We buried Danny in the sideyard of our house in Tennessee. Rafe moved back in after the war, and brought along Evelynn, whom he married. I was their maid of honor--what a laugh! To sum things up, Evelynn had Danny's baby, whom they named Danny, Jr.
Evelynn sure was as pretty as Rafe had said she was. I envied her from the start, not only because of Danny. I had no reason to envy her for that--he had been mine, she had only been "comforted" by him, if you will. Anyway, I spent day and night by Danny's grave, especially during the early days of Summer, when we had first realized what we really meant to eachother. I went down there on the night of July 5th, the day that he and I had consummated our love for the first time, and laid a red rose on the ground. Kneeling, I lit a cigarette and stared at the engraving on the stone. The gray marble felt cold as ice as I traced his name with my fingers.
"I miss you," I whispered, taking a long pull.
"You wouldn't happen to have another one of those, would you?" A soft voice behind me asked. Evelynn.
"Yea," I replied. "Have a seat."
I handed her a cigarette and as she lit it, I realized that this was the first time the two of us were really alone together. Whether this was good or bad, I had no idea.
"You must really miss him," she said quietly, placing her hand on the tombstone.
"'Course I do. He was my soul," I responded, inhaling the soothing smoke.
"You must really hate me. I'm so sorry that I caused you all that pain before."
"It's not your fault I guess, you were hurtin'. Danny and Rafe can almost be the same person sometimes, I see why you wanted him."
"I was just confused, that's all. I needed somebody and Danny was there, needing somebody too."
"I know. You don't have to explain it to me, really."
"No, I feel that I owe it to you. I want to be you're friend, I'm lonely here and so are you. We're a lot alike, Susie."
"I could use a friend these days..."
Smiling for the first time in months, I saw Evelynn in a new light. She was a young girl, like myself. She was naive, she was scared, and dammit who could resist Danny? I knew what she went through when she thought she had lost Rafe. I couldn't hate her after all.
"Friends?" she asked, smiling hopefully.
"Of course," I responded.
She laughed happily and hugged me. Things might turn out to be alright afterall, I thought as we walked back to the house that night. Rafe was more than surprised to see us laughing and having a good time, but when he joined in and we sat on the porch to have a drink, things were like old times--we were all happy.
...Evelynn and I did get close that Summer. We rarely spoke of Danny--not because we were afraid of the subject, but because we knew it'd upset us all too much. He remained in the back of my mind forever though. Eve was convinced that I needed somebody new to make me feel more complete, but I was unsure. Rafe, of course, agreed with her. She and I used to walk into town together every mornin' for groceries and shoppin, and one day I found somethin in a store that more than interested me...
"It's damned hot out here today," Evelynn commented, stepping out of the pharmacy with her bottle of aspirin.
"Tell me about it," I gasped, fanning myself with my hand. "We need anything else?"
"Fruit. And why not get some milk while we're here?"
"Sounds good. I'll get the fruit, you get the milk?"
"Okay, but hold on, I need a smoke."
In the months that had passed, we had become pretty dependant on our nicotine. See, back then we thought it was alright--no consequences! Times were tough and stress was hard to overcome.
Once in the store, I headed quickly to the produce section. picking up an apple, I began to inspect it for holes or bruises. Suddenly, I was pushed hard and it flew from my hands onto the floor.
"Shoot, miss, I'm sorry," a blonde boy quickly apologized and picked up the apple. "I'll get ya another one if it'll do?"
"No, that's alright I think it's still fine," I said, inspecting him. He was handsome, in an airforce uniform. Shit, not another pilot! I thought, catching myself before I dropped the apple again.
"What's your name, if you don't my asking?" he asked, grinning slightly.
"Susie McCawley," I responded.
"Jack Harris," he resonded, shaking my hand. "Hey, you Rafe's litle sister?"
"Yes...did you fly with him?"
"No ma'am, that would have been an honor above all others. But I've met him around, nice guy."
"He's the greatest. Airforce, huh? Fight yet?"
"No not yet miss. I hope to though! Must be fun up there, shootin down those damn Germans."
"How can you even think--"
"Well lookie here," Evelynn grinned, placing a hand on my shoulder before I got too angry with this poor boy, "Miss Susie, I believe you've made a new friend." She winked slyly at me.
"Eve, this is Jack. He's in the force, but he hasn't fought yet. Jack, this is my brother's wife, Evelynn."
The two shook hands.
"Suze, darlin', we gotta be leavin now before the milk gets to be bad. Maybe...jack, is it?...should stop by and visit you sometime."
"That'd be great, if it's alright with you miss? I know where the McCawley farm is..." Jack asked, fumbling around with his hat in his hands.
"I suppose that'd be fine," I said dryly, walking away. "Good-bye?"
He tipped his hat, and Evelynn hurried me outside.
"He was simply adorable!" she gasped once were outside.
"I guess so, he wasn't anythin' special," I responded, lookin' at the ground.
"He wasn't Danny, you mean..."
"I don't mean anything of the sort, he just didn't...I mean...oh, I just don't know! I did like him, he was cute as hell! But i can't give up on Danny--I...I just can't!"
"Oh, Suze...sweety I know you think he'll come back someday but he can't! You have to move on and be happy again, he'd want you to--i know it. You need somebody to make you feel the way he did again."
"How do I know if it's the right guy though? I could be foolin' around with a complete moron, and damn my love's memory forever. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt..."
"Well, when we get home we'll do some laundry and figure it out."
...That night, Jack came by. He and Rafe sat on the couch, smokin' and talking about the goddamn war most of the time. But I had to admit that there was something about that Harris boy that made me feel...well...the way I felt around Danny...
When Rafe went to check on little Danny, Jack came up to me and asked me if I wanted to take a walk, just for a while to get to know eachother. I couldn't help myself--I agreed.
"So you want to fight huh?" I asked him as we walked in the dusky sunset.
"I think it might be...exciting," Jack answered boyishly, smiling at me. "I wanna be just like Rafe, ya know?"
"Say, how old are you?"
"Nineteen, and yourself?"
"I'm eighteen, just this past month."
"We're young-uns," he laughed, nudgin my shoulder jokingly. "Hey, this looks like a nice place to walk."
I drew my breath in quickly,as he pointed at our destination-- Stanley Drive.
"But--"
"But nothin', a beautiful girl deserves beautiful scenery."
We walked along the path until he suddenly stopped. Once again, I gasped. We were at the creek, where Danny had first told me his true feelings for me.
"This looks like a nice place to sit," Jack said, resting on the grass by the water. "Come and sit."
"Yea, it's nice. The stars are real pretty here at night."
**********************************************************************************
"...It's awful pretty from here, but I wonder what it's really like up there..."
**********************************************************************************
"They must be gorgeous. I think it's great you like to look at stars," Jack said quietly.
**********************************************************************************
"...That was a nice thought you had there..."
**********************************************************************************
"We should go back soon, it's getting dark," I offered starting to get up. "I get scared sometimes."
**********************************************************************************
"...Nah, not me. I'd be too scared..."
**********************************************************************************
"Shoot, Suze, I'll protect you," Jack drawled. "I'll hold your hand 'til we get home and you'll feel better, I promise."
**********************************************************************************
"...I'd hold your hand so you wouldn't have to worry..."
**********************************************************************************
I looked around nervously, I couldn't be here, with him--not now.
"Whatsa matter?" he asked nervously.
"Nothing," I said. "It's just kinda creepy out here is all.
"Come here, you'll be safer," Jack responded, pulling me to him.
"Um, Susie?" he asked shyly.
"What is it?"
"Can I kiss you, please?"
Before I could answer, my body just sorta lunged forward and I found myself kissing him.
It was a nice kiss, not so passionate as the ones I had shared with...him. But it was nice. I pulled away slowly.
"Are you sure this is okay?" Jack asked, whispering.
**********************************************************************************
"...You sure you want this Suze?..."
**********************************************************************************
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't! NO!" I screamed wildly, crying. I ran away from the road aand back to the house, locking myself in my room before either Rafe or Evelynn could come and see what was wrong. I threw myself on the bed and cried.
"Oh Danny," I sobbed hysterically into my pillow, "I can't live without you! Why did you leave me?? WHY??"
**********************************************************************************
..."I'll always be here waitin' for you Danny," I whispered, walking up to his side and putting my head on his shoulder.
"Aw Suze," he grabbed me up in a big hug, and ran his strong fingers through my hair. "You're my world. We can make it through this."
"I know it, but whenever i'm not around you, everything gets so...dark. It's empty. You're a part of me, Walker."
"Well then, you nevermind the darkness because I'll always be with you. You'll always have me here."
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, "So much baby, so very much."
"I love you too," he murmured as he began to kiss me. As we stood there, locked together in a passionate embrace, the rain began to pour outside...
**********************************************************************************
Evelynn sure was as pretty as Rafe had said she was. I envied her from the start, not only because of Danny. I had no reason to envy her for that--he had been mine, she had only been "comforted" by him, if you will. Anyway, I spent day and night by Danny's grave, especially during the early days of Summer, when we had first realized what we really meant to eachother. I went down there on the night of July 5th, the day that he and I had consummated our love for the first time, and laid a red rose on the ground. Kneeling, I lit a cigarette and stared at the engraving on the stone. The gray marble felt cold as ice as I traced his name with my fingers.
"I miss you," I whispered, taking a long pull.
"You wouldn't happen to have another one of those, would you?" A soft voice behind me asked. Evelynn.
"Yea," I replied. "Have a seat."
I handed her a cigarette and as she lit it, I realized that this was the first time the two of us were really alone together. Whether this was good or bad, I had no idea.
"You must really miss him," she said quietly, placing her hand on the tombstone.
"'Course I do. He was my soul," I responded, inhaling the soothing smoke.
"You must really hate me. I'm so sorry that I caused you all that pain before."
"It's not your fault I guess, you were hurtin'. Danny and Rafe can almost be the same person sometimes, I see why you wanted him."
"I was just confused, that's all. I needed somebody and Danny was there, needing somebody too."
"I know. You don't have to explain it to me, really."
"No, I feel that I owe it to you. I want to be you're friend, I'm lonely here and so are you. We're a lot alike, Susie."
"I could use a friend these days..."
Smiling for the first time in months, I saw Evelynn in a new light. She was a young girl, like myself. She was naive, she was scared, and dammit who could resist Danny? I knew what she went through when she thought she had lost Rafe. I couldn't hate her after all.
"Friends?" she asked, smiling hopefully.
"Of course," I responded.
She laughed happily and hugged me. Things might turn out to be alright afterall, I thought as we walked back to the house that night. Rafe was more than surprised to see us laughing and having a good time, but when he joined in and we sat on the porch to have a drink, things were like old times--we were all happy.
...Evelynn and I did get close that Summer. We rarely spoke of Danny--not because we were afraid of the subject, but because we knew it'd upset us all too much. He remained in the back of my mind forever though. Eve was convinced that I needed somebody new to make me feel more complete, but I was unsure. Rafe, of course, agreed with her. She and I used to walk into town together every mornin' for groceries and shoppin, and one day I found somethin in a store that more than interested me...
"It's damned hot out here today," Evelynn commented, stepping out of the pharmacy with her bottle of aspirin.
"Tell me about it," I gasped, fanning myself with my hand. "We need anything else?"
"Fruit. And why not get some milk while we're here?"
"Sounds good. I'll get the fruit, you get the milk?"
"Okay, but hold on, I need a smoke."
In the months that had passed, we had become pretty dependant on our nicotine. See, back then we thought it was alright--no consequences! Times were tough and stress was hard to overcome.
Once in the store, I headed quickly to the produce section. picking up an apple, I began to inspect it for holes or bruises. Suddenly, I was pushed hard and it flew from my hands onto the floor.
"Shoot, miss, I'm sorry," a blonde boy quickly apologized and picked up the apple. "I'll get ya another one if it'll do?"
"No, that's alright I think it's still fine," I said, inspecting him. He was handsome, in an airforce uniform. Shit, not another pilot! I thought, catching myself before I dropped the apple again.
"What's your name, if you don't my asking?" he asked, grinning slightly.
"Susie McCawley," I responded.
"Jack Harris," he resonded, shaking my hand. "Hey, you Rafe's litle sister?"
"Yes...did you fly with him?"
"No ma'am, that would have been an honor above all others. But I've met him around, nice guy."
"He's the greatest. Airforce, huh? Fight yet?"
"No not yet miss. I hope to though! Must be fun up there, shootin down those damn Germans."
"How can you even think--"
"Well lookie here," Evelynn grinned, placing a hand on my shoulder before I got too angry with this poor boy, "Miss Susie, I believe you've made a new friend." She winked slyly at me.
"Eve, this is Jack. He's in the force, but he hasn't fought yet. Jack, this is my brother's wife, Evelynn."
The two shook hands.
"Suze, darlin', we gotta be leavin now before the milk gets to be bad. Maybe...jack, is it?...should stop by and visit you sometime."
"That'd be great, if it's alright with you miss? I know where the McCawley farm is..." Jack asked, fumbling around with his hat in his hands.
"I suppose that'd be fine," I said dryly, walking away. "Good-bye?"
He tipped his hat, and Evelynn hurried me outside.
"He was simply adorable!" she gasped once were outside.
"I guess so, he wasn't anythin' special," I responded, lookin' at the ground.
"He wasn't Danny, you mean..."
"I don't mean anything of the sort, he just didn't...I mean...oh, I just don't know! I did like him, he was cute as hell! But i can't give up on Danny--I...I just can't!"
"Oh, Suze...sweety I know you think he'll come back someday but he can't! You have to move on and be happy again, he'd want you to--i know it. You need somebody to make you feel the way he did again."
"How do I know if it's the right guy though? I could be foolin' around with a complete moron, and damn my love's memory forever. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt..."
"Well, when we get home we'll do some laundry and figure it out."
...That night, Jack came by. He and Rafe sat on the couch, smokin' and talking about the goddamn war most of the time. But I had to admit that there was something about that Harris boy that made me feel...well...the way I felt around Danny...
When Rafe went to check on little Danny, Jack came up to me and asked me if I wanted to take a walk, just for a while to get to know eachother. I couldn't help myself--I agreed.
"So you want to fight huh?" I asked him as we walked in the dusky sunset.
"I think it might be...exciting," Jack answered boyishly, smiling at me. "I wanna be just like Rafe, ya know?"
"Say, how old are you?"
"Nineteen, and yourself?"
"I'm eighteen, just this past month."
"We're young-uns," he laughed, nudgin my shoulder jokingly. "Hey, this looks like a nice place to walk."
I drew my breath in quickly,as he pointed at our destination-- Stanley Drive.
"But--"
"But nothin', a beautiful girl deserves beautiful scenery."
We walked along the path until he suddenly stopped. Once again, I gasped. We were at the creek, where Danny had first told me his true feelings for me.
"This looks like a nice place to sit," Jack said, resting on the grass by the water. "Come and sit."
"Yea, it's nice. The stars are real pretty here at night."
**********************************************************************************
"...It's awful pretty from here, but I wonder what it's really like up there..."
**********************************************************************************
"They must be gorgeous. I think it's great you like to look at stars," Jack said quietly.
**********************************************************************************
"...That was a nice thought you had there..."
**********************************************************************************
"We should go back soon, it's getting dark," I offered starting to get up. "I get scared sometimes."
**********************************************************************************
"...Nah, not me. I'd be too scared..."
**********************************************************************************
"Shoot, Suze, I'll protect you," Jack drawled. "I'll hold your hand 'til we get home and you'll feel better, I promise."
**********************************************************************************
"...I'd hold your hand so you wouldn't have to worry..."
**********************************************************************************
I looked around nervously, I couldn't be here, with him--not now.
"Whatsa matter?" he asked nervously.
"Nothing," I said. "It's just kinda creepy out here is all.
"Come here, you'll be safer," Jack responded, pulling me to him.
"Um, Susie?" he asked shyly.
"What is it?"
"Can I kiss you, please?"
Before I could answer, my body just sorta lunged forward and I found myself kissing him.
It was a nice kiss, not so passionate as the ones I had shared with...him. But it was nice. I pulled away slowly.
"Are you sure this is okay?" Jack asked, whispering.
**********************************************************************************
"...You sure you want this Suze?..."
**********************************************************************************
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't! NO!" I screamed wildly, crying. I ran away from the road aand back to the house, locking myself in my room before either Rafe or Evelynn could come and see what was wrong. I threw myself on the bed and cried.
"Oh Danny," I sobbed hysterically into my pillow, "I can't live without you! Why did you leave me?? WHY??"
**********************************************************************************
..."I'll always be here waitin' for you Danny," I whispered, walking up to his side and putting my head on his shoulder.
"Aw Suze," he grabbed me up in a big hug, and ran his strong fingers through my hair. "You're my world. We can make it through this."
"I know it, but whenever i'm not around you, everything gets so...dark. It's empty. You're a part of me, Walker."
"Well then, you nevermind the darkness because I'll always be with you. You'll always have me here."
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, "So much baby, so very much."
"I love you too," he murmured as he began to kiss me. As we stood there, locked together in a passionate embrace, the rain began to pour outside...
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