Disclaimer: See pg. 1
[A/N] Beware: lots more Mara bashing and a blonde joke. I KNOW she's not blonde, just read. . . if you dare! If this offends you, just. . . stop. . . reading! But if you made it through the last chapter without flaming me then you should be okay to finish this.[/]
Chapter 5
Mara's Last Family Reunion
After landing on What in the Where sector. . .
Mara: Leia? Wheresa be yousa? Leiiiaaaa!!
Leia: (stepping out from behind a big rock) Here I am, Mara. That IS you, isn't it? My, that potion Han and Lando used really worked!
Mara: WHAT? Potion? What yousa mean, b****?
Leia b****-slaps Mara and throws her against the big rock.
Leia: In case you haven't noticed, Mara dear, your entire journey was set up to make you miserable, turn you into a disgusting creature, degrade you, prove that you have no Force powers, and--
Luke: (appearing suddenly) To bring you here.
Mara: Luke! Whasa yousa doing here?!
Luke: Mara, I want a divorce.
Mara: A DIVORCE! Who the poodo do yousa think yousa be?
Luke: (looking unbearably handsome) Who am I? I am the New Hope. I am the son of the Chosen One. I am the strongest-and the only-Jedi Master in the Universe. And I want a divorce.
Han: (suddenly appearing) I don't know why he ever married you in the first place.
Jaina: (appearing suddenly) Or why he was ever attracted to you.
Anakin: (suddenly appearing) Or why anyone thought you could use the Force.
Jacen: (appearing suddenly) Or why you were ever born.
Threepio: (suddenly appearing with Artoo) Or why you are so popular with the EUS even though you're a b****.
Artoo: BEEEP! (Or why I wasn't in this story!)
Talon Karrde: (appearing suddenly) Or why Luke couldn't marry someone with a personality.
Chewbacca: (suddenly appearing) Rrooarr! (Or why you're such an airhead even though you're not a blonde.)
Lando: (appearing suddenly) Or why anyone thinks your hair color is natural.
Everyone looks at Lando.
Lando: What?
Man in Black: (suddenly appearing) Don't even think about it.
Lando: Think about what?
Man in Black: Don't make me release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Lando: Okay, fine, forget about the classic comedy routine.
Leia: By the way, who are you?
Man in Black: My name is. Runnin Gaag!
Everyone but Mara: Ohhh. I get it now!
Mara: Yousa all get what?
The space crickets hawk loogies at her.
Mara: EEEUUU!!
Luke: Mara, I want a divorce.
Mara: But meesa pregnant with yousa's baby!
Luke: Mara, you can't be pregnant. I could never bring myself to sleep with YOU. Even being near you makes me sick. (under his breath) "Bonding through the Force" my lightsaber.
Leia: So, are you going to sign the papers?
Mara: Meesa not signin' NOTHING!
Han: Is that your final answer?
Mara: Dat meesa's final answer.
Lando: (grinning) We were hoping you would say that.
Luke: There's a law here on planet What that says. . . Leia?
Leia reads from a datapad: If any Jedi wants to divorce his wifEU because she is a total b****, but the b**** won't sign the papers, the Jedi, his family, and his friends have permission to turn her into a Gungan and then kill her.
Han: I'm really starting to have a lot of respect for the law.
Lando: Who says the system doesn't work?
Jaina: So guess what, Aunt Mara?
Luke, Leia, and the Solo Babies activate their lightsabers. Han, Lando, and Karrde pull out their blasters. Chewbacca aims his crossbow. Threepio and Artoo grab switchblades.
Luke: Any last words?
Mara: Yousa, yousa, yousa Jedi, yousa!
Leia: R.I.P., slut!
Mara: Meesa have a bombad feeling about-- (dies slowly and painfully)
[A/N] Beware: lots more Mara bashing and a blonde joke. I KNOW she's not blonde, just read. . . if you dare! If this offends you, just. . . stop. . . reading! But if you made it through the last chapter without flaming me then you should be okay to finish this.[/]
Chapter 5
Mara's Last Family Reunion
After landing on What in the Where sector. . .
Mara: Leia? Wheresa be yousa? Leiiiaaaa!!
Leia: (stepping out from behind a big rock) Here I am, Mara. That IS you, isn't it? My, that potion Han and Lando used really worked!
Mara: WHAT? Potion? What yousa mean, b****?
Leia b****-slaps Mara and throws her against the big rock.
Leia: In case you haven't noticed, Mara dear, your entire journey was set up to make you miserable, turn you into a disgusting creature, degrade you, prove that you have no Force powers, and--
Luke: (appearing suddenly) To bring you here.
Mara: Luke! Whasa yousa doing here?!
Luke: Mara, I want a divorce.
Mara: A DIVORCE! Who the poodo do yousa think yousa be?
Luke: (looking unbearably handsome) Who am I? I am the New Hope. I am the son of the Chosen One. I am the strongest-and the only-Jedi Master in the Universe. And I want a divorce.
Han: (suddenly appearing) I don't know why he ever married you in the first place.
Jaina: (appearing suddenly) Or why he was ever attracted to you.
Anakin: (suddenly appearing) Or why anyone thought you could use the Force.
Jacen: (appearing suddenly) Or why you were ever born.
Threepio: (suddenly appearing with Artoo) Or why you are so popular with the EUS even though you're a b****.
Artoo: BEEEP! (Or why I wasn't in this story!)
Talon Karrde: (appearing suddenly) Or why Luke couldn't marry someone with a personality.
Chewbacca: (suddenly appearing) Rrooarr! (Or why you're such an airhead even though you're not a blonde.)
Lando: (appearing suddenly) Or why anyone thinks your hair color is natural.
Everyone looks at Lando.
Lando: What?
Man in Black: (suddenly appearing) Don't even think about it.
Lando: Think about what?
Man in Black: Don't make me release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Lando: Okay, fine, forget about the classic comedy routine.
Leia: By the way, who are you?
Man in Black: My name is. Runnin Gaag!
Everyone but Mara: Ohhh. I get it now!
Mara: Yousa all get what?
The space crickets hawk loogies at her.
Mara: EEEUUU!!
Luke: Mara, I want a divorce.
Mara: But meesa pregnant with yousa's baby!
Luke: Mara, you can't be pregnant. I could never bring myself to sleep with YOU. Even being near you makes me sick. (under his breath) "Bonding through the Force" my lightsaber.
Leia: So, are you going to sign the papers?
Mara: Meesa not signin' NOTHING!
Han: Is that your final answer?
Mara: Dat meesa's final answer.
Lando: (grinning) We were hoping you would say that.
Luke: There's a law here on planet What that says. . . Leia?
Leia reads from a datapad: If any Jedi wants to divorce his wifEU because she is a total b****, but the b**** won't sign the papers, the Jedi, his family, and his friends have permission to turn her into a Gungan and then kill her.
Han: I'm really starting to have a lot of respect for the law.
Lando: Who says the system doesn't work?
Jaina: So guess what, Aunt Mara?
Luke, Leia, and the Solo Babies activate their lightsabers. Han, Lando, and Karrde pull out their blasters. Chewbacca aims his crossbow. Threepio and Artoo grab switchblades.
Luke: Any last words?
Mara: Yousa, yousa, yousa Jedi, yousa!
Leia: R.I.P., slut!
Mara: Meesa have a bombad feeling about-- (dies slowly and painfully)
