Well, hello! And Welcome to My Little World of Weirdness!

I state for the record that, despite the fact I really, really wish I did, I don't own any of the characters that will grace this story; it's all CLAMP's! Always has been, always will be!

Also I don't pretend to have any Mastery over the language of Japanese or any clue as to correct grammatical structure. I put it in and hope it gets across the point I'm trying to make!

Also, I've only ever seen the American dub, the first 3 and the 5th DVDs of the sub. Everything else about the whole Sakura-Eriol-Yue arch I've gleaned from the Internet. Sorry if they are all OOC or I slip up and start calling Syaoran, simply Li. Someone? Do tell me if I do that! And before I get any complaints, consider them all to be in their mid-teens, the time when everybody starts making dirty little jokes!!



"Speaking"

*Stress/emphasis*

//Thinking//



The Magical, Mythical, Mischievous Master Clow.

By Dr Megalomania.

For a small city called Tomoeda, of the lovely isle of Japan, the week began like any other. For four magical guardians, the week began hellishly with the activation of an ancient curse, bestowed upon them a long, long time ago . . .



Part Four: Monday - Getsuyoobi



"Come on Kero, time to wake up."

Touya shook the being that was stuck in the form of Yue.

"Whaddyameanit'stimetogetup?" came the indignant reply somewhat muffled under the blanket.

"Pardon me?" Touya lifted the blanket.

"I said," yawned Kero. "What do you mean it's time to get up?"

"We have to get ready to go to school." Touya explained. He hadn't had much sleep and he felt he was being amply patient with the guardian beast.

Kero blinked slowly and peered at the clock. He lifted a long finger.

"What's this?" he pressed his finger against the clock face.

Touya rolled his eyes, "It's a clock."

"No, I mean what's this *time*?" Kero said hoarsely as he stared at the clock,

"It's four-thirty." // and too bloody early!// Touya added silently, he pulled the blanket away from Kero.

"Four . . . thirty? A.M? As in 'In the morning' A.M?" Kero stared at him in confusion.

"Hai." Touya nodded once.

"In. the. Morning?"

"Hai." Touya rolled his eyes again.

"You mean there's a time *before* ten o clock?" Kero stared at him in genuine astonishment.

"Hai."

His eyes widened with fear, and he buried his head in the pillow. "Clow- sama! I'm going to die!"

Touya stared at him, as he threw his head back and wailed, "Oh!! I can't live like this!"

He realised something, "Wait!"

He eyed Touya suspiciously, "Why you are getting up now, Sakura never gets up before seven. And *you* always leave with her."

Then he saw his own body floating beside Touya, "What are *you* doing up?"

Yue yawned widely; "I always -yawn- get up at this time, -yawn- to do my hair. Although I must say -yawn- you do not seem used to it." He yawned again and floated down on to the bed.

"Oh no, you don't!" Touya grabbed him before the tiny plush toy fell asleep. "You *did not* slap me awake to do *your* hair while you have a siesta."

Touya shook Yue violently, "Wake up!"

"Oi!" Kero jumped up and plucked Yue from Touya's clutches, "That's my body and my brother you're battering! Have more care. Baka!"

Yue, having regained his bearings, lifted a paw to shoot his icicles at Touya, then he realise Kero didn't have any great powers when in this form. He glared furiously at Touya as Yue tried to recall what the most painful thing Kero used to retaliate with in this form.

Then it came to him.

"Mmm-nahum!" He growled as he bit Touya's finger.

"Ow!!" Touya jumped and waved his arm with the pain. "Leggo! Let! Go!!"

Yue released his grip and flew back to the safety of his own body's arms, as they backed away from the angry Touya.

Two hours later . . .

"How much moooorrre?!" Sobbed Kero, once Touya had calmed down, and Yue had had organised operation 'Prevent Yue From Popping A Vein' as Kero had jokingly called it.

"Just twenty more combs." Yue commented matter-of-factly.

"Noooooo!" Kero cried softly. His butt was well passed the numb stage. Kero wiggled to get some feeling back and was rewarded with the biggest case of pins and needles he'd ever had.

"Keep still!" Yue snapped.

"But I'm hungry!" Kero clutched his rumbling stomach

"Keep still or we'll have to start again" Yue threatened him, they were just ten combs away from the end of his traditional thousand, and he would have like to go for an extra four hundred, just because of the state Kero had gotten it in but Touya, it seemed, had had enough.

"No, we won't" Touya snapped, he was the one doing all the combing

"Yes, we will. I can't stand tangles." Yue barked back.

"You'll have to stand them if you get them. It's time to get dressed." Touya combed the hair once more before setting the brush aside and picking up the various ribbons.

"And then breakfast?" Kero asked over his shoulder.

"Yes . . . If you behave." Touya muttered and Yue held Kero's paw over the knot.

"What do you mean 'if I behave'?" Kero growled.

"My father doesn't know you or Yue, so you'll have to pretend to be Yukito." Touya dropped to his knees to fix the last ribbon. Yue flew up to face Kero.

Kero stared at him.

"But I can still eat." He said worried to Yue.

"Yes. I don't see any problem since both of you eat roughly the same amount." Touya answered and tugged as his finger had got stuck in the last knot.

Kero beamed.

"But you'll have to eat a well balanced diet. That means just as much greens as pudding." Yue stated.

Kero lost his smile. "But I *hate* greens. They're icky!"

"Well, they're good for you and you'll *eat*. And then you'll be polite for a change!" Yue folded his arms, and whilst this pose, in his normal body, looked perfectly intimidating, in Kero's; it was positively hilarious.

"I'm always polite!" Kero protested.

Yue snorted, "Bah!"





"Ow! OW!! Stop it!"

Eriol tapped his feet in the hallway, while Ruby made some last minute adjustment to her own hair, Spinel had been enduring a prolong version of Ruby's morning perfection habit.

"Just keep still! You have to at least look beautiful!" She hissed, clutching various hairpins in Spinel's tiny paws.

Eriol sighed sharply and looked at the clock, they were going to be late. He decided to cast a spell and suddenly the hair did itself at an instant pace.

"There now, Ruby, you are going to have to stay in the grounds. No shopping trips, you must stay here." He said quickly before she could spot anything wrong with the style he had chosen.

She sighed.

"Now come along Spinel." They marched out the house at double speed and down the path.

"Have a nice day at school you two!" Ruby cried after them, then looked back into the house, //I wonder if there's anything good on TV. . .//





As agreed, Eriol and Spinel, met with Touya, Sakura and Kero in the park. As they made their way to their schools, the three humans tried to teach the two centuries old guardians about modern day schooling.

"Okay, I think that's it." Touya sighed, "Any questions?"

The two Guardians exchanged a look then Spinel gestured Kero to go first.

"What if I don't understand what's going on?" Kero blurted.

"You raise your hand and ask what the sensei means." Answered Sakura.

He thought about this and the stopped, and folded his arms.

"What if I get bored?"

"You still have to stay at the school." Touya gently pushed him along.

"What if the teacher's wrong?" Spinel asked Eriol.

Eriol thought about this, then said, "Then try to correct them gently until they understand."

"What if I get hungry?" Kero asked Touya.

"The lunch period's at twelve."

"What if I get hungry *before* then?"

"Then you'll have to wait."

"Wait?" Kero blinked.

"Yes, wait."

"What kind of torture do they put you through there?" Kero grabbed Sakura's shoulder.

"Kero-chan, you're exaggerating." She patted his hand calmly.

"I'm not." He frowned.

"This will be a awe-inspiring experience, you will do well to pay attention for once rather than concentrating on your food intake!" snapped Spinel, "Stop aggrandizing!"

"What the hell does that mean?" Kero's head snapped towards Spinel.

"Oh that's another thing, I'm not sure Ruby uses such big words." Murmured Eriol.

"I will not stoop to using less than three syllables in my speech." Cried Spinel indignantly.

Touya couldn't resist adding, "And Yuki is usually really intelligent."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying . . ."

"I hear what you're saying; well, may I remind you that I'm Keroberos, Guardian Beast of the Seal!"

"That's another thing," Touya smirked, "Yuki doesn't go around the place reminding people that he's Keroberos, Guardian Beast of the Seal!"

"You're having fun with this. Aren't you?" groused Kero.

Touya pressed his fingers together. "Just a smidgen."

Kero and Spinel shared a mutinous glance.

"Well, here we are, ja ne kaijuu, creep." Called Touya from the High School's gates.

"I am not a kaijuu!" yelled Sakura.

"I am not . . . well, actually you may be right."

"You're not meant to agree with me!!" yelled Touya infuriated, as Eriol grinned at him.





When the school day was over . . .

Sakura was the first to arrive home, or at least what she thought was her home, she almost slipped on the sparkling clean floor. As she wandered around the house she wondered if her father had suddenly gone into a cleaning overdrive.

She climbed the stairs to go into her room, and noticed even the laundry had been done.

"Kero?"

The large lion form of Keroberos was sitting on the floor with a number of her homework books spread around him. He peered over his shoulder at her, and simply stared.

"Ahem." He cleared his throat.

"Keroberos?" She amended.

He looked at the ceiling and shook his head, then turned and flicked the page.

"Oh, Yue-sama!"

He sniffed and still didn't say a word.

"Did you do this to the house?"

"Yes, I did."

"Oh . . . arigato!"

"Hmmm."

"Is there . . . something wrong?"

"You mean aside from the obvious? " Another page was turned sharply.

"Ano. . . yes, you seem a little. . . subdued."

"I assure you, I'm acting no differently than I normally do . . . it's just your imagination."

"Would you like something to eat?" She knelt beside him, and started to stroke his fur; he really was taking the whole body swap kinda hard.

A frown or rather something like a sneeze flickered over his fuzzy visage. Then again, and a third time.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked quietly.

He trembled, and then winced.

"Yue?" she was a little concerned.

Yue snorted. She stopped her petting.

"What is it?"

He looked at her coolly having regained his composure, "Nothing." He looked back down at her history books.

Sakura shrugged and resumed her stroking; he started to snicker. Yue caught her eye and cleared his throat again forcing a serious look on his face.

Then she understood, he was trying not to laugh.

She giggled wickedly and turned her petting into tickling.

He shook his head in a futile attempt to throw her off, "Stop that."

She stood instantly, "Okay."

Sakura wasn't so ditzy as her friends assumed she was. She did catch the slightly look of disappointment cross Yue's features as he turned back to his books. //Perfect!// she thought as she took a few half steps away from him. Just as he quietly sighed, and obviously not expecting it she pounced on his back and resumed her attack.

"Argha!"

"Coochy coo!!" she sang delighted.

He laughed deeply. "No, no, no!"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

He rolled onto his back, "Oh, you've done it now!" He turned on her and began to tickle her.

The door slammed open, "Didn't you two hear us calling?!" demanded Kero as he came upon the sight of Sakura straddling his body, tickling his hind feet, and Yue crying out, "OH NO! Stop! STOP! I give! I GIVE!!"

Kero snorted. //That wasn't fair, Yue got to stay home all day and play with Sakura!//

Touya noticed the furious look on Kero's - technically speaking it was Yuki's-face. "What's wrong?"

Kero snapped his head around to glare at Touya, "*Nothing*!"

"Oh!" Sakura ceased her attack, "You're home!"

"Yes! We're home!" Yuki's face creased up in an unfamiliar expression, //He looks jealous!// noted Touya, before he transformed into Yue.

"Kero?" Sakura began, but didn't get another word out before Kero turned and ran into Touya's room.

They winced as the door slammed.

"What happened today?"

"It didn't go so well, I told the sensei that he was coming down with something, and he's going to have to stay here for the rest of the week."

As the conversation continued, Yue got up, and walked to Touya's room.

Balancing on Kero's hind legs he manage to open the door, he dropped to the ground heavily and entered to the room. Kero was lying on the bed, in the position he always lay in whenever something was wrong. On his stomach, he called it the 'Thinky'.

"Keroberos?"

Kero sniffed and turned his head away. Yue sighed and closed the door, before seating himself before his brother.

"Well, how was your first day at school?"

Silence.

"Didn't it go well?"

More silence before:

"I just had the *worst* day of my life!" Kero yelled "Why didn't you tell me school was so *hard*!"

Yue snapped back, "Why didn't you tell me staying at home *all* day *alone* was going to be so *boring*?!"

"*You* had access to all my videogames, *and* the fridge, *and* the television!"

"I don't know how to play, I can't open the damn thing and I don't know how to switch the stupid thing on!"

There was a moment of quiet as Kero took this all in.

"So you cleaned the house instead?"

Yue looked away. Kero began to snigger. Yue wasn't ever one to do the cleaning, no matter how neurotic he was.

"Oh! I'm glad you find that so funny!" Yue smirked.

They stared at each other, Kero having the grace to blush, and Yue allowed a small smile to grace his lips.

They shook their heads, when they suddenly realised they were having a brotherly bonding moment.

"Tell me, at least you didn't get Yukito expelled . . ." Yue glared at Kero.

Kero opened his mouth to answer, then realised it probably wasn't the answer Yue would want to hear. He settled instead to smiling infuriatingly.

"KEROBEROS!!"



"What do you mean take my measurements?"

He snapped the measuring tape between his hands; "I mean take your measurements. How am I supposed to make your birthday present if I don't have you exact measurements?"

What he actually meant was 'how am I supposed to make your birthday present skintight and still fix it so I'll be able to get it off in a hurry if I don't have your exact measurements?' But he didn't want to bore her with unnecessary words.

He grinned deviously as he snapped the tape again. Ruby flew into the room, "I can tell you her exact measurements."

"Can you?" Tomoyo blinked in surprise.

"Oh yeah," Ruby looked Tomoyo up and down once and turned to Eriol, "That thing you're making is about one, or two sizes too small for her . . ."

She picked the purple dress up from Eriol's needlework chest, "Especially in the chest department."

With Tomoyo glaring at him, he feigned surprise, "Really?" He looked at Tomoyo, "See? That why I need your measurements?"

"But she can tell you my size." Tomoyo nodded pointedly at Ruby.

"I just want to be sure."

"Uh huh, sure, hiirawagizawa-kun."

Eriol was about to come up with the perfect excuse when the door flew open.

"Do you know what that smell is? It's the smell of mental liberation!" Spinel breezed into the room.

"It smells like the smell of hard work! You didn't actually make me do anything . . . Spinel Sun-y did you?" Ruby flew up to her brother.

"Oh," Spinel said slyly, "Nothing that would make you lose any point with your sensei . . . "

"Oh that's goo-wait that's bad!"

"Argha!" A realisation suddenly hit Eriol.

"What's wrong Eriol-kun?" Said Tomoyo,

"I never knew how annoying my pranks were!" He'd just realise that if the two guardians hadn't swapped bodies then Ruby wouldn't have been there to stop him from persuading Tomoyo, another realisation hit him again, "Kami- sama! Did I just say that?" He walked over to the wall and started to bang his head against the wall, seething in frustration.

"Yes, you did and can you say it again? I didn't catch it on my video camera!" Tomoyo laughed.

"Okay," he agreed discreetly waving his hand at her video camera.

"Oh, good!" She picked up the camera and stood in front of him.

"Ready?" He settled back into his throne of evil as if he was about to give an important speech.

"As ever!" she said as she lined up the shot, she gave him the thumbs up as she pressed record.

"Clow Reed was a cruel and deranged maniac, I am an incredibly annoying half reincarnation and all my pranks are so bloody irritating I may go to Kinotomo-kun and my cute little descendant and beg them to throw me over the nearest cliff!" He held his hand over his chest, "I, hiirawagizawa Eriol, half reincarnation of Clow Reed, solemnly swear never to attempt to play a malicious and demeaning hoax on anyone, especially Sakura-chan, ever, ever *ever* again. I vow to become a decorous, calibrate monk, and never make any lurid or provocative comments about the colour of your underwear, state of your love life or make any suggestion that my bed would be so much comfier if you would join me some time."

"What have you done?" She peeked suspiciously from behind her camera.

When he didn't answer, she sighed and checked the camera. //Of course,// she thought as she opened the video compartment, //he's removed the video//

She looked up to see him waving a video at her; "You said video CAMERA, not videotape."

"And for a moment there I thought you had turned over a new leaf."

He got up and swept her into his arms, "Why turn over a new leaf when the old one turns just as well!"

"OHHH!! RUBY!!!"

Tomoyo and Eriol jerked back as a familiar scene played itself out.

"Get away from me!" Squeaked Ruby.

"Oh, what's the matter?" Spinel chased after Ruby, clutching a bag of fudge, "Is the big, bad Ruby Moon afwiad of a widdle bit of sugar?!"

"Master! Tell him!!"

"Ruby darling, you know I never get involved." He called after her.

"MASTER!!" she screamed as she flew down the corridor.

He ignored her, "Now about my little confession . . ." he murmured into Tomoyo's ear.





-------------

And now it's time for LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!

DrM: Konnichiwa!! And yes, I am sorry that they are all a little out of character . . . but I can't help it!

Eriol: you do realise I'm not that obsessed with Tomoyo, don't you?

DrM: how would I know? I've only read fanfics about you and seen your American twin, Eli in action.

Eli: [geeky voice] hello I'm Eli! [Bizarre unexplained deeper voice] I'm evil.

Eriol and DrM nod at each other on throw Eli off nearest cliff.

Eriol: now does everyone know what to do? [Listens for response] that's right! R&R!! [Claps]

DrM: Eriol! stop patronising the readers!! Thank you for Reading and *please* drop me a review. [falls to knees and begs] please?!!