The next morning Shelby got up early and went to breakfast by herself. On the way back she took an alternate route so she could avoid seeing or talking to any of her groupmates. Her dorm was empty, and she took a quick shower, then got her stuff together and went to class. She sat in slumped in the back of the room, like she always does. Only today she didn't pay attention. She couldn't get her mind off her father. She stared down at her books, turning the page whenever she heard someone by her turn their page. She was glad when that class was over and she darted out of the room to the next class and again sat in the back. The class was history, and normally she enjoyed it, but today she couldn't keep her mind on it, no matter how hard she tried. Thinking about him didn't make her feel better, and trying not to think of him made her feel worse. At some point she feel asleep. She awoke later with a muffled scream. Her classmates were staring at her, a few laughing and pointing. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked down and forced the tears back. She hated to cry.The teacher knelt by her and told her nicely if she couldn't stay awake or had other stuff on her mind she could leave and rest in the dorm. Shelby nodded, not speaking because she was afraid her voice would betray her. She grabbed her bag and dashed out of the room.
As she made her way down the path, Sophie caught up to her. How they communicate in this place I'll never know, Shelby thought, half amused.
"Doing okay, Shel?" Sophie asked. Shelby didn't answer, just looked straight into Sophie's eyes. Sophie got the idea. "Okay, kiddo, if you need me, you know where to find me. Go rest, think, whatever. I'll send someone over around lunch to see how you're doing, okay?" Shelby only nodded, then turned and walked quickly back to the dorms.
She threw her bag on the little couch and flopped on her bed. She reached under the bed frame and pulled out a double framed picture of her family six years ago. It was Christmas time, and Shelby and Jess were dressed in matching red dresses with white lace on the collar and green sashes, their blonde hair in braids. Jess was missing her front teeth and Shelby had her arm in a cast, which was covered in colorful signatures. The picture on the opposite side was of her whole family. Shelby and Jess were still wearing their Christmas dresses. They were all out in a huge garden, surrounded by an old, ivy-covered stone wall, that made Shelby think of the Secret Garden. Her dad was sitting on a stone bench, with Jess on one knee. Shelby was standing behind him, her arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. Her mom was sitting beside her dad, her arm around his and her other hand captured by Jess, who was studying her rings. It was Shelby's favorite picture in the world. Staring at it, she gently stroked the happy faces in the picture. A tear rolled down her cheek and dropped on the picture, and she quickly brushed it off. Then she put the picture back under her bed and laid down, hoping sleep would ease her pain.
She finally did wake up around lunch time, but she didn't feel better at all. She must have had a bad dream because her face was sticky with dried tears. She got up and went into the bathroom, not noticing Sydney lying on her own bed.
When Shelby walked out of the bathroom she noticed Sydney. Her whole brave front started to collapse as she made her way towards her bed, blinded by her tears. Sydney wordlessly got up and went to her and hugged her, and the motion make Shelby break. Sydney sat her down on the bed and rubbed her back until she calmed down.
"Are you okay?" Sydney asked. It was a dumb question, but Sophie had told her to get Shelby talking.
"No, I'm not."
"Want to talk about it?"
Shelby didn't answer right away. She stared ahead, her eyes filling with tears again. She took a deep breath, then nodded. "My mom was always flighty, always forgetting things. She was drunk a lot and couldn't keep a job. It was up to my dad to support us. My mom has forgotten my birthday and Jess' birthday more than once. My dad would always try to make up for it. His gifts would be meaningful, not expensive. He would always be so happy for us with school. I was a pretty good student, Jess had straight A's. But my mom, she would barely look at them. Most of the time she was drunk. He understood us. He would never miss one of my ballet recitals or Jess' horse shows. He was always so proud of us. It didn't matter if we failed a test or did bad in my recital or if Jess didn't place. And when he died, everything went downhill. My grades, my attitude, everything. My mom married...Walt...six months after my dad died. He...he..." Shelby paused. "He would come into my room tonight, ask me to do favors for him. I'd say no, and he'd force me to. Night after night...I told my mom and she wouldn't believe me. Thats when I started to run away. If my dad didn't die, I probably wouldn't even be here! I wouldn't done that stuff on the streets if my mom hadn't married that monster. I wish he would die and my father would come back. I wish that almost everyday." Shelby started to cry again. Sydney was speechless. She didn't expect this whole revelation. Shelby got up and got her pictures from under her bed, then handed it to Sydney.
"Aw, how cute! Your dad looks really nice," Sydney said. Another dumb comment but she couldn't think of anything else.
"He was. See, my father was the greatest man alive. Instead of my mom being my best friend, it was my dad."
"What happened to your arm?"
"My dad had taken me and Jess to the ice skating rink a little before Thanksgiving. I thought I would be able to a pirouette on the ice, like it would be the same for pointe. Obviously it wasn't, and I fell hard and broke my wrist. Pretty stupid, huh?" Shelby said, trying to smile.
"Well, one time I climbed a tree and jumped off, thinking my sheet would act like a parachute. I broke my ankle," Sydney said.
"I think you win the stupid award on that one," Shelby smiled, then sobered immedietly.
"How - how did your dad die?" Syndey asked tentatively.
Shelby burst out crying again. "It was all my fault!"
"No, I bet it wasn't."
"But it was. I had a dance audition and I wanted him to be there. It was for a 'prestigous' dancing school in my town. He said he had a meeting he couldn't get out of. I was sad, because I wanted some support, and I knew my mom would forget about it. So Jess came because she felt sorry for me. Well, my dad's meeting got out early and he decided he'd try to come see me. He was going through an intersection - he had a green light - and a truck ran into him. That intersection had a hill on one side - thats the side the truck was on. His brakes went out and he happened to hit my dad. He was taken to the hospital and he died an hour later. I didn't get to audition. Someone had picked me and Jess up and took us to the hosipital, but he was already gone. I didn't get to tell him goodbye, or that I was sorry!"
Sydney rubbed her back. "I don't see how it was your fault."
"I asked him to come and when he said he couldn't, he saw how disappointed I was. If I hadn't asked him to come, or if it wasn't that important for him to come, he would still be alive!" Shelby broke down.
"But you weren't driving the truck. Shelby, your dad loved you - thats obvious. He loved you that he wanted to make the effort to come see you."
"But I just keep thinking how it could have been avoided. If his meeting went the normal time...but it is my fault because he was coming to see me!"
"No, it isn't, Shelby. Some things happen for a reason."
"Yeah, what reason would that be? My step father molesting me and my sister? Me going to the streets, doing stuff for money and drugs, being here, being unhappy?"
"Well, if that didn't happen, you wouldn't have met Scott." Sydney said. Shelby thought about that. "You love him. Everyone knows it. You guys are soulmates."
"Maybe your right. I never thought about it that way before," Shelby said after awhile.
"So have you told Scott about your dad before?"
"I told him my dad died. I didn't tell him why or how."
"Maybe you should tell him."
"Yeah, maybe."
They were quiet for a few minutes. "Sydney - uh, thanks for listening to me. I feel a lot better."
"No problem."
"I'm going to find Scott."
After Shelby left, Sydney went to find Sophie to fill her in on what happened.
That evening, Scott and Shelby had dinner together. After dinner they sat on one of the couches and talked. Scott even got Shelby to laugh.
"Its good to know somebody can make her laugh," Sophie told Peter, watching them from the balcony.
"That girl needs to laugh. Good thing she found Scott," Peter said. "Gotta go do some stuff in the office. Talk to you later," he said, kissing her before he left.
"Shel, I know we've been having trouble with telling each other stuff in the past. I'm glad you came to me, Shel. You can trust me, I want you to know that. And that I love you," Scott said, giving Shelby a kiss.
Shelby smiled, and it felt good. Scott put his arm around her and she snuggled against him, thanking God that he was in her life.
