INT - CHEERS - WOODY STAND BEHIND THE BAR, CLIFF AND NORM ARE AT THEIR USUAL SEATS, REBECCA WALKS OUT OF HER OFFICE, AND WALKS BEHIND THE BAR OVER TO NORM.
CLIFF
Eh, so how are things on the other side of the bar, Becca?
REBECCA
Nothing much... exept that Mr. Peterson's tab has gone up double what it was last month. Norm?
CLIFF
Uhh... He's been kinda tired today.
Norm is dead asleep.
REBECCA
Ughh....
NORM
Whaaat do you want?
Norm sounds drugged up.
REBECCA
I said, would you like to come over for turkey tonight and seven.
WOODY
Hey, Ms. Howe, you should have Texan turkey, its great, especially when you cook it on a fire...
REBECCA
UGH!!
Rebecca stomps off. Norm sits up.
NORM
Did it work?
CLIFF
Yep.
NORM
High Five.
They high five.
SONG: 'CHEERS'
INT - SAM AND CARLA.
SAM
Soo... Carla how are the kids doing?
CARLA
Well, Ludlow got stuck in the sewer last week, Oh yeah, and Serafina fell in love with a bum.
SAM
Ludlow... Serafina.. Who else is there?
CARLA
Please, Sam. Did Rebecca say she'd go out with you if you'd name all my kids, again?
SAM
Dang, how'd you know?
CARLA
Heh.. Since you seem so interested in my kids I suppose you wouldn't mind watching Ludlow while I go out for dinner tonight.
SAM
Ludlow... Serafina...
CARLA
GREAT! I'll drop him off here at five.
---
INT - FRASIER, LILITH, AND FREDERICK.
FRASIER
So, gracious family, what should we do today?
LILITH
How about I go shopping while you watch Frederick, dear?
FRASIER
Shopping? I thought you had everything you needed right here?
LILITH
Where..? Where, Frasier?
FRASIER
Ehem..
LILITH
Oh, right... You are all I need, Oh baby, Oh baby....
FRASIER
I thought so...
---
INT - CHEERS - PULL INTO - Carla, Ludlow, and Eddie.
CARLA
Now you be good for Uncle Sammy.
LUDLOW
But he's such a scary person..
Sam leans over from the bar.
SAM
What?
CARLA
He says he likes your hair.
SAM
Oh.. Well...
LUDLOW
..... Err....
CARLA
Now, if Mr. Malone tries to pull anything funny. Sullittt -motions slitting throat action-.
LUDLOW
Don't worry mom, I think I can handle him.
CARLA
All right.
Carla walks up to Sam.
CARLA
His cage is in the back.
SAM
Gotcha
---
Carla and Eddie begin to leave.
EDDIE
So, sweetie, where should we go first? My house or the restuarant?
CARLA
Hmm.... YOUR HOUSE..
-- PULL BACK TO LUDLOW AND SAM.
LUDLOW
Can I see a dictionary?
SAM
What do you need one for?
LUDLOW
Mom said your picture is by 'Stupid' in the dictionary.
SAM
She did, did she?
Sam turns around.
SAM
Woody, do you gotta dictionary?
Woody pulls out a dictionary.
WOODY
Sure, Sam, I carry one everywhere.
Sam grabs it.
SAM
Thanks.
He begins skimming through it.
SAM
Stupid..... S-T-Y... S-T-U.. Wait..
INT - CHEERS SIGN - PULL IN - Ludlow is sitting on Norm's seat, and Cliff looks at him.
CLIFF
I dont think you should be sitting there.
LUDLOW
Why not?
CLIFF
Thats Norm's seat.
LUDLOW
Who's Norm?
Cliff turns and looks at Woody.
CLIFF
WHAT IS THAT?
WOODY
Oh, thats Carla's kid, Ludlow, right?
LUDLOW
Yep!
CLIFF
Thats why..
Suddenly Norm appears by the door, he awaits his usual shout "NORM!!" He doesn't get it. Woody looks up.
WOODY
NORM!
NORM
The nineties...Geez...
Norm walks over to his stool, and see's Ludlow.
NORM
AHH, ALIENS HAVE TAKEN MY SEAT, TOO!
WOODY
That's not an Alien, its Carla's kid, Ludlow.
NORM
LIKE I SAID, AN ALIEN TOOK MY SEAT!
Suddenly Rebecca rushes out of the office.
REBECCA
THE MOST AMAZING THING IS HAPPENING! THE BOSS, MR. PRICE, WELL, HIS NEPHEW IS COMING TO CHEERS TO VISIT! OH MY GOD, IM SO EXCITED, IF HE LIKES IT, I COULD GET BOOSTED UP TO A HIGHER LEVEL, NOT LIKE I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS.. DID I SAY THAT ALOUD? I THINK IM GOING TO FAINT!
SAM
Here..
He runs over to her.
SAM
I'll catch you.
REBECCA
I wish.
SAM
SHE DOES, PAY UP, CLIFF, NORM, WOODY.
REBECCA
Ha, Ha, Ha.. Hey, Where's Carla?
WOODY
Oh-uh, she went out on a date with Eddie.
REBECCA
WHAT? WE NEED HER, OUR WAITRESS! WHO IS GOING TO REPLACE HER!!?!?
Suddenly someone tugs on her dress. Rebecca flips around not seeing anything.
REBECCA
NOW THE INVISIBLE MEN ARE TEASING ME!!
LUDLOW
Uhm... Down here.
Rebecca looks down.
LUDLOW
Hi, Im Ludlow Tortelli, Carla's boy. I bet I could help. I know all about Mom's job.
REBECCA -Laughing-
HAHAHAHA, YOU?.. A kid.. -looks around-... Woody, get him a suit.
INT - PULL BACK INTO - CHEERS - AS CHAD enters, a ravishling, young redhead, wearing a decent suit and a red tie. Rebecca runs over to him.
REBECCA
OH OH OH! Mr. Gaines' Nephew! How Nice To meet you, Im Rebecca Howe!
CHAD
I have a name. Chad.
SAM
Yeah, Rebecca, he has name.
REBECCA
Oh, right, Chad, so -tossles hair-, what would you like to drink?
CHAD
Just my regular?
REBECCA
Get him his regular.
SAM
What IS his regular?
REBECCA
Just make him something.... So-ah.. Do you think the place looks good?
CHAD
Ah, fairly decent.
Ludlow walks over carrying a tray with a drink on it.
LUDLOW
Here you go.
Ludlow takes the glass and is about to hand it over to the man when he drops it in his lap.
CHAD
AHH! HOW DARE YOU! YOU LITTLE BRAT!
Rebecca jumps up.
CHAD
WHAT IS A RODENT LIKE HIM DOING HERE?
REBECCA
Uhh...
Sam walks up to the situation.
SAM
He's not a rodent, Mr. Gaines. YOU ARE!
CHAD
IM SHOCKED!
SAM
We don't want to serve people like you in our bar. Get out.
Chad backs off, and begins walking out, Rebecca glares at Sam then runs up to Chad.
REBECCA
Leaving so soon, Mr. Gaines' Nephew?!!? Ahahaha?
CHAD
Yes, indeed. And I am never coming here again!
REBECCA
UH-UH WAIT!! NO! PLEASE!
Chad ignores her and stomps out.
REBECCA
WE'RE SCREWED! SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED!
WOODY
Oh-uh, whats wrong, Ms. Howe?
REBECCA
..WHATS WRONG? WHATS WRONG? I'LL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG, FARMBOY. WHATS WRONG IS MR. GAINES' NEPHEW HATES US, AND IS GOING TO KICK US OUT ON THE STREETS, THATS WHATS WRONG.
WOODY
Oh, uhmm.. I dont think so, Kelly called, she said that Mr. Gaines' Nephew went downtown, he said he doesn't like bars.
REBECCA
What? Then who was that?!!??
Cliff walks in.
CLIFF
Hey-a, Mayday, have you seen my nephew around? I told him I'd meet him here.
REBECCA
Oh, Dear Lord, I think Im going to faint.
SAM
Let me catch you.
Sam runs up to Rebecca, putting his hand behind her and grabbing her. Rebecca reaches up and smacks Sam, Credits role.
SAM
Ow, that hurt.
OMG, My first Cheers thing, please review, tell me how MUCH humor I lack, Please. -dies.-
CLIFF
Eh, so how are things on the other side of the bar, Becca?
REBECCA
Nothing much... exept that Mr. Peterson's tab has gone up double what it was last month. Norm?
CLIFF
Uhh... He's been kinda tired today.
Norm is dead asleep.
REBECCA
Ughh....
NORM
Whaaat do you want?
Norm sounds drugged up.
REBECCA
I said, would you like to come over for turkey tonight and seven.
WOODY
Hey, Ms. Howe, you should have Texan turkey, its great, especially when you cook it on a fire...
REBECCA
UGH!!
Rebecca stomps off. Norm sits up.
NORM
Did it work?
CLIFF
Yep.
NORM
High Five.
They high five.
SONG: 'CHEERS'
INT - SAM AND CARLA.
SAM
Soo... Carla how are the kids doing?
CARLA
Well, Ludlow got stuck in the sewer last week, Oh yeah, and Serafina fell in love with a bum.
SAM
Ludlow... Serafina.. Who else is there?
CARLA
Please, Sam. Did Rebecca say she'd go out with you if you'd name all my kids, again?
SAM
Dang, how'd you know?
CARLA
Heh.. Since you seem so interested in my kids I suppose you wouldn't mind watching Ludlow while I go out for dinner tonight.
SAM
Ludlow... Serafina...
CARLA
GREAT! I'll drop him off here at five.
---
INT - FRASIER, LILITH, AND FREDERICK.
FRASIER
So, gracious family, what should we do today?
LILITH
How about I go shopping while you watch Frederick, dear?
FRASIER
Shopping? I thought you had everything you needed right here?
LILITH
Where..? Where, Frasier?
FRASIER
Ehem..
LILITH
Oh, right... You are all I need, Oh baby, Oh baby....
FRASIER
I thought so...
---
INT - CHEERS - PULL INTO - Carla, Ludlow, and Eddie.
CARLA
Now you be good for Uncle Sammy.
LUDLOW
But he's such a scary person..
Sam leans over from the bar.
SAM
What?
CARLA
He says he likes your hair.
SAM
Oh.. Well...
LUDLOW
..... Err....
CARLA
Now, if Mr. Malone tries to pull anything funny. Sullittt -motions slitting throat action-.
LUDLOW
Don't worry mom, I think I can handle him.
CARLA
All right.
Carla walks up to Sam.
CARLA
His cage is in the back.
SAM
Gotcha
---
Carla and Eddie begin to leave.
EDDIE
So, sweetie, where should we go first? My house or the restuarant?
CARLA
Hmm.... YOUR HOUSE..
-- PULL BACK TO LUDLOW AND SAM.
LUDLOW
Can I see a dictionary?
SAM
What do you need one for?
LUDLOW
Mom said your picture is by 'Stupid' in the dictionary.
SAM
She did, did she?
Sam turns around.
SAM
Woody, do you gotta dictionary?
Woody pulls out a dictionary.
WOODY
Sure, Sam, I carry one everywhere.
Sam grabs it.
SAM
Thanks.
He begins skimming through it.
SAM
Stupid..... S-T-Y... S-T-U.. Wait..
INT - CHEERS SIGN - PULL IN - Ludlow is sitting on Norm's seat, and Cliff looks at him.
CLIFF
I dont think you should be sitting there.
LUDLOW
Why not?
CLIFF
Thats Norm's seat.
LUDLOW
Who's Norm?
Cliff turns and looks at Woody.
CLIFF
WHAT IS THAT?
WOODY
Oh, thats Carla's kid, Ludlow, right?
LUDLOW
Yep!
CLIFF
Thats why..
Suddenly Norm appears by the door, he awaits his usual shout "NORM!!" He doesn't get it. Woody looks up.
WOODY
NORM!
NORM
The nineties...Geez...
Norm walks over to his stool, and see's Ludlow.
NORM
AHH, ALIENS HAVE TAKEN MY SEAT, TOO!
WOODY
That's not an Alien, its Carla's kid, Ludlow.
NORM
LIKE I SAID, AN ALIEN TOOK MY SEAT!
Suddenly Rebecca rushes out of the office.
REBECCA
THE MOST AMAZING THING IS HAPPENING! THE BOSS, MR. PRICE, WELL, HIS NEPHEW IS COMING TO CHEERS TO VISIT! OH MY GOD, IM SO EXCITED, IF HE LIKES IT, I COULD GET BOOSTED UP TO A HIGHER LEVEL, NOT LIKE I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS.. DID I SAY THAT ALOUD? I THINK IM GOING TO FAINT!
SAM
Here..
He runs over to her.
SAM
I'll catch you.
REBECCA
I wish.
SAM
SHE DOES, PAY UP, CLIFF, NORM, WOODY.
REBECCA
Ha, Ha, Ha.. Hey, Where's Carla?
WOODY
Oh-uh, she went out on a date with Eddie.
REBECCA
WHAT? WE NEED HER, OUR WAITRESS! WHO IS GOING TO REPLACE HER!!?!?
Suddenly someone tugs on her dress. Rebecca flips around not seeing anything.
REBECCA
NOW THE INVISIBLE MEN ARE TEASING ME!!
LUDLOW
Uhm... Down here.
Rebecca looks down.
LUDLOW
Hi, Im Ludlow Tortelli, Carla's boy. I bet I could help. I know all about Mom's job.
REBECCA -Laughing-
HAHAHAHA, YOU?.. A kid.. -looks around-... Woody, get him a suit.
INT - PULL BACK INTO - CHEERS - AS CHAD enters, a ravishling, young redhead, wearing a decent suit and a red tie. Rebecca runs over to him.
REBECCA
OH OH OH! Mr. Gaines' Nephew! How Nice To meet you, Im Rebecca Howe!
CHAD
I have a name. Chad.
SAM
Yeah, Rebecca, he has name.
REBECCA
Oh, right, Chad, so -tossles hair-, what would you like to drink?
CHAD
Just my regular?
REBECCA
Get him his regular.
SAM
What IS his regular?
REBECCA
Just make him something.... So-ah.. Do you think the place looks good?
CHAD
Ah, fairly decent.
Ludlow walks over carrying a tray with a drink on it.
LUDLOW
Here you go.
Ludlow takes the glass and is about to hand it over to the man when he drops it in his lap.
CHAD
AHH! HOW DARE YOU! YOU LITTLE BRAT!
Rebecca jumps up.
CHAD
WHAT IS A RODENT LIKE HIM DOING HERE?
REBECCA
Uhh...
Sam walks up to the situation.
SAM
He's not a rodent, Mr. Gaines. YOU ARE!
CHAD
IM SHOCKED!
SAM
We don't want to serve people like you in our bar. Get out.
Chad backs off, and begins walking out, Rebecca glares at Sam then runs up to Chad.
REBECCA
Leaving so soon, Mr. Gaines' Nephew?!!? Ahahaha?
CHAD
Yes, indeed. And I am never coming here again!
REBECCA
UH-UH WAIT!! NO! PLEASE!
Chad ignores her and stomps out.
REBECCA
WE'RE SCREWED! SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED!
WOODY
Oh-uh, whats wrong, Ms. Howe?
REBECCA
..WHATS WRONG? WHATS WRONG? I'LL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG, FARMBOY. WHATS WRONG IS MR. GAINES' NEPHEW HATES US, AND IS GOING TO KICK US OUT ON THE STREETS, THATS WHATS WRONG.
WOODY
Oh, uhmm.. I dont think so, Kelly called, she said that Mr. Gaines' Nephew went downtown, he said he doesn't like bars.
REBECCA
What? Then who was that?!!??
Cliff walks in.
CLIFF
Hey-a, Mayday, have you seen my nephew around? I told him I'd meet him here.
REBECCA
Oh, Dear Lord, I think Im going to faint.
SAM
Let me catch you.
Sam runs up to Rebecca, putting his hand behind her and grabbing her. Rebecca reaches up and smacks Sam, Credits role.
SAM
Ow, that hurt.
OMG, My first Cheers thing, please review, tell me how MUCH humor I lack, Please. -dies.-
