Interlude
Chapter XIV: Interlude
"The winter here's cold, and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go"
~Sarah McLachlan "Full of Grace"

"Draco, we're going to have to talk about it sometime."

"I know Harry… I'd just really… rather not. It's not something that is easy. I don't like to remember it, much less tell another person about it."

The two boys were speaking of their pasts. Both knew that they would have to share them with the other and probably sometime soon. But neither boy was looking forward to it. They knew that for their relationship they had to be completely honest with each other, but the only thing either could see this accomplishing was bringing back all the hurt and all the pain that they had tried so hard to forget.

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

"Do you want me to start?" Harry asked Draco that night. They were alone in the Common Room and had decided that they were going to do this. Draco nodded silently.

Harry took a deep breath and started his story. "As long as I can remember I've lived with the Dursleys. They've always hated me; they've made that very obvious for as long as I can remember. When I was really little, it was just comments. Nasty little things said to me by both my aunt and uncle. That and I slept in the cupboard under the stairs. It was dark and damp and the only company I had was the spiders. They'd never take me anywhere, always leaving me with an elderly neighbor. As I got older the comments got worse. Very seldom did I know what the names they were calling me meant, but I've found out as I've gotten older. Eventually, my cousin started in on me as well. He's always been slow, so instead of saying anything he would just hit me. My aunt and uncle seemed to like this idea. Soon enough, they had resorted to physical violence as well. My uncle would often hit me with his fists in place that would always be covered by clothing. My aunt's favorite was hitting me in the head with pots and pans. I hoped that when I started school, I would have an escape, but no. Dudley went to the same school and made sure no one would even talk to me. At home, things continued to get worse. Over the years, I broke more bones and lost conciseness more times than I could count. Eventually they stopped caring if it left visible marks. I had few clothes so I had to wear the same things all the time. Everybody at school made fun of me. Eventually they started hitting me too. By the time I was nine, Dudley was almost ten, and was starting to wonder about sex. He had heard the bigger kids talking about it at school and he wanted to find out what it was like. Of course, being as fat as he is, no girl wanted to be near him. So he found the easiest test subject. He would come down to my room at night and do things… we never actually had sex or anything, but he made me touch him, and he would touch me, though not very often. He would come down, have me play with him until he was satisfied and then he would leave. Of course, he never told his parents, and neither did I. They would have been outraged by something so abnormal, and he wasn't going to target himself. One night though, Uncle Vernon woke in the middle of the night, needing to use the bathroom. He could hear Dudley's moans coming from downstairs and came down to investigate. As soon as Dudley saw him, which was before I did, he started telling me to get away from him and slapping at my hands, like I was violating him, not the other way around. Of course my uncle believed Dudley. That was the worse beating I ever got. I was unconciess for over a day, and they locked me in there for two more, without food. After that, the beatings continued, but they also started locking me under the stairs, for days at a time sometimes, almost always without food. Things continued like this until I stared Hogwarts. When I came back after my first year, they gave me Dudley's old room and the beatings stopped. Until the other day. That was the first time I had been hit by my relatives in four years. And it'll be the last. I refuse to go back there, ever." By the time he finished, Harry had tears running down his face. Draco, who had been sitting in a chair across from him, moved to his boyfriend's side and just held him for several moments. When harry calmed down, Draco returned to his seat, knowing that it was now his turn.

So it's better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and do
Hurts us all the more
It's just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

"Like you, I was never shown affection of any kind. When I was old enough to work a wand, my father started to illegally teach me curses. All were Dark Magic of course. He often showed me their effects by casting them on me. When I was five he taught me Avada Kedavra. The first thing I successfully cast it upon was my pet kitten. After that, I tried so hard to become what my father expected, the obedient little heir, who would follow in his father's footsteps. But I couldn't be that evil and I knew it. When I failed to meet his expectations, which was often, he, like your relatives, would resort to physical abuse. He would take me down to the dungeons, tie me up, and… well, it was usually just whips and chains, but there were times with knives and spikes. Then for little things he would use whatever was around. This is something that continues even today. Last time I was home he slammed my hand in the door for having the second highest grade in a class. Granger, a Mudblood, had beaten me. This was unacceptable. Anyway, as I got older, the lessons became worse as did the punishments. At eight, he started coming in to my room at night. At first, for about a year, it was the same as with you. Inappropriate touching, but nothing else. But after that, he wanted me suck… well, you know. Every night he came in for this. I had to do it several times every night. So far, I am still a virgin, though he has expressed that we will eventually do that as well. My mother, meanwhile, knows, knew back then, that this was going on. She did nothing to stop it. Several times she has come in to watch. People might ask how I could betray my parents and help their enemies. That is how I justify it. I was nothing to them. An heir, someone to carry on the family line. Someone to be used as a sacrifice for Voldermort. They never loved me and I never loved them. That is how I justify what I do." Both Harry and Draco were crying, real tears, in torrents. For Harry, his aunt, uncle and cousin had abused him. For Draco, it had been his parents. The two people who are supposed to love you above all else, no matter what. And maybe, knowing that some parents, like Harry's, really did love their children so much, was what hurt he most. Knowing that they would sacrifice you too the most evil wizard ever in a second, while other parents died to save their children from that same wizard. That was the hardest part.

Harry held Draco while he wept, whispering what he hoped were soothing comments in his ear. He felt kind of useless. He just wished he could take all his boyfriend's pain away. After a while of silence except for the sound of Draco sobbing, Harry spoke.

"Draco, about all…" Draco cut him off.

"No, Harry. We told each other, but please, let's not discuss it. Nothing back then matters anymore I have you now, and that almost makes up for it all."

"But it doesn't. I can't take all that away, I'm not enough."

"Nothing is enough to take it all away. But you take more away then anyone else ever could. Please Harry. It's in the past; there is nothing either of us can do about it now, as much as we may want to. It won't work. So please, can we just stop there and leave it at that?" He was pleading, the look in his eyes was one of pure desperation and Harry couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore.

"Alright, we'll leave it at that."

If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

To Be Continued

Author's Note: Okay, that part was dedicated to Nykto who seemed to really want this conversation. This, obviously, is just an interlude, which took place soon after Harry arrived at Hogwarts for the summer, or sometime before Ch 10 at least. Anyways, I have started the next part (15) and hope to have it out within a few days. As always, please review. It'll help me get the next chapter written faster. Without many reviews, I just take my time, taking a week, ten days... however long it takes. But reviews encourage and they make me feel good. When I feel good I get ideas. When I get ideas I write. When I write, you get new chapters. See, it really does benifit you to review!!! So, until next time,
PEACE OUT