Graduation Day---Epilogue to School Daze





"Dumb.dumb, dumb, dumb, ddduuummmbbb, dumb. Dumb.dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb," Kay hummed under her breath as Harmony's graduating class of 2000 plodded along the entire perimeter of the football field to get to the podium! "Kay," Jessica pinched her arm. "Ouch!" Kay grumbled. "Do that again and you're toast, Jess," she warned. Jessica rolled her eyes at her older sister. "You won't think it's so dumb next year when it's you." "Whatever," Kay shot back. "At this rate.damn Theresa! Did you see that?" Kay hissed as a hush went over the crowd. "ETHAN!" Theresa waved wildly. Conveniently forgetting to watch WHERE she was going. "She plowed Jenn over like a Mack truck," Kay shook her head. "Lethal Weapon strikes again."

Simone snickered. "Kay.I hope you know you're being taped," she told her. Pointing the video cam right at her. "Dr. Russell.Coach Russell.you should seriously consider taking out a life insurance policy on Whitney. Being Theresa's best friend is simply not safe. It's detrimental to her physical health. And I'm not even going to go into the mental health aspects. Let's just say Theresa.O-H.M-Y.G-O-D! Reese FINALLY made it!" Simone followed her best friend with the camera.OKAY, she thought. Zooming back in on her sister's happy face. That kiss was NOT PG-13! Mrs. Bennett would surely suffer a case of hysterical blindness, and Chief Bennett might never let Kay out of the house again.

Eh.Whitney's smile was frozen in place as Principal Reid stammered over the list of the Graduating Class of 2000's accomplishments. When he called out Theresa's name as Homecoming Queen, she stood on shaky legs and squealed "ETHAN!" "I almost feel sorry for him," Kay muttered. "The Tammy Faye look is back in full force. It's a damn shame. All that makeup. Just drizzling down her face.look at her gown, Simone. It looks like a friggin' rainbow!" "Rainbows are so pretty," Charity sighed. "But not as pretty as you, Charity," Miguel parroted. Kay and Simone looked at each other. And all they could do was laugh. "Miguel? Are you sure you weren't accidentally transported from the early 1950's to the year 2000 in a freak accident or scientific experiment a la 'Back To The Future'?" "Good one, Reese," Chad chuckled.

"Look! There's Uncle Hank! Hey Uncle Hank! Gwen! Up here!" "Kay," Simone frowned. Pointing at the video cam once more. "Gwen," Kay yanked Gwen down beside her. "Anything important you want to tell me?" she smirked. Raising her hand up eye-level and giving it careful inspection. "Uncle Hank! Get your hiney in gear! I thought you were going." Hank's hand motions were frantic. "Going to what?" Gwen looked at her with sparkling brown eyes. "Oh! It's too late, Uncle Hank. She knows! She knows already! You sneak!" Gwen's cheeks turned the most amazing hue of red Kay had ever seen. "Knows what?" Hank played dumb. "Simone! Get this on tape! Forget about Whitney and the Terminator! This is SO much better than watching Theresa crying buckets and washing the whole population of Harmony away in a freak flash flood." "Hank.," Gwen knelt on bended knee. "I got tired of waiting," she smiled mischievously. "So I thought I'd take matters into my own hands. Will you marry me?" A slow, lazy grin broke out over Hank's face, and his brown eyes darted around to make sure EVERYONE was looking. Kay slapped his arm. "Say something before she turns blue down there. A person can only hold their breath so long." "Yeah. I'll marry you," he finally answered. "We don't do anything normal, do we?" he laughed as he pulled a ring box out of his trouser pocket. Gwen's eyes sparkled with happiness as he slipped the diamond on her finger. "You're too damn short to do the whole one knee thing."

Simone panned the video around the crowd. Searching for one person.er, make that couple in particular. The soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald! "Ah.the Honeymooners. Geez! You'd think they'd save something for the actual honeymoon," Kay commented. "Twenty bucks says they haven't even done IT yet." "So concerned with others' sex lives," Gwen shook her head disapprovingly. "Uh!" Charity gasped. "Oh, Gwen," Kay grinned. "I forgot to tell you.you're not allowed to talk about S-E-X in front of Pollyanna and Jimmy Bean," she hissed. "Charity thinks 'Happily Ever After' is it. Fini. Kaput. She has no clue what goes on the wedding night. And I'm beginning to think Miguel doesn't either. Such a shame. I mean.look at the role model he had. Luis is Ms. Crane's own personal sex god." Gwen's shoulders shook with laughter. "Would you look at them? If Principal Reid wasn't so busy trying to keep Theresa on two feet, he'd fire her for sure." "Wow!" Jessica whispered. "Cover your eyes, Jessica," Gwen snorted. "You're too young to see THAT." "Father Lonagin'll probably have to physically break them apart tomorrow at the wedding," Kay muttered. "Weddings are so beautiful," Charity sighed blissfully. "But not as beautiful as you, Charity," Miguel grinned goofily.

"This has got to be the biggest group of dumbasses in the history of Harmony," Kay sighed heavily. "I mean, for Theresa to be 3rd in her class." "I heard there used to be a landfill around here not too long ago," Reese quirked a brow at his girlfriend. "THAT explains it!" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.BROTHERS AND SISTERS.HUSBANDS AND WIVES." "Ahem," Principal Reid cleared his throat. Theresa's brown eyes glittered with tears, and her shaking was visible even from where they were sitting. On the very top row! "I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN FATE SINCE I WAS A TINY, BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL GROWING UP DREAMING ABOUT MARRYING THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. HI ETHAN!" she paused to wave at her hubby. "She still ain't legal," Kay mused. "If this town wasn't full of morons.most of present company excluded, legislature would pass making it illegal for her and Dimbulb to procreate." "IT WAS MY DESTINY TO BECOME MRS. ETHAN CRANE. FATE MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY." "Fate Schmate. Yeah. Good one, Stalkerita." "Kay!" Simone hissed. ".WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW HONORED I AM." "Blah, blah, blah. You know what would really be hell? Ethan running for political office. And Theresa," Kay shuddered violently, "being his First Lady."

"Hey! Ms. Crane and Loverboy are leaving," Kay stood up. "No fair. Come on, Reese," she tugged him by the hand. Reese gasped for air as he tried to keep up with Kay. "Luis!" Kay scolded. "Leaving your own sister's graduation ceremony? I want to come," she whined. "Me, too," Simone pleaded. The video cam still rolling. "Sheridan? What's going on?" Gwen asked. "Ivy's in labor. Right now," Sheridan rushed. "We have to get to the hospital." "Wait for me!" Eve flagged them down. "YOU'RE Ivy Crane's doctor?" Kay said incredulously. "Dr. Ruth is out of town," Eve explained. "And I'm on call." "We can't all fit into Luis's jeep," Kay grumbled. "Where's Dad? This is NOT the kind of thing you can be late for." "That's why Sheridan's going to drive," Luis smirked. "Oh no! You can't be serious! She's a terrible driver!" "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kay," Sheridan rolled her blue eyes. Turning the key in the ignition. "I'm here," Sam yelled. "Hop on, Eve," Sam ordered. Revving up Miguel's motorcycle. "I'll get you to the hospital in time!" Kay rubbed her eyes with her fists, and Jessica grabbed hold of her arm for support. "This is surreal."

Somehow they all made it to the hospital in one piece. "OOOOOHHHHH! OOOOOHHHHH!" a pitiful voice moaned. "This is all your fault!" "Dirty Old Man!" Kay shouted. "Ivy!" Sheridan laughed. The entire gang raced down the hall. "Simone!" Kay grinned deviously. "You have got to get THIS on tape." Simone blanched. "Uh.no thanks!" Kay took the camcorder from her hands and ducked behind Eve. "Kay Bennett! You're not allowed in here." "He," Kay pointed at Julian, "hired me to tape this blessed event." Ivy snatched a clamp from the nurse's hands and started beating Julian over the head with it. "See? Primo evidence for the murder trial," Kay piped up. "Uh! You disgusting pig!" Ivy screamed. "I hate you! I hate you!" "DIDDUMS!" Julian held his hands over his head defensively. "But I don't hate you." Ivy's blue green eyes softened. For a millisecond! Make that a millisecond of a millisecond. "Push Ivy! Push!" "Uh.EWWW!" Kay covered her eyes with her hands. "I think you're an awesome lady, Mrs. Crane. But I never wanted to know you THAT well."

Outside in the waiting room.Sheridan rested comfortably in Luis's lap. Nuzzling his cheek. "I love you, Luis. I can't wait." "Can't wait 'til what?" Luis asked with an engaging smile. Sheridan lifted a hand to his face and traced his features lovingly. "I can't wait to start a family together." Luis wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "Me, either." "They're so sweet," Gwen sighed. "What?" Hank shrugged his shoulders. "And we're not sweet?" Gwen snorted. "Hardly," she ran her fingers through his brown hair. "But that's how I like it." "Babies are such gifts," Charity smiled a saccharine smile. "But not as much." "Would you please can it?" Jessica shouted. "We get it! You're in love! Big deal." "Way to go, Jess," Simone gave her a high five. "OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!" Theresa cried frantically. "WE DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING, DID WE?" Ethan caught her before she did the splits on the hospital floor. "AAAAAHHHHH!!! JULIAN!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AS SOON AS EVE GETS THIS THING OUT OF ME!" "Oh my god! It's got a brandy stuck to its lips! Oh! That's a hand! Thank goodness! How embarrassing would that be?" Kay's snickering could be heard plainly. Followed by a baby's lusty screams. "It's a girl!" Kay ducked her head out to announce.

"A really big girl," she grinned later. "10 pounds! Brandy Champagne Crane!" "Poor kid," Luis commiserated. "Julian had a concussion. He wasn't.nevermind," Sheridan rolled her eyes. "Julian's never been in his right mind." "What's Ivy's excuse?" Gwen smiled when the.well.tiny just wasn't the appropriate word.baby grasped her pinkie. "With a name like that," Reese shook his head. "Mr. Crane will never drink a drop again." "Ooo," Jessica cooed. "She has Mrs. Crane's eyes." "Excuse me," Eve knocked on the door. "I think the 'happy' family deserves their rest now. It's been a long, trying day." Simone backed out of the room. Capturing it all on film. "That's it, Kids. I hope you enjoyed my public announcement. And remember.always use protection. Or this.," she stretched her arms out to reveal Ivy passed out on the hospital bed. Drool clearly visible. Julian. Unconscious in the bed beside her (Mrs. Crane was a woman of her word; the arraignment was set for next week). ".could be the result. The happy family," Kay sighed. "CUT!" This was one graduation video she couldn't wait to see. :)