*********
Part Seventeen - Now What?
Friday 6 pm
Xander made it through work and back home, relieved that his parents
weren't home. *Maybe Dad's looking for a job* Xander chuckled at the
wishful thinking. *Yeah, and a bunch of pigs sprouted wings today and
flew away.*
He made his way down to the basement. "Now what? Another evening of
boredom?" he said as he flopped down on his bed. He noticed a message
on his answering machine, so he steeled himself before checking it.
"Hey Xan. It's Wills. I'm not asking, I'm telling you that Oz and I
are going to stop by on our way over to the Bronze tonight. The
Dingoes are playing, and you're coming. 'Kay? Bye...Oh, and Buffy's
patrolling so it's not going to be weird or anything."
Xander chuckled, he could see Willow's 'Resolve Face' as she left
that message. "Well, I could go ... somewhere so she wouldn't be able
to find me. Yeah, real mature, Xander. What are your plans otherwise?
Sitting around here for another night of feeling sorry for yourself?
Sounds like fun, but there's always the chance of family fun if you
stick around here. What's that? Convinced? Good."
Xander changed into a cleaner pair of jeans and a blue denim
shirt. "You gotta stop talking to yourself, too. It's really starting
to get out of control," he said to himself in the mirror.
8 pm
"Angel?" Buffy walked into the Mansion, and Angel entered from the
hallway. "There you are," she said. "I figured I should warn you that
Spike is in town."
"Really," Angel replied. "Where's Drusilla?"
"She left him," Buffy said with a shrug. "Big surprise. Mental
stability wasn't a strong point there."
"That's an understatement," Angel agreed. "So have you had any run-
ins with him lately?"
"Oh, yeah. He led me to you, actually. He's got a funny sense of
humor that way."
"That sounds like Spike," Angel nodded. "I'm sorry he did that, I
really didn't know he was still in town, or I would have told you I
was back. But you don't need to worry about my safety where Spike is
concerned. He hasn't changed his fighting tactics in over one hundred
years, I can deal with him."
"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting. You...he ... turned Spike. You know
he'll go after you, though. After what happened with Drusilla."
"I know," Angel nodded. "I'm not worried about it, and I will watch
out for him. Thanks for letting me know." He looked at her then, and
took in her pale face and bloodshot eyes, and asked, "Are you...how
are you?" he asked.
"I'm ..." she bit back the false 'fine' which had been on her lips.
What was the use of lying, he would know it was a lie anyway. "I'm
running on automatic right now. The less I think, the better."
"I didn't want this pain for you, Buffy. When I saw how happy you
were with Xander, I didn't want to screw it up. But I did, by being
here. I wish I hadn't come back at all."
Buffy glared at him. "Don't you _ever_ apologize for coming back from
Hell. I am not the center of the universe, I'm just a girl who also
happens to be the Slayer. I'm hoping that you came back because
there's a reason you're supposed to be here, Angel. And I'm not
talking about me, either. You always told me you hated what the demon
used your body to do, well maybe you're here to make up for that.
Maybe they released you from Hell to give you a chance to prove that
you deserve it."
Angel looked at her for a moment before nodding. "I hope you're
right."
Buffy looked around then, and said, "So now what?"
He looked away, replying, "What do you mean?"
She regarded him for a moment in silence. His back was to her, but
she knew it was a self-defense measure. His feigned ignorance was for the
same reason. "I mean, where do we go from here?" she asked. His entire
body tensed, and she waited for a response.
Xander had told her she needed to figure things out, and maybe he was
right. She couldn't ignore Angel, that much was definitely true. The
way she felt, confused, sad, and well, mostly confused, told her that
much. She and Angel needed to talk things out and try to figure out
how to live in the same town.
She sighed irritatedly. Angel was continuing his impersonation of a
statue. "Angel, look at me!" she yelled.
Angel whirled around, and looked at her apologetically. "I'm--"
"Don't," she interrupted him. "I swear if I hear one more sorry I'm
going to just scream. I asked you a question."
"I don't know what to say," Angel sighed, and shrugged.
"Just tell me how we get through this," Buffy said. "Tell me you
don't love me anymore, and that we can just be friends."
"I....." Angel looked at her sadly, and looked away. "I can't tell
you I don't love you, because that would be a lie."
"I really wish you'd lied," Buffy said, shaking her head. "It
would've made it easier, since I can't tell you I don't love you."
Angel didn't look back at her, and she sighed, shoulders slumped. "I
can't do this now," she mumbled, and walked back outside.
********
Part Seventeen - Now What?
Friday 6 pm
Xander made it through work and back home, relieved that his parents
weren't home. *Maybe Dad's looking for a job* Xander chuckled at the
wishful thinking. *Yeah, and a bunch of pigs sprouted wings today and
flew away.*
He made his way down to the basement. "Now what? Another evening of
boredom?" he said as he flopped down on his bed. He noticed a message
on his answering machine, so he steeled himself before checking it.
"Hey Xan. It's Wills. I'm not asking, I'm telling you that Oz and I
are going to stop by on our way over to the Bronze tonight. The
Dingoes are playing, and you're coming. 'Kay? Bye...Oh, and Buffy's
patrolling so it's not going to be weird or anything."
Xander chuckled, he could see Willow's 'Resolve Face' as she left
that message. "Well, I could go ... somewhere so she wouldn't be able
to find me. Yeah, real mature, Xander. What are your plans otherwise?
Sitting around here for another night of feeling sorry for yourself?
Sounds like fun, but there's always the chance of family fun if you
stick around here. What's that? Convinced? Good."
Xander changed into a cleaner pair of jeans and a blue denim
shirt. "You gotta stop talking to yourself, too. It's really starting
to get out of control," he said to himself in the mirror.
8 pm
"Angel?" Buffy walked into the Mansion, and Angel entered from the
hallway. "There you are," she said. "I figured I should warn you that
Spike is in town."
"Really," Angel replied. "Where's Drusilla?"
"She left him," Buffy said with a shrug. "Big surprise. Mental
stability wasn't a strong point there."
"That's an understatement," Angel agreed. "So have you had any run-
ins with him lately?"
"Oh, yeah. He led me to you, actually. He's got a funny sense of
humor that way."
"That sounds like Spike," Angel nodded. "I'm sorry he did that, I
really didn't know he was still in town, or I would have told you I
was back. But you don't need to worry about my safety where Spike is
concerned. He hasn't changed his fighting tactics in over one hundred
years, I can deal with him."
"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting. You...he ... turned Spike. You know
he'll go after you, though. After what happened with Drusilla."
"I know," Angel nodded. "I'm not worried about it, and I will watch
out for him. Thanks for letting me know." He looked at her then, and
took in her pale face and bloodshot eyes, and asked, "Are you...how
are you?" he asked.
"I'm ..." she bit back the false 'fine' which had been on her lips.
What was the use of lying, he would know it was a lie anyway. "I'm
running on automatic right now. The less I think, the better."
"I didn't want this pain for you, Buffy. When I saw how happy you
were with Xander, I didn't want to screw it up. But I did, by being
here. I wish I hadn't come back at all."
Buffy glared at him. "Don't you _ever_ apologize for coming back from
Hell. I am not the center of the universe, I'm just a girl who also
happens to be the Slayer. I'm hoping that you came back because
there's a reason you're supposed to be here, Angel. And I'm not
talking about me, either. You always told me you hated what the demon
used your body to do, well maybe you're here to make up for that.
Maybe they released you from Hell to give you a chance to prove that
you deserve it."
Angel looked at her for a moment before nodding. "I hope you're
right."
Buffy looked around then, and said, "So now what?"
He looked away, replying, "What do you mean?"
She regarded him for a moment in silence. His back was to her, but
she knew it was a self-defense measure. His feigned ignorance was for the
same reason. "I mean, where do we go from here?" she asked. His entire
body tensed, and she waited for a response.
Xander had told her she needed to figure things out, and maybe he was
right. She couldn't ignore Angel, that much was definitely true. The
way she felt, confused, sad, and well, mostly confused, told her that
much. She and Angel needed to talk things out and try to figure out
how to live in the same town.
She sighed irritatedly. Angel was continuing his impersonation of a
statue. "Angel, look at me!" she yelled.
Angel whirled around, and looked at her apologetically. "I'm--"
"Don't," she interrupted him. "I swear if I hear one more sorry I'm
going to just scream. I asked you a question."
"I don't know what to say," Angel sighed, and shrugged.
"Just tell me how we get through this," Buffy said. "Tell me you
don't love me anymore, and that we can just be friends."
"I....." Angel looked at her sadly, and looked away. "I can't tell
you I don't love you, because that would be a lie."
"I really wish you'd lied," Buffy said, shaking her head. "It
would've made it easier, since I can't tell you I don't love you."
Angel didn't look back at her, and she sighed, shoulders slumped. "I
can't do this now," she mumbled, and walked back outside.
********
