...I knew that Danny would leave me sooner or later. Whether it be physically or emotionally, I knew it was inevitable that someday he would go. I was seventeen when he enlisted in the airforce, and there was one week left until he left for the base. Rafe was going with him to be in the force, and that meant I was losing two of the people with whom I was closest. So, seven days from the impending departure, I found myself having trouble falling asleep. It was about one in the morning, and all I could do was toss and turn, trying to forget that the one man I had ever loved with every aspect of my emotion was going to be gone in a few hundred hours...


The trees crashed loudly against my window as the wind violently blew. I turned onto my side and stared blankly at the dark, colorless ceiling. Finding this hopeless, I sprawled onto my stomach. Useless. What was the point in sleeping? It would mean wakin' up to one less day with my Danny. I wouldn't have an identity anymore. In this little town in Tennessee, there would be no Susie McCawley without Danny Walker. It would be Cleopatra without Antony. Romeo without Juliet. And speaking of the starcrossed lovers, I would advise one to never read Romeo and Juliet while in the process of departing with one's true love. It can be very, very harrowing. Trust me.
Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on my window. Three knocks meant it was Danny, and three knocks it was. I tiptoed my way to the window and let him in, leaves blowing in with him as the storm outside began to brew.
"Did I wake you up?" He asked, sitting on my bed.
"Nah, I couldn't sleep. I'm glad you came though," I replied quietly, not quite sure what to say to him.
"Why not? Maybe you should read or somethin'...might put you to sleep."
Eyeing my copy of Shakespeare's play, I violently shook my head.
"I'm just a little scared when i'm by myself during a storm. I mean, i'm no baby but you know what it's like."
"Yup. I couldn't sleep either."
"Well why not? You should be excited, goin' off to do what you've always dreamed of doin'!"
"I'm leaving you here. That's not too exciting."
He stood up and walked to my desk, picking up a picture of the two of us a year ago. Silently, he rubbed his thumb over it, seemin' to take in every detail before he put it back down.
"I'll always be here waitin' for you Danny," I whispered, walking up to his side and putting my head on his shoulder.
"Aw Suze," he grabbed me up in a big hug, and ran his strong fingers through my hair. "You're my world. We can make it through this."
"I know it, but whenever i'm not around you, everything gets so...dark. It's empty. You're a part of me, Walker."
"Well then, you nevermind the darkness because I'll always be with you. I'll write you everyday, and call when I can. And i'll invite you up to the base every chance i can. you'll always have me here."
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, "So much baby, so very much."
"I love you too," he murmured as he began to kiss me. As we stood there, locked together in a passionate embrace, the rain began to pour outside. Lightning crashed out in the fields and thunder wailed down like a hammer of the gods.


...That night, Danny stayed with me. He slept by my side as the storm roared on for hours...


"You still scared?" he cooed as we lay next to eachother in my bed.
"Nah," I scoffed, running my finger in circles on his bare chest, "I've got you here with me. I'm safe now."
"You always will be," Danny said into my ear, pulling me close to him and kissing me deeply, his fingers tracing my face and body.
I held him as close to me as possible and kissed his neck, feeling his muscles tighten in passion. He smelled of sweat--a musky, sweet smell that I could hardly resist. He let his body go crazy, and we spent the rest of the night in eachother's arms, experiencin' a euphoria unlike any other--a euphoria brought on by true love.
He left before dawn, so as not to be caught by his father--let alone my parents or Rafe.
"But it's still dark, darlin', don't leave me here now," I pleaded, pouting seductively.
"Remember," he grinned, winkin' at me as he got dressed, "I'm still with you. Nevermind the darkness."


...And so the time came for my boys to leave for the base...

Together we slowly picked up Danny's bags from my floor and walked outside. Rafe's luggage was already in the cab's trunk and he was leanin' on the hood, waiting to say goodbye to me. My heart was already breaking, just lookin' at hima s he stood there in his uniform, lookin' all important. I ran to him and stopped short in front of him.
"Now Rafe," I said, crying quietly and smiling through my tears, "Don't go crashin' any planes or anythin silly like that."
"Aww Suze, you're still my little baby," he responded, his eyes, identical to mine, wellin' up though he refused to cry in front of me. He was always like that, always so strong in front of me, as though he were trying to hide thae fact that he too got scared sometimes.
We embraced silently, him holding me as I sobbed. Finally, I pulled away and straightened his tie.
"Now don't you look handsome?" I smiled weakly. "Both of you better get goin', or you're gonna be late."
"Bye girly," Rafe said, kissin me on the cheek. "I'll be home soon. Expect a letter in a few days."
I nodded silently, my tears running more freely. I turned to Danny. Lord, I couldn't let him leave me. But no, this was his dream. I can't interfere with that.
He stood in front of me and leaned his forehead against mine, our noses touching and our eyes closed. His hand hand on my neck, he kissed me gently on the lips one last time.
"Forever, Suze," he whispered. "Remember what you told me."
"I'll be right here when you come home," I responded quietly, my shoulders gently shakin.
Forcing myself to pull away, I watched as Danny got into the cab beside Rafe and shut the door. As the taxi pulled away, i waved goodbye and blew them a kiss, watching the car as it faded away into the distance.


...Like that they were gone. Within months they had been transferred to the base in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. I got letters from 'em both every day, as they likewise received letters from me. Rafe fell in love with a nurse named Evelynn...but before long he was shipped off to England for a special mission. I was excited for him, but also scared. Soon after, I received a gentleman at the door who handed me an envelope. Rafe was dead......When somebody close to you dies, you shut down. Nothing's important anymore--not money, not friends, and not family--unless, of course, it was somebody in your family who died. That was the case for me. The honorable Rafe McCawley was dead--shot down overseas...

The day was bright and clear, the warm southern sun beating down on the greened grass and a pitcher of lemonade resting on the porch as I hung up laundry to dry in the sideyard. Everything seemed to be going well, Rafe and Danny were off training. In fact, Rafe had gotten drafted into Britain's Royal Air Force, and right now he was probably shooting down tons of German bastards. Always the hero, my big brother.
As I hung up a dress, I saw a man in a uniform approaching the house. Great, I thought, more damn news about the war. Don't they know I can hear it for myself on the radio?
"Can I help you?" I called, walking up to the porch.
"Uhh, yes'm," the boy responded, yanking off his cap and twisting it nervously in his hands. He looked very stressed. The poor thing couldn'ta been more t han seventeen. "Could we sit maybe?"
"Sure. Could I offer you a glass of lemonade? I just made it about a half an hour ago. Fresh picked, too."
"Sure thing, miss, but I should get right down to business..."
"Aw, you make it sound so serious! So who got bombed now? Any surrenders? Any news at all? Dammit boy, don't' just stare at the ground, gimme your news so I can finish my laundry!" I smiled at him and gave his scrawny shoulder a good-hearted shove.
"No, see Ms. McCawley, it ain't really good news," he said quietly. "It's about your--your brother."
"What'd he do now?" I asked, exasperated. Rafe was always getting into trouble, playing chicken when he wasn't supposed to be.
"He fought hard ma'am. That's what he did. B-b-but he's not gonna be doin' none of that no more."
"What are you getting at?"
"We lose lots of pilots everyday, especially when they're with the Brits' force. It couldn't be helped. I'm sorry."
The boy got up and walked away. My heart hit the floor, the little bastard was lyin' to me--I knew it. Rafe couldn't be dead, I could feel him still in my heart.
"You're lying you sonofabitch! Get your ass back here and tell me you're lying!" I screamed after him, shaking my fist furiously.
The young man turned as he walked to his car and tipped his hat. It hit me then that it was true.


...Every second of that day was spent in a flashback of good times with Rafe. And from then on, I'd suffer those flashbacks randomly. I'd be in the grocer buying some milk and suddenly Rafe would be throwing me in the lake. Or I'd be making dinner and suddenly Rafe would be tickling me on the couch until I cried. Or takin' me up in the crop duster. Or crying on my shoulder when he was scared for me and Danny. He was gone, but he stayed in the back of my mind...


A week after his death, I received a letter that Rafe had sent me before going down. It read like this:

Susie Q,

Hey baby girl! I miss you a lot, but this is real exciting. I can't believe I got into the Royal Air Force! It's tough as nails, sometimes I just wanna go home and sleep. I shot down about five Germans today, you should be proud of me Suze. Everytime I go out there, I'm one of the few who come back. That makes me pretty damned nervous. So's I got to thinkin. What if something happens to me? I want you to know how much you mean to me. With Mom and Pa gone, there's nobody left but you. And Danny, of course, but you're my only blood. There's not a night I go to bed without thinkin' about you and hopin you're doing well back there. I'm not good at these things when they're all serious and shit, but I want you to know that I love you and I'll do my best to come home for you.
Your Guy,
Rafe


That night I sat out on the porch steps and watched the moon glare on the fields. I imagined rafe sittin' next to me as he used to so long ago. One night in particular came to mind, after our parents had died in a car accident.
I had gone outside and sat right there in the same spot and bawled my eyes out for hours. Rafe came outside to sit with me, and put his arm around my shoulders.
"Suze," he said, comfortingly, "There's times when people just gotta go. And this is one of those times."
"But I'll never see them again! They was good people Rafe! It's not fair!" I sobbed hysterically, crying into his chest.
"I know, but God has a plan for us all, girly. And his plan for Mommy and Daddy ended this morning."
"I won't ever be able to tell them i love them, ever again."
"Yes you will, only now it's different. Now you're lovin' angels instead."
"I'm so lost!"
"Nah, you still got me here to guide you. You'll always have me little Suze." He wiped my tears away.
"Rafe," I sniffled, huggin' him tighter, "You're the best. Promise me you'll always be with me?"
"I promise," he whispered, pulling me to my feet a nd leading me inside to listen to the radio.

Now, sitting here on t hat same porch, I crumpled the letter and through it into the garden.
"Liar!" I screamed at the sky.
Clenching my fists, I fell to my knees on the ground and sobbed.
"I'm sorry Rafe! I'm sorry! I love you!" I cried out.


...And as the breeeze blew the tears off of my face I knew that as I had loved Rafe in flesh, I was now loving an angel instead--and Lord, I'd never love anyone else as much...