The Totally Backwards Day at Hogwarts School
Chapter 6: The Return of Snape and Some Other People

A/N: A nice long one for you people who are in demand of more chapters!

Well, that was a waste of afternoon break.

Harry stopped wailing and got up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an ancient muggle artifact: the Band-Aid (or, as Mr. Weasley called it, the Ban-Daib). He stuck it on his knee where his scrape from the nasty impact (6 whole feet! *gasp*) and went inside Hogwarts to his next class: Divination.

Harry passed the real Ginny in the halls. She looked normal! Harry went over to talk to her.

"Hullo, Ginny," Harry said cautiously.

"Hi, Harry. How've you been?" Ginny asked as if they were good friends.

"Um, good," Harry lied. "And you?"

"Perfectly normal."

Harry sensed something missing. Ah, yes. He knew what it was. She wasn't blushing or being the shy Ginny she usually was. He casually put his hair behind his ear and stretched his arms. "I'll say," he said.

Ginny looked at him blankly. "What's the matter? Have you got an itch?"

Harry thought this was going in the correct direction. "Er, yes," he said. "But, I can't seem to reach it."

Ginny looked at him as blank as she did prior to that moment. "Er, well, use your wand."

Harry looked for an excuse. "I.. left it.. in the last, um, class."

Ginny finally realised what Harry was looking for. "Are you flirting with me?"

Whoops.

Harry put his arms down. "Er, no, why would I do that?" he said quickly.

"So then you're saying I'm not good enough for you?" she shot back fiercly.

"No, I--" he strongly sensed the personality of Moaning Myrtle creeping up on him. "No, you're beautiful, I just--"

That cut it.

"You can think what you want! I am not attracted to you, Harry Potter!" Ginny shouted back. She forcefully whipped about and continued to her next class.

Ron rushed over to Harry. "You've got to see!" he said. "Mrs. Norris has her own classroom!"

"Is she teaching?" Harry said boredly, expecting the unexpected.

"No! Come on, Harry!" Ron dragged Harry upstairs and round the corner into a classroom. Students were lining up to pet the cute, fuzzy orange Mrs. Norris, who was playing with a ball of yarn on her back in such a way that screamed out, "PLAY WITH ME!"

"I'll pass!" Harry said, panicked, and shot off to Divination.

He raced up the stairs and realised how unusually warm it was. That fire in her class is going to melt all of us, Harry thought. He climbed up the ladder to get to the class.

He felt no heat. He smelled no perfume. He saw no squashy chairs. It was a regular classroom, the fireplace was boarded up, and a Muggle Air-Conditioner hung on top of the mantel. A middle-aged normal-looking woman with normal brown hair and normal robes stood there. Harry assumed that she was--

"Professor Trelawney!" Harry moaned.

"My, it is hot out, isn't it?" she said. The class had assembled. "I've put in this muggle hair-solicitor into the wall instead of that red-hot fireplace. We'd be in blazes if we didn't have it on."

Harry's eyes grew wide.

Professor Trelawney walked over to him. "Harry," she said, "I am really quite sorry about all the Death Omens and Predicted Deaths I made you go through. You will not die anytime soon. My true inner-eye sees you dying like this.. You are in a---"

Harry couldn't believe what she was saying. It was so unlikely that Harry thought Professor Trelawney to ever say something like that it was almost.. funny.

"Stop," Harry said quickly. "I don't fancy knowing how I am going to die, or when, or where.. I.. have to go to the bathroom."

And he ran out of class.

He passed Boring Binns' class-- but it didn't look too boring today. Binns was juggling 3 midget goblins while balancing on a Welsh-Green Dragon and was wearing a pink tutu.

"And this," Binns was saying, "is how the Goblins had fun! Fun, fun, fun! They enslaved a witch or wizard and dragon to juggle them! Fun, fun, fun!" The dragon growled and gnawed on Binns' non-existent feet.

He walked into the Herbology corridor and peeked into Herbology class. Professor Sprout was sneaking Mandrakes into all of the students' bags while they were in the greenhouse, grinning and cackling.

Harry did not like this day at all. He hid in a Potions' cabinet-- which, of course, now had fruity-scented perfume and makeup, painted (All: PINK! We know that already!) all over, with a huge mirror in the back. Oh, well. That was as good as it was going to get.

After a few minutes, someone opened the cabinet-- Snape! He reached inside the cabinet and with a bunch of poofs and weird noises and smells, Snape looked like a grotesque doll.

"Harry!!" Snape said. "Hello there!!" Snape kissed both of Harry's cheeks and left large lip-shaped red marks. "You're back for the pore cream!! I know it's around here somewhere--" Snape pushed Harry aside and opened a large cabinet. "Like, aha! Here it is!!" It was a small bottle of clear stuff. Snape smothered it all over Harry's face. "Just in case, 'kay?"

Harry spit out some of the stuff that got into his mouth.

"That pale color isn't you," Snape said, shaking his head. He took out another bottle of that 5 minute tan stuff that basically just dyes your skin orange, opened it, and sloshed it on Harry's face, splattering his glasses, and Harry couldn't see. Snape rubbed the stuff into Harry's skin. Harry took his glasses off and was about to wipe them on his robes when--

"Oh, right!!" Snape exclaimed. "We don't want to leave nasty glasses-marks there!" He sloshed some more goop on Harry's eyes, bridge of his nose, and sides of his head.

Harry wiped his glasses on his robes. "Stop it!" he said to Snape. "I'm outta here!" and he ran away, tracking orange gunk on the floor.

Snape called "'Bye, darling!" and a second later, Harry ran into..

Gulp.