Angst-a-thon

Announcer"

"Let the games begin! The players are Iceman, Cyclops, Beast, Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Psylocke, and Wolverine."

Bobby Drake stood in the middle of room. Lights are dimmed.

Iceman:

"I'll start. My father hates mutants."

Storm:

"At least you have a father. Mine's dead."

Rogue:

"At least you knew your father!"

Gambit and Wolverine nodded in agreement.

Iceman:

"I can't keep a girlfriend."

Gambit:

"Oh please. You can' hold a candlelight t' the shit I've put up wit'. I was left t' die by one an' de other tried t' kill me."

Wolverine:

"My girlfriend tried to kill me and the other one is married to a dick."

Cyclops:

"I had a clone that turned into a demon."

Rogue:

"Ah can't touch anyone."

Beast and Storm:

"I was dumped."

Bobby:

"Okay how about someone took over my body and used my powers far better than I ever had."

Psylocke:

"Don't even go there."

She pouted lovely Asian lips.

Beast:

"An evil alternate persona of myself lived among you people and no one noticed."

Iceman:

"Okay, last shot. Everyone thinks I'm gay!"

Dead silence.

Cyclops:

"Well aren't you?"

Iceman:

"Next!"

Cyclops:

"Okay, I have a child older than me."

Rogue:

"At least you can have a child."

Gambit:

"At least you were getting' some t' have de child."

The rest of the male population agreed.

Cyclops:

"My brother tried to kill me."

Storm:

"There is that family thing again."

Gambit and Rogue agreed.

Cyclops:

"My wife has more lives than a cat."

Psylocke:

"At least you're married."

Cyclops:

"Mister Sinister keeps trying to get a piece of me."

Gambit:

"Tell me about 't."

Rogue:

"Mystique."

Wolverine:

"Sabertooth."

Storm:

"Shadow King."

Psylocke:

"Crimson Dawn."

Cyclops (shrugging):

"That's the best I can do. Hank?"

Beast:

"I'm big, blue and, furry."

Rogue:

"Ah got a skunk stripe down my head."

Wolverine:

"I'm just as furry, just not blue."

Gambit:

"I've got red eyes."

The others mumbled, but couldn't come up with anything.

Wolverine:

"Well?"

Beast:

"Um, that's it. Storm?"

Storm:

"I lived on the streets as a child."

Gambit:

"No biggie."

Storm:

"Um, I'm claustrophobic."

Wolverine:

"I'm afraid of losing myself to my feral counterpart."

Psylocke:

"I'm afraid of losing my identity to my Asian counterpart."

Iceman:

"I'm afraid of getting close to people."

Rogue:

"Touching."

Gambit:

"Medical labs."

Storm:

"Hell, I was a goddess. Next!"

Gambit:

"I can't remember before I was six."

Wolverine:

"Hah. Try before you were forty."

Gambit:

"I live with guilt on my soul."

Rogue:

"Self-inflicted."

Gambit:

"No body trusts me."

Psylocke:

"Self-inflicted."

Gambit:

"I can't touch the girl I love."

Iceman:

"Haven't we been there?"

Gambit:

"LOVE! Hello?! I was thrown out of two adopted families!"

Everyone was silent.

Gambit:

"The guilt's bad isn't 't."

Cyclops:

"Anything else?"

Gambit:

"Let me see. Oh yeah, and nobody likes my cooking."

Wolverine:

"Well some people have taste. Next!"

Rogue:

"I have that schizoid thing with Carol Danvers."

Psylocke:

"Kwannon!"

Wolverine:

"My feral side!"

Gambit:

"And you can't use that touch thing again."

Rogue:

"Damn. Well, next."

Psylocke:

"I was used as a video camera for Mojo and a host body for an assassin."

Cyclops:

"Used as DNA for Sinister."

Wolverine:

"Used as a pin cushion for the Canadian government."

Rogue:

"Used as a villain for Mystique."

Gambit:

"Used as a peace keeper for the Guild."

Iceman:

"Used as a host body for the White Queen."

Psylocke:

"Okay, how about going through my nympho period without relief."

Iceman:

"Everyday of my life."

Gambit:

"Y' never came t' me."

Psylocke:

"Men are afraid of me."

Gambit:

"Self-inflicted."

Psylocke:

"Next."

Wolverine:

"I have no past."

Gambit:

"Take mine."

Rogue:

"And mine."

Wolverine:

"These heightened senses really aren't good going into thee bathroom after Hank."

Beast:

"Hey!"

Wolverine:

"My skeleton was ripped out of my body."

Silence.

Wolverine:

"The young girls look at me like a daddy figure."

Cyclops:

"Well, my kids look at me as their kid."

Wolverine:

"I question the dream."

Storm:

"Well, duh."

Gambit:

"I'm here for de free rent."

Announcer:

Well it looks like we have a winner.

Jean Grey-Summers

"Hi guys! Can I play?"

Everyone:

NO!!