Title: The Price We Pay

Title: The Price We Pay

Disclosure: Warner Brothers Television Distribution and Shoot The Moon Productions owns these characters, as well as to the writers, and actors who created and portrayed them. Generous references to the past and the events of the 4th season… I don't make any money off of this – my only reward is my personal satisfaction at having written a decent story (and the story is all mine). Oh, and any new characters that you meet along the way - those are creations from my own twisted imagination, so hands off, unless you ask for permission to play with them.

WARNING: THIS PART CONTAINS SENSUAL IMAGERY THAT IS A BUT STRONGER THAN THE PG RATING THAT THE FIC HAS IN GENERAL. I FELT IT NECESSARY FOR THE HISTORY PART OF THE STORY.

See Chapter 1 for more information on timing and all that other good stuff...

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Lee made it home that night, unscathed. He and Billy walked out to the parking lot at Monk's, and parted ways, Lee thanking Billy profusely for getting him out of there and promising that he and Amanda *would* come over for dinner sometime soon.

While stuck in traffic trying to make it home to Arlington, Lee thought about his unique relationship with Becca Dobson. And unique was certainly an understatement when it came to Becca-Boo.

He'd met her in a nightclub in D.C. in 1981 after a particularly harrowing day. He'd been shot at multiple times, had just missed obtaining a graze wound on his forehead, and really needed some company. He thought about a couple of his black books, but there hadn't been anything appealing to him. He knew that he wasn't going to find a good time between the pages, when all he'd wanted was a good time between the sheets. He wanted an affirmation of life and the way that Scarecrow found that was by finding yet another new bed mate. Lee laughed to himself – how much had changed in his life. If that very night someone had told him that in 4 years he'd fall in love with a single mom from Virginia, saying that he wouldn't have believed it would be an understatement.

Becca had always been an aggressive one – he remembered that he'd been sitting at the bar when she pulled herself onto the barstool next to him and whispered some sweet, sensual somethings into his ear. He raised an eyebrow at this and then turned to take a look at who was the woman being so forward. He stared straight into a pair of bright blue eyes with a dark blue rim, framed in a very pretty face. The only thing that kept him from thinking she was a black haired angel was the wicked way her eyebrow was arched as she smiled at him. He was pretty sure that he'd met that night's match.

They left the bar together, and headed straight for Lee's apartment. They barely made it inside before they'd started pulling at each other's clothes. 15 minutes later on the floor near the entryway they were gasping for breath – it had been hot and furious, as if they were both trying to prove something. A few minutes later they made it into Lee's bedroom, but the sex was still hard, and fast. After two more hours at that pace, they were weary from exertion and fell asleep with Lee still very firmly inside Becca. They woke up in those same positions an hour later, both very aroused. This last time was slow and sweet and almost loving. After it was over, they'd given in to exhaustion again, and fell asleep.

When the sun rose, Becca was already getting dressed and getting ready to leave. She swept her hand over Lee's forehead, kissed him gently and walked out. She'd left a note that left her name, her phone number and a message-stating thank you in some very graphic terms.

Lee sauntered into the office the next morning with a spring in his step despite feeling worn out, a smile on his face, and no idea what was waiting for him in the morning staff meeting. He stopped by Billy's office before the meeting and heard that one new female agent had joined the team, and they were all supposed to do their best to make her feel welcome. Lee had always been one of the more gregarious agents, and made everyone feel welcome – especially the female agents. It was a clever act as he was always in control of his personal feelings – his persona around The Agency was mostly an act – he knew it, his co-workers knew it, Billy knew it. So it did come of somewhat of a surprise when he walked into the staff meeting and saw the woman from the night before sitting in his usual chair. And his fellow agents were a little intrigued by the fact that Lee Stetson's jaw almost hit the floor.

Lee remembered that that was one of the few times that he had let anything take him by surprise. He made it through the day in somewhat of a daze, but realized by the end of the day that this was something of a blessing – she was a fellow agent – he wouldn't have to work an extensive background check on her if he was to see her again. But he didn't seek her out either. The next time they met was a couple of weeks later when they were on the firing range, and could barely keep their hormones in check. Lee went home that night, feeling very restless and frustrated, wondering what to do with the night. It was a relief when someone knocked at the door 15 minutes later and it was Becca looking at him with that same wicked smile she had when she first approached him at the nightclub.

Lee exhaled as traffic started to move again, remembering what a workout they had had that second night. Becca certainly had stamina and energy and creativity on her side. They agreed at the time that they both didn't like exclusive relationships, so there wasn't any regularity as to when they got together. Nor was there any pattern to how they aroused each other or what they did to relieve that tension. Sometimes it was a slow seduction, with confident teasing on both sides. Sometimes it was fast and hot, like that first night, when they'd barely make it out of the doorway when clothing that was in the way was pulled roughly aside. But no matter what, their meetings were always at Becca's insistence and convenience and were always fulfilling.

This 'relationship' was the only one, until Amanda came along, where Lee had kept complete control over every situation. And for some reason, with Becca dictating the when and where, Lee was ok with that. So whenever she gave Lee a call, he'd free up the night no matter who was in town, or what was going on that night. Since Becca was an agent, she had access to the on-duty roster and knew exactly when Lee was off, and she never interfered in his case schedule. There were always other new male agents that she could entertain herself with when Lee was otherwise occupied, or if she wanted something else from the night. It went on like this for months. There would be weeks where they wouldn't see each other except passing in the halls of The Agency, and then they would find themselves together for 4 or 5 nights in a row.

It was the perfect, convenient, no-strings-attached relationship.

Then the Minsk assignment came up in August 1982 – a long term, deep cover situation, reporting only to Blue Leader. Even Billy couldn't argue her out of this one if he wanted to. Becca had made significant contributions to the solve rate at The Agency, and her skills were going to be needed on this case. She'd be leaving early the next morning on the first flight out, to establish herself and then move to a contact zero position. Lee congratulated Becca on being assigned to this case, and let her know that he'd be home on her last night in town. Somehow, he knew that she wouldn't come, mostly because he initiated the idea – Becca always had to be in control.

Lee recalled going to bed late that night after a cold shower, and thinking about whom he would call the next morning for a nice private dinner at his place. He woke in the wee morning hours to the sound of someone trying to pick the lock on his front door. He headed into the living room; gun ready when the door slowly opened. He hit the light, hoping to surprise the individual, only to find Becca was the one opening the door. She smiled at him, arched that one eyebrow seductively at him and shut the door behind her. Lee remembered being furious and relieved all at once, and then forgetting how he was going to berate her when she opened her coat to reveal a short lace bustier and stockings she was wearing underneath. She'd left a half hour later, smiling and satisfied. And never to be heard from again for 5 years. After some time, Lee had forgotten about her – she was just another name in his little black book.

As he came back to the present, now driving through the streets of Arlington towards his and Amanda's home, he wondered if Becca had finally gotten the hint that Lee wasn't interested anymore. It was obvious that she hadn't changed – she still wanted that control she had over Lee once – but he *had* changed. Drastically. He was married – he'd made that fact perfectly clear – and Amanda wasn't one of his convenient relationships as he'd had in the past. As he pulled into the driveway of 4247 Maplewood, the sky just starting to give hints of dusk, he knew that he was firmly rooted in his present and future, and Becca wasn't even a blip on the horizon. And those little black books had been burned up quite some time ago.

But he still couldn't shake that niggling feeling that something was going to go wrong. He shook his head, clearing it of the negative thoughts – something Sarah had told him to do. He decided, as he got out of the Corvette, that when it came to Becca Dobson being back in town, Amanda had a need-to-know.

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He walked into the house to the smells of a beef stew on the stove, and the sounds of his stepsons quarreling in the den. He stepped into the den and cleared his throat – Jaime instantly settled down, and Philip muttered something under his breath about Jaime being a kiss up. Lee shot a look over at Philip, who immediately got up, grabbed his gear, and headed out of the room. Jaime just shrugged his shoulders and said, "He's been like this all day – this last argument was about whether or not you were going to bother showing up for dinner. I don't see why you wouldn't – if you can't make it, you always call." Jaime turned back towards his book. Lee walked out of the den, and looked around. There was no sign of Philip, or his stuff, which meant he probably had headed upstairs. He saw Amanda working at the gardening bench in the backyard and headed straight out.

"Dinner smells wonderful."

"Thank you." Amanda turned slightly to smile at Lee. "It's a good thing that I was working out here because I heard the car pull up. Otherwise it would have been a great opportunity for this trowel to behead the zinnias." She held up the dirt-encrusted trowel for emphasis, before turning back to her work.

"Amanda. We've got something to talk about."

"Lee, if you're going to try and talk to me about Philip again, I don't know if I want to hear it." It was pretty clear that Philip was still trying to avoid contact with Lee, and his behavior was increasingly frustrating Amanda. The fact that Jaime and Lee were getting along as if they'd known each other their whole lives did little to assuage her feelings.

"No, this is about an old girlfriend of mine."

Amanda turned to look at him suspiciously. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, honey, I am. Come here. Sit with me." He reached for her hand and led her to the gazebo. They sat down, facing each other, adjusting their hands to stay in contact with one another. "You know that I've met Billy at a couple of the usual places in the last couple of days. When I was there, an old girlfriend of mine stopped at our table."

"Lee, you always have old girlfriends stopping at your table, or calling you at The Agency. What's so different about this one?"

"She's an agent. She's just returned from a very, very long contact zero situation that started to turn bad."

Amanda got a serious look on her face immediately. "Is she o.k.?"

Lee smiled. "You know, that's one of the things that I love about you. No matter what you're facing, even if it sounds really bad, you still are concerned about everyone involved." Amanda smiled at this, but Lee continued before she could speak. "Yes, she seems like she's back to her usual self, I'm sorry to say."

Amanda looked confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that she's back on the prowl."

"So what? She's heard you're married, right." Amanda paused. "Lee? You *did* tell her that you're married and not even remotely interested, right?"

"Yes, of course I did. Billy was present both times helping me to try and get away from her."

"Did you just say 'get away from her'? Lee, what was your relationship like?" Amanda was looking very curious now, and very concerned.

"It was very intense. Physically. VERY physically intense. And that's about the long and short of it." Lee looked almost embarrassed to be explaining this to Amanda, and looked down at his feet for a moment. "We met in a nightclub, we slept together that night, and I had no idea she was the new agent on the team until I walked into work the next morning. She worked her way through most of the agents, old and new, and we kept each other around because it was convenient. Amanda, I'm sorry, I know you're not comfortable with this aspect of my past, especially when you were around for a good part of it, but you have to know about Rebecca."

"What's her name?"

"Rebecca Dobson. Most people call her Becca. Codename: Boo. Around The Agency, lots of agents called her Becca-Boo. It was cute, and she was the farthest thing from cute. And she's been the farthest thing from cute when she's been coming on to me. I wanted you to know about it in case she called here, or if we ran into her while we were out somewhere. She's not taking the fact that I'm married very seriously, and she wants to relive some old times."

Lee stopped to get a look at Amanda and gauge her reaction to this, but she was looking down at their hands entwined. He moved so that he could tip her chin up with the edge of his index finger. "Amanda, she means nothing to me. She never did mean anything more than a good time. But I don't want her to be a surprise to you if you cross paths when we get back into The Agency. There's enough going on without you having to hear more gossip about when I'm going to get bored and leave you, and hearing Becca's name mixed up in that." Lee wiggled his finger, which was still under Amanda's chin, trying to get her eyes to meet his. The movement worked, and a small smile crooked up the corners of Amanda's mouth.

"There's my girl. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to Becca Dobson. She was one of the names in those black books we burned. Remember that night?" Lee certainly wasn't about to forget it. He'd given her a present for no reason, the box wrapped in a blue silk scarf. She loved the scarf, and then opened the box to find the books. They were hers as far as he was concerned – to do with as she pleases because he had no use for them anymore. She asked him to go pick out a beautiful white wine and some glasses. When he came back, she was sitting cross-legged in front of the fire, with the blue scarf draped over her white shirt. It almost took his breath away. She patted the spot next to her, and he poured them both a glass of wine. They toasted to each other, and Amanda started ripping pages out and throwing them into the fireplace.

"Of course I remember. I still love that scarf." Amanda smiled reassuringly at Lee. "I'm not worried. And thank you." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"For what?"

"For being you, and for being honest with me. Now let's go have some dinner." She got up, but Lee tugged her hand to keep her with him for just a moment more. "Is there more?"

"Yup. She's currently heading the Q Bureau while we're out."

"So… it's inevitable. I'm going to have to meet her sometime."

"Yes, you will. But this time off from The Agency is making you soft. You missed something that I said about our jobs."

"I did?" Amanda looked puzzled. "I thought you were just trying to be positive about us getting our jobs back?"

"Nope. Billy took a little stroll to see the President and dropped the bomb that we were out of jobs. And the Commander-in-Chief was a little more than surprised to hear that, especially when Dr. Smyth walked in to have tea."

"Oh, poor Dr. Smyth." Amanda said this as sincerely as she could, but the look on her face belied her true intentions behind the statement.

"Yes, poor Dr. Smyth. Billy told me to stay optimistic – we're probably going to have our jobs back sooner than we think."

Amanda sighed. Her vacation would be over. She would have to go back into The Agency and face receiving her firearm back. She shuddered, despite the warm weather, and the motion wasn't lost on Lee. "Amanda, you'll be fine." She smiled, got up, and turned to lead her husband back into the house where dinner was waiting.

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As a result of their marriage, and the stress between Philip and Lee, Dotty was spending more and more time with Captain Kurt. This confused Amanda – it wasn't like her mother to run away from conflict within the family. Her mother's relationship with her sister Lillian was proof of that. It wasn't as if it was just Dotty trying to adjust to having Lee around. They were all trying to get used to bumping into each other all the time. It wasn't so bad when it had been the two older women and the two young boys in the house, but now there was an additional adult – a tall, male adult, at that – and it threw the entire balance of things out of whack. Amanda had no idea if her mother was just trying to adjust to the marriage, or to the newly added chaos in the house.

Then, of course, there was the additional problem of the one male adult addition knowing almost nothing about running a household. Or how to deal with a broken washing machine – other than to state that they should take everything out to be dry-cleaned. That alone would be enough to drive anyone to distraction. But Amanda didn't think that that was it either.

Dinner had been a quiet affair for a few nights with Dotty spending more time with Captain Kurt. The boys had both been busy with friends and summer activities and had been wearing themselves out lately. Amanda had been keeping unusually busy with charity activities, and Lee was spending as much time as possible talking with whomever he could to find out any information on why Smyth was suddenly cracking down on friendships within The Agency. They still had no word on their jobs, but Billy had told them that Smyth had been absent from The Agency for a few days, and it was just a matter of time. The only person who had had any energy to try and keep conversation going was Jaime, but this night he was exhausted over the day's activities and was barely awake through dinner. Amanda excused him halfway through the meal, and he didn't argue the point, but simply went straight upstairs.

That left Amanda, Lee and Philip at the table. Lee and Amanda just kept looking at the older boy, who picked around his food. When he deemed it finished, he simply got up from the table, kissed his mother on the cheek and left the room. Lee followed the boy's movements until he was out of sight. He spoke softly, "That was unusual. I've never seen him kiss you after dinner is over."

"No, he's never done that before. But then again, he's never been this sullen and rude to you before either." Amanda's forehead creased in concern.

"This too, shall pass. Why don't you take a rest, and I'll take care of the dishes." Amanda nodded, as she was too tired as well to argue the point with her husband. She got up from the table and moved towards the living room. Lee started to clear the table. He'd often helped Amanda with the dishes – hand washing and using the dishwasher – so he didn't feel lost or inept while handling this task.

He loaded all the dishes carefully, rinsing those that needed it as he went along. He carefully measured the soap, placing it in the necessary compartments. He then turned the washer on, and then turned to take care of the leftovers and the pot that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher.

Once the leftovers were carefully stashed away in the refrigerator (and Lee thought some of the chicken casserole they had this night would be just right for lunch the next day), he turned to put the pot in the kitchen sink to soak. Just as he turned, he noticed that the dishwasher was very quiet, and the soapy puddle coming out of it was very large.

"Um, Amanda?"

"Hmmm?" She responded sleepily from the living room couch where she was flipping through a magazine.

"I think I know what had the suicide pact with the washing machine."

Amanda sat up immediately to stare with alarm at her husband, holding a very dirty pot in his hands. She caught sight of the soapy puddle spreading towards the carpet, groaned and slid back down out of sight.