Part 30
Wednesday, 6 pm
Xander was released Monday, and went back to work immediately. It was
either that, or risk spending way too much time at home with his
parents nearby. And that was never a good thing. His father had gone
back to ignoring his existence, and Xander was grateful for that. His
mother had gone back to her safe world of denial, which Xander didn't
try to pull her out of. Hopefully, within a few more weeks he'd have
made enough money to get an apartment, and talk her into moving out
with him.
He came home to a resounding crash from his parents' bedroom, and he
winced. *Not in the mood for a fight* he thought with a sigh of
exhaustion. He noticed a note on the dining room table, though, which
let him know that his mother was out shopping. "Okay, so Dad's
redecorating?" Xander shrugged, but decided to stay out of it.
He wandered downstairs to his room, and flopped down on the bed
tiredly. He'd been almost completely unable to pay attention today
during the job. And when his job was directing traffic so the rest of
the road construction crew could do their jobs in safety, paying
attention was a necessity. He'd somehow managed to narrowly avoid
getting fired, through a combination of begging and pleading.
And the subject of his inability to concentrate, was, who else?
Buffy. She'd called every hour for two days, and left messages for
him with the answering machine and his parents. He had avoided her
quite successfully, though he knew he couldn't do so forever.
It wasn't as if he hadn't thought of her, constantly, since he'd
thrown her out of his hospital room. He just couldn't do it anymore.
He'd tried absolutely everything he could think of. He'd tried to
avoid her, give her time. He'd tried to ignore the last few months,
and go back to being her friend. But something inside him had snapped
when his father, of all people, had told him about seeing her in
Angel's arms. At the hospital. When he was unconscious and fighting
for his life.
So he'd decided it was time to do what she wasn't willing to do: put
a halt to all the insanity himself. It was becoming painfully obvious
that she wanted to be with Angel, even if she didn't want to admit
it. So he'd helped her make that decision easier, by taking himself
out of the equation.
"She'll be happy. I want her to be happy," he said out loud.
"You did a really good job of that," he heard Willow's angry voice.
He shot up to a sitting position, and frowned at her. "Wills, how did
you-- When did you. Where's Oz?"
"You won't get any saving from him, he's at the Bronze rehearsing for
tonight," Willow replied. "And don't change the subject, Alexander
LaVelle Harris," she added, pointing a finger at him on each word.
"There was a subject?" Xander replied in confusion.
"Yes, there was a subject!" Willow yelled. "Namely, Buffy cried her
eyes out for two days, waiting for you to wake up, and then you were
so angry she's spent the last two days crying her eyes out because
she thinks you'll never forgive her for a silly mistake!"
"Huh?" was all Xander's confused brain could come up with, in
response. "I've had a long day, Wills, and you're just not making a
lot of sense right now to me."
"When are you going to stop being such an idiot?!" Willow replied.
When Xander continued to look at her questioningly, she
continued. "Xander, Buffy _didn't_ tell you Angel was at the
hospital, and that was a mistake. But there wasn't any deep, dark,
motive behind it. She just didn't want to upset you, after you'd had
MAJOR BRAIN TRAUMA!"
"She lied-"
"Lied? LIED?!" Willow cut him off, stomping her foot. She took a deep
breath, trying to calm herself, and rolled her eyes. "Because you've
been completely perfect the last three months in your relationship.
You've _never_ made any mistakes, you've _never_ lied to her because
you were trying to protect her." Willow crossed her arms and looked
at Xander skeptically.
"It's different."
"Different how?!" Willow demanded.
"I loved - love - her, Wills, I'd do anything for her," Xander
replied with a sigh, looking at the floor.
"Xander, Buffy loves you too," Willow said. Xander shook his head,
and she added, "Don't even try arguing with me, Xander Harris. If
you'd give her half a second, she could tell you that herself. But
you won't answer the phone, you won't return your messages. You've
got that mother of yours playing gatekeeper, and refusing to let
Buffy past the front porch. If you love her so much, why doesn't she
deserve the time of day?"
"That's not fair," Xander protested, looking up at Willow then. "I'm
not trying to hurt her, Willow."
"And she wasn't trying to hurt you," Willow replied softly, walking
over to sit next to him. "Why can't you believe that? Why can't you
let her back in?"
"You're not going away, are you," Xander said with a sigh.
"And what kind of friend would I be if I did that?" Willow replied
with a smile. "Talk to me, Xander. What's going on?"
"I'm afraid," Xander admitted softly. "What if you're right? What if
we get back together? How long will it last? I can't do it, Wills. I
can't lose her again. It'll kill me."
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"You always expect the worst, so you try to prepare yourself for it
to the point that you almost make it happen," Willow replied with a
shake of her head. "Why?"
"Life experience," Xander replied wryly.
"All the more reason for you NOT to give up on this," Willow
replied. "You two have something amazing-"
"Had."
"Have," Willow repeated. "And you owe it to yourself, to both of you,
to just talk to her. What do you really have to lose? Because your
other option is to keep doing what you're doing now. You keep pushing
her away, and you just might push her into Angel's arms. Is that
really what you want?"
"No," he replied, looking at her sadly. "But I can't stop that from
happening, no matter what I do."
"Xander, you DON'T KNOW THAT!" Willow yelled in aggravation. "Look,
would you please just think about what I've said?" she
requested. "Have I ever given you bad advice before?"
"Can I plead the fifth on that?" Xander replied with a grin, followed
by "Ow!" as Willow hit him on the arm.
"You know I'm right," Willow said. She ignored his raised eyebrow,
and stood. "Whether you want to admit it or not, I'm always right
when it comes to you."
"Maybe," Xander shrugged, and Willow sighed.
"Okay, so I guess that's the best I can hope for right now. I gotta
go, are you going to come to the Bronze?"
"Not tonight, I'll catch the Dingoes next time," Xander said. "It's
been a long week."
"Okay, I'll see ya later," Willow said and turned to go.
"Hey Wills?"
Willow turned at the stairway. "Yeah?"
"Thanks. You always help," Xander said with a smile.
"That's what friends are for," Willow replied with a grin before she
left.
************
Wednesday, 6 pm
Xander was released Monday, and went back to work immediately. It was
either that, or risk spending way too much time at home with his
parents nearby. And that was never a good thing. His father had gone
back to ignoring his existence, and Xander was grateful for that. His
mother had gone back to her safe world of denial, which Xander didn't
try to pull her out of. Hopefully, within a few more weeks he'd have
made enough money to get an apartment, and talk her into moving out
with him.
He came home to a resounding crash from his parents' bedroom, and he
winced. *Not in the mood for a fight* he thought with a sigh of
exhaustion. He noticed a note on the dining room table, though, which
let him know that his mother was out shopping. "Okay, so Dad's
redecorating?" Xander shrugged, but decided to stay out of it.
He wandered downstairs to his room, and flopped down on the bed
tiredly. He'd been almost completely unable to pay attention today
during the job. And when his job was directing traffic so the rest of
the road construction crew could do their jobs in safety, paying
attention was a necessity. He'd somehow managed to narrowly avoid
getting fired, through a combination of begging and pleading.
And the subject of his inability to concentrate, was, who else?
Buffy. She'd called every hour for two days, and left messages for
him with the answering machine and his parents. He had avoided her
quite successfully, though he knew he couldn't do so forever.
It wasn't as if he hadn't thought of her, constantly, since he'd
thrown her out of his hospital room. He just couldn't do it anymore.
He'd tried absolutely everything he could think of. He'd tried to
avoid her, give her time. He'd tried to ignore the last few months,
and go back to being her friend. But something inside him had snapped
when his father, of all people, had told him about seeing her in
Angel's arms. At the hospital. When he was unconscious and fighting
for his life.
So he'd decided it was time to do what she wasn't willing to do: put
a halt to all the insanity himself. It was becoming painfully obvious
that she wanted to be with Angel, even if she didn't want to admit
it. So he'd helped her make that decision easier, by taking himself
out of the equation.
"She'll be happy. I want her to be happy," he said out loud.
"You did a really good job of that," he heard Willow's angry voice.
He shot up to a sitting position, and frowned at her. "Wills, how did
you-- When did you. Where's Oz?"
"You won't get any saving from him, he's at the Bronze rehearsing for
tonight," Willow replied. "And don't change the subject, Alexander
LaVelle Harris," she added, pointing a finger at him on each word.
"There was a subject?" Xander replied in confusion.
"Yes, there was a subject!" Willow yelled. "Namely, Buffy cried her
eyes out for two days, waiting for you to wake up, and then you were
so angry she's spent the last two days crying her eyes out because
she thinks you'll never forgive her for a silly mistake!"
"Huh?" was all Xander's confused brain could come up with, in
response. "I've had a long day, Wills, and you're just not making a
lot of sense right now to me."
"When are you going to stop being such an idiot?!" Willow replied.
When Xander continued to look at her questioningly, she
continued. "Xander, Buffy _didn't_ tell you Angel was at the
hospital, and that was a mistake. But there wasn't any deep, dark,
motive behind it. She just didn't want to upset you, after you'd had
MAJOR BRAIN TRAUMA!"
"She lied-"
"Lied? LIED?!" Willow cut him off, stomping her foot. She took a deep
breath, trying to calm herself, and rolled her eyes. "Because you've
been completely perfect the last three months in your relationship.
You've _never_ made any mistakes, you've _never_ lied to her because
you were trying to protect her." Willow crossed her arms and looked
at Xander skeptically.
"It's different."
"Different how?!" Willow demanded.
"I loved - love - her, Wills, I'd do anything for her," Xander
replied with a sigh, looking at the floor.
"Xander, Buffy loves you too," Willow said. Xander shook his head,
and she added, "Don't even try arguing with me, Xander Harris. If
you'd give her half a second, she could tell you that herself. But
you won't answer the phone, you won't return your messages. You've
got that mother of yours playing gatekeeper, and refusing to let
Buffy past the front porch. If you love her so much, why doesn't she
deserve the time of day?"
"That's not fair," Xander protested, looking up at Willow then. "I'm
not trying to hurt her, Willow."
"And she wasn't trying to hurt you," Willow replied softly, walking
over to sit next to him. "Why can't you believe that? Why can't you
let her back in?"
"You're not going away, are you," Xander said with a sigh.
"And what kind of friend would I be if I did that?" Willow replied
with a smile. "Talk to me, Xander. What's going on?"
"I'm afraid," Xander admitted softly. "What if you're right? What if
we get back together? How long will it last? I can't do it, Wills. I
can't lose her again. It'll kill me."
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"You always expect the worst, so you try to prepare yourself for it
to the point that you almost make it happen," Willow replied with a
shake of her head. "Why?"
"Life experience," Xander replied wryly.
"All the more reason for you NOT to give up on this," Willow
replied. "You two have something amazing-"
"Had."
"Have," Willow repeated. "And you owe it to yourself, to both of you,
to just talk to her. What do you really have to lose? Because your
other option is to keep doing what you're doing now. You keep pushing
her away, and you just might push her into Angel's arms. Is that
really what you want?"
"No," he replied, looking at her sadly. "But I can't stop that from
happening, no matter what I do."
"Xander, you DON'T KNOW THAT!" Willow yelled in aggravation. "Look,
would you please just think about what I've said?" she
requested. "Have I ever given you bad advice before?"
"Can I plead the fifth on that?" Xander replied with a grin, followed
by "Ow!" as Willow hit him on the arm.
"You know I'm right," Willow said. She ignored his raised eyebrow,
and stood. "Whether you want to admit it or not, I'm always right
when it comes to you."
"Maybe," Xander shrugged, and Willow sighed.
"Okay, so I guess that's the best I can hope for right now. I gotta
go, are you going to come to the Bronze?"
"Not tonight, I'll catch the Dingoes next time," Xander said. "It's
been a long week."
"Okay, I'll see ya later," Willow said and turned to go.
"Hey Wills?"
Willow turned at the stairway. "Yeah?"
"Thanks. You always help," Xander said with a smile.
"That's what friends are for," Willow replied with a grin before she
left.
************
