away from the words confronting him.
//A darkness grows inside me in fading shades of grey.
All the colors in the world are slowly sucked away.
I'm sinking ever deeper to a place that's cold and black.
I can't believe I've lost you and you're never coming back.//
He wanted to scream. He could barely move as he struggled towards an escape. He didn't want -- He didn't want --
//These lies have torn my world apart.
These lies have torn my world apart.
These lies have torn my world apart.//
He neared the edge of the pulsing mass of people and paused, trying to calm himself. *They're just words. Just an angry song by angry teens. No truth.*
But he couldn't shut out the words, couldn't convince himself that they were just words.
//Soon the night will take me and save me from my pain.
Cloak me in cold darkness and help me lose your name...//
There. The exit was just ahead. He stumbled through the doors into the cool night air, the words //these lies have torn my world apart// still echoing in his head.
He gasped in draughts of the crisp night air, much cleaner than the smoky haze inside the club. He shuddered. He was never coming to that club again.
He stumbled a little, then straightened, trotting down the street, looking for a hotel to spend the night.
*Who can say, Bradley?* he thought quietly as he waited for a light to change. He pulled his coat tighter around him, suddenly cold. *Who knows what would have happened if I'd told you earlier? I didn't want to lie. I don't want to be like --*
He paid for the room with shaky fingers, and nearly dropped the room key as he inserted it in the door.
*No. He's not here.* He asserted to himself as still-trembling hands shed his clothes as he stepped into the shower.
Aren't I, though?Oh, but I am.Your beloved Bradley brought me here himself.You're one to talk, mein schuldiger Junge.You thought you could hide from me, mein schuldiges kleines Kind.Don't you DARE contradict me, meine hure. Your running away will only make this worse, you know. I'm going to have to REALLY hurt you this time.