Right now I'm three weeks into my ninth month of pregnancy. Ross and I decided about a month ago that we didn't want to find out the gender of the baby until he or she was born. So we were supposed to come up with a name in either case, but we haven't gotten around to it yet.

In early January Joey and I started dating. We went out on two dates before Ross had time to voice his extreme discomfort for the situation, and about two more before he admitted that he still had feelings for me. Deep down, I'm pretty sure that I was aware of that ever since the night we spent together. But it still came as a shock, and I decided to call things off with Joey, partly out of guilt and partly out of realization that things still had to be worked out between Ross and me.

But things didn't go the way I had planned. When we finally got around to talking about it, it was at a bad time and the wrong place. He told me that he still loved me, and my inner reaction to that was a mix of relief and disappointment. Relief because things hadn't changed so much after all, and disappointment because I knew he couldn't be telling the truth. How could he still have feelings for me? It's been years since we dated, and it's even been years since we've been awkward about it. I couldn't let myself believe it, and that's why I completely cut out my feelings of relief for the time being and stormed out of there. But he caught me in the hall and told me some things that made me feel better. First of all, he made it clear to me that he wasn't attempting to get the two of us back together. Second of all, he was sorry that it was his fault that things had ended so badly with Joey. And third of all well, there wasn't a third of all. He said that with a smile, but I couldn't take it. It made me feel better, but at the same time I knew it was a load of crap. Did he really care that much about my feelings to put his feelings completely away long enough to lie straight through his teeth in order to make me feel better?

A few weeks' later things with Joey had gotten muddled up and I moved in with Phoebe. It was awkward to be around both Joey and Ross now, but for very different reasons. I hated myself for a long time, and wished that, despite my already desperate love for my unborn child, Ross and I had never spent that night together. I believe things with Joey could have been great if it wasn't for him.

Phoebe managed to convince me over the course of the next month to move in with Ross, not necessarily to improve things between the two of us, but because of the baby it seemed only convenient. I moved out of Phoebe's apartment and into Ross's near the end of March, and that's when things started getting more serious between us. And it's been just lately that I've been able to come to terms with the fact that I have very strong feelings for Ross, left over from years ago and which haven't been acknowledged until now. I think I might be falling back in love with him.

It was just yesterday that Ross asked me out on a date, which I accepted. We're going out tomorrow, on my birthday. Hey, maybe things aren't so bad after all. I've got a baby, and I guy who loves me. All that's left to do now is to find out for sure that we work together, and then we can finally start being a family.