AC 202: Aren't We A Lot Smarter Than This?
By Arabella Figg
Parings: 01xRP, 02xHS, 03x04, 05xSP, 06x09
Warnings: Yaoi along with a lot of Yaoi jokes. Actually, a lot of sex jokes in general.
Can't help it; Sex is funny! Not a fic for 01x02 or 02x05 fans
A/N: Hey! No 01x02 flames! Yay! That's way better! I was kind of expecting a bunch of stupid ones. Hopefully this one makes it actually onto the browsing feature… Anyways, thanks for the great reviews and thanks!
The morning was still far off when Heero woke up, convinced that someone had at one point during his sleep parked a Mobile Suit on his forehead. The next thing he noticed was that the sheets he was wrapped in were far too silken to be his own. Looking up, he saw Relena, curled up asleep in a chair on the other side of the room. The moon was full, and he could see the faint traces of amusement that graced her face even while sleeping. He ran his hand through his unruly hair, deciding that the situation was pretty strange, even for him.
Heero stepped out of bed, noting for the first time that she hadn't changed out of the robe she had to have left the bathroom in. Gently picking her up to place her in bed, he vowed to never drink again. Just as he set her down, Relena pulled hard on his arm.
"You better not have been thinking of leaving." Startled, Heero saw that she was wide-awake, a grin pulling at her lips as she looked up at him.
"I wasn't sure what I was going to do," he said, not entirely lying, as he was considering whether or not to leave a note.
Relena looked skeptical. "I know you, Heero. I also know that it's far too early in the morning to be awake, especially since tomorrow is my only day off. Now, you only have one minute to get into bed with me. I've been sleeping in a chair all night, and cuddling with body pillows simply isn't going to cut it." She had never lost her diplomatic tone, but the laughter in her eyes and the words themselves caused Heero to laugh, the experience foreign, but not all together unpleasant, he decided. Crawling in next to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist, reveling in the sensation of having her so very close. The last time had been…
"I don't have to," and with that, Heero Yuy fell to the ground, stopped only by the pacifist princess he had fought to protect. She held him to her, mumbling words to comfort, and his last action before passing out was to move closer to her…
Needless to say, this time was far more satisfactory.
In another bed, in another home, the situation was far different.
"Woman, no hogging the sheets." The words were mumbled into a pillow, the Dragon's hair splayed across it as if some sort of strange inkblot test.
"Well, stop monopolizing the pillows." This was mumbled into the aforementioned pilot's back. Neither Sally nor Wufei seemed to be able to muster the energy to do much more than tug on the bedclothes and argue about who's fault it was that the air was chilling their overheated skin.
"You know, I don't care," Wufei said finally, turning to his side and pulling Sally into him. "But if I wake up cold, you're going to hear about it." He punctuated this with a kiss on her forehead.
"Oh, now there's a shocker. You bitching about something," Sally at last was able to pull the comforter up over them, and for a few moments, the pair sat in comfortable silence.
"Sally," Wufei said, jerking her out of her reprieve as well as causing her to marvel at the fact he had used her real name twice in one night. "I don't think we should tell everyone yet."
Sally stiffened, but then relaxed. "Well, a few, but not everyone. I hate to inflate your ego anymore than I have tonight, but we can't let this out so that any potential enemy can exploit it. That and Duo will never shut up about it. You're right. We'll just tell Une. And Noin," she added as an afterthought.
"Why her?" Wufei said, his turn to stiffen. "I don't understand why that woman needs know any of our business."
"Because, my dear Wufei," Sally said, a bite to her voice, "She happens to be my best friend. She is like the sister I never had, and I'll be damned if I keep my happiness from her after she had to listen to me complain…" Just then, Sally realized that she had said too much.
"What have you been complaining about?" Wufei asked, his tone casual, but his eyes searching. She had definitely said too much.
"I just… well," Sally sputtered, as her mind tried to think of an excuse that would satisfy those onyx orbs. "None of your business!"
"Woman," he started, but then grasped her wrists gently. "Sally, I can't think of anything that you should be keeping from me. Please?"
Touched by his roundabout gentleness, she caved. "I'vebeenbitchingaboutyouandmyfeelingsforyou." Head bowed, she refused to look up until he lifted her chin.
"What?"
"I've been telling her about my feelings for you. I couldn't keep them in. Good grief, it sounds so much more pathetic right now telling you! I…" She was cut off by a forceful, soul searing, knees-to-jelly kiss.
"Well, from now on, there is nothing to bitch about," Wufei said, rolling over so she sat on his stomach.
"You remember that as well," Sally agreed, leaning down to kiss her dragon again.
Trowa sat behind his desk, amused as his compatriots straggled into the office. Knowing the pain and discomfort the other three pilots would be in this morning, the silent one smirked. While he didn't normally enjoy the pain of others, the comedic stylings of Duo and Wufei had been amusing him for years, and this morning would most likely be the zenith of their whole career. The first to come stumbling in was naturally Heero, who would most likely come into work stark naked rather than late. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was more mussed than usual, but other than that the Perfect Solider seemed fine.
He then almost fell out of his chair as Wufei and Sally entered and Chang said the words Trowa was certain he would never hear in his life.
"Morning, Barton." Then the door closed behind the Dragon Team.
"Well, I'll be damned." Noin came up and sat on the corner of Trowa's desk. "I figured it'd be a decade at least."
"Well, seven years is a damn sight long enough, I would think," he replied, a half-smile ghosting across his features.
"What's a damn sight long enough, T-man?" Duo came up behind him, looking no worse for the wear from the night before.
"Nothing Duo. Did you finish the report on XG1898 for Une yesterday?" Trowa asked, knowing that he hadn't.
"No, Mother," Duo said, rolling his eyes and turning to Noin. "Have you seen Sally yet, Noin? I'll need her notes on that colony's reconstruction in order to finish up."
With a smirk, Noin nodded over to the closed door. "She's in there with Wufei, Duo. I'm sure she'll have it for you.
Duo headed over to the door, oblivious to the muted giggles and two sets of eyes following him from Trowa and Noin. Knocking once, he opened the door.
"Hey Sal, I need… HOLY SHIT!" Sitting in his chair was Wufei, with Sally on his lap. Within seconds, the irate pilot of Nataku was chasing him around the office, screaming bloody murder as Noin, Trowa and Sally laughed their heads off in the middle.
"You know that report isn't needed until next week, right Trowa?" Noin asked between chuckles.
"Of course I do," Trowa replied. "But it wouldn't be as funny next week, would it?"
Heero could hear the noise from Duo and Wufei's daily round of 'Chase Duo Around With A Kantana', but didn't feel like coming out to smirk at the braided baka like he usually did. This morning he had more important things on his mind and he didn't like it.
He had always felt that his life was uncomplicated before Relena. To a certain extent, he had resented her and the simple fact he couldn't kill her. Dr. J had trained him to be the perfect killing machine and a scrawny little girl had managed to undo that lifetime of training. This had been his manner of thinking during the Wars.
But after the Mariemaia coup, his view had shifted and he realized that he owed his humanity to that same little scrawny girl. Ironically by not being able to kill her he gave himself a second chance at life. That had placed her on a pedestal that over the years become more and more difficult to reach. In doing so, Relena had become the Madonna of Heero's life, unattainable and perfect. It seemed as if the Perfect Solider and the Peaceful Princess would forever be apart.
Last year, a simple event changed all that.
Relena was speaking at yet another peace summit, and as usual, he stood, silent, watching her every move as well as the crowds about her. Relena, for her part was radiant. Her smile lit up the room, leaving Heero to wonder just how he could have never noticed it before. Her hair, her eyes, somehow it all seemed new to him. She wasn't the irritating little girl chasing him around. She was a woman.
It wasn't the best-planned assassination attempt that the Preventers had faced. Sally would swear to this day that some moron just decided to take a shot. In any case, he would still be the one in Heero's mind who came the closest to killing Relena.
In the past, Heero could always remember the shot; he had at the Mars Summit in 198, and again at the Trade Conference of 200. The fact that he couldn't do so this time irritated him to no end. Sally said that the medication administered after the paddles was designed so that the patient would have no memory of the shocks.
It had to have been after her speech, because he could remember escorting her to the side of the stage. It wasn't even the closest he'd come to death, most likely it was just the time he was taken care of the best, thus causing his mild amnesia. He had taken the shot in the shoulder, just badly enough to have to endure a few surgeries and Sally harping on him to do physical therapy. No, what changed his mind about the way he conducted his life was the face that comforted him in and out of his dreams. Relena.
She had stayed by his side during the entire episode, only leaving when Noin or Pagyen begged her to eat something and rest a bit. He realized that this was no way to be living his life. He had been fortunate enough to been given someone Relena, and even has he pushed her away, then pushed her to perfection, she still stayed.
This was the problem he faced this morning. He had seen her feelings overwhelm her during the Eve War, and then seen her push them away after the coup. Now they were so comfortable around each other that there was no tension, even last night sleeping in the same bed. Where had the passion gone? Where had the chasing, the death threats, the…
Heero stood quickly, realizing that he was thinking the thoughts of an absolute idiot. What in the hell was wrong with him? Chasing? Stalking? Death threats? He knew he was out of the loop, but he was equally sure that wasn't most women's conception of romance.
Maybe he just enjoyed the absolute need he sensed in her during the war. Even after the coup, she seemed more distant to him. When he returned to her, she was very happy, but she didn't fling her arms around him like he half-expected her to do. He tapped his pencil on his desk. He had to find something other than thinking to occupy his time.
When did she start to matter? When did she become everything?
Duo, still chuckling to himself about how he had managed to avoid Wufei this time, (hiding at the top of the elevator ala Die Hard,) had wandered down to the cafeteria, hoping to nab a muffin or something when he noticed Lady Une was still at her usual morning table.
"G'morning, Une!" Duo said in his usual cheerful moniker, but even he wasn't so think as to not notice that something was dreadfully wrong. "What is it?" he asked, slightly more compassionate in his tone.
"Maxwell," she replied, finally noticing him and as such shuffling her papers out of his eyesight. "It's nothing. Thank you for your concern. Aren't you here a little early?"
"Uh," Duo said, not sure why his superior wasn't haranguing him for being in the cafeteria at half past ten, "Lady, it's actually pretty…" he trailed off, showing her his watch.
"Oh Lord, where did this morning go?" She immediately got to her feet and nodded to him. "Shouldn't we be getting upstairs, Maxwell?"
Duo sighed, mentally kissing his muffin goodbye and reminding himself to have Sally check Une's dosage before the day was out.
Sally enjoyed her daily work out in the Preventer's gym more than any other time of the day. It was strangely soothing to beat the shit out of something. Under Wufei's tutelage she had become quite the martial artist, although she knew as well as he did that she still had a long way to go before she could legitimately beat him. In the meantime, she would simply use all of her resources.
"ONNA! You are CHEATING!"
"Prove it, you weenie!" The cluster of arms and legs on the mat belonging to the pair looked almost as if someone had tossed them in a salad. Wufei had tried to get a fair spar out of his 'woman' but she had been in far too playful mood all day to simply allow him to kick her around the gym.
"Well, for one thing," Wufei managed to grunt out as he finally gained enough of an upper hand to straddle her waist, "Duct tape isn't usually allowed on the mats."
"Well, I just thought that'd be more comfortable than handcuffs." Sally knew that she had to knock Wufei's concentration off in order to get him off her, but just then the opportunity presented itself. Sally lifted her head quickly and gave him a wet, sloppy kiss, then flipped him over and reversed their positions.
"Ok," Sally said amiably, kissing his forehead, "Maybe I do cheat." She stood and sauntered out, pausing at the doorway to throw one comment over her shoulder.
"Of course, I don't see you minding much."
Wufei couldn't really argue with that.
