Heya, peoples..

Here we go, another Potter fic. I hope you are extremely frightened, but not enough to finish the story and review.

Sadly, the people mentioned (except for Rei-she's MINE, and Bertha Hippodrome-she's Hester Byrde's) do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling. Darn.

Thanks to Crying Raven for inspiration.may you be showered with cookies.

Happy reading, kiddies.*evil laugh*





~~Music, Insomnia, and Skiing~~



The following is based on actual events. No stunt doubles were used and yes, there were injuries.

I walked across the room and took a seat in the cushy chair opposite the finely polished desk in the center of the room. I examined the person who was sitting across from me. She was a middle-aged woman who looked rather irritable, like she was sitting on a porcupine. The placard on the edge of the desk proclaimed her to be Bertha Hippodrome, Consultant.

Me- *thinking* Why did I choose this git to be my consultant again?

Voice #1- Because your parents made you.

Me- *thinking* Oh yeah.

Bertha Hippodrome- Ahem.

Me- Oh, hi.

Bertha Hippodrome- Rei, can we begin, please?

Me- I don't see why not.

Voice #2- Sure you do. You really don't want to be here. I say you pick up that chair, toss it through a window, and jump out.

Voice #3- Nah, too messy results. Let's see what happens here.

Lucius (voice #2)- Shut up, Black. You never want to be a part of anything fun.

Sirius- Oh, bite me, Malfoy. I think we should try to keep her from hurting herself again.

Lucius- Well, damn! What the hell are we doing here, then???

Voice #1- We're simply trying to convince the Hippo there that Rei isn't insane-

Lucius- Aw, I thought that you didn't like to lie, Lupin.

Remus- Never underestimate a werewolf.

Me- Shut up.

Bertha Hippodrome- *just interrupted from her lengthy speech about disorders of the mind* What was that?

Me- Gah! Um, nothing. Please continue.

Bertha Hippodrome- Hm. *continues to blather aimlessly*

Me- *thinking* You shut up in there.

Sirius- But my dear Rei, we're only trying to help!

Lucius- Sure you are, Sirius.

Remus- Neither one of you are helping.

Sirius and Lucius- Bite me, Lupin.

Remus- Watch yourselves on the next full moon.

Me- AAUGH!!!

Bertha Hippodrome- I know. Scary, isn't it? People who hear voices are often mentally unstable. Anyway, the.*resumes chatter*

Lucius- My, aren't we interesting today. Usually you don't talk to us at all, Rei. I feel loved.

Me- *thinking* You shouldn't. I wish I brought my CD player.

Remus- Ooh, music.

Sirius- I wouldn't have minded some music to jam to.I wanted to test a new dance move I was working on. As long as you don't play any of that Japanese crap you usually listen to.maybe I can nail the step.

Me- *thinking* Bite me, Sirius. And my music ROCKS, so you can deal with it. Lucius likes my music, don't you?

Lucius- Um, of course I do! Nothing could be better.

Remus- *mutter* Suck-up.

Lucius- Go chase your tail.

Me- *blinks twice* Uh, ma'am? Do you have any blunt objects I could use?

Lucius-YES!!! She's gonna hurt herself again!

Bertha Hippodrome- No, why?

Me- Er, no reason.

Lucius- Don't stop at that, you git! Come on, there's gotta be something you can use!

Remus- Good Lord, shut up, Lucius!

Lucius- Might I remind you that she deserves this?

Sirius- I hate to agree with him, but he's right.

Remus- How so?

Lucius- Remember the skiing incident?

Remus-......Must you bring that up?

Lucius- Who concocted THAT little catastrophe? SHE did!

Sirius- Well, you really can't blame her, seeing as I'm the only guy she thinks about.

Lucius- Are you kidding me?! Who was in the cabin daydream and who wasn't?

Sirius- *grumble* Okay, so there was one time-

Lucius- Well, one that you know of, anyway.

Sirius-.........

Remus- Um.must we continue this topic?

Sirius- Yes, change of topic please.

Lucius- *snicker* You just don't want to face the fact that Rei absolutely adores me, and both of you are just here for decoration.

Remus- Excuse me! I think we've all had our little dream sequences to speak of!

Sirius- Well, congratulations, Moony. Well done.

Lucius- I really don't care. But before this little visit is over, Rei will have hurt herself somehow, mark my words.

Sirius- You're sick, you know that?

Lucius- That's why Rei adores me so.

Remus- *grumble*

Bertha Hippodrome- Did you understand all that, Rei?

Me- *blinks twice* Um.

Bertha Hippodrome- Are you all right? You seem unnerved.

Lucius- *snicker* Unnerved.care to use a stronger choice of words?

Sirius- Like insane?

Remus-Crazy?

Lucius- Unhinged, perhaps?

Me- AAAAAAAUGH!!!

Bertha Hippodrome- Oh dear, are you all right? I can get some people up here if you need help-

Lucius- She's gonna get the asylum guys in here! Kill her quick! Throw the chair at her! Something!

Me- *cutting her off* No! I'm fine.

Lucius- At least knock her out!!!

Sirius- Sad to say, I'd want to see that.

Remus- Both of you, stop it!

Lucius- Um, no.

Sirius- Heh.I love these little talks. There's always a high potential for chaos.

Remus- I have to agree with you there.

Bertha Hippodrome- Dear, have you been getting enough sleep? You seem to be dozing off.

Lucius- Isn't insomnia such a curse?

Sirius- It's very sad.

Remus- But we had nothing to do with it!

Lucius- Of course not.

Me- I don't have insomnia, you gits.

Bertha Hippodrome-???

Lucius- !!! Rei, I'm hurt. Here, in my heart.

Sirius- Didn't know you even had one.

Lucius- But I do, Sirius.

Sirius- Good Lord, Lucius! I thought there was no hope left for you!

Remus- There's not, you git.

Me- *tries to ignore scuffling sounds in head* Um, ma'am? Do you have anything.um.sharp.I can use?

Lucius- *muffled* Yeah! Go for the sharpness, Rei! Go for the sharpness!

Sirius- *strained* Shut up!

Me- *tries to ignore grunts of pain in head* Anything at all?

Bertha Hippodrome- Um.hang on a second, Rei.*picks up phone on desk, dials a number, and begins to speak softly*

Lucius- SHE'S CALLING FOR BACKUP!!! KILL HER!!!

Me- No!

Lucius- KILL HER NOW!!!

Remus- NO! *sounds of scuffling and punching can be heard*

Me- *clasps head in hands and hunches over, shaking head from side to side* STOP STOP STOP!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bertha Hippodrome-*hangs up phone and edges towards door*

Me- Where are you going???

Bertha Hippodrome- Um.Rei, there are some people that I want you to meet that will.er.help you.

Lucius- KILL HER NOW!!!

Me-*pounds fist against forehead* SHADDUP IN THERE!!!

Lucius- I warned you.

Sirius- Look what you did, Lucius. You've destroyed any chance we had at convincing the Hippo that Rei was sane. You jerk.

Remus- Seriously.

Sirius- No, I am.

Lucius- What?

Me- You're confusing me!

Sirius- Oh, huzzah. Our plan worked.

Remus- Yay!

Lucius- Well done, chaps.

Me- Well, thanks a lot. You guys have earned me a one-way ticket to the funny farm. I hope you're happy.

Lucius- But we are, Rei darling.

Me- *sigh* Somehow I can see that.

Lucius- Are you upset? Aw, just have another daydream and you'll feel better.

Me- Really?

Lucius- Of course! But you must have me in it.

Sirius- Oh no, you're not getting away that easily.

*Doors open and people in white rush in*

Remus- Oh look, your escorts arrive.

Sirius- Oh well, we tried. Sort of.

Lucius- I told you to kill her when you had the chance.but nooo.

*Is grabbed by the white people*

Me- Great. Off to the happy house.

Remus, Lucius, Sirius- FIGHT, YOU DOLT! FIGHT!!!

Me- *struggles and manages to kick one of the people in the shin*

Lucius-GO REI!!!

*is promptly knocked out*

Remus- Um.Rei?

Sirius- Crap. She'sunconscious.

Lucius- Big word, Black.

Sirius- Bite me.

Lucius- In that case, I'm leaving. She's off to the nuthouse anyway.

Sirius- Yeah, let's get out of here. I hear that there's gonna be another patient in today.

Remus- Ooh!

Lucius- Wanna stick around?

Sirius- Why not?

Remus- I'm off to the lobby to wait.

*All three leave the precise moment I wake up*

Me- Guys? *cricket chirps* Hello? *sighs disgustedly* Great. Just perfect.

Voice #4- Hello, my dear!

Me- *cringes at the voice* No.it can't be.please let it not be.

Gilderoy Lockhart (Voice #4)- I'm back!

Me-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!



~fin



So, how was it? Disgraceful? Horrid? Positively lackadaisical? Let me know! Review!!!