The Heart of Darkness

by Akane-Rei

PART FIVE

The Calm Before the Storm

"And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble a peace. It was the stillness of an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable intention."

Marlow from "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad

Race stared at his wife -- ex-wife, he corrected himself -- Estella from across the room and brooded. The Quest team's surprise party for her had gone on -- and in fact, is still going on -- without a hitch. Despite all the unpleasantness of the past twenty-four hours, the Quest Compound was teeming with the laughter of the numerous guests, most of whom were flown over courtesy of Benton and his . . . transportation vehicles.

Race had wanted to cancel the whole thing. He firmly believed that what his daughter needed was a time of rest to recover from today's events, not an all-night party. But Jessie had insisted and whenever Jessie insists on something, there's no stopping her. Her arguments to support her side were usually rational and well thought out.

There were definitely some disadvantages to having a daughter who's a little too quick in the uptake, he thought.

Still, he had to admit that Jessie seems alright and is -- if looks can be believed -- having the time of her life. When he first saw what she was wearing that night, he'd nearly had a heart attack for who knows how many time during the past day. The dark, silk green . . . thingy that draped around his daughter revealed far more of Jessie than he had wanted. Only Benton's surprisingly restraining grip in his arm and the vulnerable look in Jessie's eyes as she sought his approval prevented him from marching towards his daughter, draping his coat around her and carrying her upstairs to find a more . . . conservative attire. He was quite proud of the way he had held himself.

He smirked. He had certainly fared better than Jonny, who had gaped at his daughter and started stuttering before she even finished descending from the stairs. Race frowned. He had recognized the look of adoration on Jonny's face when he stared at Jessie that night. He didn't know how he felt about that new -- or is it new? -- development yet. Although he was pretty sure it that whatever he felt, he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about what Jonny and Jessie decide to do. He thought about his daughter and his eyes narrowed. He would have thought that Jessie had seen the look on Jonny's face too, but for the fact that she avoided Jonny for most of the evening. He'd never thought his daughter could be so blind. Why she's so blind it's almost . . . deliberate. He frowned some more. Perhaps he wasn't the only one in his family who's afraid of change.

He searched the crowd for his daughter and found her dancing with the young man she'd invited. Michael was his name, he thinks. He stared at his daughter and studied her countenance. If he didn't know any better, he'd think that she forgot all about the incident in school this morning. The problem is that he did know better. Despite Jessie's attempt to make light of everything, he remembered seeing the look on her face that morning when he and Benton arrived at Rockport High. He remembered the relief that crossed her features as she ran to him, her arms wide open. He had caught her and returned her embrace. He had felt her squeeze him tightly, then let go. When she turned to face him again, her face was composed and serene.

His heart had skipped a beat at that look. It had reminded him so much of Estella when . . .

Jessie had asked all of them not to mention the . . . incident to her mother. She wanted nothing to keep her mother from fully enjoying her birthday; she had been quite adamant about that. Everyone, including him, had reluctantly agreed not to say anything, at least not that night. They had all decided that it will keep until tomorrow. Jessie would have favored never mentioning it again, but he had insisted that her mother had a right to know and worry. Jessie was her daughter too. Jessie had then looked at him strangely and agreed.

He wondered if she knew how distasteful he found keeping anything from Estella these days.

He gave a self-deprecating laugh. Estella would have a field day with that one if she knew. In fact, if he told her that little tidbit, she'd probably laugh at his face. All through their brief marriage, his job had prevented him from confiding and sharing his thoughts with his wife. There were times when, after coming home from a particularly grueling mission sporting several cuts and bruises, he could feel Estella staring at him expectantly while she lovingly took care of him. Race knew she'd wanted to share his pain, his feelings, his thoughts -- something every wife expects from her husband. But he couldn't. So, he'd tried not to see her disappointment, her unhappiness. Eventually, he didn't see them anymore. Gone was the look of expectation and regrets. In its place was composure and serenity.

That should have warned him, if nothing else, that something was very wrong. Estella had always been a woman of passion and zeal and love for life. All her feelings were usually written in her face. But he had been too blind. So blind, it was almost . . . deliberate. By the time he realized what an empty shadow his wife had become compared to the woman he had married, it had been too late.



**FLASHBACK**



Race found his wife sitting by the kitchen table, her arms folded in front of her as she stared into space. Upon closer inspection, he noticed little things that belied her calm exterior. Her jaw was clenched as if she were grinding her teeth. Perhaps she was. Her knuckles were white and her whole body was tense.

"What's up, Estella?" he asked. Estella had said that she wanted to talk to him after he tucked Jessie in.

Silence greeted his inquiry. She seemed to be struggling with something . . . something very important.

She looked up at him and took a deep breath.

"It's not going to work, Race," she said softly.

Huh? he thought.

She swallowed. "This whole thing . . . it's not working," she said again.

Race was getting nervous.

"At first I thought I could handle it," she continued just as softly, "I thought that because I loved you, it was alright that I don't know whether you're coming home or not. I told myself it's the price I had to pay for marrying someone like you. As long as we're together, I told myself that I could handle anything. But then . . . I realized that we're not really together anyway . . .I tried . . . I really tried, Roger." She looked down at her hands. "I want a divorce."

He looked at her, shock apparent in his face.

"Roger, you know we haven't been--" she went on.

But Race ceased to hear anything she had to say after the word divorce came out of her mouth. He felt the very foundation of his world shake and begin to crumble. There was a loud buzzing in his ears. All he could do was stare at her, wishing he'd wake up from this nightmare. But he didn't.

"It's for the best," she finished as she looked at him worriedly.

He felt a pain in his chest that wouldn't go away. He opened his mouth to say something, anything that would make her take back her words, but couldn't. It hurt just to look at her and recall her plea for a divorce.

I want a divorce, I want a divorce, I want a divorce, he heard in his head.

He closed his eyes and felt something burn in the back of his lids.

I have to get out of here, he thought. Now . . . now.

He had to get out of there before he disgraced himself. He had to get out of there before he begged her to stay. Before he cried for her.

Gotta get out.

He left the room with as much dignity as a man who's very happiness had been torn from him could muster. He left with his pride.

He came back hours later and found Estella still sitting by the table.

"You'll have your divorce," he said harshly. He went to their bedroom -- hers now, in fact -- and packed his clothes. He had thought a lot while he had been out walking in the streets. For the first time, he saw his time with Estella and realized how small an amount they were. He thought about all the times when he had alienated his wife, when he had snapped at her for complaining that they never saw each other, when he had explained why his job was very important, why he can't just quit at that moment. He remembered her eyes on each of those times and knew that it was him that put it there. He winced when he remembered being unable to give her the assurance that he will be there at Jessie's birth, being unable to keep their appointments with her doctor. It didn't matter that he was there in the end because it was only pure luck that allowed him to be there at the birth of his own daughter. Ponchita . . .

He knew damn well that there was no way he could keep Jessie in the event of a divorce. He paused from his packing. Jessie, he thought, I'm sorry.

He finished packing and passed by Jessie's room. His daughter lay in her bed, sleeping with a peace only innocents have. He put down his suitcase and walked over to the bed. He bent over gave her a kiss on her forehead. He exited the room before she woke up. Outside the door of Jessie's room stood Estella.

"I won't keep her from you," she said. "You can see her whenever you wish.

He nodded. "You'll explain --"

Estella nodded. "Everything," she finished. "I know you love her. I won't tarnish her image of you."

He took a deep breath. "Thank you," he said. He headed out the front door.

"Roger," she called.

He stopped and turned to her, his eyes hoping.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way," she said. "I . . .I . ." She shrugged helplessly.

"I know," he said. "I know."

He left.



**END FLASHBACK**



Race stared at his wife as she danced with a colleague. Even now, she could still stop his breath by just walking into the room. Over the years he had wished that she would grow fat and wrinkly, anything that would keep his heart from racing whenever he saw her, anything that would keep other admirers at bay. But to no avail. She was still as beautiful as she was when he first laid eyes on her and he was still susceptible to her charms.

Unable to help himself, he went over to where she was dancing and tapped her partner's shoulder.

"May I cut in," he asked. His words sought permission, but his eyes demanded.

Her current dance partner -- whatever his name was -- looked at him with something akin to fear in his eyes and gracefully gave his partner up.

Race took Estella in his arms.

******************************

Estella looked up at her former husband and smiled. Roger -- or was it Race, now? -- always did have a particular effect on the men she happen to be with; he scared them to death.

"You know, Roger," she said, "you have to stop doing that. I work with these people."

He looked down at her and made a face. "What did I do now?"

She snorted. "As if you didn't know," she said.

Race laughed and said, "It's not my fault they're scared of me. I don't know what you told them about me, but --"

"I didn't tell them anything --" Estella interrupted.

"Now, now, Estella," said Race, "I don't mind that you're using me to ward off your suitors, but really -- Owwww!"

"Oh was that your foot?" asked Estella sweetly. "And just for your information, I don't need to use you to warn off my . . . admirers. I can take perfect care of myself without having to run to you, thank you very much."

Race looked at her seriously. "I know, Estella," he said. "I know."

Estella looked into his eyes and was lost. He was looking at her the way he used to in the beginning of their marriage. It was thrilling in a way, yet scary at the same time.

She tried to summon her former indignation. "Then why did you --"

"I was just kidding, Estella," he said. He sighed thoughtfully. "We used to be able to do that without any misunderstanding, you know," he said, his voice rough.

Estella was silent. She didn't understand Race's mood tonight. At first, he had been the epitome of the an ardent suitor all through their dinner. He had flirted shamelessly with her all through their dinner together. She had gone along with him, all the while thinking it was a game he was playing. However, there were times when she'd glimpse a hint in his eyes that told her he meant every word he said. She told herself that that had just been wishful thinking on her part, but she couldn't help but feel . . . something . . . something she shouldn't be feeling for an ex- husband . . . something she shouldn't be feeling for a current friend. Because despite their hardships, she and Race have become somewhat awkward friends. They had both agreed that friends make better parents than enemies and so had set aside their differences with each other and tried to show Jessie a facade of amicableness. In time, the facade became a reality. She and Race seem to get along much better as friends anyway and she was glad. For her daughter's sake, ofcourse. Now, she just didn't understand what's going on with herself and with Race. First, he treats her like she was . . . more than a friend, then he completely ignores her when he brought her back to the Quest Compound, and right now, he's acting like the jealous lover he used to be.

She shook her head. Either way, she didn't know what she preferred. With her and Race, the time had never seem to be right. There was always something -- whether it's his job or her job -- that prevented them from that state fairytales keep talking about. Maybe for her and Race, 'happily ever after' just wasn't in the cards.

She looked up at him and saw him staring off somewhere. She placed her head in his shoulders and stayed there. She felt his arms tighten about her waist as he held her closer.

Neither of them said a word.

****************************

Benton stared at his friend as he danced with the one woman who was able to touch him in a way no other woman can. He had suspected for a long time that Race felt more for his wife -- ex-wife -- than he ever let on. Race never said anything and he didn't want to pry, but he remembers the shadows he saw on his friend's eyes the first time he came to work for him as his bodyguard. At that time, he had ignored it. He couldn't deal with another's pain while he tried to cope with his own pain: Rachel's death. At that time, Race had just been another man out of many who claimed to be able to do their job well and that was to protect their employers. Now that he knew his friend better, he knew what had caused the bleakness in Race's countenance when he first started working for him. It didn't take an incredible amount of intelligence to realize that Estella and Race's divorce occurred around that time.

It was sad, really. He knew that Race cared for his wife more than Estella would ever know and Estella cared for Race more than he would ever know. Yet both are so set in their ways that it would be almost impossible for them to be together without a great deal of . . . conflict. First of all, Race loved Estella. Because he loves Estella, he would never ask her to give up her job as an archeologist. Secondly, Estella cares for Race, too. And because of past experience, she would never ask Race to give up his job now. Besides, part of their love for each other is their respect for each other's dedication to his or her current profession. Now the problem: given their current occupations in life, neither of them would see much of each other if they were to ever get married. From what he could gather, that was a significant part of the reason they obtained a divorce in the first place.

What a mess, he thought.

A true case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.

He really wished he could do something for Race and Estella, but right now is apparently not the time for them yet. He wondered if the time would ever come.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jonny approach him. He had a disgruntled look in his face and Benton didn't have to guess to know what was bothering his son. Jonny had not been his usual cheerful self when they got home that afternoon. He had put it down on the incident with Jessie's locker for a while, but he had noticed how blacker his son's mood had become upon the arrival of a certain Michael O'Connor. It didn't help that Jessie had welcomed Michael with open arms, nor did it help that Jessie seemed inseparable from Michael.

His son was jealous. Jonny had tried to hide it, ofcourse, but he's never been good at hiding his feelings. For the most part, his son is a very straightforward person.

"Hi, dad," he said staring at what is now considered a dance floor.

"Hi, Jonny," he said. "What's on your mind?"

Jonny continued to watch the dance floor.

"I need to talk to her," he whispered to himself.

Benton heard him nonetheless. He stared at his son. You will, he thought. You'll find a way.

Jonny headed towards the dance floor just as Hadji approached Benton.

Hadji nodded to Jonny in acknowledgment and watched as his friend walked over to Jessie.

Benton saw Hadji shake his head regretfully and faced him fully.

"Dr. Quest," he said. " Why are you not enjoying the dance floor?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied. "As for me, I'm too old."

Hadji looked at him strangely. "You are only as old as you think you are, Dr. Quest."

Benton laughed. He didn't think he would ever get tired of listening to Hadji's penchant to come up with his wise, little sayings. "What about you Hadji?" Benton asked. "You have to try that dance floor sometime."

Hadji stared at the group of people dancing. To be more precise, he stared at Jessie who's about to be approached by Jonny.

"Perhaps later," he said quietly.

They watched as Jonny made his progress towards the couple.

"So, Hadji," he said. "What do you know about Michael O'Connor?"

Hadji smiled. "He is one very lucky man," he replied softly.

Benton looked closely at his adopted son. Hadji, unlike Jonny, had always been good at hiding his feelings. His control of himself was probably one of the reasons why Benton hadn't been aware of his feelings for Jessie until lately. He shuddered to think of the conflict that could arise out of such a delicate situation. Perhaps it is better that Jessie is in this party with someone else other than Jonny or Hadji, he thought.

"You know what I meant, Hadji," he said.

Hadji was silent for a moment. "Michael is a very nice young man," Hadji said reluctantly. "I don't believe Jessie would have chosen to . . . go out with him otherwise." He paused. "He can be adventurous like Jonny, yet, he has a quiet strength in him. I noticed it when I saw him with Jessie in school today. He and Jessie are very much alike."

Benton watched as Jonny cut in between Jessie and Michael.

Again, he wished that he was as absent-minded as people thought he was. Then he wouldn't have to ponder about his friends troubles. He wouldn't have the ineffectual desire to solve his friends problems either.

He sighed.

Well, Rachel, what do you think?

It had become a habit of him to talk to his dead wife on times of trouble. Sometimes, he could almost swear she answered back.

*You worry too much* she replied.

Wouldn't you?

*He's growing up, Benton. They're all growing up*

I wish . . .

*I know, Benton. I know*

Benton stared at Jonny as he led Jessie to a dance.

"Dr. Quest, are you alright?" asked Hadji.

Benton looked at him and said, "Yes, Hadji. I'm fine. I was just . . . talking to myself."

******************************

Hadji stared at his friends as they twirled around the dance floor. He felt his heart constrict at the sight. It didn't matter that they were his friends and he wished them all the happiness in the world. He had still felt the stab of jealousy whenever he saw them together. He didn't know how he would handle it if they officially became a couple. Right now, with the Jeanette and Michael complication, he knew that Jonny and Jessie are far from having a relationship of their own together. He breathed a sigh of relief at that thought and promptly reprimanded himself for his selfishness. It wasn't like him to wish ill of his friends and, despite any protestations he might have, wishing his friends apart when they could be happier together is the same as wishing them ill.

*So, Hadji, what do you know about Michael O'Connor?* Dr. Quest had asked.

Hadji had inwardly winced at the question. Because of Michael's relationship with Jessie, Hadji was the last person in the world qualified to answer Dr. Quest's inquiry. From the moment Jessie had introduced him to Michael, he had done his best to look for a flaw that could discredit the black-haired, gray-eyed boy in Jessie's eyes. In fact, he went as far as to subtly encourage Jonny to do the same, knowing how Jonny felt about Jessie. He had rationalized his petty actions by telling himself that he was doing it for Jessie's own good, that friends took care of friends, and that he would do the same for any other friend he had. But such faulty reasoning did not withstand the test of time. He had noticed immediately the malice that underlined his actions.

He remembered the time when he found out that Michael had gone to an ice cream shop with another girl days after his first date with Jessie. Hadji had been triumphant. He had been ready to report Michael's activities to Jessie and once and for all make Jessie see that she could do better than some . . . some track athlete in school when he came to a halt and finally really thought at what he was being happy about. To his everlasting shame, he had realized that he had found joy in the unfortunate circumstance of others. He, Hadji Singh, was going to take delight in telling Jessie what a . . . jerk her boyfriend was regardless of her feelings. He had not thought he could recover from such a fall from grace, but he had striven. He had striven to redeem himself to himself, his harshest critic.

The first thing he did was talk to Michael about his flagrant disregard for Jessie's feelings. He had remembered Michael's look of disbelief and then outright laughter. Hadji had been somewhat indignant, if not surprised to say the least, at Michael's reaction. He had expected anger and denial, not amusement. As Michael wiped the tears of hilarity in his eyes, he had laughingly explained that the girl he took to the shop was none other than his cousin, Shannon, who is visiting the U.S. from Ireland. Hadji had never felt as much a fool as he did at that moment.

Once Michael had been able to control his laughter, he had looked at Hadji seriously and said, "I know how much you care for Jessie. From what I here from her, you trio are the closest to brothers and sisters as anyone can be. While I'm not sure how Jessie would take it when she finds out that you are trying to interfere with her . . . ahhh . . . relationship with me, I just want to tell you that I understand. The thought of anyone hurting Jessie is enough to drive me wild. I really appreciate your trying to protect her."

Hadji was still in shock. He wanted to apologize, but a voice inside his reminded him that Michael was the enemy. Michael was the one who was trying to take Jessie away from them. But another voice, a more rational and calm voice told him that he had made a mistake and he owed this man an apology.

Michael stared at him as if understanding the struggle he was going through. He put his hand in Hadji's shoulder and said, "This is between you and me. Jessie will never find out from me about this incident. Put it behind you. It's normal to be over-protective of someone you consider your sister. I know I am whenever my sister is concerned."

If only you knew, Hadji had thought.

Michael was about to walk away when he stopped and turned back to him. "And just for the record," he began, "if I ever hurt Jessie, you can be the first in line to give me a what-for."

He left Hadji standing alone in the middle of the parking lot.

Hadji had tried to get to know Michael better after that incident. To his surprise, he had to reluctantly admit that he liked the man. He wouldn't call him his best friend, but he was someone one can count on in times of need. He couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly it is about Michael that drew people to him, but it is there. Michael is a member of a peer counseling program at school and a lot of his schoolmates find it easy to talk to him. Unfortunately for Hadji and his feelings for Jessie, Jessie had been drawn to Michael, too. He still remembered the scene he saw in school today.



**FLASHBACK**



He had been walking on his way home from his last class and the hallways were deserted. He'd had to stay a little late in class in order to repeat a Physics lab which he botched due to the fact that his mind was elsewhere. Because he had expected everyone to be home by now, he had been surprised to hear voices in one of the classroom. He stopped to look inside and saw Jessie in Michael's arms while she cried in his shoulders. Michael was stroking her hair and murmuring soothingly at her ear. He had immediately beat a hasty retreat and headed for the school parking lot, hoping that they never saw him.

He felt himself breathe raggedly as he doggedly made his way to the parking lot, trying erase the scene he just saw from his mind. He felt a pain in his chest. He wanted the earth to swallow him up right then and there if it meant relief from his pain.

Right, left, right, left . . . he commanded his legs to walk away from the building.

All the while, the claws of jealousy tore at him, making his breathing even harder than before.

*It should have been you in there with her, Hadji*

Right, left, right, left . . .

Breathe in . . .out . . .in . . . out . . .

*Wasn't she in your arms this morning when she first saw the cat?*

*Weren't you the one that realized that there was something wrong?*

*It should be you in there, Hadji*

Stop it, he thought.

*But then, she didn't choose you, did she*

*She wouldn't let you give her any comfort at all*

Hadji thought of the way Jessie left his arms in anger, not at him, but at the culprit. He had wanted to comfort her some more, to let her lean on him . . .

*But she didn't *

*She chose Michael for that*

*I wonder why*

He found the blue van in the parking lot.

He had sat in the blue van next to Jonny who just got in there himself. Apparently, Jonny, like him, had to redo his lab, too, only his was a Chemistry lab.

Jonny started the van.

"Are we not waiting for Jessie?" he asked Jonny.

*That's gonna be a long wait if she's still there cuddling up with Michael*

"She said not to wait up for her," Jonny said with a grim look on his face. "Apparently Michael was taking her home."

"Oh," said Hadji thinking back on the scene he just witnessed.

*Ever wonder why Jessie never sought comfort in your arms?*

Perhaps she needed Michael right now, he thought.

Not for the first time, he wondered why Jessie seemed more comfortable showing what she considers weaknesses to Michael and not to them. The scene in the classroom is a classic example. She didn't seem to mind that Michael can see her in tears, but heaven forbid that she shows such things in front of him or Jonny or her father, for that matter. She allowed them to witness her anger that her space was violated. She allowed them to see her brave front. But she never let them see the fact that she might be hurting. Sometimes he wondered if she felt like she had to live up to being part of the Quest household. He often wondered how being the only girl in a male-dominated household would affect her. If his deductions are right, Jessie refuses to show what some might consider 'feminine' emotions around all of them for fear of being ridiculed or being treated unequally compared to Jonny and himself.

*Ever wonder that maybe, just maybe, you're part of the reason why she won't cry in front of any of you?*

"When did she say she will be home?" Hadji asked Jonny.

"She said right after Michael finishes with his track practice," replied Jonny tersely.

Hadji chose to be silent at that moment and so did that voice inside his head. The van seems to be going awfully fast. He held on for his dear life as Jonny took sharp turns on the road on their way home.

Although he really wished Jonny would not take out his black mood behind the wheel, Hadji did not say anything about Jonny's driving that day.

He understood.



**END FLASHBACK**



Hadji sighed and continued to watch Jessie and Jonny as they dance together. He saw Michael make his way towards him and he waited for him to arrive.

He is a good man, he thought.

But then, so were he and Jonny. For the umpteenth time, he railed at fate and its contrary ways. He had wanted to hate Michael, but could not. He had wanted to hate his friend, Jonny, for being one of the people who could secure Jessie's affection, but hating his best friend is not in his system. He wanted Jessie to love him the way he now loved her, the way she used to love him, but she does not. The timing for their feelings had always been wrong. He wondered if it would ever be right.

"Hey, Hadji," said Michael, "Dr. Quest."

"Why hello, Michael," responded Dr. Quest.

Hadji raised his hand in response.

Michael grinned at them. "Either you guys don't like parties," he said, "or you're hiding here in the corner from someone. Which is it?"

Dr. Quest laughed. "Nothing quite that drastic," he said. "We're just people-watching."

"Ever joined the people you were watching?" Michael asked them.

Dr. Quest was silent and then, "Not for a long time," he said.

Michael looked at Dr. Quest and then at Hadji. "Something tells me," he began, "that I put my foot in my mouth, so I think I'll leave you two alone before I do something else."

He left their presence.

Hadji continued to stare at a particular couple in the dance floor.

Now is not the right time for us, he thought to himself. Maybe someday. . . But not now.

He sighed with regret.

**********************************

Michael O'Connor mentally kicked himself. He usually wasn't so dense, but he was nervous. He had heard so much about the Quest Compound from Jessie and about the people in it that he had been a little apprehensive about attending this shindig. He wasn't sure of his welcome or whether or not the people whom Jessie admired so much would approve of him. He was a wreck by the time he drove his car to the long stretch of the driveway that led to the house. Jessie knew how he felt, ofcourse. She always does. Which was why she had tried her best to make him feel as comfortable as possible since the moment of his arrival.

He had been late in arriving. The party had been in full swing by the time he got there. He'd had to go to work that afternoon and there was no way he could switch shifts with somebody. Everybody, apparently, was busy that Friday. In fact, he still had to leave the party early and get back to helping his father in the grocery store. There had been a lot of track meets that week and he hadn't been able to help as much as he could. But Jessie understood and greeted him with open arms when he got there. It's her father whom Michael was a little edgy about. He'd heard about the famous Race Bannon who was hired to protect the famous Quests. Race Bannon was said to have used to work with the government until he quit some nine or ten years ago. In fact, it was rumored that his assignments are usually of those top-secret kinds that people only hear about in movies.

Michael could believe that. He'd only have to look at his eyes to know that Race Bannon was a dangerous man.

*And he thinks you're dating his daughter*

Michael cringed. From what he knew about fathers, they're not entirely too keen on the person who is going out with their daughter. In fact, if his own father's reaction to his sisters boyfriends were any indication, to say that fathers are hostile towards prospective dates for their daughters is somewhat of an understatement.

He thought about his relationship with Jessie and sighed. Despite the closeness they have developed since their first date, he could tell that Jessie's feelings for him are now approaching those for an older brother. He didn't know how it happened. Perhaps it's because he knew so much about her and she about him. Their dates usually end with conversation now instead of the usual kiss. Not that conversation was bad. Just the opposite in fact. He didn't think he'd ever have a chance to get to know and like anyone as much as he did Jessie. Their talks have no borders. It would even be a safe bet to make to say that he knew her as much as maybe Jonny or Hadji. He and Jessie had become each other's confidant. He had mixed feelings about that latest development. While he was happy that Jessie trusted him with innermost thoughts, he didn't like the fact that their relationship had taken a slightly more platonic term. He knew it was a matter of time before Jessie will have to give him that speech on how they're much better off as friends.

He didn't know how he was going to handle that. While Jessie's feelings for him have been turning to those of a sister for a brother, his had taken a somewhat different turn. The admiration and respect he felt for her had turned into something much . . . deeper . . . stronger.

He loved her.

There. He'd admitted it.

He should have known from the very beginning really. No other girl he's dated had ever elicited such a strong response from him as Jessie had. The incident today in school just served to confirm what should have been obvious to him.



**FLASHBACK**



"Someone did what?!!" he shouted at the student in front of him. "Where is she?"

"She went to the principal's office," said a voice behind him.

He turned to see Jonny Quest and Hadji Singh exiting their one class together. He looked at them frantically. "Is she alright?" he asked. He could hear the desperate note in his voice.

Since he had come to school early, he had missed the excitement of the discovery of what exactly the stench was by the locker halls. It was only after his first class that he found out. He didn't know why he didn't find out before that since everyone seems to be talking about it. He had wondered where Jessie was when she didn't show up for their English class together. Now to find out that some sicko . . .

"She seems to be taking the whole thing in stride," replied Hadji.

Ofcourse she would seem to, he thought, especially in front of you and Jonny.

He knew more than anyone but Jessie herself how she felt about showing any signs of weakness in front of anyone especially Jonny and Hadji. Her competitiveness with Jonny is an explanation in itself as to why she won't show him her fears and her embarrassment over the past with Hadji will always prevent her from what she sees as damaging her pride even more.

"I need to talk to her," he said desperately.

Hadji had looked at him with understanding while Jonny had just stared at him

"We do not know if she has been out yet," said Hadji. "It is perhaps better to wait for her to come to us."

He looked at them and decided he was going to look for Jessie himself. He got as far as the principal's door when the secretary stopped him. He would have camped outside the door, but he was asked very politely to leave. When he refused, the secretary demanded that he does leave. They had called her father apparently and he and Dr. Quest were on their way.

He left the office frustrated. The sight of the police entering and leaving did not in any way give him a feeling of relief. He wanted to see Jessie and he wanted to see her NOW!

As it turned out, he wasn't able to see her until his track practice. She had come up to him on the field.

"I heard you wanted to talk to me," she said.

"Yeah," he replied. He tucked a few tendrils of her hair behind her ear.

"I'll wait for you at Jenner's classroom, okay?" she asked. "I have to take a make-up quiz from him anyway so I'll wait for you in there when I'm done."

He kissed her forehead and nodded.

She blushed and looked at his teammates, who were doing everything they can to look as if they weren't paying attention to what was going on.

"Well," she said, "I better go. I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with your coach."

She kissed him on his cheek and of she went. Then she turned back. "Can you take me home today?" she asked. "I wouldn't want to hold Jonny and Hadji up."

He smiled. "Sure," he replied.

She was about to leave when he said, "Jessie."

She turned back to him inquiringly.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She glanced behind him and again saw his teammates with their coach this time.

She looked at him and said, "Ofcourse," while her eyes said something different. "I'll see you later," she said and left.

He stared after her and went back to practice while his thoughts stayed with her.

Track practice had eventually ended and he jogged over at the school building anxious to see Jessie. He found her sitting in Mr. Jenner's classroom, looking at the scene from the window. He stared at her for a few minutes wondering how he could come to care for someone so quickly.

He guessed he must have made a noise because she turned to him and smiled.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked.

"Long enough," he said as he walked towards her.

She stood up and walked over to the window. She stared at the scene again.

He followed and stood behind her. He put his arms around her shoulders and rested his chin on top of her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

She was silent.

They stood like that for a long time when he finally said, "Do you have any idea what I felt when I found out about it?"

Still silence.

"I felt so helpless," he continued softly, "and frustrated. I tried to find you to talk to you, but something always seemed to prevent me. I thought I was going mad until I saw you walk towards me on that field today. Then I just wanted to run to you and pull you to me and make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," she said quietly, "as you can see for yourself."

They stood silently again.

"I didn't break down or anything," said Jessie.

He held her tighter.

"I even went back to school after all of them talked to me about it."

He rubbed one of her shoulders.

"I threw up in the bathroom though," she said matter-of-factly.

He smiled at her tone. She sounded almost like a little girl.

"I couldn't help it," she said softly.

He turned her to face him and lifted her chin so that he could look at her eyes.

"Did I mention that I had a cat when I was young?" she asked him.

He shook his head.

"She was a kitten really," she continued. "She was so cute and tiny. We had to give her away when I had to go travel around the world with mom."

He held her eyes.

"I've always loved cats," she said softly.

He felt his heart ache.

"When I saw that . . . when I opened my locker and saw . . ."

She leaned against his shoulders.

"At first I thought it was my cat," she said. "I know, I know it's ridiculous. But the coloring -- from what I can see of it at least -- was the same as mine."

She swallowed. He felt her shoulders shake.

"How could someone do that to that poor cat?" she whispered.

He felt her tears in his shoulder.

"I couldn't stand it," she said. "The stench, the writing, everything."

He strengthened his embrace.

"I didn't want to cry and look like a baby."

He stroked her back.

"Didn't want Jonny or Hadji thinking I'm some sort of shrinking violet."

She looked at him, her green eyes watery.

"You don't think that, do you?"

"Never," he replied.

She put her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Thanks," she said.

Again they were silent.

"Jessie," he said softly.

She looked at him.

"Sometimes it's good to talk about things," he said. "Crying can be very healthy, you know."

She was silent.

"Your father or Jonny or Hadji will not think less of you if you do this in front of them," he continued.

"I can't," she said.

He sighed. Maybe in time, he thought. Maybe in time she'll learn that she doesn't have to hide parts of herself to the people she loved.

The drive back to her house had been a comfortable silence between two friends.



**END FLASHBACK**

******************************

Jonny looked down at the girl -- woman, really -- he was dancing with. She had been silent ever since he had taken her in his arms and led her in a dance. To be quite honest, he didn't quite know how to act around her tonight. He could still remember seeing her descend from the stairs and feeling his heart pump wildly at the sight of her. He had stood there and stared at her like an idiot. He didn't exactly recall what he started saying, but from the perplexed look on Jessie's face, he didn't believe he made much sense either. All he saw was Jessie, walking up to her father with a hopeful expression on her face while Race . . . Race had gruffly complimented his daughter on her beauty.

Jessie had smiled radiantly at her father's approval and in turn remarked on what a handsome quartet her father, Hadji, his father and he made. All through the evening, Jonny would feel his eyes drawn to his red- headed friend. His breath never failed to catch whenever he met her eyes and her mouth would give him a smile. Things got hectic after that. Race had to run to pick up Estella and take her to dinner while the rest of them had greeted their arriving guests. For the most part, everyone had arrived on time, including the caterers and the musicians hired for the event.

Then Michael arrived and Jessie . . . Jessie had chosen Michael as her escort.

He didn't find out that Jessie had invited Michael to the surprise party until lunch in school that day. To say that he was surprised was an understatement. He had been flabbergasted. Jessie had never once hinted that she had wanted her parents to meet Michael, and for some reason, that had reassured him. He had seen it as an indication that Jessie wasn't really serious about Michael. After all, whenever she and Michael go out, she had seemed to take great pains to make sure Michael never met Race -- or is it the other way around? Jonny frowned. It didn't matter now, anyway. Jessie had proudly introduced Michael to her parents the moment he had arrived. While Jonny gleefully noticed a reservation in Race's part, he had also seen Estella's delight with the track athlete.

"Jessie," he said finally.

Jessie slowly looked up at him, her eyes wide and questioning.

He took a deep breath as he looked into her eyes. All through the dance, he had been more than aware of the feel of her in his arms as their bodies swayed along with the beat of the music. He had felt a warmth pervade his being the moment he had touched her. The feeling of rightness, of coming home had stayed with him from the time he took her in his arms. He didn't think he could feel as complete as he did at that moment.

"Jessie," he said again, more softly this time.

She smiled hesitantly at him, if not inquiringly.

He cleared his throat. "You . . . uh . . . dance well," he said.

You dance well? he thought to himself with disgust. You dance well??!! Why could he not come up with something better to say? He sounded like a complete idiot!

He looked down to see her reaction to his asinine remark.

He wasn't sure, but it looked as if relief sparkled in her eyes for a moment.

She grinned at him. "So do you, hot shot," she replied. "I must say that I'm suitably impressed, not to mention surprised."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked defensively.

"Oh, nothing," she replied. "Only that you don't seem to be the type of guy who'd know the basics of ballroom dancing."

"Oh yeah?" he asked with a challenge in his tone.

"Yeah," she answered belligerently, her eyes responding to his thrown gauntlet.

He twirled her around his arms and led her to series of complicated dance steps. By the end of his exhibition, they had drawn a crowd of onlookers and received the applause that was due to them. He saw Jessie blush as they bowed and he drew her back into his arms.

He smiled down triumphantly at her once she raised her eyes to meet his.

"Show off," she muttered at him.

"Ah, come on, Jess," he cajoled, "you know you enjoyed it."

She ignored that and broke their eye contact. She seemed to find something fascinating with the bow tie of his tux.

Jonny grinned mischievously and decided that a little . . . persuasion was in order to gain her reply. He shifted the hand in her waist threateningly.

Jessie stiffened and he stifled a laugh. If there's anything he knew about Jessie, it was her ticklishness.

"Don't you dare," she whispered furiously as she looked up at him.

"Jessie," he said, moving his hand again, "you know that I'd dare . . . anything."

She tried without success to escape from his grip without gaining the attention of the other dancers.

"Jonny Quest," she began in a lecturing voice.

"Admit it," said Jonny, his fingers tightening around her waist.

She gasped. "Admit what?" she demanded.

"That you enjoy dancing with me," he said matter-of-factly.

"I did n--"

His fingers moved.

She glared at him, her eyes promising retribution. "Alright," she said hoarsely.

He looked at her innocently. "Alright what, Jess?" he asked guilelessly.

"I'll get you for this, Jonny Que--"

"Promises, promises," he replied. "Now what was that you were saying about dancing with me?"

"I didn't say any--"

His other hand moved to her waist.

"Alright, I enjoyed it, okay?" she said. "Satisfied?"

He looked at her intently. "Far from it," he said softly as he brought one of his hands to her cheek, caressing it.

She had the smoothest skin . . . the most incredible eyes . . . the nicest mouth . . .

"Jessie," he said, all playfulness gone, "we need to talk."

She tensed up and avoided his gaze. "We are talking," she said lightly.

His hand raised her chin so that she was facing him. He held her green eyes. "You know what I mean," he said quietly.

They had stopped dancing at this time and just stood there staring at each other. He saw her gulp and look around in embarrassment. He finally noticed that the other dancers are looking at them strangely.

"Let's get outta here," he said as he dragged her with him and headed for the double glass paned doors which led to the gardens.

He felt her dragging her feet behind him, but didn't care. They needed to talk and it was about time they did. He was tired of her delaying tactics, her timely attempts at changing the subject, and her reluctance to broach the subject that he was sure had been in both their minds lately.

When they finally reached their destination, a secluded spot in the garden which hid them from any possible prying eyes, he stopped and turned to look at her. She was standing in front of him, her back ramrod stiff and her arms crossed.

******************************

Jessie had been getting angrier by the second as she was literally dragged by Jonny across the room and into the garden.

How dare he? she thought. How dare he just decide then and there for them that it was time to destroy the years of friendship they had built. Didn't he know what this 'talk' will do to both of them? to their friendship? to their lives? Didn't he know that after this talk he wanted to have, there is huge possibility that they would lose the camaraderie that took over a decade to accomplish? It's stupid. This wanting to talk is stupid. This whole situation is stupid. In fact, he's behaving stupidly. She will not allow this!

"We're going back to the party," she said as calmly as she could. She turned from him and started to walk away. She had barely made three steps when she felt the strong grip of his fingers on her shoulders, stopping her progress.

"Jessie," he said in a tone of voice she'd never heard him use before. "We . . . will . . . talk."

Jessie turned to face him, furious, but trying to reign the temper she was known for. "Listen to me, Jonny," she said, deliberately slowly, "there is nothing to talk about."

Jonny looked at her closely. "I think there is," he said quietly, "and if you'd stop being a coward and running away, you'll agree with me."

Coward? she thought. He's calling me a coward?!

Take a deep breath, Bannon. Remember, when you lose your focus in a battle, you lose the battle. And whether you like it or not, this . . .is . . .a battle. It's a battle for the friendship you want to preserve.

"I am not a coward," she told him softly. "And if you weren't my friend, I'd have knocked you senseless for even suggesting such a thing."

His fingers dug deeply into her shoulders. He looked as if he wanted to shake her. "You know I'm right about this," he gritted, "and we're going to stay here and talk about it even if it takes us all night."

"For the last time," she said, her patience running thin, "there . . . is . . . nothing . . . to talk about."

Jonny cursed softly under his breath. "Fine!" he said. "I'll talk and you'll listen."

*You will lose him, Jessie*

*Remember what happened to your parents*

Jessie struggled from his grip in her shoulders, but Jonny was angry and that anger gave him strength.

She couldn't let this happen. She was not going to lose Jonny. She wouldn't let what happened to her and Hadji happen with Jonny. She had to stop this. She had to do something, anything that will halt this conversation. But she couldn't think of anything to do. She, Jessie Bannon, could not figure out a way to stop him. She felt tears of frustration build in her eyes.

I will not cry, she told herself. Not in front of Jonny.

*Suck it in, Bannon!*

Hold back the tears, Jessie. You know crying never did anything.

*Remember when you cried for your father when he and your mother separated*

He never came back to live with you and your mom again, did he?

*Remember when you cried for yourself, for the cat, in Michael's shoulders today*

The cat is still dead, isn't he?

Do not cry. Hold back the tears.

"Jonny, listen to me," she pleaded. "Don't do this."

********************************

Jonny looked at her face as she appealed to him. He saw the moonlight bouncing off the redness of her hair. He can see the desperation and the beginnings of panic in her face as she pleaded. He felt his resolve falter.

"Jessie," he said softly. He took his hands from her shoulders and used them to hold her face up to him. His fingers caressed her cheeks, touched her hair. Lines of worry appeared in her forehead. He thought her the most beautiful woman in the world at that moment.

"Jessie," he said again, his voice trembling. He put one of his hands in the back of her neck and the other in beneath her hair. He drew her close to him and leaned forward.

He touched his lips with hers.

********************************

Jessie felt Jonny's mouth close over hers, hesitatingly, questioningly.

*Step away from him!*

She felt the warmth of his hands as one of them moved to her waist.

*You know you can step away from him!*

She felt his hold of her tighten, his lips still moving.

*Step away now, before it's too late!*

It is too late, she thought.

Her eyes closed as she put her arms around his neck and she kissed him back.

*********************************

Michael blinked, unable to believe what he was seeing.

He blamed the poor lighting of the garden, the denseness of the trees, the glow of the moonlight. He blamed his tiredness, his eyesight . . . anything at all. He couldn't be seeing what his eyes are telling him.

He shouldn't have let his curiosity get the better of him. He should have just stood in the room and waited. He knew he shouldn't have followed them in the garden. He shouldn't have followed them to the secluded spot. He shouldn't have hid behind the trees. He shouldn't have eavesdropped. And when they had stopped talking, he shouldn't have leaned close enough to see them.

But he did.

And the sight he saw was like a knife dug deeply into his chest and twisted.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't drag his feet off and leave. He couldn't do anything! All he could do was stare helplessly at the couple as they kissed. He stared as Jonny held the girl who had come to mean more to him than the very air he breathed. He stared bitterly as Jonny took the place which he had wanted, craved more than anything. Jealousy ate at his soul when he saw Jessie's arm go around Jonny's neck.

He couldn't stand it. HE COULD NOT STAND HERE AND WATCH THIS!!!

He willed his feet to move, to take him away anywhere as long as it took him from this place. Finally, with they started to move, to walk, to run. He ran from the garden, past caring if they heard his retreat or not. All he knew was that he . . . had . . . to . . . get . . . away . . . away . . . away.

He tried to compose his face by the time he got back inside the house. He could feel his blood pumping furiously as he sought the exit. A blackness threatened to overwhelm him.

"Michael," he heard someone say behind him.

He turned his haunted eyes to the owner of the voice. It was Hadji.

"Where are you going?" Hadji asked.

"I . . . uh . . ." he stammered. He cleared his throat. "I have to go now," he said hoarsely.

"But. . .but," said Hadji, "have you said goodbye to Jessie?"

He smiled bitterly. "I'm sure she won't miss me," he said flatly.

He left.

******************************

Hadji stood and watched Michael's exit. Confusion marred his features as he wondered what had Michael rushing from the party so suddenly. He had seen Michael come inside from the gardens with a bleak look in his face. He had approached him to inquire what was troubling him, but he didn't even have a chance to ask.

He wondered . . .

He looked back at the doors which led to the garden.

Then he looked around the room.

Jessie and Jonny were nowhere to be seen.

Oh no, he thought.

*********************************

A noise penetrated the edge of Jessie's consciousness and it was enough to bring her to her senses. She broke her kiss with Jonny and looked around for the source of the noise and found nothing. She looked up at Jonny, and found him staring at her with wonder. She could still feel the imprint of his mouth on her lips . . .

"Jonny," she said, her voice unsteady.

She felt him draw her close again, but this time she used her hands -- which she found around his neck -- to push him away.

"No," she said, her voice still unsure.

She pushed him harder until he let go of her.

*What have you done, Jessie?*

She looked up at Jonny, her right hand covering her mouth.

*What have you done?*

She saw his eyes look at her with concern.

"Jessie," he said softly. "What's wrong, Jessie?"

She stared at him. She could see her world crumbling before her.

"Jessie?" Jonny said again. "Talk to me, Jessie. Tell me what's wrong."

Didn't he know, she thought. Didn't her know?

"Everything," she whispered.

"What?" Jonny said.

"Everything," she shouted. She started to back away from him. "Everything is wrong. We shouldn't have . . . we shouldn't have--"

"Don't say that," he interrupted. His hands clasped her arms, stopping her retreat. "This has been waiting to happen for a long time."

"That's a lie!" she said desperately. "This is wrong. It shouldn't have happened!"

"Jessie," he said, his face inches from her. "Jessie. I love you."

NO! she thought. No, no, no, no, NO!

Love, this kind of love, never lasts.

It eventually destroys.

"Jonny," she said to him, panic lacing her voice. "We're best friends."

"I know, Jessie," he said, smiling at her.

"Jonny," she said frustratingly. He was deliberately being dense about this. "That's all we are."

Jonny shook his head. "Now who's lying," he said.

"Jonny, Jonny, please," she said, she could feel tears forming in the back of her eyes. "Let's just be friends."

Jonny shook his head again.

"Jonny!" she said desperately.

"I want more than that, Jessie," he said. "You'd realize you do, too, if you'd stop lying to yourself."

She shakes her head vehemently. "Jonny, listen to me," she said. "Ofcourse you love me. We're best friends. We're supposed to love each other."

Jonny sighed with impatience. "Jess," he said, "we both know that's not what I meant when I said I loved you."

"Jonny," she said, also impatient. "That kind of love never lasts. We'll only end up hating each other. There's no purpose--"

He touched her cheek. "Give it a chance, Jess."

"No!" she shouted. "I don't love you! Not that way!"

She watched as he winced. He looked at her and searched her eyes.

"You don't mean that," he said hoarsely. "You know you don't."

*Dig the knife in, Jess. Whatever pain he might feel right now is nothing compared to what he will feel if you pursue this insanity*

"I . . .Don't . . . Love . . . You," she said deliberately and looked defiantly into his eyes. "This whole thing is just hormones acting up."

******************************

Jonny felt his whole frame shake. He could feel his fingers digging deeply into Jessie's shoulders. He was probably hurting her, but he couldn't stop himself.

I don't love you, she had said.

He couldn't breathe.

I . . . Don't . . . Love . . . You , she had said.

Pain . . .

Why was she doing this? Why was she hurting him this way?

"Stop being stupid about this, Jonny," she said.

He looked at her, really looked at her.

"Come on, Jonny," she said. "Stop acting like an idiot."

Loving her was acting like an idiot? he thought. Didn't she understand that his love will only strengthen and deepen what they have already?

He looked in her eyes and knew that she didn't.

"Chalk it up to the moonlight," she said lightly.

He offered her his heart, shared his feeling, spoke his thoughts and all she could say was that it was the moonlight? He closed his eyes. Think, Jonny, think. He thought about their kiss. How right it had been. How perfect.

"Jonny," she said at his continuing silence.

He opened her eyes and for the first time, he saw deep into her. He saw her fears.

"Jonny," she said again. "Let's be friends. Friends last forever."

He saw.

She wasn't ready. He realized at that moment that if he forced this issue right now, everything will be lost because of her stubbornness, her blindness.

"We're always friends, Jessie," he said. He could feel his throat constricting.

"Promise?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Now let's forget this silliness and go back to the party," she offered.

He nodded. "You go on first," he said. "I'll follow you."

She nodded and slowly turned away.

He watched as he entered the house. He swallowed the regret, the bitterness, and the sadness that he felt at this chosen path of their lives. In the region of his heart, there was a pain which he tried to ignore.

********************************

Jessie returned to the party with mixed feelings. She knew she did the right thing in regards to her relationship with Jonny. Yet . . .

Why do you feel so awful? she asked herself.

She remembered how their kiss felt.

She remembered the hurt in Jonny's face.

That's why, she thought.

*It wouldn't have lasted anyway*

She remembered how he held her in his arms.

*It wouldn't have lasted anyway*

The way he touched her face . . .

*It wouldn't have lasted anyway*

The kiss . . .

*It wouldn't have las--*

But what if it did?

What if you just threw away the best thing that ever happened to you?

She shook her head. She had to stop second-guessing herself like this.

"Jessie!"

She looked up and saw her mom waving at her. She was standing beside the grand piano in the room and was holding a violin in her hand. Jessie smiled. Her mom, the renowned archeologist, had a passion for violin music.

She approached her mom with trepidation. The last time her mom had a violin in her hand, she got drafted to sing sappy love songs which her mom loved.

"Hey, mom," she said, kissing her mom in the cheek. "Enjoying the party?"

Her mother laughed and said, "Tremendously."

Jessie eyed her violin. She was feeling drained already and was making plans on escaping the party at the earliest opportunity.

"Jessie," her mom said in a tone of voice Jessie knew well.

"Mom," she said.

"Just one, Jessie," said her mom.

"I haven't sung in a while mom," she said.

"You sang at the Rodriguezes's when you were with me the last time," she said.

"That's because you won the bet between us," muttered Jessie.

"Jessie," came Dr. Quest's voice. "I didn't know you liked to sing."

"I didn't know she could sing," said her father behind her.

"I would certainly like to hear a song from her," added Hadji.

Jessie glared mutinously at her so-called friend.

"Come on, Jessie," said her mom.

Jessie took a deep breath. She was going to regret this. She just knew it. "Alright," she said. "But only because it's your birthday."

Her mom gave her a hug and said, "Is it a sin for a mom to want to show off her daughter's talents?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Jessie. "Let's get this over with. What song do you want?"

She saw her mother look at her father.

What's going on here?

"'Kissing You'" she whispered to her so that Jessie and the piano player were the only ones to hear it. She inwardly groaned. If there was a song which she didn't want to be singing at this point, it would be that song. It was a wonderful song, but right now, with the incident with Jonny . . .

"Ready?" said her mom.

Jessie looked and saw that some of the other musicians who happened to be string players looking at her.

"As I'll ever be," she replied.

******************************

The piano began to play the strains of the music . . .

"Pride can stand a thousand trials . . ."

Jessie closes her eyes and sees Jonny as he struggled for composure in the gardens . . .

"The strong will never fall . . ."

Estella remembers a time when she had lovingly taken care of her husband, ex-husband, after a particularly battering mission. She had wiped his brow . . .

"But watching stars without you . . ."

Hadji remembers staring at the stars in the balcony at Bangalore . . .

"My soul cries . . ."

Jonny leans against a tree and looks up in the sky outside . . .

"Heaving hard, it's full of pain . . ."

Race remembers walking out of the house he and Estella had lived for over five years . . .

"Oh . . ah . . . the aching . . ."

Benton thinks of his years with Rachel . . .

Michael is driving home and his mind goes back to what he saw in the garden . . .

"'Cause I'm . . . kissing you . . . ahhh . . ."

Jessie remembers the look in Jonny's eyes just before he closed them and he kissed her . . .

"I'm . . . kissing you . . . ohhh . . ."

Jonny remembers the feel of Jessie's arm around him during the kiss . . .

"Touch me deep . . . Pure and true . . ."

Race remembers the time when he and Estella first held Jessie . . .

"A gift to me forever . . ."

Estella remembers when Race first handed her her daughter . . .

"'Cause I'm . . . kissing you . . . ohhh . . ."

Michael recalls a time when he and Jessie first kissed . . .

"I'm . . . kissing you . . . ohhh . . ."

Benton recalls his wedding to Rachel . . .

The strains of the violin act as a background while the piano melody slowly build up to a crescendo . . .

Jessie recalls the event in the garden . . .

"Where are you now . . ."

Jonny is still outside, thinking about what happened . . .

"Where are you now . . ."

Michael is in his car, driving recklessly through a difficult road . . .

"'Cause I'm . . . kissing you . . . ohhhh . . ."

In his mind, he sees Jessie and Jonny . . .

"I'm . . . kissing you . . . ohhhh ...."

He sees a pair of oncoming headlights directly in front of him . . .

The final strains of the violin die down . . .

Everything went black.

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****

Revised December 29, 2001