Chapter 5: A Little Thing Called Trust.
James lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, with his hangings draped over his bed. He had an annoyed and slightly angry expression on his face. His thoughts drifted back to those painful months, 4 years ago.
They always argued about him. Wherever they went, you could always tell it was them shouting, no not shouting, bawling at each other. James was ashamed that they were always at each other's hate list. You could always tell when the Potter's would be coming, it was embarrassing. But through many arguments, they had always had many good times. James remembered for his 13th birthday, his father had taken him to the final match of the Quidditch World Cup. When they had returned they had found his mother had left a note for them, a plain simple note, with a few lines, but explained in just a few simple sentences.
-We never get along, and I can't stand it! I wanted James to study hard and get good grades at school, but now I get letters almost everyday from the school saying that he's pulled another prank that has made another kid break they're arm or something like that, it's juvenile delinquency! I can't trust him anymore, and I can't trust you either. You encourage him in every way! Buying him some new dangerous gift on each birthday, I can't take. The divorce is set, and as far as I'm concerned, James is YOUR son, not mine. –
James always remembered that note. How could anyone forget a not that said they wanted you out of their lives? James frowned as he felt a single tear come down the side of his cheek. He wiped it away stubbornly. From then on, he had always wanted friends that would trust him, and that he could trust them, without that, someone always ended up getting hurt. And that someone always seemed to be him. James wiped his face and stubbornly tried to get out of bed. Although he was in pain, he didn't care. He needed to hold onto something to walk, as his legs hadn't fully healed. He headed towards the bathroom. The fire lanterns lit up and illuminated the big bathroom. James looked at his reflection and saw the cuts he had received as a stag. He turned the taps on and started to soak his face with the cold water. The water made his wounds sting, but James dealt with the pain, he had been in a lot of pain before, worse than a few cuts. He didn't feel like sleeping as he looked at his three friends curled up in their beds. He grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of old trousers and replaced them with his ripped black robes. He headed into the common room and saw Lily taking up all the space of the couch he usually sat on. He stumbled over there and gazed at her, a mixture of thoughts running through his head.
She never listened to me, I told her many times to go back.
It was only curiosity, you would've done the same if you had been her, wouldn't you James.
No I wouldn't, you've forgotten how much trust is important to me.
So, do you hate her now?
No, I'm just…disappointed. I don't really know what to think of her now.
Well, look there, since when did she take Divination? She's done you're homework for you.
Even if she has, that isn't an excuse to get out of it. She didn't listen to me.
James gazed at Lily; she looked really tired, as if she hadn't slept in days. She had taken care of him, and done his homework, but gaining his trust again would take her a long time. James took the homework she had done and then headed towards his dorm.
That morning, Lily headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. She was happier this morning as she had noticed James sitting on the table. Sirius was helping Remus, and Peter was still sleeping like a rock. She sat opposite James.
"James, I'm glad to see you're up again. I want to thank you for what you did for me, but also apologise for not going back like you told me to," Lily said quietly bowing her head in shame. James looked at her and then continued eating his toast. Noticing he remained silent, Lily continued.
"So, Prongs, um…you look, err…nice in you're other form," Lily said looking up. James continued with the silence and finished his breakfast. He stood up and left the table without saying goodbye. As he left the hall, Remus and Sirius entered. James walked pass them and muttered a small greeting. They looked over at Lily who had seen James exit and leave her behind. They walked over to her and sat at either side of her.
"Hey Lil, what's wrong with Jamsie-boy?" Sirius said nodding in the direction James had left.
Lily remained silent for a while, all the time, she had her eyes stuck on where James had left. It was until she heard the clicking of fingers snap her out of it.
"Lil, you ok?" Remus asked.
"No, I'm not. My best friend hates me." Lily whispered and left. Remus and Sirius stared after her. She looked really upset.
"I thought I was her best friend!" Sirius pouted.
"Get over yourself Sirius. She likes James, and she's lost his trust now." Remus stated.
"That's a bad thing to do." Sirius replied simply.
Lily walked to her dorm and collected all her things for class glumly. As she went down to the common room she saw James exiting it. She hurriedly walked up beside him; they were going to the same class after all.
"Look, James, I'm really sorry, please talk to me?" Lily pleaded keeping up with his fast walking pace up through the many towers of the school.
"Whatever Lily," he muttered and walked into his classroom and sat at his usual place the back of the class. Lily sat at her usual desk in front of him. They used to pass notes to each other, but all through out class, no notes came.
Lily couldn't stand it, every time she approached James or try to talk to him, he'd ignore her, not talk to her or walk away. The rest of the Marauder's didn't really know what to do. They were friends with both people, and whenever they would hang out together, they felt awkward. It was better when the both of them had been friends, then they could talk about anything.
They had been surprised when James snapped at her one day when she had been apologising. He never snapped at anyone, especially girls. It seemed un-James like. From then onwards, Lily started to avoid him, she studied in her dorm, read in the library, and went outside – even in bad weather - whenever she was bored and James was in the common room. She couldn't stand the silence and that distant look on his face whenever she was around.
-Dear Diary,
I can't stand this anymore. I know I've said this a thousand times, but I miss him so much. I know what I did was wrong. Curiosity seems to pull friends away from you now. Or get you into trouble. And that's exactly what has happened with James and me. I miss the rides we would take on his broomstick, the conversations we had, the smile on his face, that mischievous glint in his eye, I miss his presence. Meryl keeps me company, but even her cute ginger furry face can't cheer me up. I want James to be my friend again. He's a nice guy. I miss him. This entry probably makes me sound like I'm in love with the boy, and I probably am. Lily Potter doesn't sound bad; it has a nice ring to it. I'm going to shut up now.
Lily.
20/11/76. –
Lily closed her diary and placed it in her pocket. She walked to the common room and quickly walked out as she saw James, Sirius and Remus there out of the corner of her eye. Sirius sighed and looked at Remus, and then at James. James was just continuing at there game of Exploding Snap.
"When are you going to forgive her?" Remus suddenly asked.
"Forgive who?" James replied distantly.
"Stop being an ass Prongs" Sirius stated rolling his eyes.
"I've already forgiven her."
"Then why aren't you talking to her?" Remus continued.
"Because I can't…"
"You can't what? Trust her?" Remus finished.
"Prongs ol' buddy, she doesn't know about what happened those years ago, if you explain it to her, she'll understand and know not to do anything like that again." Sirius said roughly patting James on the back. He nearly fell off his chair, since Sirius patted him so hard.
"Will she understand though? Understand that juvenile delinquent, that child that caused arguments between his parents, that child that drove his mother away," James spat.
"She'll understand, she's the kid that lost that close relationship she had with her sister, the muggle born witch who is ignored by everyone, the witch who is taunted by the Slytherin's for being muggle born, only having a cat for company. The witch who cleaned your wounds, replaced you dressings, did your homework where she did a lot of research because some of the subjects are the ones she hadn't taken, and managed to get you an 'A' on all of it. The witch who kept the secrets about the werewolf and animagus. The witch…who lost her best friend." Remus said silently.
'Holy shit.' Was the only thought that went through James' head. He stood up and went to his dormitory and shortly returned with a piece of parchment in his hand. He headed outside.
"Man, you and these guilt trips, you're a genius at them." Sirius said, staring at him with wide eyes.
"I try," Remus said and shrugged and smiled.
James looked at the parchment and then stuffed in his pockets. 'She's at the big Sycamore overlooking the lake.' James thought and ran outside towards the tree. Lily sat underneath the tree, accompanied with her cat Meryl. She stroked its fur and sighed. It was a starry night, with a cool breeze. She gazed at the stars, making out the constellations and pointing them out to her cat.
"You see, that one with the three stars in a row is O'rien, and that one that looks likes a sauce pan is called the Plough, also known as the big dipper and the Great Bear." Lily said pointing at the stars. Her cat yawned.
"I learned all that while doing James' Astronomy homework. Maybe I should take it up next year." Lily said still gazing up at the faraway dots that sparkled in the sky.
"You should, gazing at the stars is fun. Gives you time to think." Said a voice behind her. Lily jumped as she saw James sit down beside her.
"James?!" Lily exclaimed.
"Hey Lil!" James replied cheerfully smiling down at her.
"I thought you were still angry at me." Lily said quietly.
"I was never angry. Just unsure of what you'd think of me," James said.
"Unsure? Why?" Lily asked surprised.
"When I was 12, my parents got divorced. My mother said she couldn't stand my pranks and school, and she didn't exactly get along with my father. He always laughed at the pranks I'd tell him about. He was prankster himself. My mother thought it was delinquency, and she left. She said she couldn't trust me any longer. Ever since I've tried to get her to trust me, but she never came back. So now, I want my friends to trust me, and I want to trust them. So when you didn't go back, I felt you didn't trust me, and that kinda sparked that memory locked up inside of me." James explained.
"James, I'm…I'm so sorry," Lily stuttered.
"Hey, there's no reason for you to be sorry. I was the jerk who almost lost one of my closest friends." James said smiling.
"One of your closest friends? Me?" Lily asked surprised.
"Yeah, my closest friends are the people who know all my secrets and I would trust them with my life," James stated.
"I feel honoured. Thank you James." Lily said. They sat in silence for a while and Lily shivered a little.
"You cold?" James asked.
"A little, but I don't want to head back. It's peaceful here." Lily said wrapping her robed more tightly around her. James wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in closer. Lily blushed a little and leaned her head on James' shoulder and James leaned in on Lily. James placed his hand on top of hers and Lily intertwined their fingers. Lily sighed a little and closed her eyes. She started humming a tune, James listened smiling and looking out at the lake. Everything in the world seemed right all of a sudden, holding the other's hand, having the other's presence. It felt so right. James turned to look at Lily, she had her eyed closed and she was still humming the tune. The wind ruffled her red hair and blew it in her face. Her peachy skin matched it perfectly and James knew her green eyes framed her face perfectly. 'She is beautiful. Why didn't I see it before?' James thought. He looked out at the lake as the wind blew his wild hair.
"We'd better head back, otherwise McGonagall will give us detentions. And I don't want you to lose you're perfect record." James said regretfully and started to get up.
"Yeah you're right." Lily said, stood up stretched and yawned.
As she stretched and yawned, James removed the hairpin that kept her hair up in a loose bun.
"What the? Hey! James, why'd you do that?" Lily asked annoyed, she hated her hair down.
James stared wide-eyed at the girl. She looked different with her hair down, and it was so long. It went just past her waist, and it was really thick, silky, shiny and wavy. She looked really pretty like that.
"James? Lily to James?" she said and waved her hand in front of his face.
"Wha…? Oh Lily! Hehehe, sorry, just wanted to see what you looked like with you're hair down." James said sheepishly.
"Well you've seen now. Can I have my hairpin back?" Lily asked.
"Sure, but you look really pretty with you're hair down." James smiled at her. She blushed and fumbled with her hair.
"Need help?" James asked as her hair kept slipping.
"I wouldn't mind." Lily continued.
James undid her makeshift bun and re-made it into a neater bun. Lily enjoyed the feeling of his fingers running through her hair. He was gentle with it and it relaxed her a lot. James slid the hairpin into place.
"There, done." James said glad at his handiwork. It was slightly messy, but it held in place.
"Ok, we'd better go. Come on Meryl." Lily summoned her cat and walked up with James up to the castle.
