RELEGARE IRA, REPERIRE CARITAS
Jondy drank the last of her water, sighed, and turned the page of the novel she was reading. Well, skimming was more like it; it wasn't a very good book and she was distracted. Jondy couldn't remember the last time she had smiled; really smiled. She was too worried to be happy anymore; her big brother, who had always looked out for her- for all of her siblings- was missing. Maybe even... but she didn't want to think about that. She glanced outside; the late winter wind was blowing dead leaves about the front yard, spraying the light rain gently against the windows of Zane's truck, parked in the driveway of the little two-bedroom house they were renting here in Santa Fe.
The problem was, she didn't know which would be better: Zack dead or recaptured. She knew that he would never want to go back there, but according to Zane, who had seen Zack six months previously, Zack had already been taken back to Manticore once. Jondy hadn't seen her big brother since she was fourteen years old; when Zane first told her, she hadn't believed that he would have allowed himself to be recaptured and dragged back to that place. He always said he'd rather die than go back there. But Zane had said that he'd allowed himself to be taken to protect Max, and that she could believe. Jondy almost smiled at the thought of her littlest sister; Max had been her best friend growing up, and Jondy had thought she was dead all these years because the last time she had seen her was during the escape from Manticore, when Max had fallen through some thin ice and disappeared. After Jondy got out into the world, she mourned her little sister. But now she knew: Max was fine after all, and that thought comforted her greatly.
Right now, Jondy needed any comfort she could get. Zack was missing, maybe dead. He hadn't returned any of hers or Zane's calls over the past year, and with no other way to get in touch with him or any of the others, they had very little answers. It was horribly frustrating; Jondy was trying to get on with her life, as Zane said she should, because she knew that moping around waiting for the off-chance that Zack might come back wouldn't help anyone. Jondy suspected that Zane had already given up on Zack, moved on. He hadn't said it, but whenever she mentioned Zack she saw it in his eyes; he believed their brother was dead, and that scared her more than anything her imagination could ever come up with.
Other than that, however, Zane was Jondy's biggest consolation. They had been staying together ever since she'd tracked him down in New Mexico to help her out in Austin, after Zack hadn't shown up or returned her call. There had been some suspicious men following her around for a few days there, and though she had heard Manticore was gone, she'd been afraid. At the time, she'd figured Zack had been too busy to come, and so had tracked down Zane to help her instead. He'd gotten her out of there, and for a while she'd expected to get Zack's belated call, asking if she was alright in the voice he always used with his siblings- gruff, but with deep, unarguable love just below the surface. Only now, after almost a year with nothing from her big brother, Jondy feared the worse.
"Hello!" a voice called from the door of the small house. Jondy smiled, put her book down, and stood up from the sofa. A moment later Zane entered the room. He threw her a grin as he took his wet jacket off, tossing it over the back of an easy chair. Jondy picked it up and threaded it onto a hanger, putting it neatly away in the closet. Zane didn't seem to notice; he fell onto the sofa in the way that young men did, and Jondy smiled and rolled her eyes, taking a seat beside him.
"Did you get it?" she asked. He looked at her, confusion briefly crossing his face.
"Oh," he said, once he'd realized what she meant. He waved a hand at her, dismissing the idea. "I left before I found out."
"What?" She stared at him incredulously. "Why would you do that? We need the money, Zane, and you said that job was a sure thing."
"It is. I'll go back there tomorrow." He grinned at her. "I'll tell the secretary I had a medical emergency or something."
"Why did you leave?" she asked curiously. His expression became serious.
"I saw something. An Eyes Only broadcast."
"Eyes Only?" Jondy repeated, gazing into space for a moment.
"Do not attempt to adjust your sets." Jondy had ignored the voice from
the television when it had come over the broadcast over a year before. She was
in San Francisco, living in a nice little two-bedroom apartment with a friend,
with a view of the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge, not so golden anymore since
the Pulse. But still it was home, and she was happy there.
"This is a streaming freedom video bulletin. This cable hack is being beamed to you right across America. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped."
"Jondy, did you borrow my red skirt?" her roommate asked, coming out of her bedroom to stand in front of Jondy, her hands placed firmly on her hips. Jondy glanced up from the book she was reading and shook her head.
"Sorry, Yin, I haven't seen it."
"What's this?" the girl asked after a moment of disappointment, motioning to the television. Jondy shrugged but glanced over at it. A man's eyes bordered by red, white, and blue stripes with 'STREAMING FREEDOM VIDEO' scrolling across them filled the screen.
"... for those known as X5," the voice of the eyes was saying. She froze, her heart catching in her throat. Yin left the room again, muttering about her skirt, but Jondy was riveted to the television. For a moment she thought that she'd heard it wrong, but 'X5' and then the Manticore chimera symbol appeared between the bars of red, white, and blue. Next, scrolling across it, five barcodes. Zane's, Tinga's, Syl's, Krit's... and her own. Her hands began shaking.
"You've been compromised," the voice continued. Jondy swallowed hard, heart racing. "You're in danger. You know what to do." Jondy closed her eyes briefly as the barcodes began to scroll across the screen once again, and glanced down the hallway, gazing at Yin's closed door.
"I repeat: you've been compromised. You know what to do," the voice said again. "This message will repeat every hour on the hour until each of you has checked in." God! Jondy thought, panicked. How long has it been playing already? They might burst through the door any second! She just hoped that her brothers and sisters had escaped already. Who would have compromised them? She had a horrible feeling that it could be no one but one of her siblings, caught and tortured for information by Manticore... she shook the painful thought away. I have to focus! she berated herself.
Jondy's eyes spilled over with tears as she rose slowly from the sofa. There was no time to gather anything from her bedroom, so she simply grabbed her coat and wallet, wiping angrily at her tears. There was no use crying about it; this was her life. She would always be looking over her shoulder, always running to maintain her freedom. Don't cry. She headed for the door of her little apartment, hesitating for a moment in the doorway as she surveyed the cozy living room and kitchen, where dinner was simmering on the stove.
"Jondy?" she heard Yin's voice calling her from down the hall. Quickly shutting the door noiselessly behind her, she left San Francisco forever.
"Yeah, remember, like the one that told us to move out last year?" Zane
was asking her.
"I remember," she said softly. He had her full attention now. "What did it say this time?" She liked Santa Fe; she didn't want to leave. Besides, she still didn't understand how that Eyes Only person had gotten her barcode in the first place. But, of course, she'd still listened and gotten the hell out of San Francisco, hoping desperately that her likewise endangered siblings had escaped unscathed as well. Now she knew that Zane had, but she still thought about the others frequently, and she just hoped that they were okay. But now that Zack was gone, she didn't know if she'd ever find out whether or not they were safe, or even how many got out that night besides her. Zack had never said.
"It was about Zack," Zane's soft voice cut through her thoughts.
"What did it say?" she asked quickly.
"You might want to brace yourself, Jondy," he said gently. Her heart quickened; she swallowed. He was looking at her like he had to tell her something horrible and really didn't want to.
"Tell me," she said firmly, preparing herself for the worst.
"It was a broadcast out of Seattle. Eyes Only said that Zack had been recaptured by Manticore- he didn't use his name, just flashed his barcode. He said that Zack had been put through... procedures. So he would talk, tell them where we are, probably. And then they sent him like some kind of assassin to kill someone who works for Eyes Only. But he failed, and escaped Manticore. But the guy said something about lasting damage that still needed to be fixed. I don't know. He seemed to be calling for the doctors from Manticore to help. Now that Manticore's gone, I wouldn't be surprised if the ones who are still alive are already out of the country by now. I don't know if he'll be able to get Zack help... I don't even know why he wants to help Zack at all." Zane sounded frustrated, which was exactly how Jondy felt, on top of sick to her stomach. Her brother shrugged. "But he seems to. It's just-" He paused, lowered his voice. "I wish that I knew what's wrong with Zack. The transmission was vague; it was obvious he was speaking to specific people." He sighed. "I'm just not sure what it all means." When he'd finished, Jondy exhaled in one long breath, half-devastated and half-relieved. Zack was alive, but Manticore had captured him. He was free, but he they had done something terrible to him. She was angry, frustrated; she wished she knew what had happened, could help him... she wished she could even just get in touch with him, for God's sake!
"...again," Zane's was saying, cutting through her thoughts.
"What?" she stammered.
"I said I'm calling the contact number again," he repeated, smiling at her gently. She nodded, and he walked over to the telephone on the endtable beside the sofa, picking up the receiver and dialling the number from memory. He turned away from her as he recorded his message, and she frowned; it annoyed her that he was so protective sometimes. But it mostly annoyed her that his overprotectiveness only made her love him more. It was nice to be treated like a child sometimes, even if she was a little older than him. To be coddled, loved, protected... once in a while, it really was nice.
Jondy watched him record the message, gazing at his strong shoulders and the way he held himself: heavily, tensely. He'd been under a lot of stress lately, what with having to rescue her in Texas and now this whole ordeal with Zack, though he usually laughed off his fatigue. Jondy herself didn't need to sleep, but lately she'd been wishing that she could lie down in a bed, close her eyes and not open them again for a good eight or nine hours. The most she could ever really accomplish was two, and then her body would start itching for movement and she had to get up. It was very frustrating, because when she was awake she could only ever think of Zack and her other siblings.
"Jondy?" Max was calling her as if from far away. The sound was all
muddled, both with her own grogginess and Max's panicked tears. Slowly, Jondy's
eyes fluttered open and registered that she was in the forest around Manticore,
lying on her back, and in a lot of pain. She was momentarily blinded by the
summer sun as her eyes focussed, and she quickly raised a hand to shield herself
from it. But even that brief movement sent waves of nausea and dizziness
shooting through her body, and she blacked out again. Time passed lazily.
"Jondy!" Max; sadness, pain, fear.
"BP is 75 and falling."
"Ok, we've got internal hemorrhaging. Prep for surgery. We're going to need some blood in here."
"Jondy!" Zack; curtness, authority, love.
"Get them out of here right now!" A harsh voice. A scuffling sound, the clatter of something. A cool touch on her forehead; Zack's hand. "Sir, we need you in here!" Someone rushing into the room.
"Is she going to be okay or not?" An angry voice shaking with concern; Zack.
"Back to the barracks, 599." Lydecker; Jondy shivered even in her groggy state at the sound of his voice. The sound of someone struggling, a yell of pain. Lydecker's angry yell, "Get him to solitary now!"
"Zack!" Max's voice; high, panicked. More struggling; a door slamming shut.
"You- 452." Lydecker again. "Over here." Someone walking reluctantly across a linoleum floor. "I'm going to need three units of blood." Then nothing. The passage of time, how long she didn't know.
"Jondy... Jondy..." A sweet, loving voice calling her, glowing with warm affection and the shake of fear. Jondy's eyes slowly opened, focussed under the harsh flourescent lights. She turned her head slightly, surveying the room around her; slowly different objects came into view: medical tools, steel furniture, a bloody jacket thrown haphazardly against a chair... two children standing before her.
"Zack..." Her throat felt like sandpaper. "Max..."
"Don't speak," her sister said gently, taking her limp hand. Jondy looked down at herself; there were three bullet-holes smattered across the area just below her collar bones. Her hands started shaking.
"What-"
"It doesn't matter." Max laid a cool hand on her forehead. "You're safe now."
"My tummy hurts," she whispered. Max turned their brother worriedly, but Zack just smiled gently down at Jondy.
"Don't worry, baby sister," he said softly. Jondy heard footsteps outside, turned her head sharply in fear, felt a sickening sense of vertigo overtake her at the movement, struggled against unconsciousness, focussed on Max's soothing fingers on her face. Zack hurried to the door, peered out slowly around the corner. He motioned to Max; she nodded, turned back to Jondy and smiled, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead softly.
"Sleep," she said.
"I don't need-" Jondy began, but as Zack and Max headed stealthily out the door the sounds of the rooms dulled out, her eyes fluttered closed, and everything went black.
"Jondy?" Zane was standing in front of her. He had refilled her glass of
water and she took it thankfully, sipping at it. He sat down next to her and
yawned. They sat there for a while, not speaking, each lost in their own
thoughts. Zane glanced over at his sister. Her blue eyes were pensive, her
blonde hair hung loosely against her shoulders; he detected the faintest of dark
circles under her eyes.
Jondy was eight years old. She gripped the steering wheel of the
hummer tightly and tossed a grin at the boy next to her without the guards
around them seeing. Zane, just barely younger than she was, smiled back, then
turned to see the five other military vehicles around them, carrying ten of
their siblings broken into pairs. They had all been excited for weeks about this
exercise; Zane had never driven before outside the simulator. Jondy hadn't
either, though that didn't worry him. Not too much, anyway.
"Go!" one of the men said, hitting the hood of the car and signalling that they could leave. Simultaneously, the five hummers shot forward as their child drivers pressed too hard on the gas pedals. Zane felt his heart catch in his throat for a moment and glanced over at Jondy.
"Don't worry," she said in a voice that made it obvious she was having fun. She slowed the car a bit as she got the hang of it and Zane relaxed slightly. But he was still a bit too cautious to completely settle down; this was nothing like the simulator. Besides, they had an objective to concentrate on, and he wanted to be alive when they got to it.
"Tinga, Krit, flank my position," Zack's voice came over the comm headsets they were wearing. "Syl, Jondy, break off with Ben and circle in behind." Jondy turned the wheel, and the car lurched to the side as they moved sharply to the left. Zane threw her an exasperated look; she glanced at him sheepishly but she was having a lot of fun, he could tell. He smiled at her as they drove in spite of his fears and chuckled to himself. He always liked to see her happy.
Zane sighed and Jondy looked up at him, forcing a smile.
"What?" she asked.
"Just thinking."
"About...?" He shrugged at this and said nothing. She nodded. "Me too."
"At least he's alive," Zane said; a small smile graced Jondy's lips.
"I never doubted it," she answered softly.
"Always the optimist," he noted, flashing a grin at her.
"You're a good brother, Zack," Jondy said as they walked along the
corridors of Manticore, their siblings behind them. She touched his tense arm.
"It's not your fault."
"I shouldn't have given her that order." They were clutching Max's arms protectively, holding her slumped form between them, her body still convulsing slightly. Jondy was worried about her, but the thought of finally getting out was exhilarating. Max had been Zack's motivation to finally do it; Jondy had suspected something like that would happen since Max' seizures had been getting progressively worse over the last few months and Zack had been getting progressively on edge.
"She wasn't ready," Zack said in a pained voice. Jondy looked up at him, a soft smile touching her lips. He was such a very good brother; she loved him so much.
"Where's Eva?" Jace asked as she came up beside them; Jondy frowned at her question. Jace hadn't been there when Eva had died, so she wouldn't know how hurtful her question would be to Zack. But still, it upset Jondy that she'd asked it and she quickly turned to Zack, seeing the pain expression on his face. Eva had been one of Zack's most trusted soldiers; she'd been the only one, besides Jondy herself, whom Zack felt he could always depend on in a pinch. But more importantly, she had been his sister, and he loved her.
"Gone," Jondy whispered quickly to Jace, hoping Zack wouldn't hear though he was right beside her and they all had excellent hearing. Tears threatened to spill over Jace's eyes at this. Jondy touched her shoulder as she saw Ben come up to walk beside Zack, and Jace smiled weakly at her.
"Don't worry, Zack, she's in the Good Place." Jondy winced when Ben said that; it was the worst thing he could have possibly said to Zack at this moment.
"Ben, don't." Their big brother waved him away and the boy's always-hopeful face fell. "Don't talk about the Good Place, it's not real. We're not little anymore." Jondy opened her mouth to say something to remedy the situation, but stopped herself.
"It's real!" Ben's voice was filled with anger to hide his pain.
"Go and walk with Tinga," Zack ordered; Ben all but stomped to the back of the group, and Jondy sighed to herself. She reached forward and tugged on Zack's sleeve.
"What now, Jondy?" he asked. He was trying not to cry, she could tell. She smiled softly at him.
"Right then, Zack, you weren't a good brother," she said gently, gazing at him. He'd known that, she'd just had to tell him. All their lives she had taken it upon herself to remind Zack that he was a person if he started acting like he was only a soldier.
"Ben, come here," he said, looking at Jondy. She smiled, nodded, and Ben reluctantly rejoined them, his eyes still angry and pained. Zack said gently, "Tell us a story," and Ben's face virtually glowed with happiness. Slowly, as his brother began speaking, Zack smiled. It was only then, with her duty done, that Jondy turned away to cry over her dead sister.
Zane's dog entered the living room, a little German Shepard puppy that
Jondy tolerated only because he seemed to love it so much. Well, not it- her.
And she had a name: Wenna. Jondy had to admit it was a sweet name, and she was a
sweet dog, but she wasn't looking forward to when Wenna grew up, because then
she would remind Jondy of the frightening dogs they had at Manticore.
"Make them stop!" Jace clapped her small hands over her ears as the
dogs barked harshly, her dark eyes welling up with tears. She was four years
old.
"It's okay," Jondy said, touching her shoulder. She was only a few months older than Jace, and scared too, but Jace was scared of a lot more things than most of the other children ever were. It worried Zack, Jondy knew, because it was a weakness almost as great as the seizures and Manticore didn't deal well with flaws. Jondy wished she could shoot the horrible dogs for Jace, make her little sister feel better, but this was a no-weapons exercise.
"Go away," Jondy said firmly to the two dogs closing on them, putting a protective arm around Jace. The dogs growled fiercely. "Go away," Jondy repeated, her voice hard. She kept eye-contact with the German Shepards, not breaking it before they did, as she'd been taught to do. Only then did they back away, and she smiled, satisfied. Jace slowly calmed down as the dogs moved off, and she and Jondy hurried to rejoin Zack and the rest of their unit.
Wenna scampered over to Jondy and licked her hand, breaking her out of
her reverie. She jumped slightly, then smiled and scratched the dog behind the
ears. Zane yawned; she looked at him. He always did this, stayed up until he was
practically falling over because he thought he should be a good host or
something. Host? God, she was his sister, not some posh guest visiting from afar
and expecting things. She wore her pajamas around the house most of time, so she
had no idea where he had gotten that idea. But that was Zane's way; always
friendly, always considerate and accommodating. But Jondy never slept, and of
course he knew that. Didn't he get it? He would never be able to stay up long
enough. Maybe it was a macho thing. She smiled at the humour of it as he yawned
again, loudly.
"Go to bed," she said to her little brother. He started to protest, then shrugged. He touched her arm.
"It's going to be okay, you know," he said gently. She nodded and smiled at him.
"I know."
"Goodnight, Jondy."
"Goodnight, Zane," she said softly as he stood.
"Come on, Wenna," he coaxed the puppy. "Let's go to bed." The dog left her side and trotted obediently after him toward the stairs. Jondy turned to look outside for a moment, watched the wind push the leaves around the deserted street, and the rivers that the film of light rain made on the windows travelling lazily down the glass, and reached for her book. But before she could reopen it and start reading again, the telephone rang. Zane paused on the stairs as she stood and headed for the endtable. Who would be calling now? It has to be at least one in the morning. She picked up the phone as both she and Zane held their breaths without realizing they were doing so.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Jondy?" a husky male voice came over the line. "Is that you?" Jondy clutched the receiver tightly in her hands; her eyes fluttered closed and tears spilled down her cheeks. Zane sat down heavily, disbelievingly, on the stairs.
"Yes, it's me," she breathed into the receiver, the most incredible feeling of relief she'd ever had in her life sweeping through her being. "Zack, thank God you're alive."
