Part 49 - Moving On
Next day, Saturday

Buffy got up at five a.m. and headed outside. Her mom watched
her like a hawk anymore, not that Buffy really blamed her. But
it made going to see Angel practically impossible. She'd only
seen him only twice since getting out of the hospital two weeks
earlier.

Those times had been tense, to say the least. She realized Angel
blamed himself for her almost dying. But unlike him, she
couldn't regret it. She'd saved him, that was all that mattered.
He'd saved her life more times than she could count, she
couldn't understand why he was upset when she'd chosen to do the
same.

She sighed, they had to get past it. Both of them. She wanted
to be able to have her life with Xander. More than that, she
wanted to feel like they could move forward with their life
together. She couldn't do that if she were constantly worried
Angel would finally stake himself after letting his guilt over
what had happened to her get to him.

"Angel?" she called as she entered the mansion.

"Yeah, Buffy," Angel replied as he walked out of the kitchen.
"It's early," he said as he leaned against the wall. "What's
up?"

"I figured you'd be up," she shrugged. "Mom's still asleep," she
added by way of explanation. He nodded, she saw he understood
the reason for the early visit. He motioned her to sit and she
did. She sat on the couch and he took a chair nearby.

"I just needed to talk to you, Angel," she said. "I'm worried
about you. The few times I've seen you since your being
poisoned, you've looked so .... run down, I guess. I know that
you still feel guilty about what happened. I _am_ sorry for
putting all that additional guilt on you, but I'm not sorry for
saving you. I wish you could just let go of what happened and
stop beating yourself up about it."

"I'm dealing with it," he shrugged. "It's easier when I see that
you are okay... and you seem happy."

"I am happy," Buffy replied with a small smile. "Everyone I care
about is okay, demon activity has been way down. What's not to
be happy about? I'd be happier if I knew you were happy too,
though."

Angel shook his head, "Happiness isn't something I'm allowed to
have. That's not part of the 'trying to make up for a century of
killing' deal."

Buffy sighed and frowned at him. "Well then, I wish you weren't
completely miserable at least. Can't you at least have a little
peace of mind?"

"I'm not miserable," Angel replied. "I've accepted the way that
things happened, also that there's nothing I can do to change
any of it. I won't lie, it did take me a while to get here. And
I've also made some decisions to try to reach some peace of
mind. Decisions I was going to tell you about, anyway, so I'm
glad you're here."

"Go on," Buffy said, curious as to what 'decisions' he'd made.

"Well, about two weeks ago I arranged for Spike to be sent on a
wild-goose chase. A wild-Drusilla chase, to be more precise." He
smiled when Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "So he's gone. Out of
the country. I seriously doubt he'll be back anytime soon. I've
provided enough 'evidence' to keep him busy for a good year."

Buffy nodded, "Okay. I would've preferred just getting the
opportunity to stake him. But I see your point in just getting
him gone. He's done more than enough damage to every one of us."


"I just thought it would be safer than risking another fight,"
Angel said. "And now for the other decision. It wasn't an easy
one to make, but I know it was the right one." He took a deep
breath and looked at her closely. He finally said, "I'm leaving
Sunnydale after we fight the Ascension. Assuming we win, and I
think we will, I'll be moving on."

"Oh," Buffy said and looked at the ground. She was surprised, to
say the least. It was hard to even contemplate Sunnydale without
Angel in it. She'd met him not long after she'd moved there.

She realized though that his choice of words: 'moving on', he'd
meant them in more ways than one. Moving on to another town as
much as moving on to start a new life. She also realized he
probably needed that.

She looked up at him and saw his eyes pleading with her to
understand. She smiled, "I understand," she said. "And I think
maybe you're right. Maybe it's best for you... everyone, if we
all do a little moving on."

Angel sighed with relief. He'd been expecting a fight; he was
glad she understood. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked. "For not screaming and yelling and
begging you to stay?" She shrugged. "Would it work?"

He shook his head, "Like you said, it's best for everyone."

Buffy nodded. "You're just lucky, you caught me on a
semi-rational day." She smiled when that got a chuckle in
response. "Don't get me wrong, Angel. I'm not happy you're
leaving. But I know it can't have been easy for you to stick
around this long, seeing how close Xander and I are. But it
means a lot that you have, and that you care enough to stay to
help us stop the Ascension.

"And I could be selfish and beg you to stay, but I won't.
Because I also want you to be happy, like I said. Unlike you, I
think it's something you are allowed to have. You deserve more
than you think you do, Angel. One thing being happiness. Not
perfect happiness," she added with a smile, "'cuz that'll just
lead to badness. Just happiness. I think it's a perfectly
reasonable thing to expect for you."

Angel shrugged. "Maybe," he allowed, choosing not to argue with
her. He was glad she could finally talk about the curse and the
happiness clause without letting it upset her. The clause was
one of the reasons he'd decided, though, that happiness wasn't
something he'd even let himself get close to having. The costs
were too great.

"Well, I need to get back," Buffy said. Maybe, eventually, Mom
won't be so freaked about me seeing you." She saw his doubtful
look and smiled. "Or maybe not. It doesn't matter, I've never
done what she expected anyway," she muttered as she walked to
the door.

Angel just laughed and stood then followed her to the door. That
much was true.

"So I'll see you later, Angel," Buffy said. "I'll call you and
let you know when we're going to meet about the Ascension.

Angel nodded, "Okay, Bye."

Buffy walked outside and back home. She felt sad, in a way, but
she also felt more at peace than she had in a while. She hoped
that Angel did, or would eventually, feel the same way.

********************