Joint Outtakes
Nick and I TRIED to write a fic together (I write one chapter, he writes the other) and I still have my first chapter somewhere, but he can't write the way I do, so you'll have to wait. In the meantime, this is what we figured out:
Conclusion 1: We're both mentally screwed up.
Conclusion 2: We're foils for each other.
Addendum to Conclusion 2: That means our personalities bounce off each other.
Note to Addendum: Which makes for funny stuff.
Conclusion 3: We're not cut out for a joint fic yet.
Conclusion 4: We should write outtakes together.
Decision: Full speed ahead. Enjoy.
Episode: Data 7 and Julian
Scene: While attempting to catch JULIAN, DATA 7 miscalculates the catch, and misses JULIAN, and as he has nothing to stop himself, he slams into a wall, breaking his leg.
Data 7: Shitshitshitshit!
Director: Oh for- CUT! Damnit, Data 7!
Assistant Director: Oh gawdHere we go.
Data 7: I suppose it's my fault because Julian can't jump off a platform, right?
Julian: (sitting up, rubbing his forehead) Owch.
Asst. Director: You okay, Julian?
Julian: Uh..
Cybersix: That panther has just got to be cursed. We've broken two sets, I'VE flown into a wall three times, and now Julian's rubbing a lump the size of a golf ball. Someone tell me we're done filming.
Data 7: I appreciate thy support, sister mine.
Cyber Ten: (Backstage, laughing his ass off)
Data 7: (Growling) I will murder him, I swear it. Makeup! (Swarm of makeup artists surround Data, and give him the treatment)
Cybersix: I'll help you murder him.
Director: I smell a lawsuit...
Asst. Director: Data, please clean up, alright, you're costing us a fortune.
Julian: Can I play football?
Asst. Director: No, Julian.
Data 7: I'M costing a fortune?
Asst. Director: That must be a psychological trick. Yes, Data, your set distruction alone is taking big chunks out of our income.
Data: What about Kelsey's Midol bills? She must take a box a day, and if not, she damn well should!
Director: All right, that's going way too far!
Cybersix: Brother dearest, I'm going to smack you.
Data 7:And I'll gnaw your had like a raw steak!
Director: Great, all we need, more hospital bills.
Julian: Can I play football?
Asst. Director: No, Julian! What part don't you understand of that?!
Julian: The "no" part.
Asst. Director: Kelsey, why did you drag me into this. rubs his forehead
Director: You WANTED to direct an episode, Nick! Don't pin this on me. Don't say I didn't warn you about these people...And I use the term loosely.
Data 7: (orders some flowers secretly and slips a card into them)
Asst Director: Yeah, yeah.Loosely.
(A bunch of flowers falls into the Directors' laps. A card on it reads "When I look at my contract, I'll be thinking of you. And pretty soon, my lawyers will too!")
Director: (looking up at Data)
Asst. Director: (doing the same)
Data 7:(Smirking evilly, giving the two the middle claw)
Director: (after much deliberation) ...what say, Nick? Shall we give him a raise?
Asst. Director: Excellent idea.
Cybersix: All he does is growl in this episode!
Asst Director: And you cost us a fortune in hats!
Director: Shut up, will you? You want the series discontinued after one episode? No?
Julian: Can I play football?
Everyone: No, dammit!!!
Julian: Oh, okay.
Episode 14: An Attempt at Untitled
Scene: The Discovery of a New Cyber
CYBERSIX and DATA 7 are supposed to be attacking CYBERTEN, without realizing who he is. There are not supposed to be actual punches thrown. ...Good luck.
Director: All right, all right...Okay, Sixies, let's take it from the top.
Cybersix: (grumbling) You have no idea how hard it is not to hit him.
Cyber Ten: You couldn't hit the side of a barn if you wanted to.
Cybersix: You oughta watch me sometime.
Asst. Director: Can we PLEASE get on with it?
Data 7: Before I sue.
Director: QUICK QUICK! Action!
Cybersix: ...not yet, Data 7...
Cyber Ten: (aiming a backkick at the shrubbery')
Data 7: How about NOW?
(loud scuffling noises; it's obvious that the trio is landing hits on each other, when WHAM, Data 7 flies out of the bunch and crashes into Lori's dressing room)
Lori: OH MY LORD! I'm going to-
Cybersix: -Don't say it!
Lori: -SUE!
Director: Cut! Cut! Cut! Oh dammit...
Asst. Director: Yeah. Dammit about sums it up. That's another 5000 off the budget.
Director: ...goodbye, Season 2.
Asst. Director: You can say that again.
Cybersix: Am I out of a job?
Data 7: You can still work at nightclubs. I mean, you ARE the perfect woman, right?
Cybersix: Shut your damn mouth, panther boy.
Cyber Ten: ...which nightclub, where, and how much to get in?
Director: WE ARE NOT THE MAXWELL FAMILY, GOD CURSE YOU! I WILL HAVE NO INCEST IN MY STUDIO!
Asst. Director: You sure? Cause, uh, damn, we could charge money...
Lori: (crying) I've been violated!
Data 7: The hell you've been violated. You're fully clothed, for Chrissake.
Director: ...paycuts all around.
Cybersix: I knew it! I'll be in my trailer.
Asst. Director: Sorry...um, we had to sell it. The budget. You know.
Cybersix: .....
Asst. Director: (looking very uneasy)
Cybersix: ...Say Kelsey, got any Midol?
Episode 14: An Attempt At Untitled
Scene: Cyber Ten and Cyber Six are running to Von Riechter's headquarters, and the Fixed Ideas are there to stop them. Unfortunately, something is unusual about them...
Fixed Idea1: I say, it's Cyber Six!
Fixed Idea 2: So it is, but who is this other chap?
Cyber Ten: Hold a sec, here. What is this, MasterpieceTheater?
Cyber Six: Little ugly to be the Myles Long.
Fixed Idea 3: I despise this role! (takes his mask off,showing a Shakespearian actor)
Asst Director: Where's Casting!
Set: Out to coffee with Props.
Asst Director: This is ludicrous.
Director: WHY CAN'T WE EVER GET NORMAL FIXED IDEAS?!?
Cyber Six: In the sense of the word, you mean?
Director: Oh for the love of panthers...
Set: Out to lunch with Makeup.
Fixed Idea 1: I'm not getting paid nearly enough for this!
Lucas: (runs on set, wearing some armor and carrying a sword) I heard there were some Shakespeare guys on set!
Director: I smell a lawsuit.
Cyber Ten: (sniffing at Lucas) I smell Elderberries.
Cybersix: I smell an idiot...
Director: Look, it's the WRITERS' FAULT!
Jose: (peeking in) No no, Lucas just happens to be dense.
Director: ...I'm not sure if I should agree. Lawsuits are bad, y'know, and I don't need two of them.
Cybersix: Yeah, but it's not like YOUR pay gets cut.
Director: Do you want to have Steven Spielberg direct your show? Or not?
Cyber Ten: At least he has some actual experience.
Director: I resent that.
Fixed Idea 1: (sniffing) You resemble it.
Cybersix: Hey, whoa, whoa...Let's be NICE.
Lucas: Nice?
Cyber Ten: Nice?
Asst. Director: Nice?
Cybersix: ...Am I the ONLY Cyber with decent morals?
Cyber Ten: We hurt people, Six. There go your morals.
Asst. Director: Only way you can survive is to play on the lower levels.
Director: And you'd know first hand, of course.
Fixed Ideas: We're going to our trailers!
Asst. Director: What trailers?
Episode: Unnamed
Scene: None
The cast is in the middle of a rehearsal. However, a lone knight rides by and lops off Lucas' head. Chaos reigns.
Cybersix: (staring madly at the still standing body)
Data7 and Cyber Ten: YES!!!! (they dance)
Director: NO NO NO NO NO!
Julian: That might be a step up in I.Q. for him...
Jose: ...Maybe even TWO steps. This is Lucas, after all.
Cybersix: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED LUCAS!
Director: Who'll do this part now?
(A lone figure walks onto the set)
Mysterious Man: I will.
Cyber Ten: Ace?
Cybersix: (falls over in Ace's arms) NOW I get my acting motivation!
Ace Rayer: ...yes Six, I love you too...
Director: This is nuts. Dimensions have been warped.
Asst Director: At least he'll work for free....Salary ups for everyone! Now I can get the Elvis Collector Plate set.
Everyone: (after a brief cheer) ...WHAAAAT?
Cybersix: I'm buying a lifetime supply of hats!
Julian: I want a football!
The Knight Responsible For Lucas's Demise: ...I demand payment for killing the idiot.
Asst Director: You missed. (pointing to Ten)
Cyber Ten: Whaaaaaaaaaaat!
Knight: (galloping at Ten)
Cyber Ten: (running away crying)
(They chase for the rest of the bit)
Director: ...we must pay this Knight. Salary cuts.
Cybersix: There goes my hat...
Julian: AND MY FOOTBALL!
End. Finis. Caput.
