AC 202: The Gundam's Grow Up
By Arabella Figg
Parings: 01xRP, 02xHS, 03x04, 05xSP, 06x09
Warnings: Yaoi along with a lot of Yaoi jokes. Actually, a lot of sex jokes in general.
Not a fic for 01x02 or 02x05 fans.
A/N: The joke about Steve Miller Band is courtesy of the Fablespinner's fic The Joker.
Noin's chili reference is from Polka Dot's hilarious fic Queen Relena's Throne.
Read 'em both!
The smoky atmosphere of the bar suited the three twenty-something men sitting at the booth in the back just fine. Not only was it adequately depressing, it also served to provide cover, albeit scant, from the prying eyes of the other patrons of the establishment. The look on the three's faces was identical, despite the fact that they were all as distinct as their Gundams.
"Somehow, I know that this is all your fault, Maxwell."
"Don't blame me, Wu-man. It's not like I ran out and asked them to make that shit up."
"Will both of you just shut up?"
Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell and Wufei Chang resumed the silence that enclosed them for the majority of the night. Neither the aforementioned 'Perfect Soldier' or 'Justice Boy' were either very gregarious, but tonight even the excessively vocal braided God of Death was silent.
"Why us?" Duo said, the silence agreeing with him about as well as Noin's infamous chili. "I mean, we save the world about fifty times…"
"Two," Heero said, not looking up from his beer bottle.
"Ok, fine, but still!"
"They did it because they wanted a story that would get them viewers," Heero said, still studying his Bud with far too much interest. "They didn't stop to think anything along the lines of truth in journalism."
"Dishonorable…" Wufei muttered in English before once again mumbling curses that only he and his dead ancestors only knew.
"But still!" Duo yelled again, slamming his own beer down and causing half the bar to stare at him. "To say that we're all lovers!"
As the entire bar now moved their chairs to get a better view of the Gundam Pilots turned Preventers, Heero turned over the day's events in his mind for the millionth time.
He had known that something was wrong when he came into the office today. Half of the Preventers who were in already were crowded around a Vidscreen, holding in their chuckles or laughing out loud. As he approached, they scattered, eyes adverted, now smirking at him.
As he made a mental list of people to threaten to kill during the course of the day, his eyes trained on the Vidscreen. It was that ridiculous tabloid show 'Eye on Earth.' Heero had a run in with one of the reporters last spring when he caught him sneaking around Relena's mansion, more than likely trying to get some sort of story off the rumors about the two of them. It had become a near weekly segment about the Princess and her Bodyguard, irritating Heero to no end. He figured that this was simply another one of their trite reports about the two of them and was about to head toward his office when he was stopped dead in his tracks.
"They saved the world countless times. They now act as prominent businessmen, crack Preventers and top performers." Here pictures of Quatre, Wufei, Duo, himself and Trowa flashed at the appropriate times. "Now it seems that their personal lives are as complicated as the plots for power they once fought against. The Gundam Pilots have grown up, and their current loves would surprise you.
"For years, we've assumed along with the rest of the Earth Sphere that Pilot 01 was involved with Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, the Vice Foreign Minister. Now, a source close to the two says that the supposed relationship is nothing more that a sham. This source says that Heero Yuy, the pilot of Wing Zero is actually involved with the pilot of 02, Duo Maxwell."
Here they showed a picture of the two, Heero focused off in the distance with his back facing Duo and Duo himself making an idiotic pose. Heero vaguely remember Hilde taking that picture at some gathering at Relena's, New Year's now that he thought about it. Heero thought to himself that they must have used that picture because it was the only one of the two ever taken.
"The relationship between Quatre Rababa Winner and Trowa Barton is well known, however it seems that the pilot of 05, Chang Wufei has his own bit of history as well."
Now there was a large commotion behind Heero, and in the next moment, Wufei himself stood next to Heero.
"What in the hell is this about?" Wufei demanded of him. Heero mearly shrugged his shoulders.
"It seems that Chang had a relationship of his own with the former leader of the OZ organization, Treize Khushranada."
Wufei sputtered, finally getting out a strangled 'Injustice!'
"The two were reported to have had a brief yet torrid romance before Khushranada's death by the volatile Gundam pilot. This is interesting, as Treize was also reported to have had a relationship with the 'Lightening Count' Zechs Marquise. The two are now buried side by side in Noventa Memorial Cemetery, but Chang seems to have contented himself with a new relationship…"
Wufei could do little more than stare with mixed distain and indignation as the reporter paused before dropping the biggest bomb yet.
"Tired of the mixed signals that 01 sent to him, another source close to the couple has reported that Duo Maxwell as left the stoic Heero Yuy for Wufei, and the pair now work for the Preventers, which Maxwell left his profitable salvage business on L2. It seems that those boys have had their share of trials, and it now…"
The Vidscreen was turned off by Duo, who had joined the two and now shared the same look of disquieted disbelief.
"I mean, they can't just go saying that sort of thing, can they?" Duo's yells pulled Heero back to the real world.
"No they can't Maxwell. It's called slander, but that didn't stop them, did it?" Wufei replied tersely before taking another swig of his beer. "How in the hell am I going to explain this to that woman?"
"Well, you don't have Hilde to deal with. I know it's going to be the couch for me for a few weeks. I hate the couch. No comfy bed, no comfy Hilde…"
"Please, Maxwell," Wufei said, rolling his jet black eyes. "The last thing I want to envision right now is you and your 'comfy' woman in bed. It's not like I haven't had enough horrific mental images today."
"I don't know how I'll face Relena," Heero said, still not looking up from his own beer. The world was getting fuzzy; they had been drinking all day. He knew that he had better alcohol tolerance than the other two, so he could only imagine how drunk the other two were. He stared at the bottle with such intensity it seemed as if the bottle itself would have to give him the answer he was looking for or suffer the consequences.
"That's right!" Duo said, slamming his now very fizzy beer once again on the table. "I mean, those bastards didn't stop to think about the women in our lives, did they? Cause I've got my Hilde, and you've got Princess." He took a swig without choking, which highly impressed Heero. "Hell! Even you've got your whole Mrs. Robinson thing going on with Sally!" he threw towards Wufei as somewhat of an afterthought.
"Maxwell! She's only four years older than me! I am so sick of that dishonorable insult and if I hear you…" Wufei had been halfway over the table and about to de-braid Duo when a calm hand separated the two.
"Do you really think that you three are helping your cause by sitting here in a bar together?" Trowa Barton said with a half smirk. Quatre came up to the table as well, a look of utmost empathy on his face.
"Trowa heard about this silliness when he came in for
a conference with Lady Une. I know how hard it was for me to come out, and I
did it myself without someone else telling everyone else about it."
"Well, do keep in mind, Q-man," Duo
said, philosophically, "That you are actually gay."
Quatre looked thoughtful for a moment. "That too. Still, I'm terribly sorry about this," Quatre said, eyeing the three with a sudden understanding. "Still, I don't think that getting drunk is the best solution." As he went to take away Wufei's bottle, however, he was met with a flat palm mere inches from his nose.
"I suggest you don't try that again."
Quatre made a mental note that Wufei's reflexes were still pretty good while inebriated.
"I just don't understand! I mean, aren't you two enough?" Duo said, motioning over to Trowa and Quatre who sat by Heero's side.
"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Trowa said in an amused tone, motioning towards a waitress.
"Statistically, the ratio of homosexuals to heterosexual is 1:10, although that number is probably a little high." The others goggled at Quatre as he continued. "So Trowa and I throw off that number two-fold!"
"Well, I'm glad we at least have that argument," Duo said sullenly, ignoring the glare he got from Trowa as he ordered another one. "It's good to know that statistically we aren't gay… Now of course, we're not in anyway…"
"Shove it, Maxwell. It's not bad enough to be paired with Treize, now it's the braided baka as well," he muttered more to himself than anyone else. A voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Oh I don't know, he's kind of cute in his own way." The person to whom the voice belonged to slipped in next to Duo, planting an arm around his shoulders. "I'd do him, anyway…"
"Sally Po, are you trying to get me in trouble with my gay lover?" Duo said, the first real smile popping on his face since that morning. Even Trowa snickered.
"Perhaps. Now what are you all doing holed up in here?"
"Woman, how can you even ask that?" Wufei said, now finally sliding into the booth, abandoning the chair he had pulled up to the booth in lieu of sitting next to either Heero or Duo.
"Didn't you hear about it yet?" Heero was slightly dubious that she had managed to go the entire day without hearing anything about the show, since they had left after seeing it around seven and it was now past three.
"Of course I did, but don't you find it slightly odd that Eye on Earth was airing at seven in the morning?" Sally looked at the three of them like she couldn't quite believe that they hadn't figured at least that out yet.
"Now that I think about it, it doesn't air until four-thirty…" Duo said, garnering looks from all three at the table. "Hilde watches it everyday!" he cried in self-defense before hitting himself on the forehead. "Hilde! SHIT! I bet she saw it and…"
"Relax, Duo," Sally said in a voice far too calm for the situation. "No one's going to see it."
"What are you talking about, woman?"
"I mean, there will be no one outside of the Preventers who will ever see it." Sally crossed her arms and paused a moment to enjoy the expressions on the three men's faces Duo looked shocked, Heero looked nonplussed and Wufei… Wufei looked relieved. He took this opportunity to put his arm around her shoulders. Sally didn't complain. "Lady Une got wind of the plans for this broadcast and asked for proof. Without proof, they could be sued for slander by you guys and ruined. Naturally, their 'sources' didn't step forward; I doubt there were actually any to begin with and they were forced to give her the tape. Now it's only your co-workers who have seen it, and I guarantee that no one who knows you that well, Duo, would ever think that your were anything but heterosexual."
Duo continued to sit as if someone had hit him in the face with a wreaking ball. Heero sat with his eyes lowered and a ghost of a smile on his face. Wufei had inched closer to Sally, leaving her to wonder just whom this man was and what he had done with Wufei.
"So Lady Une saved our asses!" Duo yelled, coming out of his shock and became louder than ever. Not only Duo, but also the peevish humor seemed to dispel immediately, especially after Duo cried 'Drinks for everyone!' Heero quietly excused himself, Sally assumed not only to go see Relena but to also avoid Duo's Karaoke rendition of 'The Joker' by the Steve Miller Band. Hilde had all warned them in advance about that one. Quatre and Trowa had left as well while she, on the other hand had some business of her own to attend to.
Pulling the muttering Wufei away from the crowd that was surrounding Duo, she led him over to a quieter portion of the bar.
"Alright, Wu, now spill it? Did you have a ton of liquid sorrow before I got here or did that report just knock something loose? Or is that ponytail just too tight?" Wufei mearly smirked and leaned on the wall next to her.
"I suppose that the alcohol may have something to do with it. After all, woman, I've had no company other than Maxwell and Yuy for the majority of the day…" Sally noted the slight slur in his voice as well as the arm draped around her waist and decided that it was time to put 05 to bed.
Relena laughed to herself again as she sat at her vanity. How she would have loved to see Wufei's face after the 'exposé' on Duo and himself! The look on his face would have been priceless. Still, those rumors about Heero and Duo were actually pretty widespread. Even her sister-in-law had once asked her just how close the two were. If it wasn't for the stories Hilde had told her, she just might question Heero's sexuality.
She couldn't keep waiting forever, though. It had been five years. Five years since Heero had fallen into her arms. Five years that she had waited for him to come to a decision.
It wasn't as if they weren't close. Heero had returned two months after disappearing from the hospital, immediately signing up with the Preventers and assigned to Relena's security team. At first Relena was ecstatic. It meant more time with him, even if he was doing nothing more than sitting in the same room with her. His eyes occasionally met hers, and every one of her birthdays he gave her some sort of present. For her seventeenth, a small white kitten; her eighteenth, bouquet of beautiful flowers. On those days, however Relena could never find him to thank him. He never came to the party that was held for her by the others, nor did he show up at any state function on that day. When questioned about it, the other Preventers would keep mum about the situation. Relena simply had to content herself with a thank-you note and hope to seem him later that week.
She had to admit, her schoolgirl crush on Heero now seemed so foolish, especially when she now literally had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Often she would be so tired by the end of the day she would sink into the softness of her bed and be asleep before her head hit the pillow. Hilde and Sally Po along with her sister-in-law Noin, still going by her former surname despite her marriage to Milliardo, were her closest companions, and they often would drag her away from her work for a few days rest. They also were always the ones to tell her the latest rumor about herself and Heero.
Hilde's personal favorite was always the 'leaping up to her balcony under night's cover to ravish her' rumor, which was strangely persistent despite the fact that she didn't have a balcony that connected her room. Sally always got a good chuckle over this one as well, and while Relena would laugh along with them, she would secretly wish that once, just once Heero would show a glimmer of the same feelings she had for him.
Sighing, she set down her brush, staring back at her reflection silently pleading with her own heart to let him go. Standing and turning, she headed to take a cold shower and try to forget seven years of love for a man who has always only wanted to protect her.
Outside of her room, Heero was muttering to himself about Relena's lack of security as he himself was breaking into it with a credit card. The world was truly spinning now; Heero vowed never to go a day without eating and drink half a bar as well. As soon as he heard the running water and saw no Relena, he smiled. This gave him time to think about what exactly he was doing in her room in the first place.
He was pretty sure that originally it was to simply head off the rumors and to assure her that he and Duo were absolutely only friends. Then, along the way, he started to think along the lines of maybe finally telling her the way he felt about her. Now, lying on his stomach in her bed rapidly losing conciseness, he thought whatever he had to tell her could wait until the morning.
Relena came out of the bathroom feeling refreshed in both mind and body. She had long ago learned the soothing effect that a long, hot shower could have on a troubled mind. All the troubles came rushing back with greater clarity, however when she saw Heero Yuy, asleep in her bed.
Duo knew, despite his massively intoxicated state that his credit card could not handle another round for the establishment. Amid many cheers and pats on his back, he staggered out of Rudy's, thankful that the apartment he and Hilde lived in was only a few blocks away. The last thing he needed right now was to smell the floor of a cab.
It only took three times to get the key in the lock, which Duo felt was quite an accomplishment. "Honey, I'm home!" rang out in the strangely quiet apartment, and somewhere in the back of his foggy brain Duo registered that it had never been this quiet before. Then again, with him around, most places weren't, but Hilde was no mime herself. Immediately Duo was on guard.
"Hilde, baby! Where are you, darlin'?" he yelled, desperately trying to sober up in a matter of seconds like he was sure Heero could do. After all, after all these years Duo was still convinced that Yuy was simply not human.
The breath he wasn't aware that he was holding came rushing out when he finally saw Hilde, hair mussed and bleary-eyed coming out of the bedroom. She had obviously been asleep.
"Duo?" Her face softened. "You're home. How are you? Feeling better?" She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest.
"Yeah," he said, kind of dazed. How had she known where he was? Seeming to read his confusion, Hilde turned her head up to face him.
"Sally called after she and Wufei left. Seems the chauvinist moron doesn't hold his alcohol very well." Hilde hadn't gotten along with Wufei ever since he had called her move to get them the information on Libra 'stupid and weak' at Relena's New Year's Party two years ago. "Anyways, I assumed that you bought out half the bar…" Duo put his hand behind his head in a gesture of guilt. "That's fine," Hilde said lightly, resting her head again on his chest. "You can afford it."
"So I assume that Sally told you the rest too," Duo said, setting his chin on the top of her head.
"Yes, and no, I'm not concerned that you're going to run off with Heero anytime soon."
Duo couldn't help the wicked grin that spread across his face. "What about Wufei?"
Hilde looked up at him again, her eyebrow raised but eyes sparkling. "You do and I rip it off and stuff it down your throat."
"I don't care if it's the braid or something else, but point taken." Duo lightly kissed her forehead. "You're stuck with me, so get used to it." Hilde burrowed her face into his chest even more.
"I think I can handle that."
Sally was having a far more difficult time with her Gundam pilot than Hilde was. It was true that the solitary dragon did not hold his alcohol very well at all, and she had to contend with both his bouts of semi-consciousness alternating with his very conscious attempts to divest her of her garments.
"Wufei, would you stop trying to undress me and tell me which damned key it is?" Sally had just about enough. It was bad enough that he was trying to get into her pants simply because he was smashed; in her mind it just cemented the fact that he had no feelings for her whatsoever.
Sally prided herself the fact that when she did something, she did it well, and when she fell for Chang Wufei, she did it hard and she did it completely. Noin often asked her when her last CT scan had been, but something in her saw past the stupid verbal play he now seemed to employ with the other female Preventers for his own enjoyment than anyone else. Sally remembered her own stepfather and understood the dominant male philosophy of their shared culture. Six years of working side by side with a dedicated feminist had definitely mellowed him though, and Sally had somehow lost her commitment to not letting her heart get trampled again.
After running away at fifteen, she joined the Alliance Military and became a Field Medic while finishing up her Medical Schooling. A full-fledged M.D. at eighteen, she had been transferred to the Somalia base. That is where she met Ean.
Since her medical training had taken precedence over actual combat, it was decided that she needed remedial lessons in fighting. More than mildly offended, she had vowed to show up whoever they chose for this stupid assignment was going to regret joining the Alliance in the first place. Ean was a combat specialist who looked like a dark haired Zechs Marquise; absolute perfection and a will to match.
Not surprisingly, when the two iron constitutions clashed, eventually the hate turned to passion. He had been her first everything, first love, first lover and all the rest that goes along with it. She wished she could say he died in battle, or left her with a shred of dignity, but the truth is he grew tired of her. That is why she had built a shield around herself, vowing that no one would do that to her again. How Wufei snuck in there, especially with his mantra of 'Me, Wufei, You Weak Onna,' she would never know.
As soon as they got inside the door Wufei had her up against the wall in a fiery kiss. The emotions flew in and flew out of Sally's head so quickly she hardly had time to register them. Shock, followed by passion, and then anger. She shoved him away, although all she really succeeded in doing was stopping the kiss.
"What in the hell is wrong with you, Chang?" Wufei felt stung. She never called him by his surname. Really only Trowa and Heero ever did that and usually only if he was trying to kill Maxwell.
"Woman, I…" Sally cut him off.
"That's right! Woman this, woman that! That's all I am to you, right? What now, huh? Do you want me to be some sort of screw buddy, is that what you want? Going to just ask for me to just lie there every time you get trashed and want some? I am not here to affirm your masculinity! Don't you realize what this is doing to me?" Sally raged for a moment, then dropped his keys in his hand. When she spoke again, her tone was gentler, but hollow. "I don't want to deal with this right now. I don't know how. It's not fair to either of us. Go to sleep, Chang." She walked out of the door.
Wufei went to follow her, not sure what exactly just happened. Deciding the best course of action was to let her cool down he stood, back to the door until he finally slumped to the ground. When he hit his head against the door in frustration though, he could tell that someone was on the other side, sitting against it as well.
"Sally?" He felt strange, calling her so timidly by her real name. He had to admit it didn't feel too bad.
"What?" She was crying.
A long time passed, and then…
"I'm sorry."
The admission of wrong was something so unheard of from him, Sally was shocked into a very unladylike snort. Standing and opening the door, she saw him standing in front of her, looking into his eyes.
"It's ok."
"It's too late for you to go home. Just stay here. I'll… I'll sleep on the couch." He extended his hand to her, offering her more a place to stay for the night. What exactly that was, she wasn't sure, but this was a window of opportunity she had been waiting for six years for. She be damned if she was going to let it slip.
"Alright."
Stepping back into the room, she took in for the first time the elegant surroundings. It was the first time in the six years that they worked together she had been to his place. When they had to work together on a case, he always came over to her home. It didn't really surprise her that he had filled his apartment with beautiful objects, mainly katanas and some artifacts she was sure came from his ancestral land. While only a quarter Chinese herself, she also felt the strong attraction to the comforts of her homeland and had filled her house with them as well.
She then noticed that Wufei's moment of sobriety was wearing off and he now sorely needed a place to crash. "Come on, I'll take the couch. Let's get you to bed."
"Oh no, woman. I will not dishonor my guest…" he trailed off, it becoming apparent to Sally that Wufei needed the bathroom more than the bedroom. Steering him towards the open door, she chuckled to herself. Often she had found herself in this same position with Noin, most notably after her bachelorette party, and had never had to hold her hair out of the toilet. This time, that was not the case.
"Damned hair," Wufei said as he sat back on his heels. Sally, overcome with affection that had somehow crept into her mind, pushing out the former irritation, smoothed the hair off his face, her hand lingering a little longer than necessary.
"I happen to like it," she replied, her voice a lot lower than she had intended. He now had her locked in an unwavering gaze, making her feel naked. What really bothered her was that it really didn't bother her at all.
"Woman, you are not sleeping on my couch." Standing, he went over to the sink and to Sally's amazement, brushed his teeth.
"Wufei…?"
"Quiet, woman," he said, his voice in that strange lower octave as well. "It wouldn't do to kiss you after being sick, would it?" He tenderly did so, making Sally catch her breath. "Do you really think that I wouldn't figure it out? After all, why else would you put up with me for six years?" He was speaking into her neck now, his breath warming her throat.
"Why, Wufei," she said with a touch of amusement as she tried to keep from melting, "Don't tell me you're admitting to being a pain in the ass."
"Well, I won't deny it. What I can't understand," he said, switching to the other side of her neck placing butterfly kisses as he went, "Is how you didn't figure out that I felt the same."
She pulled him up, making her face him. "Is this Chang Wufei speaking or Jack Daniel's?"
"Sally," Wufei said, making her have that strange melting feeling once again. "I… I think..."
"Shut up." She pulled him to his feet and into his bedroom. "Just shut up and show me."
