Part 24 - Aftermath of a Misunderstanding
(Song Lyrics are to #1 Crush by Garbage)

******
Xander arrived at the Bronze, and had little trouble finding a
table. It was the middle of the week, so the place was full but
not over-crowded. He was enjoying the music, and watching the
other kids. He watched the couples dancing, and remembered how
it felt to be one of them. He vaguely remembered being happy,
holding the girl his arms were made to hold. *Who would've known
I'm a poet?*

He tried not to think, concentrating on the music and drinking a
coke when he saw her out of the corner of his eye. He was hoping
she didn't see him, but no such luck. She walked over and stood
next to him. *Go away. You're not here. You don't exist in my
world.* She didn't listen.

"Hello, Xander."

Xander looked over at Cordelia Chase. She was wearing a red
leather skirt, black tank top and red jacket. The kind of outfit
that used to reduce him to drooling but now didn't even mildly
affect him. No, to his surprise he had eyes for only one girl,
and it wasn't Cordelia.

"Cordy." He greeted her civilly.

"Hey, Xander. How are you?" she asked.

"Wow, a whole two sentences without a snide remark?"

"I guess I deserve that, I've been a bitch lately, huh?"

Xander stopped himself from saying, "LATELY????" Instead, he
just shrugged in response. "Have you? Didn't notice."

"Can I?" she asked, indicating the chair next to him, and then
sitting anyway before he could reply. "So where's Buffy?" she
asked.

Xander's eyes narrowed, and she added quickly, "That wasn't
intended to be a snide remark. Really, just a question."

"Dunno," Xander replied. *Why is it, that when you don't want to
think about something, everyone has to bring it up?*

"Oh," Cordelia said. "So I wasn't imagining it, I did see him,
didn't I?"

"If him is Angel, then yes."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Xander."

Xander looked at her questioningly. "This isn't April.... Are
there any hidden cameras around?"

"I'm serious, Xander. I really am sorry you got hurt," she
insisted. "I know it's hard to believe, because I was pretty
awful to you when we broke up. But I was so sick of being
second-best."

Xander realized then that he knew the feeling. Cordelia hadn't
been the girl he was really in love with; and then again, he
wasn't the guy Buffy was really in love with. In some weird
twist of fate, he'd ended up losing both of them. "It's okay,"
he said. "I know now I wasn't being fair to you. I just didn't
realize it at the time."

"I know you didn't," Cordelia replied. "So does this mean we can
be civil to each other?"

"I'm willing if you are," Xander said with a smile.


//I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine//

Xander sighed. Why he remembered these things, he'd never know,
but the last time he'd heard this song, he'd danced with Buffy
to it. Here. *Thanks, whatever powers out there are rubbing it
in my face. I appreciate it.*

"Well, since we're getting along, for the moment anyway, would
you dance with me?" Cordelia asked.

//I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear//

"Sure, why not," Xander replied. *I came here to get my mind off
Buffy, right? How better than dancing with a friend?* * Shut
up.* he added to the inner voice that questioned his use of the
term in reference to Cordelia.

He followed her out onto the dance floor, and Cordelia slipped
her arms around his neck. He rested his hands at her waist, and
they began to sway to the music. For a moment, Xander wondered
at the strangeness of his life. He was dancing with his
ex-girlfriend, four months after she'd dumped him in what he
could only characterize as a hissy fit.

//I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you//

Cordelia was acting normal enough now, he acknowledged. And he
didn't mind hanging out with her, especially when she wasn't
rubbing the fact that he wasn't with Buffy in his face. His
thoughts were cut short as she moved closer and laid her head on
his shoulder.

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

*Who am I kidding, I can't pretend I'm not still thinking about
Buffy. Besides, this isn't fair to Cordelia. Again* Xander
thought. Before he had time to let that thought be processed,
though, she was looking into his eyes. Something in the back of
his mind screamed warning signals, but he wasn't sure he was
right about his suspicions. Until she kissed him. And he didn't
stop her, or pull away, not at first. It felt so nice, so
familiar, that it caught him off guard for a moment.

//I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me//

He did pull away eventually, though, and said, "Cordy, I'm
sorry. That was a mistake. I can't do this."

"It's okay," she shrugged. "I got what I wanted," she said, as
she pulled away, with a little smile.

"Huh?" Xander was genuinely bewildered.

//Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored//

"Revenge," she replied, and turned and walked away.

//I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you//

Xander's heart sank as he watched Cordelia walk off the dance
floor and past Buffy, smirking at her before walking out of the
Bronze. "Oh shit."

*************
Midnight

As Xander saw the expression on Buffy's face, he knew what
Cordelia's game had been. What he'd been too stupid to realize.
At some point earlier that night, Buffy had walked in, and
Cordelia had seen an opportunity to use Xander to get back at
Buffy. As he met Buffy's eyes, he knew that Cordy had gotten her
wish. Buffy'd been hurt by what she'd seen, and Xander hated
seeing the pain in her eyes.

She turned and walked out, and Xander ran after her. "WAIT!
BUFFY!" he hollered after her.

Buffy stopped, but didn't turn around. When she did, there were
tears in her eyes, "Why?" she asked softly.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," Xander replied. "I don't know how that
happened. It was a mistake. I wish I could take it back."

"I don't understand," Buffy said, shaking her head. "I went back
to Giles', and Willow said you were looking for me. So then I
find you with Cordelia, and..."

"I WAS trying to find you earlier tonight, so we could patrol
together. But then I saw you were with Angel, so I realized you
didn't want or need me."

"So that's what this is about. You planned this?" Buffy accused,
in her anger ignoring the statement he'd made that really needed
to be addressed. "I kissed Angel, so now you're trying to get
back at me by KISSING CORDELIA?!"

"I WAS _NOT_ TRYING TO GET BACK AT YOU!" Xander yelled. "I
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE HERE, BUFFY! AND I NEVER MEANT TO KISS
CORDELIA, IT JUST HAPPENED!"

"IT JUST HAPPENED????" Buffy gave Xander an incredulous look.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" Xander yelled. He sighed, and said,
quieter, "Buffy, I don't want to fight with you. Not now, not
ever. I love you. But I hate that all we do lately is hurt each
other. I'm really not sure how much more of this insanity I can
take."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Buffy demanded.

Xander shrugged, and ran his hand through his hair. "It means
what it means," he said. "We've been going on like this for
weeks, and nothing ever gets better. Maybe one of us should stop
this before it gets any worse." Without waiting for Buffy to
reply, he turned and walked away.

Buffy slumped against the wall, knowing deep down that Xander
was right. Something had to give, or they'd lose everything they
had ever meant to each other.

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