Disclaimer: George Lucas owns all of the characters I'm talking about, but he hasn't been taking very good care of them.
Spoilers: Up to "Balance Point"
Note: If you haven't read the prologue (and reviewed it) go do that now!
RETURN TO SELF--CHAPTER 1
The walls were gray, just like the entire planet. When Mara opened her eyes, the bright lights
blinded her for a minute, and she turned her head to the side, closing the green orbs tightly.
She heard and felt another person enter the room quietly.
"I'm awake," she tried to say to the nurse, but her bottom jaw was still numb from the surgery. It
came out as more "ifuhwk."
The nurse, an older male, patted her on the shoulder and read her bio-signs carefully. Slowly,
the beeping of the machines around her came to her ears, although the sound in her right ear
seemed muffled.
Opening her eyes again, she looked around just in time to see the doctor coming. He
stuck another needle into her chin and after a few minutes, she had the sensation back.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
She nodded slowly. "I'm okay," she said, much more clearly than her previous attempt at
speaking. "A little dizzy, but okay."
The doctor nodded. "Test out the implants; we need to make sure they're okay."
Mara clicked her tongue experimentally and heard a man halfway across the planet yell
"Sithspawn!" as he threw off his head-phones.
"Well, that part works," the doctor said, chuckling.
"And the ear piece too," Mara responded, covering her right ear with her hand. "That curse
sounded like it was coming from right next to me."
The doctor smiled. "Excellent." He handed her a piece of plasti-pad. "Now remember, your
center of balance is going to be off for 48 standard hours before your body adjusts to the ear
piece. And everything you eat is going to taste like steel. But the implant won't get destroyed
unless you get a strong urge to ingest X-Wing fuel."
She grinned. "I really doubt that's going to be a problem."
After a complete post- surgery physical examination, Mara was released back to NRI where her
official briefing would occur. The journey there was marked by a lot of thinking. She would
miss her child terribly. She would miss Jaina and Anakin; she would miss Leia and the Noghri.
She might even miss Luke.
*And,* she thought dryly, *this could very well get me killed.*
Death, however, was not really an option. If she died, the Jedi would be one being down. A
child would be without a mother. A young girl would be without a tutor. A man would be without
a wife.
She had to come back, and she had to be victorious.
*****
"The long and the short of it," he said to her, "is that we're giving you a B-Wing and a flight suit
and sending you off to Duros. When you are captured," he paused, "and you will be captured,
you are to say you were doing reconnaisance for the NR military. When they find out you are a
Jedi, feign ignorance." He sighed. "After that, it's up to you."
"These things," she asked, tapping her ear and then chin, "they are going to work over this
long a range, aren't they? I'd really hate to get half-way through the Koornacht Cluster and find
out you can't hear me."
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it; they've been tested at the Outer Rim. You'd have to
get as far as Bakura before things started to get garbled."
She nodded, looking at the short list on her briefing pad. The NRI must have decided that she
knew enough about the Yuuzahn Vong; they didn't need to tell her everything twice.
"So," she asked, "what does a New Republic starfighter pack in a B-Wing when going on
reconnaisance?"
*****
Ryft cradled in one arm, Mara sat down at the communications console. She had to leave
messages for everyone, even if she couldn't tell them where she was going or if...no,
when...she'd be back. But the Skywalker-Solo family had taken her in despite the fact that she
had once tried to kill their most Force-strong member and hadn't let any of them get close to
her. They had a right to hear her say goodbye.
She started with the easiest one:
"Han, it's Mara. By the time you get this, I'll be flying through deep space searching for some
bad guys to pulverize. Don't let your kids or your wife or my husband out to try and find me;
they won't have any luck and will just be in danger. I knew you'd understand."
One by one, she covered each member of the Solo family individually. Jacen, Leia, and then
Anakin, which had been difficult. But the hardest was yet to come:
"Jaina. After you hear this, you're probably going to abscond with your X-Wing from Rogue
Squadron and try to find me. Put that idea out of your head right now. I'm out doing something
that needs to be done. That no one else can do. Your cousin is on Yavin IV with his father.
Be kind to your mother; she's gone through a lot in her lifetime. And she does love you,
Jaina, very much."
That done, Mara's mind drifted to her husband. What should she say to him? Nothing. There
was nothing to say to him that wouldn't send him hauling-ass across the galaxy looking for her.
The Force would let him know she was alive; that was all he could hope for. She wouldn't let
him risk his life doing something he didn't have to.
Ryft stirred in her arms, opening his blue-green eyes and then frowning. The Force-less
bubble around him would be a blessing to Mara--as long as Luke was in the presence of his
son, he wouldn't be able to search for her. And knowing Luke, he'd be spending an awful lot of
time with his child.
She chewed on her lip thoughtfully and then realized what she had to do. "Ryft, we're going on
a little journey. You're going to see your father."
*****
The lines of hyperspace shrunk back into tiny stars around the B-Wing cockpit. In the seat next
to her, Ryft slept, seemingly unaware of the foolish endeavor his mother was about to
embark on. She hoped Luke wouldn't have to explain to their child why he had lived his life
without a mother.
The Jedi Academy was covered in darkness as the rickety B-Wing landed on the platform. A
hooded figure, obviously female, walked out to greet the unexpected visitor.
"Mara?" Tionne asked, confused and obviously quite tired. "What are you doing here?" The
Jedi woman's eyes fell on the bundle in her arms. "The baby?"
"He's fine, Tionne," she whispered, even though no one else was around. "But I need you to
do something for me. I need you to bring Ryft to his father after I'm gone. And also give him
this," she said, handing the bard a long, heavy box.
"Where are you going?" Tionne asked, concerned.
Mara shook her head. "Nowhere you, or anyone else, wants to be. Will you do all this for
me? Once I'm out of the system?"
The other woman nodded. "Yes, of course. Good luck, Mara. May the Force be with you."
Mara smiled sadly. "We can only hope. Thank you, Tionne."
*****
Luke heard the knocking on his door and sat up immediately. His sleep had been plagued for
nights now with the uneasy vision of Mara alone in a Force-less space. He had felt that kind of
bubble outside his door, which had woken him up.
"Master Skywalker, it's Tionne. I have...some things for you."
Luke got up to open the door and was shocked to find Tionne standing there with an infant in
her arms, and a box in her hand.
"Ryft?" he asked, taking the child from her. "What's this all about?"
She handed him the box. "From your wife...I'm sorry." She turned around slowly and walked
off down the hallway.
Closing the door, Luke set his sleeping son down on the bed and then opened the box.
Inside was Mara's lightsabre, the one he had given her; the one given to him by Obi-Wan. His
father's lightsabre.
Attached to it was a note:
"Luke, give this to him when he's old enough. It is his by birth. I won't need it where I'm
going."
*MARA!* he cried out through the Force. *Mara, what have you done?*
So close to his child, the Force would not send his message, and Mara would not answer.
Spoilers: Up to "Balance Point"
Note: If you haven't read the prologue (and reviewed it) go do that now!
RETURN TO SELF--CHAPTER 1
The walls were gray, just like the entire planet. When Mara opened her eyes, the bright lights
blinded her for a minute, and she turned her head to the side, closing the green orbs tightly.
She heard and felt another person enter the room quietly.
"I'm awake," she tried to say to the nurse, but her bottom jaw was still numb from the surgery. It
came out as more "ifuhwk."
The nurse, an older male, patted her on the shoulder and read her bio-signs carefully. Slowly,
the beeping of the machines around her came to her ears, although the sound in her right ear
seemed muffled.
Opening her eyes again, she looked around just in time to see the doctor coming. He
stuck another needle into her chin and after a few minutes, she had the sensation back.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
She nodded slowly. "I'm okay," she said, much more clearly than her previous attempt at
speaking. "A little dizzy, but okay."
The doctor nodded. "Test out the implants; we need to make sure they're okay."
Mara clicked her tongue experimentally and heard a man halfway across the planet yell
"Sithspawn!" as he threw off his head-phones.
"Well, that part works," the doctor said, chuckling.
"And the ear piece too," Mara responded, covering her right ear with her hand. "That curse
sounded like it was coming from right next to me."
The doctor smiled. "Excellent." He handed her a piece of plasti-pad. "Now remember, your
center of balance is going to be off for 48 standard hours before your body adjusts to the ear
piece. And everything you eat is going to taste like steel. But the implant won't get destroyed
unless you get a strong urge to ingest X-Wing fuel."
She grinned. "I really doubt that's going to be a problem."
After a complete post- surgery physical examination, Mara was released back to NRI where her
official briefing would occur. The journey there was marked by a lot of thinking. She would
miss her child terribly. She would miss Jaina and Anakin; she would miss Leia and the Noghri.
She might even miss Luke.
*And,* she thought dryly, *this could very well get me killed.*
Death, however, was not really an option. If she died, the Jedi would be one being down. A
child would be without a mother. A young girl would be without a tutor. A man would be without
a wife.
She had to come back, and she had to be victorious.
*****
"The long and the short of it," he said to her, "is that we're giving you a B-Wing and a flight suit
and sending you off to Duros. When you are captured," he paused, "and you will be captured,
you are to say you were doing reconnaisance for the NR military. When they find out you are a
Jedi, feign ignorance." He sighed. "After that, it's up to you."
"These things," she asked, tapping her ear and then chin, "they are going to work over this
long a range, aren't they? I'd really hate to get half-way through the Koornacht Cluster and find
out you can't hear me."
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it; they've been tested at the Outer Rim. You'd have to
get as far as Bakura before things started to get garbled."
She nodded, looking at the short list on her briefing pad. The NRI must have decided that she
knew enough about the Yuuzahn Vong; they didn't need to tell her everything twice.
"So," she asked, "what does a New Republic starfighter pack in a B-Wing when going on
reconnaisance?"
*****
Ryft cradled in one arm, Mara sat down at the communications console. She had to leave
messages for everyone, even if she couldn't tell them where she was going or if...no,
when...she'd be back. But the Skywalker-Solo family had taken her in despite the fact that she
had once tried to kill their most Force-strong member and hadn't let any of them get close to
her. They had a right to hear her say goodbye.
She started with the easiest one:
"Han, it's Mara. By the time you get this, I'll be flying through deep space searching for some
bad guys to pulverize. Don't let your kids or your wife or my husband out to try and find me;
they won't have any luck and will just be in danger. I knew you'd understand."
One by one, she covered each member of the Solo family individually. Jacen, Leia, and then
Anakin, which had been difficult. But the hardest was yet to come:
"Jaina. After you hear this, you're probably going to abscond with your X-Wing from Rogue
Squadron and try to find me. Put that idea out of your head right now. I'm out doing something
that needs to be done. That no one else can do. Your cousin is on Yavin IV with his father.
Be kind to your mother; she's gone through a lot in her lifetime. And she does love you,
Jaina, very much."
That done, Mara's mind drifted to her husband. What should she say to him? Nothing. There
was nothing to say to him that wouldn't send him hauling-ass across the galaxy looking for her.
The Force would let him know she was alive; that was all he could hope for. She wouldn't let
him risk his life doing something he didn't have to.
Ryft stirred in her arms, opening his blue-green eyes and then frowning. The Force-less
bubble around him would be a blessing to Mara--as long as Luke was in the presence of his
son, he wouldn't be able to search for her. And knowing Luke, he'd be spending an awful lot of
time with his child.
She chewed on her lip thoughtfully and then realized what she had to do. "Ryft, we're going on
a little journey. You're going to see your father."
*****
The lines of hyperspace shrunk back into tiny stars around the B-Wing cockpit. In the seat next
to her, Ryft slept, seemingly unaware of the foolish endeavor his mother was about to
embark on. She hoped Luke wouldn't have to explain to their child why he had lived his life
without a mother.
The Jedi Academy was covered in darkness as the rickety B-Wing landed on the platform. A
hooded figure, obviously female, walked out to greet the unexpected visitor.
"Mara?" Tionne asked, confused and obviously quite tired. "What are you doing here?" The
Jedi woman's eyes fell on the bundle in her arms. "The baby?"
"He's fine, Tionne," she whispered, even though no one else was around. "But I need you to
do something for me. I need you to bring Ryft to his father after I'm gone. And also give him
this," she said, handing the bard a long, heavy box.
"Where are you going?" Tionne asked, concerned.
Mara shook her head. "Nowhere you, or anyone else, wants to be. Will you do all this for
me? Once I'm out of the system?"
The other woman nodded. "Yes, of course. Good luck, Mara. May the Force be with you."
Mara smiled sadly. "We can only hope. Thank you, Tionne."
*****
Luke heard the knocking on his door and sat up immediately. His sleep had been plagued for
nights now with the uneasy vision of Mara alone in a Force-less space. He had felt that kind of
bubble outside his door, which had woken him up.
"Master Skywalker, it's Tionne. I have...some things for you."
Luke got up to open the door and was shocked to find Tionne standing there with an infant in
her arms, and a box in her hand.
"Ryft?" he asked, taking the child from her. "What's this all about?"
She handed him the box. "From your wife...I'm sorry." She turned around slowly and walked
off down the hallway.
Closing the door, Luke set his sleeping son down on the bed and then opened the box.
Inside was Mara's lightsabre, the one he had given her; the one given to him by Obi-Wan. His
father's lightsabre.
Attached to it was a note:
"Luke, give this to him when he's old enough. It is his by birth. I won't need it where I'm
going."
*MARA!* he cried out through the Force. *Mara, what have you done?*
So close to his child, the Force would not send his message, and Mara would not answer.
