Chapter IV: Learned Young
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope,
to love - and to put its trust in life."
-Joseph Conrad
Draco Malfoy was a very smart young man. He
had always prided himself on that fact. But what he didn't understand
was why Sirius Black, a convicted murderer, was promising Harry he would
stay. Why did Harry want him to stay? Didn't he betray the
Potter's, leading to their death? It didn't make sense. It
appeared that Harry, as well as Dumbledore, were trusting this man.
But, Draco told himself, I will not. I do not know him
and I will not trust him. He trusted Harry, surprisingly, as
he knew that as much as Harry hated him, the good in him was stronger.
Strangely, he felt a bit jaded knowing that Harry would never feel anything
but hate for him. He trusted Dumbledore, as the man had taken a chance
and trusted him. But anyone else was a different matter. Life
was a different matter.
At a young age, Draco had become weary of anyone
he didn't know, as well as the ones he did. Much like Harry, he had
never been shown much love, his parents being Death Eaters all. Love
was a foreign emotion to him, one he had never felt or known. He had hardened
his heart long ago and gave up on ever feeling anything for another person.
But he could feel his resolve slowly slipping away from him and he was
unable to stop it.
Hope had been something he had long ago given up
on. As a small child, he had often hoped for a different life.
Different parents, different "friends", he wanted everything to be different.
He wanted to be different. He knew what his parents were, and even
at a young age he knew he could never be evil like that. But he also
knew that if he stayed there, he would eventually lose sight of all that
was good and pure and right in the world and he eventually would become
just like his parents. This thought scared the young boy immensely.
For years he struggled to hold on to the good he had inside him.
As he got older it got harder and there were so many times he had come
close to giving up and giving in. He knew that it would all just
be so much easier if he gave up and let himself succumb to the evil he
knew was lurking somewhere in his soul. Everyone, wizard and muggle
alike, each had at least a drop of bad inside of them. He could often
feel his bubbling just beneath the surface, fueled by the rage and hate
towards his parents. He could feel it grow stronger. He started
to imagine and even dream of doing some of the horrible deeds his father
had often talked about. And it scared him.
Trust was a luxury he could not afford. Trust
could kill him. He hadn't been dealt a good hand in life, but he
had played as well as he knew how. But he couldn't trust the deck.
Life often threw him things he could hardly handle as it was, and he was
convinced that one day, probably very soon, he would be thrown something
he truly was not strong enough to fight. Even as he sat in Harry's
room after the boy had gone back to sleep, he could feel the fight leaving
him. He was growing weaker. It would be soon that he would
be dealt a final round, one that he would not have the strength to win.
He had long ago come to the terms that he was going to die. Probably
alone, with no one to mourn him after her passed. That was part of
the reason he had approached Dumbledore. He though if he could help,
even just a little, before he died, maybe someone would miss him.
Maybe he would have made a difference. Maybe someone would even cry,
real, honest tears for him. Maybe he would finally earn the respect
of Harry Potter. He couldn't understand why he wanted Harry's respect,
even friendship, out of everyone he had ever met. Maybe because it
was so difficult to obtain. Maybe because he could see a bit of himself
in the other boy. Both had grown up without any love or compassion.
Both were somewhat famous for things they had no control over or recollection
of. Neither of them really wanted the attention they were given.
They were so alike in many ways, yet they had turned out so different.
Harry had found hope in coming to Hogwarts, finally away from the people
who had made his life so miserable. But Draco knew he would never
be rid of his parents. Not until they died. Or until he died,
whichever came first. That may have been another reason he wanted
Harry's companionship. Maybe the other boy could show him how to
overcome the bad inside of him, to not be tempted by it. To be his friend,
or maybe more. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn't be so alone anymore.
