Part 42 - A Difficult Decision

Buffy walked into Angel's room and saw how weak he'd gotten. He
wasn't tossing and turning, not even making a sound anymore. He was
simply lying on the bed on his back, breathing heavily, staring at
the ceiling. She hoped she'd be able to speak to a saner version of
him than she'd gotten access to lately. She moved to the chair, and
sat, taking his hand. "Angel? I hope you can hear me. Time's getting
short, and I need your help to make this decision."

He looked over at her, "Buffy?"

"I'm here."

"So thirsty," he said, closing his eyes against the pain.

"I'll be right back." She went into the kitchen and got one of the
bloodbags out of the refrigerator, pouring it in a mug. She had just
placed it into the microwave, when she heard Angel cry out again.

She rushed back into the bedroom. Angel was curled into a fetal
position, holding his stomach and moaning. "Angel," she went to him
quickly, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Get away!" he yelled, pushing her hand away.

She caught the flash of yellow in his eyes, but didn't back
away. "No," she said calmly. "I'm not leaving you like this. Let me
help you, Angel, please."

"You can't help me, Buffy," he said softly. "I'm dying--"

"NO!"

"You can't hide the truth from me, any more than I could from you
earlier tonight," Angel replied. "I'm dying, and there's not a thing
you can do about it. I know you tried to find a cure, you did
everything you could. You couldn't find it though, could you?" She
wouldn't meet his eyes, and he added, "It's okay, Buffy. You're not
responsible, I said that before and I meant it. "

"But there IS a cure, Angel," she said, looking back at him.

"But I could tell from the yelling between you and the others that it
can't be that easy," Angel said. "What's the problem, you can't find
the cure in time?"

"No, the problem is that there's a difference in opinion about
whether or not the cure is too dangerous... To me." Buffy paused,
sitting on the bed next to him.

"What do you mean, to you?" Angel questioned.

"Slayer's blood." Buffy replied. "It will cure you."

"No," Angel said. "I won't listen to this, it's not an option."

"Angel, it's the only cure!" Buffy said.

"No," he said shaking his head. He tried not to let himself hone in
on the sound of her heartbeat, or think about how sweet her blood
would be... "I WON'T drink from you!"

"Maybe you wouldn't have to take it all," she said hesitantly.

"NO!" he yelled forcefully, and stumbled out of bed, to the door.

"Angel!" she followed him out and grabbed him by the arm. "Don't
fight me on this. Not when I can save you, please--"

"If I start, I won't be strong enough to stop," he said, pulling his
arm away. "And I _won't_ KILL YOU!" he yelled, going for the front
door.

Buffy grabbed his arm again and pulled him back. "Stop, Angel, it's
daylight out..." she realized what he intended and paled. "I get it.
I won't push you, just don't kill yourself. Please."

Angel leaned against the arm of the couch, as he felt dizzy for a
moment. "Buffy, please," he begged her, and there was fear in his
eyes when he looked at her. "I need you to leave and not come back."

"What???" Buffy looked at him, with a devastated look. "I can't leave
you all alone."

"You have to," Angel insisted. "As I get weaker, he gets stronger.
Pretty soon I won't be able to stop from drinking, and HE _won't_
stop. If you want to do something for me, get out of here, so I don't
take you with me."

"I can deal with him," Buffy said stubbornly.

Angel sighed, "Maybe, if you weren't so convinced you could cure me.
But I'm not taking that chance now that I know you might not stop
him... no. Leave. He walked over to her and put his hand her
face, "Don't ever blame yourself. Just let me go, Buffy, and be
happy."

"Happy?" she returned, as the tears sprang to her eyes.. "How the
hell can I ever be happy--" She ended in a sob.

Angel pulled her to him. "None of this is your fault, Buffy. I don't
blame you." He held her for a moment before pushing her away
again, "Leave now."

"I won't," she said, looking up at him crying.

"You have to," Angel replied, with tears in his own eyes. "There's
nothing left to say that we haven't already said. No goodbyes, just
leave."

She just stood there, as if she was unable to move.

"GO!" he yelled, regretting his harshness when he saw the pain on her
face, but not knowing another way. "YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR, NOW, OR I
WILL!"

She sobbed, and turned, running outside.

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