A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist
sees the opportunity in every difficulty.--Sir Winston Churchill
The tension of both boys finally came to head one day in late August. Neither had been in a good mood as of late, the stress of next week becoming too much. Deep down, both boys knew that a confrontation would soon occur, and still, neither was ready for it when it did.
The day had started out simple enough. They had eaten breakfast and had sat at the tale for awhile, not saying anything. Harry had finally broken the silence and suggested they go for a walk around the lake. For the past weeks since Harry had arrived, the lake had been a favorite place of both of them. It was somewhere they could go to just get away from everything. However, despite Harry's plan, Fate had other things in mind. Their troubles followed them to the lake, and finally surfaced completely.
They arrived at the lake hand in hand and for several minutes they just walked silently, trying to savor the moment, knowing that similar ones would soon become few and far between. After a while, Harry, who still was not fully recovered, became tired and sat down on one of the many rocks that lined the shore of the lake. Still keeping a hold on his boyfriend's hand, he pulled Draco down next to him. Still they were silent until finally Draco broke the stained silence.
"So, three more days 'til term starts."
Harry nodded in agreement, "It's gonna be hard."
"I know, but it's worth it."
"Is it really?"
"What?" Draco was shocked. For a moment he didn't know what to think. Then he started to panic. "Harry, no, don't start this. Of course it's worth it."
"I don't know. We have to pretend to hate each other all the time; we'll never have time alone. I'll be lying to everybody I care about."
"What, didn't you ever care about me? Or were you just trying to get me to fuck you?"
Harry was stunned at how crude Draco was being. "Of course I care about you, you know that. It's because I care about you that…" Harry paused to gather his strength, "well, maybe we should call it quits. It's hard enough as it is right now and it's only going to get harder. Our lives are hard enough already, we shouldn't purposely try to complicate them further."
"No…no, Harry don't do this to me. You can't do this."
But Harry obviously could and he was. "Draco, give it up. It'll be to complicated, it's not worth it."
"So that's it!? Every time something gets a little complicated you're just going to give up? God Harry, I thought we were stronger than that. We ARE stronger than that. We're better than that."
"Draco, it's not going to work." Harry turned away from him then, trying not to cry.
"So that's it then? You're just giving up. You know, I thought you were stronger than that. Braver than that. Some Gryfindorr you are. You know what Harry? You're just a coward. You're too afraid to get close to me, to afraid that I might actually love you and treat you like a decent human being. You're too afraid to take a chance on someone else. No, you have to go lock yourself away, build that damn wall around your heart; one that's so strong no one can break through. You do it because your afraid that anyone who does break through will just use you and you'll lose. Well you know what? You're going to lose anyway. In fifty years, you'll look back and finally realize how alone you are. And you'll be sorry. I love you Harry, I really do, and someday you're gonna realize that. What really hurts me though is that you can't realize it today. We could be so happy together, if you would just let me in. Let me in Harry, I promise, I will never hurt you and I won't abuse the gift. Please." The last word was a plea and tears started to slip down Draco Malfoy's face.
"You don't understand. I don't know from one day to the next if I'll survive. You don't have to live like that. I put everyone around me in danger. You don't want that. You don't love me. It's lust. And if you keep up with this shit, it'll get you killed."
"No, you're the one that doesn't fucking understand! Living without you isn't really living for me. Any danger I may be in is so much smaller than the chance that we'll be so happy if you let us!" By now Draco was screaming, trying to get it through Harry's head.
But Harry refused to hear it. "No. It's over Draco. Just stay away from me, and I'll stay away from you." With this he stalked off, afraid Draco would see the tears streaming down his face.
But Draco didn't follow him. He fell to the ground, curling up into a fetal position, tears falling rapidly down his face. To Harry's retreating back, which was by now very far away, he whispered. "You can't leave me Harry. I love you. Please don't do this to me. You're all I have." With that, he broke down in sobs. He didn't even have the strength to try and keep them at bay. 'A little over a month' Draco thought to himself, 'we were only together for a little over a month and already I don't think I can live without him. How will I ever survive this year alone?'
Harry himself was thinking much the same thing. 'Damn it Potter. You are so stupid! Why did you push one of the two people who, in your memory, ever really loved you away? What's next, Sirius?' It never occurred to Harry that Sirius wasn't about to let go of him, much less that Draco wasn't going to either. 'Yes, Sirius next. I'm only a danger to them both. It's because I love them that I have to do this.' Another part of his mind argued. But he couldn't fool himself. Draco was right. He was afraid. Afraid of being hurt again. But part of him knew Draco would never intentionally hurt him. He was really afraid of being completely and totally happy. He had heard that it was possible to be so, but he seriously doubted it. He himself anyway, could never be happy. He was pretty sure there was a stone somewhere that read 'The Boy Who Lived shall never be happy'. He wasn't going to bring the two most important people in his life down with him. With that, Harry ceased to think as he broke down in sobs.
Almost an hour later, Draco stood and resolutely wiped away the remaining tears. Now was not the time. He had to come up with a plan. He had seen the look in Harry's eyes. He hadn't really wanted to do that. So he would get his love back. He just had to come up with a plan. And he had to do it fast. He knew he had to get Harry back before September 1st, or it would be almost impossible to ever do it. He had to come up with a plan and fast. But he knew he would. He would because he had to. He knew that, as brave and strong everyone thought Harry to be, he was really just a little a boy inside, wanting desperately to be loved. And he was. Draco loved him. Sirius loved him; Draco could see it in his eyes. But Harry refused to acknowledge it.
Draco also knew that Harry would become depressed soon. He had been there himself enough times to know. Then he would stop caring. He'd stop trying. And Draco knew that when that happened Harry would let his guard down, making it easy for the Death Eaters to make there move. Then Harry would be dead, and Draco really would be alone.
Desperate to save his love, Draco ran to Dumbledore's office, knowing if anyone could help him save the boy he loved, it would be him.
Author's Note: Okay, there it is. Sorry about the wait.
I hope to have the next part out soon. Does anyone understand the
tie between the title, quote, and story? It's like Harry is usually the
optimist and Draco the pessimist, but in this chapter, their roles have
switched. Anyways, as always, please review. It really helps
me write faster. HINT HINT!!!
