Part 43 - Letting Go
Buffy didn't know where she was going, but ended up at Xander's
doorstep eventually. She hesitated, unsure if he'd want to see her,
but he opened the door then.
"Xander," she whispered, still crying uncontrollably.
"Come here," he said, pulling her inside, and into his arms. "Are you
okay?" he asked, but wasn't surprised when she just shook her head,
her arms around his waist tightening. "Come on," he said, and led her
downstairs.
He didn't ask, he knew from the look on her face that she or Angel
had decided her life was too high a price to pay to save Angel. He
also felt instinctively that it was probably Angel who had made the
decision. He wished he could thank Angel for not taking her away from
him, but knew the best thanks would be to take care of Buffy.
Something he planned on doing the rest of his life, if she'd let him.
"You don't have to tell me, Buffy. I think I know." Xander said as he
sat on the couch, with her on his lap. "I'm so sorry, I know it isn't
easy to let it be this way. I wish there'd been another way to save
him."
"I know you do," she said. "And I love you so much for being willing
to let me do whatever I felt I needed to do, Xander. It means so much
that you didn't give me an ultimatum."
"It was your choice," Xander replied. "I knew that either way, it
would be hard enough for you without anyone else making it more
difficult."
She nodded, and said, "Please just hold me," as the tears started
again.
"That I can do," Xander replied, tightening his arms around her
waist. He looked over at the clock, it was just past nine. He knew
the next few hours would be the hardest ones of Buffy's life. He felt
incredibly helpless, too, knowing there wasn't a thing he could do to
make them any easier on her.
Buffy drifted off to sleep finally, and Xander hoped she'd find it a
peaceful sleep. He doubted it, though.
**************
Buffy jolted awake, temporarily confused as she re-oriented herself.
She realized she was in Xander's room, with Xander's arms around her.
She looked down at her watch, and felt physically ill. It was eight
p.m. She slept most of the day away, and there was a very good
certainty that Angel was long gone.
She felt like crying, but found that she didn't have enough energy to
do so. She looked up at Xander, he was sound asleep. She smiled, and
caressed his cheek gently. "I don't know what I'd do without you,"
she whispered. She moved off the couch, careful not to wake him.
"I'll be back soon, I just need to go say goodbye to someone," she
added with a sad sigh.
She turned and hurried upstairs and out of the door. She walked
slowly to Angel's mansion, taking out a few vampires on the way. She
reached the door, and walked inside. Her breath caught in her throat
as she saw Angel lying on the couch.
*He's still alive,* she realized, as his eyes opened and met hers.
******************
Buffy didn't know where she was going, but ended up at Xander's
doorstep eventually. She hesitated, unsure if he'd want to see her,
but he opened the door then.
"Xander," she whispered, still crying uncontrollably.
"Come here," he said, pulling her inside, and into his arms. "Are you
okay?" he asked, but wasn't surprised when she just shook her head,
her arms around his waist tightening. "Come on," he said, and led her
downstairs.
He didn't ask, he knew from the look on her face that she or Angel
had decided her life was too high a price to pay to save Angel. He
also felt instinctively that it was probably Angel who had made the
decision. He wished he could thank Angel for not taking her away from
him, but knew the best thanks would be to take care of Buffy.
Something he planned on doing the rest of his life, if she'd let him.
"You don't have to tell me, Buffy. I think I know." Xander said as he
sat on the couch, with her on his lap. "I'm so sorry, I know it isn't
easy to let it be this way. I wish there'd been another way to save
him."
"I know you do," she said. "And I love you so much for being willing
to let me do whatever I felt I needed to do, Xander. It means so much
that you didn't give me an ultimatum."
"It was your choice," Xander replied. "I knew that either way, it
would be hard enough for you without anyone else making it more
difficult."
She nodded, and said, "Please just hold me," as the tears started
again.
"That I can do," Xander replied, tightening his arms around her
waist. He looked over at the clock, it was just past nine. He knew
the next few hours would be the hardest ones of Buffy's life. He felt
incredibly helpless, too, knowing there wasn't a thing he could do to
make them any easier on her.
Buffy drifted off to sleep finally, and Xander hoped she'd find it a
peaceful sleep. He doubted it, though.
**************
Buffy jolted awake, temporarily confused as she re-oriented herself.
She realized she was in Xander's room, with Xander's arms around her.
She looked down at her watch, and felt physically ill. It was eight
p.m. She slept most of the day away, and there was a very good
certainty that Angel was long gone.
She felt like crying, but found that she didn't have enough energy to
do so. She looked up at Xander, he was sound asleep. She smiled, and
caressed his cheek gently. "I don't know what I'd do without you,"
she whispered. She moved off the couch, careful not to wake him.
"I'll be back soon, I just need to go say goodbye to someone," she
added with a sad sigh.
She turned and hurried upstairs and out of the door. She walked
slowly to Angel's mansion, taking out a few vampires on the way. She
reached the door, and walked inside. Her breath caught in her throat
as she saw Angel lying on the couch.
*He's still alive,* she realized, as his eyes opened and met hers.
******************
