The Totally Backwards Day in Hogwarts School
Chapter 5: You take the dull axe and I take the sharp axe...
A/N: Reader discretion advised for animal cruelty and funny mental images.
So, Harry, being as stubborn as he is, failing to realise that when he needs help that that person has turned opposite, decided to go to the *helpful, kind, mild* (THINK OPPOSITE PEOPLE!!) headmaster, Dumbledore.
Harry walked down near the dungeons to Dumbledore's office, thinking how happy he would be after he reasoned with Dumbledore.
Harry heard unintelligible noises and cooing. He entered the office and began to cough and splutter. Dumbledore was smoking a cigar, and McGonagall was sitting, cross-legged, on his desk. They turned quickly.
Dumbledore was clean-shaven, not just under his nose and on his face but all over his head.
"What are you doing here, boy?" Dumbledore barked crossly.
"Oooh, uhh.." Harry looked around, confused, at the pictures of women wearing little or no clothing plastered all over the walls and then to Dumbledore, wearing a leather jacket and jeans and black shoes. "Never mind." He shut the door and left, heading down to Hagrid's.
He heard the chopping of an axe inside. He must be cooking, Harry thought.
He knocked on the door and a two or three foot tall Hagrid answered in an unusual terribly BOLD high-pitched (since he's small) Scottish accent. (Sorry, I always imagined him like a mild Scottish Accent/Pirate accent person).
"Whut deeu ye whunt, boi?!" (Translation: "What do you want, boy?!") Hagrid shouted as he opened the door. Harry saw immediatley that Hagrid was NOT cooking-- he was chopping up a Hippogriff.
I don't have a better way to say it, (well I probably do but I like this way better) but Harry barfed on the spot.
"Ouh, noyce!" Hagrid yelled. "YE ROO-IND MA SHOOZ!" (Translation: "Oh, nice!" Hagrid yelled. "YOU RUINED MY SHOES!")
Harry stared up-- I mean, *down* at Hagrid. "You've been wearing those "shooz" for the past four--"
"DUNT TELL MAY WHUT I HAF AND HAFENT BIN DOO-IN, BOI!" Hagrid screamed, red-faced up at him. (Translation: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I HAVE AND HAVEN'T BEEN DOING, BOY!")
Hagrid didn't shut the door but walked inside, stood up on a chair to reach the counter and continued slicing the poor hippogriffs. "KEEL DE EE-VILL HEEP-OH-GAREEFS!" He shrieked, banging the axe repetetively. (Translation: "KILL THE EVIL HIPPOGRIFFS!")
Then, Hagrid, without notice, threw the axe squarely at Hagrid's head. Harry jumped 5 or 6 feet in the air to avoid it and the world paused like in the Matrix, and the camera rotated 360 degrees, taking, like, 7 seconds (Harry fixing his hair and wiping his robes) and then the axe missed him.
Hagrid fetched the axe and took it back in to continue chopping hippogriff guts.
"Hey!" Harry shouted at him. He was still frozen in his jump. "I'm still up here! Get me down!"
But Hagrid wasn't listening; he was singing. "Yoo tayk the dool axe, an' all tayke the shahrp axe and all slaw-terr heep-o-greefs before ye.." (Translation: "You take the dull axe and I'll take the sharp axe and I'll slaughter hippogriffs before you..")
"Hey!" Harry said. "Maybe I can fly like this!" he flapped his arms. "OOF!" then he fell and got a boo-boo. He didn't know what else to do. So he started to wail helplessly!! Yay!!
Chapter 5: You take the dull axe and I take the sharp axe...
A/N: Reader discretion advised for animal cruelty and funny mental images.
So, Harry, being as stubborn as he is, failing to realise that when he needs help that that person has turned opposite, decided to go to the *helpful, kind, mild* (THINK OPPOSITE PEOPLE!!) headmaster, Dumbledore.
Harry walked down near the dungeons to Dumbledore's office, thinking how happy he would be after he reasoned with Dumbledore.
Harry heard unintelligible noises and cooing. He entered the office and began to cough and splutter. Dumbledore was smoking a cigar, and McGonagall was sitting, cross-legged, on his desk. They turned quickly.
Dumbledore was clean-shaven, not just under his nose and on his face but all over his head.
"What are you doing here, boy?" Dumbledore barked crossly.
"Oooh, uhh.." Harry looked around, confused, at the pictures of women wearing little or no clothing plastered all over the walls and then to Dumbledore, wearing a leather jacket and jeans and black shoes. "Never mind." He shut the door and left, heading down to Hagrid's.
He heard the chopping of an axe inside. He must be cooking, Harry thought.
He knocked on the door and a two or three foot tall Hagrid answered in an unusual terribly BOLD high-pitched (since he's small) Scottish accent. (Sorry, I always imagined him like a mild Scottish Accent/Pirate accent person).
"Whut deeu ye whunt, boi?!" (Translation: "What do you want, boy?!") Hagrid shouted as he opened the door. Harry saw immediatley that Hagrid was NOT cooking-- he was chopping up a Hippogriff.
I don't have a better way to say it, (well I probably do but I like this way better) but Harry barfed on the spot.
"Ouh, noyce!" Hagrid yelled. "YE ROO-IND MA SHOOZ!" (Translation: "Oh, nice!" Hagrid yelled. "YOU RUINED MY SHOES!")
Harry stared up-- I mean, *down* at Hagrid. "You've been wearing those "shooz" for the past four--"
"DUNT TELL MAY WHUT I HAF AND HAFENT BIN DOO-IN, BOI!" Hagrid screamed, red-faced up at him. (Translation: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I HAVE AND HAVEN'T BEEN DOING, BOY!")
Hagrid didn't shut the door but walked inside, stood up on a chair to reach the counter and continued slicing the poor hippogriffs. "KEEL DE EE-VILL HEEP-OH-GAREEFS!" He shrieked, banging the axe repetetively. (Translation: "KILL THE EVIL HIPPOGRIFFS!")
Then, Hagrid, without notice, threw the axe squarely at Hagrid's head. Harry jumped 5 or 6 feet in the air to avoid it and the world paused like in the Matrix, and the camera rotated 360 degrees, taking, like, 7 seconds (Harry fixing his hair and wiping his robes) and then the axe missed him.
Hagrid fetched the axe and took it back in to continue chopping hippogriff guts.
"Hey!" Harry shouted at him. He was still frozen in his jump. "I'm still up here! Get me down!"
But Hagrid wasn't listening; he was singing. "Yoo tayk the dool axe, an' all tayke the shahrp axe and all slaw-terr heep-o-greefs before ye.." (Translation: "You take the dull axe and I'll take the sharp axe and I'll slaughter hippogriffs before you..")
"Hey!" Harry said. "Maybe I can fly like this!" he flapped his arms. "OOF!" then he fell and got a boo-boo. He didn't know what else to do. So he started to wail helplessly!! Yay!!
