Lord of the Onion Rings:
(A Parody of Lord of the Rings by Daniel Martin)


Chapter One:
A Prologue

Once...long ago, there lived a being of great social and powerful magnitude. His name was Zippy and he was part of the world known as "the clowns". He founded a burger chain named Zippy Burger and it did horrible. Until he developed an Onion Ring formula that was truly magnificent. Everybody loved the taste and soon other chains began to want the recipe too. The Zippy Burger Chefs made a series of sample rings that they sent out to other chains, but the power of the onion rings tastiness corrupted the chains and they became appalling and disgusting in the eyes of man. The same fate awaited Zippy Burger for the Onion Ring recipe corrupted its master's soul. Zippy the clown could not be happy because he longed to know where his recipe was at ALL times. He lived for his onion rings and it soon obsessed his life.
With all the other chains out of the way Zippy Burger became the only chain people ate at in Halfway America. Then the onion ring took on its masters corrupted soul and became corrupt and evil itself. It made Zippy think horrible thoughts and He decided to poison everybody in Halfway America and be the king of the world. One Zippy Burger employee stopped him and cut the recipe (Which Zippy had deep-fried into an onion ring and wore around his finger as a true ring would be worn.) From Zippy's gloved hand. The terror was over...until.
The Zippy Burger employee named ZippyChad (All Zippy Burger employees had to add Zippy to their names or else face Zippy themselves) picked up the recipe ring and put it around his finger and the corruption began to consume him. He knew with this ring he would control all of the nations fast food in the world and he would be able to create more chains and become the wealthiest man in the world with this one genuine food recipe that all Halfway America craved. Soon, however, ZippyChad faced the same fate as Zippy. The power of the ring became too much and ZippyChad killed himself by jumping into a nearby lake.
The ring lay powerless for many years until a hungry hobo who was taking a much-needed bath in the lake picked it up. He was about to take a bite when his hobo friend, Slalom, took it away and put it on his own finger. Slalom told his friend it was to be worn not eaten. The ring had already begun to work its magic on Slalom's brain, which it would later corrupt into nothingness just as it done to Zippy and ZippyChad. Slalom became obsessed of the ring, but unknowing its power he never used it to achieve wealth. Its beauty was all that Slalom cared about and he soon began to call the ring his precious.
The hobo crowd grew tiresome of Slalom's behavior and shunned him to the sewers and that's where he stayed for years, until a Bobbit named Gilbo Gaggins ventured there when he became lost from his group of adventuring circus midgets who were searching for their lost nickels. The ring had ventured from Slalom's webbed and scaly hand. (All the years in the sewer and the corruption of the ring had transformed him into a hideous monster obsessed with it's "precious".) The ring wanted to be found, it's evil was directing it towards Gilbo. The evil was what helped Gilbo find the ring of doom. When Gilbo put the ring in his pocket its evil plan began and would end many years later in the hands of a very unlikely hero.
.... And so the greatest fast food story ever told began.