Part 47 - Another chance?
Two Days Later
Buffy opened her eyes and saw Xander. He was asleep, his head
laid on the bed, both his hands clutched one of hers tightly.
She was in the hospital, she realized, as she looked around and
heard the beeping of the various monitors. *He found me.* She
wondered how long she'd been unconscious and also wondered if
Angel had survived.
"Can you ever forgive me?" she said out loud.
"I forgive you," Xander replied tonelessly, as his eyes opened
and he looked up at her.
Buffy looked at him a moment. He looked so exhausted, but beside
that he was also closed off from her emotionally. She'd gotten
used to that defense mechanism. She couldn't blame him for it,
either. She wondered if he'd decided being with her wasn't worth
what she kept putting him through.
"I'm so sorry, Xander," she said, sadly. "I didn't feel like I
had a choice. I didn't leave your house planning for this to
happen. I thought I'd find him dead and gone. But then, when I
found him still alive, I couldn't walk away."
"I know," Xander said with a shrug. He sighed. "I even
understand why you did it. It doesn't mean I like it, but I do
understand." He paused, then added, "I need to ask you
something. And if you can't answer it now, that's fine. But I
need to know and I need you to be honest with me and yourself
when you answer me."
"You can ask me anything, Xander," Buffy replied. "I promise
I'll always be truthful to you."
He nodded and looked away. "Am I still the one you want to spend
the rest of your life with?" he asked then. Finally she saw a
brief flicker of emotion in his face. He was afraid, truly
afraid, that she'd decided she really wanted Angel after all.
"Xander," she said, as she began to cry. "That never changed. I
could have lived without Angel, I was prepared to do that. But I
can't live without you. Please don't ask me to."
Xander let out the breath he'd been holding and looked at her.
Buffy saw tears in his eyes. He moved to sit next to her,
pulling her into his arms. "I wouldn't," he replied. "I love
you, Buffy, and I'm not all that sure _I_ could live without
_you_. For the record, I would still love you even if you'd
answered my question the other way."
They sat for a moment in silence, just holding each other,
before Xander said, "You had us
all so worried, Buffy. You were almost completely drained of
blood when I got you here. But the doctors said you'd be okay as
long as you woke up. And you did, so we'll have you home soon."
"How long have I been out?" she asked then.
"Two of the longest days in my life," Xander replied. He read
the other question in her eyes and added "Angel's cured."
Buffy sighed with relief. She pulled away and saw the anger in
Xander's eyes, though, and said, "Please don't blame him,
Xander. I made him drink; he was too weak to stop himself."
Xander shook his head, "I didn't stake him, Buffy. Don't ask me
to do anything more than that."
Buffy nodded. She remembered how difficult it had been for her
to forgive Giles when he'd almost caused Xander's death, and HE
hadn't been directly responsible for it. She couldn't even
imagine how Xander felt toward Angel for almost taking her life,
even if she'd let him do so. "Okay," she nodded. She took his
hand in hers and squeezed it. "It doesn't matter. All that
matters is that you haven't given up on me. Although I should
have used up all my chances with you by now."
"Never," Xander said, "I've tried not to love you. It didn't
work."
Buffy smiled, "I'm glad."
Xander stood, still holding her hand. "I'll tell everyone you're
awake," he said. He stood there not moving, though. Buffy tugged
on his hand; and he sat back down again and kissed her gently,
before finally leaving the room.
***********************
Two Days Later
Buffy opened her eyes and saw Xander. He was asleep, his head
laid on the bed, both his hands clutched one of hers tightly.
She was in the hospital, she realized, as she looked around and
heard the beeping of the various monitors. *He found me.* She
wondered how long she'd been unconscious and also wondered if
Angel had survived.
"Can you ever forgive me?" she said out loud.
"I forgive you," Xander replied tonelessly, as his eyes opened
and he looked up at her.
Buffy looked at him a moment. He looked so exhausted, but beside
that he was also closed off from her emotionally. She'd gotten
used to that defense mechanism. She couldn't blame him for it,
either. She wondered if he'd decided being with her wasn't worth
what she kept putting him through.
"I'm so sorry, Xander," she said, sadly. "I didn't feel like I
had a choice. I didn't leave your house planning for this to
happen. I thought I'd find him dead and gone. But then, when I
found him still alive, I couldn't walk away."
"I know," Xander said with a shrug. He sighed. "I even
understand why you did it. It doesn't mean I like it, but I do
understand." He paused, then added, "I need to ask you
something. And if you can't answer it now, that's fine. But I
need to know and I need you to be honest with me and yourself
when you answer me."
"You can ask me anything, Xander," Buffy replied. "I promise
I'll always be truthful to you."
He nodded and looked away. "Am I still the one you want to spend
the rest of your life with?" he asked then. Finally she saw a
brief flicker of emotion in his face. He was afraid, truly
afraid, that she'd decided she really wanted Angel after all.
"Xander," she said, as she began to cry. "That never changed. I
could have lived without Angel, I was prepared to do that. But I
can't live without you. Please don't ask me to."
Xander let out the breath he'd been holding and looked at her.
Buffy saw tears in his eyes. He moved to sit next to her,
pulling her into his arms. "I wouldn't," he replied. "I love
you, Buffy, and I'm not all that sure _I_ could live without
_you_. For the record, I would still love you even if you'd
answered my question the other way."
They sat for a moment in silence, just holding each other,
before Xander said, "You had us
all so worried, Buffy. You were almost completely drained of
blood when I got you here. But the doctors said you'd be okay as
long as you woke up. And you did, so we'll have you home soon."
"How long have I been out?" she asked then.
"Two of the longest days in my life," Xander replied. He read
the other question in her eyes and added "Angel's cured."
Buffy sighed with relief. She pulled away and saw the anger in
Xander's eyes, though, and said, "Please don't blame him,
Xander. I made him drink; he was too weak to stop himself."
Xander shook his head, "I didn't stake him, Buffy. Don't ask me
to do anything more than that."
Buffy nodded. She remembered how difficult it had been for her
to forgive Giles when he'd almost caused Xander's death, and HE
hadn't been directly responsible for it. She couldn't even
imagine how Xander felt toward Angel for almost taking her life,
even if she'd let him do so. "Okay," she nodded. She took his
hand in hers and squeezed it. "It doesn't matter. All that
matters is that you haven't given up on me. Although I should
have used up all my chances with you by now."
"Never," Xander said, "I've tried not to love you. It didn't
work."
Buffy smiled, "I'm glad."
Xander stood, still holding her hand. "I'll tell everyone you're
awake," he said. He stood there not moving, though. Buffy tugged
on his hand; and he sat back down again and kissed her gently,
before finally leaving the room.
***********************
