[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The audience continues their thunderous applause, but as Leloni steps off the stage, the Jaguar has yet to enter. The applause is slowly replaced by a general murmuring.]
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]
[An explosion of smoke bursts on the center of the stage, and after it clears, a creature is now standing there. Its head is down and its arms are at its sides. In a robotic movement, the arms raise a bit, and then the head. He smiles.]
[The audience cheers again when they see The J.A.M., and instead of wearing his usual "HECHO EN MEXICO" t-shirt, he's wearing an elegant *charro* outfit, complete with an adorned black jacket (also with the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal), and a huge black sombrero on his head. The orchestra plays "La Negra", for a bit.]
[He steps to the podium, and signals the audience to hush, which they do so instantly.]
"Good evening. Thank you, Leloni, and thanks to everyone who has come tonight to this awards ceremony. And to those who were dragged here, well, thanks anyways."
[slight laughter]
"No, really, people. Everyone knows more or less why we're doing this. If we don't get any more attention soon, we'll all end up on the Has-Been Mailing Lists, um-"
[a few chuckles, and some light clapping]
"I mean, really, people. This is my impression of the Tiny Toons Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List-"
[The Jaguar is suddenly beside the podium, curled up on the floor, and snoring ridiculously loudly and ridiculously quickly. After a few moments of this, he suddenly returns to the podium.]
[louder laughter]
"But hey, I know it's not entirely the members' fault. Real Life has gotten its claws on more than a few of us, both here, and on other mailing lists which I lurk in, and some-are gone forever-[suddenly there was serious silence, but he continued] So to those of you who have weathered terrible storms and have somehow managed to remain with us, I give you all a big hand."
[The audience begins clapping, but suddenly laugh as the Jaguar pulls from behind him a huge Styrofoam hand and throws it at them.]
"And I would like to give this Awards Ceremony a more thorough introduction. [turning to stage right] Yes, Leloni, I know you did fine, but in this intro, I'd like to give a tribute to all our present members, plenty of whom are from abroad, including myself." [The Jaguar then grabs a wireless microphone.] "Okay guys, everyone knows this song, but watch for the changes."
[The lights dim, and a spotlight shines on The J.A.M. Then the orchestra begins the next song. When the audience recognizes it three seconds after it begins, they cheer loudly, and sing along:]
"We're Tiny, we're Toony, we're all a little loony! [Suddenly speaking through a computer monitor-]
And in this listoony, we're invading your PC!
We're comic dispensers, and ignore all the censors,
On Tiny Toons Adventures get a dose of comedy! [The scenery suddenly changes to-]
So here's Acme Acres, it's a whole wide world apart,
Our home sweet home, it stands alone, a cartoon work of art!" [Suddenly he warps to the audience, and unwarps next to Plucky, who hands him a pile of papers, and sings:]
"All scripts were accepted, expect the unexpected!" [And the entire audience sings:]
"On Tiny Toons Adventures - it's about to start!
They're furry, they're funny, [Unwarps behind B&B, who sing respectively:] they're Babs and Buster Bunny,
[Unwarps behind Monty and throws paper money as he sings] Montana Max has money, [Unwarps beside Elmyra, and smashing her with a mallet] Elmyra is a pain!
[Unwarps behind Hamton and Plucky, who also sing] Here's Hamton and Plucky, [Unwarps behind Dizzy and smashing a pie on his face] Dizzy Devil's yucky,
[Unwarps behind Furrball and handing him TNT] Furrball's unlucky, [BOOM!!!] [Unwarps in a paw-stand beside Gogo] and Gogo is insane! [The scenery changes again]
At Acme Looniversity we earn our toon degree,
[Unwarps behind the LT gang, and dropping an anvil on Elmer] The teaching staff's been getting laughs since 1933! [He unwarps on the stage again, and moves to the right]
We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little looney,
It's Tiny Toons Adventures, come and join the fun!" [A few are saying the last line, but the song unexpectedly continues, with accordions accompanying.]
[The J.A.M. does a spin change, and he's now dressed as a Frenchman. As he dances to the left, he's joined by Fifi LaFume, also in a French dress and beret. The theme song begins again, only both now sing in-]
"On est petits et gentils, et un peu barjots aussi!
Et l'heure enfin est arrivee d'envahir vos tele!
On s'amuse on fait rire, la censure on la fait fuir!
Les Aventures des Tiny-Toons sont la pour vous ravir!" [Now on the left, Fifi exits, and he spin changes to a tropical suit, and he's joined by Leandro Pinto as they move to the right again. The music has a zamba style now:]
"Em nossa floresta o que não falta é confusão.
Pois tudo é dedicado a você de coração! [Then trying to sing like Plucky in Portuguese:]
A gente bola o que rola, esquentando a cachola. [Singing normally:]
Mas tudo isso é feito só pra te alegrar." [Leandro Pinto exits, and The J.A.M. spin changes into a traditional Japanese robe, and is joined by Gozilla, who makes the whole place shake. A gong is heard, and the music turns oriental:]
"Bokura-
wa fuwa
Babusu-to Basutaa Bannii
Makkusu okane mochitte
Erumaira meiwaku
Bo' Hamuton,
Bo' Purakkii
Dizii Deburu kuchi mo
Faabooru yakki waku
Gogo-wa futan!" [Another spin change, and The J.A.M. returns to his *charro* outfit, joined by Lightning Rodriguez. The music now has guitars and trumpets:]
"Y de la universidad nos tenemos que graduar.
¡De nuestro amigo Elmer nos tenemos que librar!
Somos graciosos, y estamos algo locos.
Es hora de empezar con nuestra diversión." [And to the side:]
"Que linda es my canción."
[The song stops, and the audience gives a thundering applause again. Mouse and Jaguar hug, and the Mouse exits. The J.A.M. calmly steps to the podium again, and after waiting a moment, signals the audience to hush again, and they do so instantly again..]
"Now that was pretty ridiculous of me, wasn't it? [laughter] Okay now, on with our show. [On the huge screen beside him, the title "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER" appears] Self-insertion is about as unavoidable as death and taxes. As a writer, and reviewer, I should know. The art of novelisation, or even script writing, is something that comes from within, hence, by definition, it is practically impossible for any author to *not* put of him/her personality within the story. Even if there *are* no original characters which to impose one self into, the established characters, and even the setting and plot, reflect something within the writer. The purpose of this award is to honor those new characters who were created in a way that they gave enormous complements to the established Tiny Toons characters, plot, and setting. Their authors did very hard work *not* to impose themselves into the story, and to intricately weave their new characters, and their own traits, into a seamless union with the Tiny Toons Multiverse. The top five nominees for Best Original Character are:"
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[While the giant screen shows clips of the fanfics, the Jaguar is suddenly off the stage, and now he's next to-]
=============================================================
The Tiny Toons stepped back and looked at these odd animals. They didn't know who they were or where they were from, but they really didn't want to find out. So as they started to slip away, Bugs came up and stopped them.
"I see yous kids has met the oddimals."
The toons just looked bewildered. "Oddimals?"
Bugs nodded and they looked back. The handful of misfits gave them a big toothy grin. Buster spoke to Bugs.
"You can't be serious! These guys are, are--"
=============================================================
"Boomer, Bandit, Aurora, Olivia, Zuccini, and Jinx: The Oddimals, from 'Dial-O-For Oddimals', created by Brooke Michelle!!"
[cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]
=============================================================
"Uhhhhhhhh, erm, cough Hi, Emily. I didn't know that you came here: I figured you didn't want to go out at all! (He-he!)"
Attention shifted from Emily, to the owner of the voice. Emily looked around, a little startled, and up at the bunny who had just greeted her. When she saw who it was, she slumped back into her chair and sighed, as if it wasn't even worth the effort to talk to this guy. "Oh. Erm... Hi, Eric. Didn't know that *YOU* came here"
Buster turned to Babs, and grinned. "See? Problem solved!"
=============================================================
"Emily Jane Bunny and Eric Bunny-no relation, hyuk hyuk-from 'Rivals', created by KeV Beeley!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]
=============================================================
Bugs stopped as strange music filled the auditorium. It was like a beautiful lullaby sung by a ghost to her child, and was hauntingly mysterious. It was coming from everywhere - *but* the PA system's speakers! No one moved except Plucky, who looked around and dropped a pin to the floor. He went into a Clampett Corneal Catastrophe as it hit - but made no sound.
"Ahem", said Bugs, "And now I'd like ta introduce our new Professah of History
- Doctor Lord."
=============================================================
"Lord Doctor Pavel D'Lord-impressive name there, Doc-from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', created by Pepe K.!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]
=============================================================
When Buster was halfway across the room, the door began to creak open. Buster was filled with terror as a figure standing at the door came into view. But it was not Hamton. The figure straightened it's reading glasses, and closed the book it was reading.
Buster stared at the figure quietly. "Is it possible?" he thought to himself. "Well, I HAVE seen some weird things today." It still made no sense to him, but he somehow managed to squeak out one word:
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.
"Babs..."
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."
=============================================================
"The Bookkeeper and The Empress-nice threads, Your Highness-from 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [He pauses to catch his breath.]
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]
=============================================================
As everyone sat down at their desks, a hushed silence fell over the room. There in the far corner was the object of everyone's concern. A small brown wolf, wearing new red sneakers and a blue football jersey, was sitting quietly and doodling on a pad of paper. He didn't look menacing or monstrous, but was as small and unassuming as the rest of the toons. In fact, he bore a strong resemblance to Calamity Coyote, except that his ears were more pointed and he had a long bushy tail. He was seemingly oblivious to the curious and worried stares he was getting.
Everyone, including the wolf, snapped to when Elmer Fudd, homeroom teacher, walked in carrying his attendance sheet. "Hewwo evewybody. Today we have a new student hewe at Acme Woo. Wiwwy Wolf, please stand and introduce yoursewf to the cwass."
All eyes fell on Willy as he stood, suddenly conscious of all the attention he was getting. Fidgeting slightly, he cleared his throat. "Um, hi everybody!" he started, waving weakly. "I'm Willy Wolf, and I hope we can all be friends." He then sat down again, obviously relieved that it was over.
=============================================================
"And finally, Willy Wolf, from 'Toon Wolf', created by Earl Allison!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is now back on the podium again.]
"And the award goes to....................[He pulls out the envelope and opens it with his claws]...............LORD DOCTOR PAVEL D'LORD, FROM 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNDER HEAVEN', CREATED BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [He gets the trophy ready (a small gold statue of TTA rings on top of a computer), and steps aside a bit]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
Dr. Lord quietly stands with his entourage of Fifi, Hamton, Arnold, Porky and Petunia Pig, Daffy Duck, Pepe Le Pew and Penelope La Cat and a medium sized skunk dressed in an orange silk smoking jacket. Amidst smiles and some hugging, they advance down the aisle to the stage and the podium. Lord advances to the microphone and picks it up, removing his dark glasses. His silver eyes reflect the bright stage lights.
Lord:(smiling) I suppose since we're being broadcast - I'd better use this thing instead if turning it off.
*light laughter from the audience*
Lord: Uh, this is quite an honor for me and I'd like to thank all those who've made it possible..
Daffy:(pointing to a blinking monitor) Ya got 5 minuteth, Doc!
Lord: Indeed. Well, none of this would have been possible without my friends allowing me to return as a professor again to Acme Looniversity. So I'd like to thank Bugs, Porky and Daffy -
*Daffy pushes through the others*
Daffy:(yelling) WHAT?!! THAT RABBIT'TH NAME OVER MINE?!?! I'M THE STAR!!
*laughs from the audience*
Lord:(aside) Daffy, please! The Show's -
Daffy: THIS SHOW WILL PROVE THAT I'M-
*with a small gesture, Lord releases a sand bag from the stage and Daffy is flattened into a squashed black circle of feathers with webbed feet and a crumpled beak that says*
Daffy:(dazed) - Flatter..than a pancake.. Eeesh!
*Porky scoops up the pressed duck and shovels him backstage* *loud laughs from the audience*
Daffy:..Mawee had a wittle wam, it's fweese was white as cornflakes......
*laughter continues and there's some applause*
Lord: Now, before we were interrupted, I was going to thank my friends and family here for allowing this part of their lives to be revealed.
*applause* *The group of toons hug each other and wave as Bugs and Honey Bunny join them onstage* Fifi and Hamton step up to the mike arm in arm. Fifi looks radiant in a sheer silver gown *
Fifi: Ah'd like to thank everyone fur welcoming mah Grandpere` back to Acme Acres! *She smiles and leans up on tip toe to kiss Lord, then rereats with Hamton, who is blushing constantly*
*The audiences goes "Aaaaaaaaaawwww!"*
Lord: There's a few folks who've helped enormously with this chronical, but there's one person without whom it wouldn't have been possible - my stenographer - Pepe K.
*the audience murmurs and applauds as the skunk in the smoking jacket comes foward to the podium and stands at Lord's elbow. He smiles - rather gleefully embarresed*
Pepe K.: Hey, Thank you, Doc - and thank you, everybody..I uh - *he suddenly shouts* "I've never won anything before in my whole life!!
*the audience titters*
Pepe K. Thank yuh so much for yer appreciation. There's a number of people behind the scenes who I'd personally like to thank - my good friend Thorne, who's given moi lots of encouragement and good comments when I needed them. He's a helluvan artist and a boon to our TTA community - and he's coming out with a simply GORGEOUS Picture for ATTEPUH soon!
*A bespectacled mouse stands up in the 5th row and waves* *Wild Applause*
Pepe K.: Another furson who's been a great Aide de camp to moi and to the Doc here is Andy Fox!
*A red fox stops chatting in row three with Wile E. Coyote and stands to wave at the crowd. More Applause*
Pepe K.: There's someone here who's always been heard but seldom seen - who's been a help to moi since the beginning - great at keeping secrets - up there! It's Dark Helmet!
*In the top box seat, Eve Ill and Eddy the blue skunk stop throwing popcorn on the crowd and wave their fists in the air. Heavy Metal music plays*
Eve & Eddy: Woof-Woof-Woof!
*A shadowy armoured and cloaked figure stands and bows from the theatre box, like Hulk Hogan entering the ring*
*WIld cheering*
Pepe K.: There's a couple of shy guys out there - one who's not even here - but I know he's watching at home - mon frere`, VmC the artist!
*applause*
Pepe K.: I'll embarress him later, cuz he's a dear friend. Thanks, Vic! Someone who wouldn't have missed this is here - Duh Bunnyman!
*Brian Yelverton stands up blushing reluctantly and waves as the audience claps, then sits surrounded by his adoring escort of female rabbits and mice dressed in formal satin evening gowns*
Pepe K.: There's a certain Bunny here that has helped moi with historical accuracy and here he is to test his - Ladies and gentletoons - Peter Bunny!
*wild applause*
*As the Wackyland Rubber Band plays "Hail Coumbia!", Babs appears marching in with Buster and a tall white rabbit and a certain Miss Kitty - KatsJMaxis - from stage right. They wear the blue uniforms of the Union Artillery in the US Civil War. They move a 10-pounder Parrot rifle (a cannon) into position. Peter Bunny gives the commands to his squad*
Peter: READY!
*Buster and Babs and Miss Kitty scurry into position*
Peter: PREPARE TO FIRE!
*He looks to see that everything is safe*
Peter: FIRE
*He pulls the lanyard and the cannon roars! The cannon ball streaks towards Sylvester!*
Sylvester: ...uh-oh..
*The cannon ball ricochets and blasts a hole in the roof. Debris rains on the audience. Sylvester looks at his belly, where a cannon ball-shaped hole now exists *
Sylvester: Anybody got a band-aid?
*Audience reacts with cheers and laughter*
*Sheepishly and hurriedly, the gun crew retires offstage , as the Rubber band plays a speeded-up version of "Tramp, Tramp Tramp!"*
Pepe K.: Well, winding things up with a bang - (literally) - uh - there's another person without whom NONE of this would be possible - our moderator - Give it up for Kevin Mickel!!
*Thunderous applause*
*Kevin stands up in his theatre box and waves*
Pepe K.: Yes folks, it's through Kevin's efforts that this all happens. He works hard every month to provide us with information on our favorite show, the newest artwork, the newest stories and a forum where we can discuss it all - and he doesn't charge us a dime! It's all free and gratis. He does all this out of the kindness of his heart, so I think he deserves a big round of applause! C'Mon!!
*Pepe K. and all the other toons onstage stand and clap thunderously. The audience also rises in a standing ovation. Kevin blushes under his glasses and almost sits down, but Bugs, Buster and Babs are at his side and so he stands amidst the adulation, blushing and smiling. The applause lasts and lasts. Several minutes pass before Pepe k. signals for quiet*
Pepe K.: There's a few others here that bear attention... Three dear people who've always been there to listen - my wife Leslie and my sons, Robin and Nicholas ... who have listened to the chronical every night at bedtime and have had the patience to deal with my taking so much time to commit it all to paper.
*warm kind applause*
Pepe K.: Now I'll turn this back over to the real winner - Doctor Lord. Thank you.
*Generous applause as Pepe K. goes to stand with the other toons. Lord addresses the audience*
Lord: Thank you, Pepe. ..Ahem.. I'd like to thank you and everyone who's life is part of this.
*Fifi and Hamton join him, smiling. The three regard each other fondly* *He holds the small gold statue*
Lord: Thank you all very much for bestowing this honor on me. I'll try to continue to be worthy of it. I can honestly say.. that.. of all the titles I've been granted... this is the most recent.
*The group of other toons and the audience break up with laughter*
Lord: But seriously, this award means alot to me. It shows.. like the chronical.. that people can change...that those who are "differant"- are not bad - but can be good ...and that those who love.. they're the ones who last forever.
*There is a rising applause that sustains itself.Lord stands smiling and hugs his granddaughter and Hamton. The group of family and friends at the podium hugs and kisses each other*
*Finally, Dr. Lord signals for quiet*
Lord: Oh, and one more thing! Let's hear it for the band! I'd like to thank a friend of mine and a great composer - and our band leader tonight - Danny Elfman!
*Wild applause as as a sharp-looking man with orange hair and intense eyes stands up in front of the band in the orchestra pit. He slings on an electric guitar and starts to play . The horns, bass and drums of "The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo" Crash in playing "DEAD MAN'S PARTY". Every toon begins to Rock n' Roll - even the immortal skunk! *
Pepe K.: Thanks everyone! Take it away, JAM!!"
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The lights fade as Dr. Lord and the others leave, and then a spotlight shines on the podium, where The J.A.M. unwarps to again. On the screen, "CHARACTER AWARDS" still looms.]
"And now, our next category:" [He suddenly does a spin change. He's now wearing a black leather jacket, the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal is now "painted" in blood. His unsheathed claws were long and black, his headfur was messed up, his eyes were wild, and his fangs were one and half times their normal length. He let out a deafening roar, which generated a few screams from the audience. The screen now said "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST VILLAIN IN A FANFIC". He took a menacing pose, and began speaking with a heavy Spanish accent, and a very evil panting:]
"Hehhhhh.....hehhhhhhh.....Babsy eesn't the onlee one who can speen change......ehhhhhhh.......eh...........Veellains are eemportant........whether they are an akchual character, seetuation, force of nachure, deesease, or a deceesion............they provide a confleect against the Hero/Heroine...........we're honoreeng those.........oreeginal or established...............who provided the best confleect ...........ehhhhhh........and thus allowed the Hero/Heroine to feeneesh the story weeth flying colors.........eehhhhhhhhh............ehhhhhhhhhhhhh..........I won't warp thees time, señores..........ehhhhhhhhhh..........ehhhhhhhh................the top five nominees for Best Veellain In A Fanfic are:"
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, a bewildered character appears next to the Jaguar.]
=============================================================
A large yellow portal appeared in the middle of the room, and twenty or so Creations dropped out, followed by Alez Rat. Bugs noticed that the portal didn't close, like sectra portals normally did. "You have no idea how right you are, Bugsy, old friend."
"ALEZ?"
=============================================================
"Ehhhhhhh.............Alez Rat, from 'The Created: Bugsnapped 2', created by Matt Berman." [The audience gasps, and then cheers and applauds at Alez.]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, Alez disappears and is replaced by-]
=============================================================
The Chancellor wandered this strange, bright land warily. His experience had taught him that there were enemies around every corner, and so he tended to avoid going outside, but in this case he had no choice. 'Naked came I,' he thought to himself, although he actually had arrived completely clothed in a very snazzy outfit. Each time anyone came near him (which happened with alarming frequency), he was forced to duck into the bushes until they left. He wasn't making much progress in the department of exploration.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.
"Babs..."
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."
=============================================================
"The Chancellor and The Empress, from..........ehhhhhhh.........'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy'......ehhhh............created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [more cheering]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, they disappear and are replaced by-]
=============================================================
As the entire group begins to leave, a soft yet strong voice is heard, "Wait! Wait!" turning to the source, everyone's mouth drops.
Coming down the walk, a female toon is heading towards the group. A fox,(The animal, not a hot babe) she's wearing a light blue shirt and jeans, both are tight enough so that they show off more curves then thought possible on a toon.
She walks in a manner that makes Buster wonder if she is walking like that to just tease the guys. She continues towards the group, grinning, knowing and seeing that she is making many mouths moist at her appearance. She makes her way to be in front of Buster.
"You must be the one in charge here," her voice is a mixed with admiration and mockery, "my name is Camry. I hope I'm not too late."
=============================================================
"Camry Curvaceous...........ehhhhhh........from 'Transfer Student'..............ehhhhhhhh........created by Jeremy J. Jurrens.................ehhhhh........" [Some in the audience give whistle calls. The J.A.M. then looks at Camry and begins drooling.] "Oye, Mamacita, what yoo doeeng after de show?" [Camry is about to smash him with a mallet- ]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, she is replaced just in the nick of time (generating laughter) by-]
=============================================================
The sun rose the next day to the tune of Grieg's "Morning", and Babs prepared herself for the big confrontation with Ramona. She had already figured out her gameplan: Speak softly, and carry a big mallet. Babs got dressed and went over to the Looniversity track, where the girl's track team was having it's morning practice.
Ramona was still stretching her long, shapley legs when Babs casually sauntered over and smiled at her."Oh, hi," Ramona greeted her, "you're Buster's sister, aren't you?"
Babs let out a fake little laugh and replied: "Who, me? No, no, no. I am Babs Bunny. You've heard of me, perhaps?"
"No, Buster's never mentioned you."
Getting more and more annoyed, Babs had to struggle to keep her cool. "Well, I'm Buster's long time girlfriend, and I would really appreciate it if you left him alone." There, she had calmly said it. She was proud of herself for not going too far.
"Ha!" was Ramona's reply. "You're the one that lost him, sister! And with a body like yours, it's no wonder he dropped you for me!"
=============================================================
"Ehhhhhhh..........Ramona Rabbit, from 'Aw, Have A Heart'...........ehhhhh........created by Mike Cote............" [more whistling. The J.A.M. turns to her:] "Conejiiiiiiiiiiiitaaaaaaa..........." [more laughter]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, she is now replaced by-]
=============================================================
All the toons looked down the hall to see a figure dressed in black clothing. He appeared to be in some form of ninja outfit. His head was completely covered by a mask. Behind him was a small black cape that flapped in the breeze. The figure stood in place and laughed menacingly.
"Just let me at him!" Plucky said angrily as he charged the figure.
"Plucky! Wait!" Buster called out.
But Plucky ignored him and continued to charge the Prankster, who just stood in place. "All right, Prankster! Time for pay back!" Plucky said as he stood in front of the figure.
"Happy Birthday!" the Prankster said, handing Plucky a wrapped gift. The Prankster then ran off.
"For me? You shouldn't have." Plucky said happily as he accepted the gift. He then unwrapped the gift and opened the box. The box then exploded in Plucky's face. "I was right. He shouldn't have." Plucky moaned, his head blackened by the explosion.
=============================================================
"Fifi LaFume as The Prankster! [loudest cheering and whistling at this point, since Fifi's ninja suit was tailored to be form fitting, and MAN what a form....] Eh.........from 'The Prankster' series........ehhhhhh.........written by Michael M." [He turns to Fifi.] "Wood yoo like a date on the Mexican Riviera?" [Fifi's response is to kiss him very French-like]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[Unfortunately, she disappears in the middle of the kiss, leaving the Jaguar in a very ridiculous position. He quickly straightens out. In Fifi's place, a very large envelope, almost his size, appears.]
"And de weener ees......"
[He rips open the envelope, only to find a slightly smaller envelope inside. Growling, he rips it open, only to find the same thing. With another deafening roar, he dives at the envelope and rips it to shreds, very felinesque-like. After a while, he just stands there, panting, holding a small note on his left paw. He looks at it, then lifts it to his face, then steps to the podium, and finally roars:]
"THE CHANCELLOR AND THE EMPRESS, FROM 'MONDO NEGATORY TOONS: THE OTHER SIDE OF COMEDY', CREATED BY KEVIN MICKEL, MIKE COTE, REBECCA LITTLEHALES, JOHN FRIEDRICH AND MIKE DEMCIO!!!!!"
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[The two characters appear, and The J.A.M. disappears, as the audience cheers again.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
Hmmm... Not a bad trick, considering that they were both hanged at the end of the story for their crimes. Maybe these are their ghosts?
Seriously, I am quite honored that these characters are still manageing to prove popular after all these years. I must of course defer to my fellow authors on this one, they were the real visionaries in creating the specifics for these grand villians. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that they were a lot of fun to work with, in a sick and twisted sort of a way.
I have FWD'd the award to Mike, Mike and Rebecca, and will post any comments they wish to make, assuming they do. In the meantime, I'll leave it up to Nefaria to add anything more, if he should so choose.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Eh, just that I'm not overly fond of giving out awards for writing. Writing is a form of art, and art shouldn't be stuffed into a hierarchy with some labeled "winners" and others "losers". Good art usually has serious flaws and bad art often has redeeming qualities. My contribution to the MNTT story was far from my best writing.
Anyway, those who wish to see my current creative adventures should check out Usenet group alt.devilbunnies. There I play a mentally disturbed girl bunny rabbit who is substantially more deranged than Babs. It's mostly casual off-the-cuff message replies, but I am working on a big story there.
Mmmm, toes!
Nefaria
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[With the Chancellor and the Empress safely out of sight, The J.A.M. unwarps behind the podium once more. He's all normal now, if there is such a thing as normal.]
"Okay, now to liven things up a bit, after all that villain schtick. Here's something I prepared for everyone again." [He turns to the screen as the lights dim. The monitor declares "To err is Toony..."]
=============================================================
From "THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 2 1/2: 'Football: It's STILL A Looney Old Game...'"
"Why, RuBarb, (he he)" the rat said with an impish grin. "You look del-del- PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!"
"CUT!!"
[RuBarb looks at the camera, smirking while holding it in. Then she looks at Nigel] "COME HERE, YOU RODENT!!!!!" [she then proceeds to smear him with what was smeared on her. The re-setup of the scene took a whole day]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond daddles I sold-excuse me."
[Take 2]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a sash from those diamond saddles I sold-ARGHH!!"
[Take 3]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond saddles I told you, I hope, I h-NO!!!"
[Take 4]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked, trying not to laugh while Monty and Danforth smiled for no reason. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond s-" [All three laugh hysterically]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend-um, what?" she asked.
[Take 2]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your [CENSORED] I CAN'T [CENSORED] BELIEVE I FORGOT AGAIN!!!!"
[Take 3]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your...tail... out of this! Just tell me what my next line is and [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!"[She slams the phone down and laughs and stomps in desperation]
"Nigel! _Wait_!!" And with a combination of feline agility and youthhful exuberance, she leaped out of the open window after him. [She trips on the sill and falls on her face]
"Ow."
"Hey, I thought cats always landed on their feet!" said Nigel.
"[CENSORED]!!!!!!!!" was Rue's response, causing him to turn completely pink.
From SILVER SMUDGE
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) [THUD!!!] [The door didn't open again, allowing Buster to hit his nose in it.]
"CUT!!!"
"*Ow*" was all he could say.
[take 2]
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) "I think the-" (slam) "-hatch is limped!"
(slam) "Please don't call-"
"CUT!!!!!!"
"[CENSORED]!! *LATCH*!!! Sorry again!"
From WICKED WAYS
"What made you crash?" Monty asked as the two sat upside down.
"Like a glove!!!!" she replied.
"CUT!!!!!"
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," she chuckled.
"We don't have to re-shoot the crash scene, do we?" asked Max.
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the friend because-[CENSORED]."
[take 2]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their enemies alone-"
[take 3]
"The enemy is my enemy."
[take 4]
"Your enemy is my enemy."
[take 5]
"My friend is my enemy."
[take 6]
"The friend of my enemy is your enemy."
[take 7]
"Any enemy of yours is an enemy of mine."
[take 8]
"The enemy of your friend is my friend-"
[take 9]
"Sleeping with the enemy."
[take 10]
"Enemy."
[take 11]
"Love your enemy."
[take 12]
"I'm in love with my enemy."
[take 13]
"I met the enemy and I am her."
[take 14]
"I am my enemy."
[take 15]
"Enemy Mine, Mine Enemy."
"That was a stupid movie, Enem-I mean-Eve."
[take 16]
"Exactly. The emeny of the emeny is a memen-[CENSORED]."
[take 17]
"Memenemeny-"
[take 18]
"Exactly. The friend of the memeny is a friend-"
[take 19]
"The writer is my emeny-I mean nenemy-ENEMY, [CENSORED] IT!!!!"
[take 20]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their memenies-AAHHHHHHHH!!!!" [she grabs Monty, kisses him, and throws him down again, before stomping off.]
[take 21]
"Exactly. . . . . .[CENSORED]."
[take 22]
"Exactly. PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[take 22]
"E---what was I talking about?"
"ENEMIES!!!!" yelled the cast and crew.
[take 23]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become-what?"
[take 24]
"Exactly. The enemy-can we try this again?"
[take 25]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]
"I like enemies-I MEAN-Perfecto!!"
"CUT!!!!!" [Eve then smashed Monty with a mallet.]
[take 26]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]
"I like Perfecto-" [suddenly both of them laugh hysterically for no apparent reason.]
From FRACTURED IMAGES: A PLUCKY DUCK STORY
"Sorry Plucky. No more delusions-I mean pollution-I mean-[CENSORED]!! Now you've got ME doing it!!"
"CUT!!!"
"Sorry, Shirl."
"I think I'm, like, hanging around you too much, or some junk. . ."
From "THE LIFE GOES ON" TRILOGY: MULTIFIFITY
"NO!" he cried, his emotional pain going beyond his physical. "Don't even think like that! I won't let you give up. Do you hear me? ...please don't give up. Who would Buster study French with in Forign Film 101? Who would Furrball dance with at the Cool Club? Who'd be here to tell the cue-card boy to switch them in time so I can read my lines? Who-"
"CUT!!!"
From THE LEGEND OF TOON PARK - PART 3
Then, we started back down the stairs to the large room-
KATHUDCRASHKERPLUNKWHAMBASHOOFBOPSMASHBAMBOOMWHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Everyone was lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs]
"Whoops, I slipped," said Ivan.
From WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Babs was cut off when a young man on a motor scooter rode up to them and said, "Package for Buster Bunny!"
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Babs.
"CUT!!!!!"
(The courier looked down and immediately backed up.) Babs concluded,
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] ENORMOUS RABBIT FEET!!!!!!!" while rubbing her flattened foot.
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background-
[SCRAPE]
The background was in a diagonal position.
"CUT!!! What happened?"
"Um, I think the background got-*jammed*-or something," replied Buster.
From KITH
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall complete the circle of life [Babs begins chuckling] and rule this campus together as Boyfriend and-
Babs: A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
"CUT!!!!!"
[take 2]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. [chuckling again] Join me, we shall complete the circle of life and rule this-
Babs: MWH-HHHHH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
Babs: I'M SORRY, BUT FURRBALL, YOU JUST LOOK AND SOUND SO RIDICULOUS LIKE THAT, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Furrball: I find that insulting, you know.
[take 3]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall-
Babs: KHH--HHHHHHHHHH----HAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
[take 4, after Babs took a cold shower]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me-ahem-and we shall complete-he he-the circle of life and rule this campus together as-as-as-A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
Babs: See what I mean?
From BUSTER AND BABS BUNNY: RELATION?
Babs was trying to figure out what she was going to say when a custard pie spooshed into-
-Emily's face.
"CUT!!!"
"Why?" asked Babs. "She looks a lot better that way!"
"Oh, be quiet," she replied, smearing some pie on her as well.
Roddy was about to kiss her again, when without any warning, Danforth Drake suddenly sailed head first into the hottub-
[WHAM!!!]
-splattering water everywhere, and taking all of the romance out of the Rats tender (?) moment. "Danforth!" shouted Roddy as he and Rhubella leapt to their feet. [Danforth remains underwater, moving slowly] "You idiot! What is the meaning of this?" [Slowly he raises his head]
"Uhm. . . . . sorry . . . . . boss. . . . .ha ha. . . " sputtered the (strangely very groggy) waterlogged waterfowl as he struggled to get his head above water-and rubbing the top of his head. "But-but--[Roddy and Ruby begin giggling as Danforth can't keep from smiling]-but they-ha ha ha!!-OUCH!!! Well, they. . . . . .whoa there. . . they wouldn't-" [A HUGE bump rises from Danforth's head]
"CUT!!!"
"OH MY HEAD!!!!" And the three burst into laughter, splashing each other up. Danforth then pats his bump and leans on Roddy's shoulder, "weeping" in "pain" a-la Stan Laurel. Roddy "comforts" him in his time of "pain". Buster and Babs peek from the other door.
"Blooper again?" asked Buster. They saw what had happened and they too began laughing, and joined the splash party. Take 2 was the next day.
=============================================================
[The screen fades to black, and the spotlight shines on The J.A.M. again. The audience is laughing like never before, and he waits a bit. This was one thing that couldn't be silenced with a gesture. After a bit, he begins again:]
"Yes, mistakes pounce upon even the best of them, especially those who make surprise appearances in a fanfic. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST CAMEO"] Yes, we're talking about cameos. And to help me present these awards, ladies and gentlemen, toons and toonsters, and others, here is the Queen of Cameos, the lovely Mary Melody!!" [Mary enters from stage left. She's wearing a glittering dark blue strapless dress, which elicits plenty of wolf calls. She steps next to The J.A.M., who greets her with a small kiss.]
"Thank you, J.A.M. But just for the record, I *hate* being the 'Queen of Cameos'."
"Why? I think you do that part perfectly well."
"I know. I just wish some author out there would give me a bigger role."
"Well, allow me to brighten your day. With time permitting, I hope I have the honor of being the first author to include you in a major role in a fanfic." [Mary gasps, and so does the audience, who cheers. She give him a big hug.]
"Wow, J.A.M., do you mean it?"
"Of course. I've been wanting to write a Tiny Toons fanfic for sometime now, but Real Life has taken a toll on me as well. I hope that someday soon I'll have time to write your story. And hey [to audience] I won't mind if someone beats me to it."
"Well, I'm flattered just by the announcement! But now, on with our show. Our next award is for Best Cameo."
"Yes. These are moments, instants of inspiration, that when done correctly, can pull out a chuckle in the middle of a twisting storyline, or even a 'gasp', because of its suddenness and unexpectedness." Mary continued,
"The characters who make these fleeting appearances have an enormous responsibility to deliver their punch line in a *very* small space within the entire story. While a cameo looks simple to do-"
"And it isn't, and we'll discuss *other* cameos later-"
"-they require careful thought by the author and the character involved so as not to make the thing stick out like a sore thumb, or have it ignored by the reader as a minor commentary. The presentation itself is crucial and cannot be left to chance or whim."
"That's right, Miss Melody."
"Just call me Melody, hun."
"Oh, okay! [slight chuckling from the audience]. These are the recognitions to those authors and characters who provided these flashes of wit within their fanfics." Mary announced,
"And the top five nominees for Best Cameo are:"
[The lights dim again, and the screen lights up with the nominated scenes.]
=============================================================
"There! I beat you at your own game!"
Sitting back from his animator's desk, Hamton J. Pig set down his paintbrush and sighed. "Well," he said with a faint smile, "I did manage to hold my own against her for a little while."
=============================================================
[The screen displays the name of the character, cameo, story, and author, and The J.A.M. reads it out loud:]
"Hamton, in 'Hare Hysteria', written by Kevin Mickel!" [The audience cheers.]
=============================================================
When Buster finally got to school, he was relieved to see that the class hadn't started yet. Taking his seat next to her, he said, "Hi, Babs." She pretended not to hear him and turned casually away.
With a heavy sigh, Buster said, "Listen, Babs, about this morning, I..."
Buster was cut off as a large crate fell down from the ceiling to land only a few feet in front of him. As soon as the dust settled, the lid of the crate swung open and out popped Yakko Warner singing, "Helloooooo."
He was immediately joined by Wakko, who added, "Tinyyyyyy."
Then Dot joined them as finished up with, "Toooooons!"
=============================================================
Mary read, "The Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, Surprise Cameos 113, in 'Buster And Babs: No Relation' written by Kevin Mickel!" [even louder cheering]
=============================================================
A word balloon formed over Scrooge's head containing the words, "Well what did you expect at 50 cents a word?"
"I should have known," said Buster.
"Hey," said Babs to Scrooge's picture, "how come you're not animated?"
New words formed in the balloon. "Because I'm not a Toon like you. I'm a comic book character." [cut to next scene]
"What about you, Scrooge? What's your angle?"
A rather large word balloon formed over Scrooge's head, containing the words, "If you think I'm gonna let this ruling go unchallenged so that that animated imposter on DuckTales can get his feathers on my 16 fantastacatillion, umpteen billion-jillion, uncountabadillion dollars and six cents, then you're not as smart as I thought."
=============================================================
The J.A.M. read, "Scrooge McDuck, The Classic Toons Meeting, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [still more cheering]
=============================================================
"Hiya, girls," said Plucky, trying to sound cool, "let me introduce you to my lovely date ... Ms. Boo-etta!"
They stared intently as his date stepped into the light with a confused "Ba-quak?" Above a large yellow dress peered down a feathery face.
Babs and Shirley just stared. [cut to next scene]
"So, who did you end up bringing, Fowlmouth?" Babs asked, when they had calmed down.
Fowlmouth rested his chin on his fists dreamily, "The lovely Miss Sweetie Bird," he sighed. He hadn't looked so love-stricken since his crush on Shirley. Shirley secretly winked at Babs. Fowlmouth may be annoying, but it was good to see him happy! [cut to next scene]
"THROTTLE!!" Dot cried and dashed across the room and into his muscular arms.
"Hi babe," Throttle replied, and as they walked onto the dance floor, Dot flashed a gigantic grin towards Babs, who gave her the thumbs up back.
=============================================================
Mary read, "Chicken Boo, Sweetie Bird, and Throttle, The Party Scene, in 'Out Of The Tower And Out Of Their Minds', written by Karen Tindall!" [more cheering]
=============================================================
As the two fowl began an obnoxious argument and Prissy staggered in panic to keep from dropping the camera - a streamlined white racing car drove up and stopped nearby. A tall young man jumped from it's cockpit and trotted over to catch Miss Prissy and the video camera, just as they fell.
"There you are, Ma'am" the helmeted youth said with a smile, as he took the camera and helped the skinny hen to stand up.
"You need a tripod to hold that up", the handsome man said kindly, "Do you have one?"
Prissy pointed an elongated finger at the equipment boxes nearby and said "Yea -us!" As he easily retrieved a tripod and unfolded it, Foghorn delivered his final rejoinder.
"When Ah was a - AH SAY! When Ah Was a Young'un - AH *WALKED* TA SCHOOL! BAREFOOT! IN FIVE FEET A' SNOW!! UPHILL! BOTH WAYS!! Uh-" Foggy froze and stared as the young man removed his helmet.
"Why, Jubilation T. Cornpone!! IT'S SPEED RACER!!"
=============================================================
The J.A.M. read, "Speed Racer, 'The Race of the Millennium', in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. The screen displays a still picture of all five clips, and the Humanmaid and Jaguar opened the envelope, and together they read,]
"And the award goes to...........................................................SPEED RACER, 'THE RACE OF THE MILLENNIUM', IN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WRITTEN BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [thunderous applause. Mary hands over the trophy, and both presenters step aside.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
*the Speed Racer Theme is played by the band*
*Speed vaults out of the row of seats and is joined by the skunk in the orange smoking jacket as he climbs the stairs to get to the podium. His perfect smile is frozen on his face as he waves to the crowd*
*Applause and cheers from the audience*
*The action suddenly freezes.....the music still playing... .....and then the action un-freezes and continues*
*Speed and Pepe K. advance to the podium where Speed is given the trophy by the lovely Mary Melody.*
Speed: Gosh! Gee thank you very much It's really neat-o to finally receive an American award But really I was just there to help out Doctor Lord with his speed trials I've won lots of trophies from being a racing driver all over the world but I've never won anything quite like this!
Pepe K.: Well thanks Speed, for coming all the way from Japan for this ceremony.
*They bow to each other as a distictly Japanese fanfare plays briefly*
Speed: By the way Mister JAM sir it's keen to see the interesting ways you do things in this hemispere like those Bloopers you showed before We don't have those in Nippon.
Pepe K.: You don't have out-takes in Japan?
Speed: Oh we do have them but you'd never see them over here because everything is entirely dubbed over ha ha!
Pepe K.: Ah heh. ...Tell me Speed, these last two times you've come over here, you've managed to avoid your younger brother Spriedel coming along. How'd you do that?
Speed: Oh my little brother is such a pest sometimes Him and that scene- stealing monkey of his The last time I had the airline I was using put up a sign that said You Must Be This Tall To Ride so Spriedel and Chim-Chim couldn't get aboard the airplane This time they threw such tantrums that Pops looked mad at me and said YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM ALONG SPEED THEY'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY as he hopped from one foot to the other so I had to take them along with Trixie and me but this time I got smart and locked the trunk of the Mach 5 as soon as we got here so I locked them in and they're trapped in the car ha ha!
*the audience laughs*
*Spriedel appears at stage left with Chim-Chim*
Spriedel: That's what you think, Speedy!
*Chim-Chim climbs up the stage curtain and throws a pineapple at Speed, narrowly missing him, but hitting Pepe K., who arises rather wobbily with the pineapple on his head, looking like Carmen Miranda*
Pepe K.:(deadpan) Why do I have the urge to sing "Mama, Yo Quiero"?
*The audience breaks up laughing*
Speed:(Frozen, pointing up at Chim-Chim) OH!
*Chim-Chim gets to the top of the stage and promptly falls off, bringing the huge curtain falling down on top of Spriedel*
Speed:(still frozen with wide eyes and an open mouth) AAAAAAH!
*The curtain falls only on Spriedel, who rips through it and crys streams of tears at Chim-Chim, who stands there stupidly with a finger stuck in his ear making badly vocalised monkey noises*
Spriedel: WAAAAAH! You ruined my plan, Chim-Chim! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
*Bad comedy sting plays, as the audience laughs at them *
Speed: On that note I think we'd better be going Thanks an awful lot Mister JAM and thank you Miss Melody You're really Kuwai!
Mary:(Gives Speed a kiss on the cheek) Thank you Speed, I think you're cute too!
*audience says "Woooooooo!"*
*Trixie leaps out of the theatre seats and stamps her feet angrily as she pouts and steam shoots out of her ears*
Trixie: SPEED! *she runs up the aisle, swearing at Speed in Japanese*
Speed: Oh gotta go! Thanks for the Best Cameo Award!
*He takes off, running across the stage away from Trixie, Spriedel and Chim-Chim, who angrily give chase, making a ridiculous chase scene around through the audience who laughs and applauds loudly*
*Pepe K. looks at the JAM and Mary and the pineapple on his head and shrugs*
* Speed and the others race through the theatre, while the audience laughs*
*Pepe K. dances like Carmen Miranda*
Pepe K.:(Sings) Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer Go!
*he shrugs and motions to the JAM*
Pepe K.: South America - Take it away! ;)
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The J.A.M. and Mary step back up to the podium.]
"Well," said The J.A.M., "That was very interesting. Oh, and just for the record, I'm not from South America, I'm from Mexico. Well, you can call me a Latin American, if you wish."
***********************************
Foggy stands up in the audience
:):) "That was a joke, Son! It's the title of an old song from Broadway! "Call Me Mister!" Starred Ethel Merman, it did! It's a rumba she sang! Ah say, it's a song title, don't cha get it? He's got a pinapple on his haid! "South America - Take it Away!" Ya get it? It's a joke fer us older generations, Son!"
:):):):)
***********************************
"Um, sure. Our next award deals with those cameos that have the non- sequitur feel to them," said Melody.
"The *what* feel?"
"Non-sequitur. You know, those that really *do* stick out like a sore thumb?" [slight laughter]
"Well, maybe not so much a sore 'thumb', but more like a bump in the road. Nothing painful, just something that slows you down."
"And that has absolutely nothing to do with the story at hand."
"And where the character says something that is completely alien to the plot."
"That's what non-sequitur means, J.A.M." [He stops for a moment, as the audience chuckles a bit. He then looks at her with a raised eyebrow:]
"Well, that was pointless."
"No, *this* is pointless," she corrected, and turned to the screen. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: MOST POINTLESS CAMEO", and displays the following scenes:]
=============================================================
"It's good to be back home." Urian said
"That battle with barney was a true nightmare to the Tiny Toons." Babs said
"And Pizza cats." Polly said
"Don't forget Video Game Heroes." Bowser added.
"And let's not to mention, Fan-fiction artists." Kevin said
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "Kevin, in 'Die Barney Die, Prologue', written by Urian Dang X." [the audience gave a few confused cheers.]
=============================================================
Shirley: I don't believe it, it is time, and it was rumored that there will be two deaths.
James: This was a scam wasn't it.
Pinky: Some chant, you lugnut.
Shirley: That's liar, Pinky.
=============================================================
Mary said, "Pinky, in 'The Dangers of Drunk Driving,' also written by Urian Dang X." [The audience wasn't sure if they should cheer at this point.]
=============================================================
Babs gives a loud shriek of terror and makes a run for it, the Brain is trampled underfoot by the pursuing mob of males. Suddenly Apu of the Simpsons runs into frame with a torch and shouts over the din.
Apu:
Remember that we need 51 percent of the carcass to claim the reward!
Fox and Skunky come out of nowhere, grab Apu and begin handcuffing him. Apu hangs his head in shame.
Fox:
I'm afraid you'll have to come with us for questioning involving these unwarranted cameos.
Apu:
How embarrassing. I hope my mother does not see this.
Skunky:
Try not to bruise him, Moldy. I still haven't done an Autopsy scene yet.
Apu:
Noooooooo!
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "Apu, in 'Kith', written by Abel DuSable!" [the audience cheers more confidently now.]
=============================================================
One thing for sure though,a rumble started throughout the church, one that no one could ignore and stopped what Fifi was about to say.
The clinking of holy water bottles are heard near the alter, the priest rushes to grab them in order to prevent a spillage of salvation. The tremors build, at first attendants think it is and earthquake, but soon find it is too ordered in its vibrations to be one, moving in waves in a giant ocean.
Below the alter, in the center of the isle, lightning crackles off of the pews and the aisle itself. Forming then dissipating in the air, the colors of deep blue, orange, and yellow are seen in them.
Duncan Macleod from, "Highlander" pops into the scene.
Duncan, "There can be only one." he walks off, leaving a very confused audience.
Finally, the lightening builds to such a concentration that it focuses into one great ball of power, rumbling the church at its foundations. A very large and powerful porthole rips into the church, creating a crash that startles all in attendance, the whole scene ripples as a pond does when a rock is thrown into it..
Through this hole walk Alex, looking very determined and having a look of mischief upon his face.
=============================================================
Mary said, "Duncan Macleod, from 'Le Wedding De Fifi', written by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering again]
=============================================================
"Ahem?" said a small voice from the floor, "Please excuse the interruption, but I do believe you're mocking our material."
Lord and Slappy peered down to find the Goofy Gophers at a table set just for small toons.
"Yes", said Mac, "That's a variation on our routine."
"It most certainly was" agreed Tosh.
"Absowutewy twue" agreed Tweety.
"Oh yes, I've heard that bit of dialogue before" said Sniffles the mouse, "The gophers are always very very very nice and in agreement with each other and give each other endless endless endless compliments, cause they're overly polite and a little prissy if you ask me, but anyway..."
"Aw SHADDUP!" yelled a peeved Sweetie Bird from across the table.
The Bookworm with glasses nodded. But the timid Bookworm hid under Sniffles' chair.
"Si", chuckled Speedy Gonzales, "Ju talk too much, Senor Sneeffles."
This set the small table of toons to arguing and Lord simply said, "Sorry."
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "The Bookworms, 'A Time To Dance - A Time To Mourn', from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [Mary then opened the envelope.]
***********************************
Pinky: "Oh, Brain, that's so awful! All of those lovely cameos & not one poit among them. Troz! I know! I think I'll help those underprivileged carvings by giving them some of mine. (calls out) POIT! POI-IIT!! POO-"
Brain (snatching P's snout down): "Silence, Pinky! And this is not about those nonsensical syllables of yours anyway; the word is not 'poit' but 'point', which your head also possesses in abundance."
Pinky: "Ooh, okkay Brain. Um, Brain?"
Brain: "What is it?"
Pinky: "What's a non sequitur?"
Brain: "Your primary language, Pinky. Allow me to demonstrate: are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but 'numismatic' is still a funny word for it."
Brain: "I rest my case. Now be quiet that we may continue watching these awards."
Nathaniel T. Freeman
***********************************
"And the winner is......." [and both declared:]
"APU, IN 'KITH', WRITTEN BY ABEL DUSABLE!!!!!"
[Mary prepares the trophy, and both step aside again]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
As the orchestra played the TTA theme, a small black Sable dressed only in a red sash and white gloves climbed the stairs of the stage. Accepting the golden... ur... statuette, he shakes hands with the J.A.M. and Mary Melody before turning his attentions to the audience.
"Greetings to you one and all, my friends and criminal accessories..."
The audience chuckles nervously, glancing at the other people around them.
"Apu couldn't make it tonight, he's a little sewn up right at the moment..." Audience chuckles again " So I guess I will have to accept this award in his stead. First of all I would like to thank the creators of TTA Adventures without whom I'd have less to sharpen my creative skills upon. I'd like to thank the good people who work on the Simpsons for NOT going out of their way to track down and sue me and of course good old Apu who is being such a great sport about the whole thing. Let's give him a hand folks, despite his absence."
The audience applauds along with Abel as a freeze frame of Apu's horrified face is on the monitor for all to see. The applause dies down Abel hefts the statuette and flashes his blue eyes over the crowd.
"Now if anyone needs me, I'll be in the lobby with my date, taking advantage of the complimentry pizza and soft drinks that are out there."
Abel decends the staircase to the applause of the audience and is met by Harriet, who is an absolute vision in her golden off-the-shoulder dress. Able extends his arm and with a sly grin, the chocolate colored raccoon takes it and the two mammals walk down the isle to the lobby doors when Harriet give one final glance back at everyone within.
"Hey... it's his acceptance speech. He can do pretty much what he wants."
Exit: Able DuSable and the charming Harriet.
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The lights fade in, revealing a set of an old Mexican town, complete with adobe buildings with ceramic shingles. On top of a fountain, there's Speedy Gonzales, playing the introduction on a mouse-sized guitar. There's a balcony on the building adjacent to it, but it's empty. As Speedy begins playing, the audience claps.]
[The J.A.M., still in his *charro* suit, enters from stage left, eliciting louder clapping and cheering. He then speaks,]
"It was a moonlit night, in old Mexico. I walked alone between some old adobe haciendas. When suddenly, I heard the plaintive cry of a young Mexican girl:" [Suddenly, Rosita La Ratoncita appears in the balcony, looking at her boyfriend, Speedy, and sings VERY LOUDLY:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! [The J.A.M. and Speedy try not to laugh, but the audience does, and claps at her.]
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" [The J.A.M. sings:]
"You'd better come home, Speedy Gonzales!" [and the audience cheers when they recognize the song. Behind Speedy, Lightning Rodriguez, The Cybernator, Towi Raccoon, Daniel Gallo, and three LT Mexican mice (all in Mexican attire) pop up playing trumpets, guitars, and bass]
"Away from Cannery Row. [Speedy then gets a bottle, but The Jaguar snatches it and throws it away.]
Stop all of your drinking
With that floozy named Flo!
Come on home to your adobe! [He then steps to a wall and scrapes off plaster with his claw]
And slap some mud on the wall. [it begins raining momentarily on him]
The roof is leaking like a strainer! [And he kicks some insects.]
There's loads of roaches in the hall." [The others add:]
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]
"Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"Why don't you come home?
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]
"Hey, Rosita, I haff to go shoppeeng downtown for my Modder; she needs some tortillas and cheelee peppers!" [Speedy's accent causes laughter, and Rosita sings again, causing more laughs and clapping:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"" [The J.A.M holds up a small pregnant dog:]
"Your dog is gonna have a puppy! [throws it away, then holds an empty soda bottle]
And we're running out of Coke. [throws it away, then opens an empty fridge]
No enchiladas in the icebox! [kicks a television cabinet]
And the television's broke! [he then goes to Speedy and holds his collar:]
I saw some lipstick on your sweatshirt! [then pulls his ear lightly, and Speedy "winces" with a smile.]
I smelled some perfume in your ear! [then in mock anger:]
Well, if you're gonna keep on messing
Don't bring your business back a-here!" [The others add:]
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]
"Mmm-Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"Why don't you come home?
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]
"Hey, Rosita, come queek! Down at de cantina dey geeveeng green stamps weeth Tequila-!" [The audience roars in laughter at this statement, and continue laughing as Rosita takes it home:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! OOOO-
LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA................."
***********************************
Two psychadelic brothers suddenly start chucking cans at the J.A.M., with the obvious intent of getting him to stop.
"BOOOOOOO!! YOU SUCK!! BOOOOOO!!"
They almost immediately get escorted out by Security.
;-)
-Razorback Jack
***********************************
[the lights fade out, leaving one spotlight on Rosita, which slowly fades out. The audience stands and gives a deafening applause. The lights turn on again, and all take a bow. Then, they all take the time to hug each other, but Speedy gives Rosita a *very* tight hug. The J.A.M. notices this, so he says,]
"Let's hear it for Rosita!!!!!" [and all those on stage clap as well. Rosita walks up and takes a bow, as roses begin pouring on stage. Finally, The J.A.M. and Speedy walk to the podium, and as they do, the band plays "Guadalajara, Guadalajara". Everyone wails:]
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [and the audience laughs. The song stops, and the other Mexicans run back stage.]
"Thank you, Señor Gonzalez, Señor Rodriguez, Señor Raccoon, Señor Gallo, Señorita Rosita, and Speedy's Band!" [more clapping]
"And tank yoo, Señor J.A.M., compadre," [Speedy jumps on top of the podium.] "Man, I meess Guadalajara."
"Hey, who doesn't?" [slight chuckles] "Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, I'm not from Guadalajara, I'm from Mexico City, despite my accent." [slight chuckles] "And I want to take the time to honor the work that Robert McKimson and Mel Blanc did in creating Speedy Gonzales in 1953. [more clapping] However, I was quite stunned when I read just *how* you got started, Señor Gonzales."
"Oh?"
"Yes. The original idea for Speedy Gonzales actually came, get this, from a TTBS joke! For everyone's sake, I won't repeat it, but when I read that, well, Señor Gonzales, everything you say, including your trademark shouts before you take off running........well, they........um.........suddenly made *sense*.......um....." [louder laughter and clapping].
"Híjole...well, to be honest weeth yoo, de joke eesn't that bad. It goes like dees: What do yoo call-" [suddenly The J.A.M. clamps his paw on Speedy's mouth, causing laughter, especially since his paw is big enough to cover all of Speedy's head. After a moment, the Jaguar releases the Mouse.]
"Speedy, please, this is a family show."
"Perdón."
"Man, Speedy, [Mexican accent] yoo can sound more Mexeecan dan me!" [laughter].
"So can everyone een Los Angeles!" [more laughter]
"Say, whatever happened to your gold tooth?"
"One word: Dentista." [laughter]
"Oh. Well, you certainly served as an inspiration for Pat Boone in 1962 with this song. I really regret that you and Lightning Rodriguez weren't given a bigger part in Tiny Toons."
"I know. But dere were a lot of us Loony Toons, and some got two protégés. Eet was all a matter of air time."
"But you *were* given air time in Tiny Toons Adventures. And as a Looney Tunes character, you were also given time within the Tiny Toons Adventure Fandom, as did your protégé." [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF A LOONEY TUNES CAST MEMBER"] "This mailing list, all our fanfics, and the Tiny Toons Adventures series wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the characters which we all love and grew up with, those who, as the theme says, have been getting laughs since 1933. From Porky's first theatrical short, to 'Carrotblanca', the Loony Tunes characters have provided wholesome entertainment, and now, they share all their antics, and teach all the secrets of Toon Comedy in Acme Acres. Hence, it is only right that they, too, have a place within our fanfics, as they already have a place in our hearts." [The audience agrees with clapping. Speedy said,]
"De top five nomeenees for Best Use Of A Looney Tunes Cast Member are:" [Both now stay at the podium, as the screen gives shots (and fanfic clips) of the nominees in the audience:]
=============================================================
She regarded her youthful counterpart for a moment. Babs seemed to look quite interested. "Babs," she began, after a moment of silence, "Call me a crackerjack, but I have a not so funny feeling you're not here for a basketball lesson. I've seen your records, I know you can play. So, what's _really_ going on?"
The pink bunny gulped, but regained herself quickly. "I just, um, think it's about time I got back into stuff. That's all. You know, try to improve...." It was obvious that Lola wasn't buying it.
Lola crossed her arms, giving Babs a bemused look. "Come on, Babs. This isn't Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam you're talking to. I may be a Looney Tune, but I'm not dimwitted."
=============================================================
"Lola Bunny, in 'Lola vs. Babs', written by Lelony Bunny!" [cheering. Lola smiles. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
"YOUS CAN'T GET AWAY WI' DIS! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YER TALKIN' TO??" Bugs yelled into his office phone. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING, YOU CHANGE IT - RIGHT NOW OR HEADS WILL ROLL!!" Bugs slammed down the phone and turned to look sourly out his office window at the statues of himself and Daffy below.
"Is dis all woith it?!" he said aloud to himself, hanging his head. Frustration upon frustration ran through his head, till he shook them away, sitting at his desk. One thought remained...
=============================================================
"Bugs Bunny, een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. Bugs holds Honey's hand. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
The black duck's eyes spun with greed! "Thatths not a bad idea, you fffragrant fffrenchman you! But thince I have plenty of time to do everything I want - I firsst intend to return to my artisstic rootthzs - and and do thomthing I've been denying mythelf the pleasure of!"
"What might that be, praytell , D.D. - my loaded hero and mentor??" implored Plucky Duck.
"If you'll keep your drooling bill outta my bills -", Daffy said with disdain," I'll show ya!" He suddenly whipped the smaller green duck around to face him and in a moment - was running and hoo-hooing maniacally away with a bucket of black paint and a paintbrush. Plucky turned in astonishment, revealing a huge black painted mustache across his face.
=============================================================
"Daffy Duck, when he was painting mustaches on everyone, also in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [silence. Daffy simmers with anger, and his eyes turn red, causing laughter again. Daphne tries to calm him down. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
Porky dropped Bugs and stalked to the door.
"You're not worried about the other's looking bad - *you're* the one who doesn't want to be shown up! You don't want anyone around to be seen as better than you!"
Porky calmed himself, which made his words sting all the more.
"..You've hated Doc for years for things that aren't his fault. He's never said a word against you, but you treat him like this....Daffy's right - you are despicable."
With that, Porky stomped outside.
=============================================================
"Porky Peeg, again een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [the cheering resumes. Porky and Petunia hold hooves, smiling. Next shot to-]
============================================================
About then, a line of dirt came into view, indicating the imminent arrival of a rabbit. It stopped just a few feet in front of Buster, and up out of the ground came Bugs Bunny. "Eh, what's up, Doah-ha-ha-ooh-eeee- ahh," he faltered when he saw Bug's. "You!" he managed to get out at last.
"Yep, it's me. How y'doin', Texas? It's been a long time."
Bugs stiffened. "The name is Bugs. Bugs Bunny."
=============================================================
"Bugs Bunny, and Bug's Bunny, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [Bugs and Bug's shake hands, smiling. Now the screen shows all five nominees. Speedy opens the envelope. It's a bit difficult, since it is his size.]
"And de weener ees-" [Finally, he pulls out the card, and both scream with their Mexican accents:]
"BUGS BUNNY, EEN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WREETEN BY PEPE K.!"
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
*As Daffy glowers, Bugs and Honey ascend to the podium, where Bugs confidantly takes the stage. Honey wears a flared and shiny copper-colored pantsuit and Bugs wears his usual white tie and tails ( all 3 of them)*
Bugs:"Eeh, Tanks, Speedy!
* Bugs smiles in his usually humble way and there's a pause.. Bugs seems about to make a typical speech, but his ears start to lop and he looks about nervously, losing his customary composure. He starts again*
Bugs: Ladies an' Gentlemen, I - I uh.....
*Honey comes to his side. Bugs looks at Speedy and the JAM uncertainly*
*the audience murmurs*
Bugs:(gulps) Uh.. Look guys, I uh.. can't accept this award ...alone......Would _All_ the Looney Tunes please join me up heah?
*amidst the murmuring crowd, the Tunes all slowly walk up to the stage, questioning each other. The from the confused group around the podium, Daffy stomps up to Bugs in a huff*
Daffy: All right, rabbit, you got us up here! Now get on with your gloatin'! You've won your award!
Bugs: I - I'm sorry Daffy... I can't do dat... because we all desoive dis award... so .. I'm acceptin' dis in de name of ALL of us.
*murmurs of amazement*
Bugs:(continues quietly) Look everyone...I - I been de front runner fer years.. and I couldna done it without everyone else. We're *all* of us what makes up da Looney Tunes..we're an ensemble! We're not seperate stars... we - we all woik together...as a team. I tink Space Jam sorta proved that - hey! -
*He sees Lola still sitting in the theatre*
Bugs: Hey Lola! Yous come up heah too! *he beckons her* C'mon! Yer a Looney Tune too!
Lola: ...But Bugs.. I was just in two movies...uh..
Bugs: Relax! Yer part uh dah team! *looks at all of them* Yah know... on stage and screen, we're always fightin' and arguin'...
*The LT's all look at each other and hang their heads a bit*
Bugs: ...like we don't like each udduh ...
Slyvester:(sadly looking at Hector) Like catthh and dogthh..
Tweety:(looking up at Slyvester) Or cats and widdle birds..
Elmer:(looking at Bugs) Or pweditor and pwey..
Wile E Coyote:(kindly putting an arm around the Roadrunner) Or the hunter - and the hunted...
(All the Tunes are humbled now in the silent threatre)
Bugs: - But - we're really friends.. and neighbors..
Porky:(putting an arm around Daffy) And g-g-g-uh co-workers! * Porky smiles. Daffy is sullen, but quiet*
Bugs: And it took - not one - but _All_ of us to make it woik. It started with Bosko and Honey and all duh Two-Tones.
*Bosko and Honey appear in their old original forms*
*applause*
Bugs: And all dem uddah Two-Tones helped make us inta who and what we are - *puts an arm around Porky and Petunia* ..And Porky was our foist star! He held duh title and is still a star!
Porky:(blushing) Uh be-b-b, Awww shucks! T'warn't nuthin!
*applause builds
*Bugs brings out a reluctant Daffy*
Bugs: And Daffy made a splash on dah screen and became an instant star! And he's one uh da biggest!
*sudden silence* *crickets chipping* *Daffy burns up red*
Bugs: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! ...This ain't a performance! ...C'mon! Give it up fer Daffy!
*Bugs begins to clap alone in the silence. Slowly, he is joined by Porky and one by one the others. Slowly the applause rises to a thunder which cannot be stopped*
*Daffy turns red and begins to cry real tears as he is embraced by Bugs and the others warmly. Finally Bugs signals for silence and the applause subsides*
Bugs:(As Honey joins him at the podium) Everyone who's here tonight is a star! All the Tunes!
Sniffles: God Bless us - Every One!
*The audience goes "Awwwwwwwww!"*
Bugs: Uh, yeah..... anyway, dere's... dere's many special humans who helped us too........who ain't around any more...
*the LT's all bow their heads*
Bugs:(almost tearfully) All our writers and Directors... Tex, Bob Clampett, Ted Pierce, Friz, Carl Stalling, Mike Maltese, the McKimson brothers, Art Davis, Norm McCabe, Frank Tashlin, Arthur Q. Bryan and many others! Thank goodness Chuck's still with us.....But dere is one fella who gave just about all of us somethin'.....
*Bugs is choked up. He holds up the award *
Bugs:(softly) .... Dis one's fer you, Mel.
*sniffs and wipes away tears* *there isn't a dry eye in the house* *Bugs walks down front and talks to the audience and the camera directly*
Bugs: Now .. uh...Ah'm gonna put dis award in duh teachah's lounge at Acme Loo - cuz it belongs to us all...
...and in a way ... it belongs tuh yous out dere. - Yeah, YOU! - sittin' at your keyboard right now readin' dis! ...De animator's, an'writers, an' directors gave us life... but all dos ov yuh who continue ... tuh watch us... on TV... in comic books... in pictures and stories everywhere-!
*the theatre is silent and breathless as Bugs shows a sensative side he never has*
Bugs: -Yous provide duh laughter.. and duh caring... dat keeps us toons young... Yah give us our lives.......
So.... I wanna thank yous for it....
*He slowly walks back to the podium*
Bugs:...Thanks...
*He smiles weakly as tears roll of his whiskers. He's embraced by Honey and all the others as the audience makes a a heartfelt standing ovation that seems to last forever. All the toons hug each other joyously and continue as each embraces the other. Bugs stands arm in arm with Daffy, Porky, Honey, Daphne and Petunia. They wave as they all walk backstage. The applause continues.
*Daffy stops Bugs backstage, away from the cameras*
Daffy: Wow! You thslayed 'em! That was thsome great sthspeech! Now, tell me! Who came up with the idea? Who'th your new writer, huh?!
Bugs: (turns in amazement) What writer?!!... I really meant that, Daffy!
*The Duck is frozen in disbelief. The others walk off as he stands there alone*
Daffy:(amazed) ...Yuh did?!?! ...Really??...(to himself)...Wish I'd said it....Hey, wait fer me!
*He happily runs after them*
:)
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The tears are all mopped up, including those of The Jaguar. The lights are down, and the stage appears empty.]
[A soft piano began the song now, followed by a flourish of a harp. Then the spotlight shines on Fifi, still wearing her silver gown. She looks toward the light, and begins:]
"Where
Ze boys are
Someone waits for me. [she opens her arms]
A smileeng face, [and hugs herself]
A warm embwace,
Two arms to hold moi tenderly. [looking at Hamton, who blushes furiously] Ooh la la, Big Boy!" [the audience laughs. On the background, Babs, Shirley, Sweetie, Mary, and Elmyra back her up with soft "oo's".]
"Where
Ze boys are,"
"Oo..." [holding a paw to her heart]
"Mon true love weell be...Cherrie! [she sighs for a bit, as she walks to stage left]
He's walkeeng dawn, some stweet een town.
And je know he's lookeeng zhere for me. [Suddenly turns to Calamity and waves:] I'm over here! Yoo hoo! [He blushes too. The stage is now a setting of Paris.]
In ze town
Of ze meelleeon people; [Suddenly turns to audience and looks very determined]
Zees skunkette weell find mon Valentine! And zen you know what?" [gives a few hops up the scaled Eiffel Tower]
Zen I'll climb to ze highest steeple! [At the top, she raises her paws]
And je will tell ze whole world zhat he's mine! All because he's mine, uh huh!" [Calming down, she looks up]
'Teell he holds me-"
"Oo..."
"Je wait eempatiently [slightly frustrated] oh, yes I do!" [The others sing,]
"Where the boys are-" [she cuddles an imaginary lover]
"Mon crepes suzette-"
"Where the boys are-" [both paws to her heart]
"Oh mon petite shoo shoo!!" [sings with the others]
"Where the boys are-" [steps off the tower]
"Someone waits for me [giving the "yes" gesture] Oh, YES zey do!" [looks up again]
'Teell he holds me-"
"Oo..."
"Je wait eempatiently [with excitement] Oh, yes we do!"
"Where the boys are-" [smiling, she taps her foot]
"Je is waiting!"
"Where the boys are-" [one paw over her eyes, "searching". The music rises.]
"Zhat's where je want to be!" [closes her eyes, holds out both arms and tilts her head back, and shouts with the others:]
"WHERE ZE BOYS ARE-!!!" [The music stops. Holds both arms to her chest again, opens her eyes, looks up, and very tenderly:]
"Someone......waeets........for Fifi......." [The music concludes. Fifi suddenly gasps as she sees a Belgian actor walk behind the chorus]
"Ah! Jean-Claude! You beau lover! [Jean-Claude Van Damme looks at her, yikes, and dashes off. Fifi follows, in the traditional skunk skip] Here's your petite Fifi! Je am waeeting for you, mon leettle private teddy bear! [The audience laughs] Mon leettle crepes suzzete......" [as she disappears in the distance, she releases her fumes, but the chorus was ready with gas masks. The song ends, and everyone cheers like never before.]
[UNWARP!!!]
[The J.A.M. unwarps at the podium, also wearing a gas mask, holding what looks like a fire extinguisher. He sprays the stage with it, and Fifi's fumes are neutralized. He removes the mask.]
"Man, Fifi, who can *not* love you? [louder cheering] And thank you, Bugs, for that very moving speech. And, by the way, who can *also* not love this other beautiful femme? Ladies and gentlemen: Shirley The Loon!" [Shirley floats from the back of the stage, removing her gas mask. She's wearing a yellow shimmering dress.]
"Ooooowhatalooniam.....oooooowhatalooniam.....like, good evening, J.A.M." [she lands next to the Jaguar, and gives him a small kiss. The screen says, "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF SUPERPOWERS"]
"Good evening. You know, I've always wondered how you do that."
"Like, my levitation? Oh well, like, you just have to, like, keep your aura centered, er sum junk, like the way you warp. Like, despite all my power, I, like, can't warp the way you do, well, not yet anyway, er sum junk."
"Well, there are those few of us who were bestowed with powers and abilities beyond normal toons. Pepe and Fifi have their odorific powers, Beeper and Lightning have super speed, Babs has her spin changes, and Gogo has.......well......he just has them." [laughter]
"Like, exactly. It's also, like, important, when a character is given superpowers, to, like, not grab the whole story with them, and to, like, always introduce a weakness to, like, make sure they're not impersonating God, er sum junk." [light laughter]
"That's why now we're honoring those who have used their superpowers in a way that they advance the story, and enhance the character's personality, and even add a laugh or two, and not just provide a flashy light show. There is a great responsibility involved when using superpowers, and a great deal of skill as well. One has to make sure one doesn't accidentally zap someone, right, Shirley?"
"Well, like, I don't know. Plucky, like, has been conditioning my powers, like, into a hair trigger situation, er sum junk." [light laughter. The J.A.M. takes one step away from her, causing more laughter.] "Like, the top five nominees for Best Use Of Superpowers, er sum junk, are, like:"
=============================================================
SHIRLEY
Oh wow! I'm like, totally stressed-out! Let go Dizzy! All these mondo negatory vibes ... I could, like, totally lose control and become, like, Dark Loon! I could save my friends, but I might, like, totally destroy Acme Acres or some junk! Like, mondo moral dilemma or what?
BUSTER
Well toonsters, this looks like it! The last stand of the Yuksmen! Can anything save us? Are we truly doomed to fall beneath Pig-Neat-o's might?
The ceiling opens. An Angelic form, BABS as Angel Bunny, is seen silhouetted against a shaft of golden light.
BABS
Oh, I wouldn't say that!
BABS leaps into the fray, flying back and forth at high speed, scattering mops everywhere.
BABS
Yahooooooooooo!
HAMTON, in order to respond to this new threat, conjures a giant waffle iron and 'waffles' PLUCKY. Next, HAMTON creates a giant blender and tries to pull BABS into it's vortex. A bolt of lightning knocks HAMTON over, freeing PLUCKY and BABS. FIFI floats down from the sky on a thundercloud, her hair is up in a giant mohawk.
FIFI
Bonjour! Bonjour, mes amie! Ce'st moi!
FIFI casts more lightning at HAMTON who leaps up and runs away. He runs smack into PLUCKY who Opti-Blasts him at point-blank range. HAMTON reels around, stunned. SHIRLEY shakes DIZZY loose, telekinetically picks up the scattered mops and smooshes them into a ball around HAMTON. BUSTER fires his Ice Gun, sealing HAMTON in a giant ice ball. FIFI conjures a warm breeze around DIZZY to dry him off. DIZZY whirls over to the ice ball and begins juggling it. BABS glides down to BUSTER.
BUSTER
Hey! That was some classy entrance, Babs!
BABS
You have no idea how boring it gets waiting for the 'nick of time'.
BABS shows BUSTER a large watch with GOGO on it. The watch is marked "Almost", "Nearly", "Nick'o'time" and "Too Late"
GOGO
At the tone, the time will be later than you think! Cookoo Cookoo Cookoo!
A rumbling crash is heard. The far wall collapses to reveal ELMYRA, FURRBALL, CALAMITY and whoever else wants in on this scene.
ELMYRA
Ooooooooooooo! Look at all the cute fuzzy-wuzzies!
PLUCKY
Oh no! It's Queen Elmyra and the Heckfire Club!
Another wall tumbles to reveal MARY MELODY and a cast of extras in high- tech battle gear.
MARY
Forward, Agents of A.C.M.E.!
The Agents of A.C.M.E. and the Heckfire Club are suddenly scattered by ARNOLD riding a silver skateboard.
ARNOLD
Beware Earthlings! It is I, Radical Dude, herald of GALACTI-MAX, Slumlord of the Universe!
The roof is peeled away by a giant MONTY wearing a purple costume. MONTY reaches for BUSTER.
MONTY
Hiya, pals! Ready for the Ultimate Foreclosure?
MONTY lifts BUSTER out of the danger room. The scene becomes 'cloud edged' and slowly drifts apart to reveal ...
=============================================================
[The J.A.M. nudges Shirley for a moment.]
"The Yuks-Men and their enemies, in 'The Uncanny Yuks-men: A Tiny Toons Adventure', written by the Unfathomable Dr. Drew!!" [loud cheering, and the Jaguar gives the Loon a thumbs up.]
=============================================================
Not waiting to see if Hamton would do as she said, Babs quickly spun around and changed herself into Superbabs. "Up, up, and up some more!" she cried as she flew into the air to take on whoever it was that was shooting at them. It was a squad of some dozen mercenaries, and they were shooting at her with everything they had. She hovered over them and laughed taughntingly as their bullets bounced harmlessly off her chest. "Hahahahaha! You puny mortals'll need more than that to take down Superbabs!"
Babs saw that her taughnting had had the desired effect. One of the mercenaries was unpacking his bazooka and aiming it at her. "OOOOH," Babs shouted down at him, "I'm really quite scared!"
FWOOOMMM!
The bazooka shell streaked upwards towards her with incredible velocity. Just before it slammed into her form, Superbabs veered out of its path, and grabbed ahold of the projectile. After making a slight adjustment to the warhead to make it a bit less lethal, she swung it around and hurled it back at the mercenaries with all of her super strength.
KABOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smoke and debris filled the air, and when it cleared, Babs saw that the mercenaries were all covered with black soot and that they had a blank look of disbelief in their eyes as they passed out. "Awright!" shouted Babs when she saw it. "Score one for the good guys!"
=============================================================
[In the audience, Buster hugs Babs]
"Like, The Superbabs Schtick, in 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created, like, by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!! [She pauses to catch her breath.] Er, sum junk."
=============================================================
Montana, "I passed your test, now give me number two!"
Alex, "As you wish, Mr. Elmyra," winks at Montana getting him steamed, "face yourself!" Alex balls his hand, his fist charges with energy, then releases a glowing ball of energy sending his arm back in a recoil. The ball nails Montana in the chest, then passes through his body and out his back. Behind Montana the ball stops and materializes into a pale image of Montana, the being begins to speak.
Pale Montana, "Why doesn't anybody like me?"
=============================================================
"Alex Redolence, in 'The Legend To The Deed Of Acme Acres,' created by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering]
=============================================================
"Breathe with me" he said as the others watched. They both closed their eyes in silent concentration a moment before opening them again as one. Lord's white, triangular cat-like pupils dilated a bit and Shirley's aura arose from her body. The exhausted blue spirit began to glow a phosphorescent yellow and after spinning around energetically like a gyroscope, it dove back into Shirley's body.
Shirley leaped up.
"Like Wow! Thanks, Sensei! I'm totally jazzed to the max!" [cut to next scene]
Suddenly something blocked out the moonlight and covered her with it's huge shadow. Fifi looked up - and beheld the sight of Doctor Lord hovering in mid-air, standing with his cape billowing out behind him like great wings. His silver eyes glowed, staring at her and he floated slowly down to land on the grass before her. His white pupils shining like stars, Lord raised his clawed hand. She saw his five fingers open wide - the fourth finger curling down. As the small skunkette stood up to face the fantastic giant before her, she saw a brilliant purple aura forming around him, glowing and pulsating like a quasar.
"Who are you?" Fifi asked nervously.
Lord's hypnotic eyes fixed on her and his voice echoed in her mind.
"Ask me....who I was."
=============================================================
"Like, Dr. Lord's various displays of power, in like, 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' like, written by Pepe K., er sum junk." [very loud cheering at Pepe's latest nomination.]
=============================================================
"Orpheus - Go with Throttle Up!" called Breedlove.
Lord heard him and pulled his arms to his sides. The plastic composite suit sealed the seam and he brought his tail/ rudder up higher into the air.
As the music hit a climax, Lord's pupils dilated completely, his eyes becoming gleaming white orbs, as he pushed through the Sound Barrier. A circle of vapor formed before him and he plunged through it!
Across the desert came the sound of a sonic boom.
"Mach 1!" said Speed Racer at the control board. [cut to next scene]
The sky suddenly darkened as a powerful thunderstorm boiled down from out of the sky. The wind kicked up instantly and sand blew about, stinging everyone. Multiple lightning bolts zig-zagged across the sky. In seconds, it went from a perfectly sunny day to a raging dark storm.
Thunder rolled and resounded as another sound began.
A horrible screaming arose from everywhere. The horrifying sound was filled with rage and fear. It was vaguely human, but sounded more like the the agonized howl of a lonely wolf. The cry filled everyone with dread and both Fifi and Shirley fell to their knees.
"Ah feel sick!" gasped Fifi, as Hamton kneeled to hold her.
"Ohhh, like so much anger...and loneliness!" Shirley cried, holding her head in both hands.
"Fifi! What is it?!" Hamton shouted over the roaring storm. "Ah dunno!" she sobbed, " Zis eez - how ah felt when Mama died!
- Only Worse!!"
Hamton held her in his arms - sheltering her with his body from the gale- force winds that whipped at them.
"So... empty!" she cried, "Hold moi tight!!"
The wind and dust tore at them, their parasols had blow away and the mice and smaller toons clung to anything solid. Speed and Breedlove watched the readouts as another blast reached their ears.
"Mach Two!!" yelled Speed over the raging storm.
Breedlove looked at the blur on the screen and whispered in awe,
"...Godspeed".
The horrid screaming reached fever pitch and Fifi realized it was Lord's own voice!
=============================================================
[extremely loud cheering]
"Dr. Lord goes to Mach 2, in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' written by Pepe K.!!!!" [Both avian and mammal quivered with excitement. Shirley zapped the envelope, and said,]
"And, like, the winner is.........[both said] LIKE, DR. LORD'S VARIOUS DISPLAYS OF POWER, IN LIKE, 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN,' LIKE, WRITTEN BY PEPE K., ER SUM JUNK!!!!!!!" [both stepped aside as the audience roared once more]
**************************************************************************** *******
*Dr. Lord walks up to the podium quietly. He's dressed in a formal black and grey Victorian frock coat from the 1870's, vested and with striped pants. He shakes hands with the JAM and lightly kisses Shirley's hand.*
*applause*
Lord: Good Evening! And thank you for this honor. I do feel I should explain a bit about these so-called Super powers of mine. You see, unlike most of those who have them, like Shirley, here - I was not born with them.
Shirley: Like, you weren't??
Lord: No, they came to me fairly late in life and it's taken years for me to learn how to use them properly. They are mostly the use of directed mental energy - and not what most call "magic." I'm simply a telepath who can store energy for certain uses. For instance, I can't teleport or "warp" as the JAM does or forsee the future as you do, my dear.
Shirley: But you can, like - zap Plucky!" *giggles*
*audience laughs as Plucky grumbles in his seat*
Shirley: - and use your stored power to run faster than the speed of sound, er sum junk.
Lord: Well..yes. But I've learned that it's really better to solve problems without their use. I prefer to do things the old-fashioned way rather than the easy way. I do try to get out and run at high speed when I can, as it's good exersize. I also try to keep up with various physical skills.
Shirley: So... you really don't like ta - um, rely on these powers?
Lord: Not if I can help it. If I do, it's with a specific goal in mind or to prevent someone from getting hurt.
Shirley: Do you like, have any special weaknesses cuz of it, like, ya know - kryptonite?
Lord:(winces uncomfortably) Yes..I -I do, but they are..uh..unrelated to my telepathic powers...and it's rather personal.
The JAM: Does it have anything to do with that last scene? The desert storm?
*the audience listens intently*
*Lord freezes a moment, staring, then smiles congenialy* ...That.. is a failing of mine..and I'd rather not discuss it, if you don't mind.
*Shirley and the JAM look as uncomfortable as Lord for a moment The audience murmurs*
Shirley: Well, um, moving right along, heheh! Um, can you do.. um, like - telekinesis?
Lord: Causing objects to move? Yes, but that takes the most energy of all.
Shirley:(Smiles) I'm like, glad to finally have a Mentor.
Lord: You've proved to be wonderful student. But remember - the most important thing about power is not how you use it - but rather how 'not' to use it. *he smiles*
Shirley:(aside) Could I learn to alter Plucky?
Plucky:(leaping up from his seat angrily) HEY!!!
*audience laughs*
Lord: (smirks) Uh..Never suggest "being altered" around any males.
*bigger laughs*
The JAM:(aside to Shirley) C'mon, this is a family show.
Shirley: Eww, gag me! I meant his mind!
Plucky:(even louder) HEY!!!
*Shirley is wide-eyed with embarrassment. The audience snickers and laughs* *Plucky walks out into the isle in a huff and begins to walk slowly to the stage*
Lord:(with a bemused smirk) On that note, Thank you again very much for the award. I do appreciate it very much.
*Lord bows low and hurriedly returns to his theatre seat as the audience applauds. He steps aside as Plucky advances up the isle towards Shirley*
Shirley:(gulps) Um, JAM... uh maybe we should move on to a commercial..er sum junk...
*She casually whistles and retreats upstage*
*The audience laughs as Shirley ducks the duck backstage*
;)
**************************************************************************** *******
[The J.A.M. steps up]
"And once again, here's Leloni Bunny!!" [he greets her with a kiss, and warps away.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The audience continues their thunderous applause, but as Leloni steps off the stage, the Jaguar has yet to enter. The applause is slowly replaced by a general murmuring.]
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]
[An explosion of smoke bursts on the center of the stage, and after it clears, a creature is now standing there. Its head is down and its arms are at its sides. In a robotic movement, the arms raise a bit, and then the head. He smiles.]
[The audience cheers again when they see The J.A.M., and instead of wearing his usual "HECHO EN MEXICO" t-shirt, he's wearing an elegant *charro* outfit, complete with an adorned black jacket (also with the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal), and a huge black sombrero on his head. The orchestra plays "La Negra", for a bit.]
[He steps to the podium, and signals the audience to hush, which they do so instantly.]
"Good evening. Thank you, Leloni, and thanks to everyone who has come tonight to this awards ceremony. And to those who were dragged here, well, thanks anyways."
[slight laughter]
"No, really, people. Everyone knows more or less why we're doing this. If we don't get any more attention soon, we'll all end up on the Has-Been Mailing Lists, um-"
[a few chuckles, and some light clapping]
"I mean, really, people. This is my impression of the Tiny Toons Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List-"
[The Jaguar is suddenly beside the podium, curled up on the floor, and snoring ridiculously loudly and ridiculously quickly. After a few moments of this, he suddenly returns to the podium.]
[louder laughter]
"But hey, I know it's not entirely the members' fault. Real Life has gotten its claws on more than a few of us, both here, and on other mailing lists which I lurk in, and some-are gone forever-[suddenly there was serious silence, but he continued] So to those of you who have weathered terrible storms and have somehow managed to remain with us, I give you all a big hand."
[The audience begins clapping, but suddenly laugh as the Jaguar pulls from behind him a huge Styrofoam hand and throws it at them.]
"And I would like to give this Awards Ceremony a more thorough introduction. [turning to stage right] Yes, Leloni, I know you did fine, but in this intro, I'd like to give a tribute to all our present members, plenty of whom are from abroad, including myself." [The Jaguar then grabs a wireless microphone.] "Okay guys, everyone knows this song, but watch for the changes."
[The lights dim, and a spotlight shines on The J.A.M. Then the orchestra begins the next song. When the audience recognizes it three seconds after it begins, they cheer loudly, and sing along:]
"We're Tiny, we're Toony, we're all a little loony! [Suddenly speaking through a computer monitor-]
And in this listoony, we're invading your PC!
We're comic dispensers, and ignore all the censors,
On Tiny Toons Adventures get a dose of comedy! [The scenery suddenly changes to-]
So here's Acme Acres, it's a whole wide world apart,
Our home sweet home, it stands alone, a cartoon work of art!" [Suddenly he warps to the audience, and unwarps next to Plucky, who hands him a pile of papers, and sings:]
"All scripts were accepted, expect the unexpected!" [And the entire audience sings:]
"On Tiny Toons Adventures - it's about to start!
They're furry, they're funny, [Unwarps behind B&B, who sing respectively:] they're Babs and Buster Bunny,
[Unwarps behind Monty and throws paper money as he sings] Montana Max has money, [Unwarps beside Elmyra, and smashing her with a mallet] Elmyra is a pain!
[Unwarps behind Hamton and Plucky, who also sing] Here's Hamton and Plucky, [Unwarps behind Dizzy and smashing a pie on his face] Dizzy Devil's yucky,
[Unwarps behind Furrball and handing him TNT] Furrball's unlucky, [BOOM!!!] [Unwarps in a paw-stand beside Gogo] and Gogo is insane! [The scenery changes again]
At Acme Looniversity we earn our toon degree,
[Unwarps behind the LT gang, and dropping an anvil on Elmer] The teaching staff's been getting laughs since 1933! [He unwarps on the stage again, and moves to the right]
We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little looney,
It's Tiny Toons Adventures, come and join the fun!" [A few are saying the last line, but the song unexpectedly continues, with accordions accompanying.]
[The J.A.M. does a spin change, and he's now dressed as a Frenchman. As he dances to the left, he's joined by Fifi LaFume, also in a French dress and beret. The theme song begins again, only both now sing in-]
"On est petits et gentils, et un peu barjots aussi!
Et l'heure enfin est arrivee d'envahir vos tele!
On s'amuse on fait rire, la censure on la fait fuir!
Les Aventures des Tiny-Toons sont la pour vous ravir!" [Now on the left, Fifi exits, and he spin changes to a tropical suit, and he's joined by Leandro Pinto as they move to the right again. The music has a zamba style now:]
"Em nossa floresta o que não falta é confusão.
Pois tudo é dedicado a você de coração! [Then trying to sing like Plucky in Portuguese:]
A gente bola o que rola, esquentando a cachola. [Singing normally:]
Mas tudo isso é feito só pra te alegrar." [Leandro Pinto exits, and The J.A.M. spin changes into a traditional Japanese robe, and is joined by Gozilla, who makes the whole place shake. A gong is heard, and the music turns oriental:]
"Bokura-
wa fuwa
Babusu-to Basutaa Bannii
Makkusu okane mochitte
Erumaira meiwaku
Bo' Hamuton,
Bo' Purakkii
Dizii Deburu kuchi mo
Faabooru yakki waku
Gogo-wa futan!" [Another spin change, and The J.A.M. returns to his *charro* outfit, joined by Lightning Rodriguez. The music now has guitars and trumpets:]
"Y de la universidad nos tenemos que graduar.
¡De nuestro amigo Elmer nos tenemos que librar!
Somos graciosos, y estamos algo locos.
Es hora de empezar con nuestra diversión." [And to the side:]
"Que linda es my canción."
[The song stops, and the audience gives a thundering applause again. Mouse and Jaguar hug, and the Mouse exits. The J.A.M. calmly steps to the podium again, and after waiting a moment, signals the audience to hush again, and they do so instantly again..]
"Now that was pretty ridiculous of me, wasn't it? [laughter] Okay now, on with our show. [On the huge screen beside him, the title "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER" appears] Self-insertion is about as unavoidable as death and taxes. As a writer, and reviewer, I should know. The art of novelisation, or even script writing, is something that comes from within, hence, by definition, it is practically impossible for any author to *not* put of him/her personality within the story. Even if there *are* no original characters which to impose one self into, the established characters, and even the setting and plot, reflect something within the writer. The purpose of this award is to honor those new characters who were created in a way that they gave enormous complements to the established Tiny Toons characters, plot, and setting. Their authors did very hard work *not* to impose themselves into the story, and to intricately weave their new characters, and their own traits, into a seamless union with the Tiny Toons Multiverse. The top five nominees for Best Original Character are:"
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[While the giant screen shows clips of the fanfics, the Jaguar is suddenly off the stage, and now he's next to-]
=============================================================
The Tiny Toons stepped back and looked at these odd animals. They didn't know who they were or where they were from, but they really didn't want to find out. So as they started to slip away, Bugs came up and stopped them.
"I see yous kids has met the oddimals."
The toons just looked bewildered. "Oddimals?"
Bugs nodded and they looked back. The handful of misfits gave them a big toothy grin. Buster spoke to Bugs.
"You can't be serious! These guys are, are--"
=============================================================
"Boomer, Bandit, Aurora, Olivia, Zuccini, and Jinx: The Oddimals, from 'Dial-O-For Oddimals', created by Brooke Michelle!!"
[cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]
=============================================================
"Uhhhhhhhh, erm, cough Hi, Emily. I didn't know that you came here: I figured you didn't want to go out at all! (He-he!)"
Attention shifted from Emily, to the owner of the voice. Emily looked around, a little startled, and up at the bunny who had just greeted her. When she saw who it was, she slumped back into her chair and sighed, as if it wasn't even worth the effort to talk to this guy. "Oh. Erm... Hi, Eric. Didn't know that *YOU* came here"
Buster turned to Babs, and grinned. "See? Problem solved!"
=============================================================
"Emily Jane Bunny and Eric Bunny-no relation, hyuk hyuk-from 'Rivals', created by KeV Beeley!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]
=============================================================
Bugs stopped as strange music filled the auditorium. It was like a beautiful lullaby sung by a ghost to her child, and was hauntingly mysterious. It was coming from everywhere - *but* the PA system's speakers! No one moved except Plucky, who looked around and dropped a pin to the floor. He went into a Clampett Corneal Catastrophe as it hit - but made no sound.
"Ahem", said Bugs, "And now I'd like ta introduce our new Professah of History
- Doctor Lord."
=============================================================
"Lord Doctor Pavel D'Lord-impressive name there, Doc-from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', created by Pepe K.!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]
=============================================================
When Buster was halfway across the room, the door began to creak open. Buster was filled with terror as a figure standing at the door came into view. But it was not Hamton. The figure straightened it's reading glasses, and closed the book it was reading.
Buster stared at the figure quietly. "Is it possible?" he thought to himself. "Well, I HAVE seen some weird things today." It still made no sense to him, but he somehow managed to squeak out one word:
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.
"Babs..."
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."
=============================================================
"The Bookkeeper and The Empress-nice threads, Your Highness-from 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [He pauses to catch his breath.]
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]
=============================================================
As everyone sat down at their desks, a hushed silence fell over the room. There in the far corner was the object of everyone's concern. A small brown wolf, wearing new red sneakers and a blue football jersey, was sitting quietly and doodling on a pad of paper. He didn't look menacing or monstrous, but was as small and unassuming as the rest of the toons. In fact, he bore a strong resemblance to Calamity Coyote, except that his ears were more pointed and he had a long bushy tail. He was seemingly oblivious to the curious and worried stares he was getting.
Everyone, including the wolf, snapped to when Elmer Fudd, homeroom teacher, walked in carrying his attendance sheet. "Hewwo evewybody. Today we have a new student hewe at Acme Woo. Wiwwy Wolf, please stand and introduce yoursewf to the cwass."
All eyes fell on Willy as he stood, suddenly conscious of all the attention he was getting. Fidgeting slightly, he cleared his throat. "Um, hi everybody!" he started, waving weakly. "I'm Willy Wolf, and I hope we can all be friends." He then sat down again, obviously relieved that it was over.
=============================================================
"And finally, Willy Wolf, from 'Toon Wolf', created by Earl Allison!!"
[more cheering and applause]
[WARPUNWARP!!!]
[The Jaguar is now back on the podium again.]
"And the award goes to....................[He pulls out the envelope and opens it with his claws]...............LORD DOCTOR PAVEL D'LORD, FROM 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNDER HEAVEN', CREATED BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [He gets the trophy ready (a small gold statue of TTA rings on top of a computer), and steps aside a bit]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
Dr. Lord quietly stands with his entourage of Fifi, Hamton, Arnold, Porky and Petunia Pig, Daffy Duck, Pepe Le Pew and Penelope La Cat and a medium sized skunk dressed in an orange silk smoking jacket. Amidst smiles and some hugging, they advance down the aisle to the stage and the podium. Lord advances to the microphone and picks it up, removing his dark glasses. His silver eyes reflect the bright stage lights.
Lord:(smiling) I suppose since we're being broadcast - I'd better use this thing instead if turning it off.
*light laughter from the audience*
Lord: Uh, this is quite an honor for me and I'd like to thank all those who've made it possible..
Daffy:(pointing to a blinking monitor) Ya got 5 minuteth, Doc!
Lord: Indeed. Well, none of this would have been possible without my friends allowing me to return as a professor again to Acme Looniversity. So I'd like to thank Bugs, Porky and Daffy -
*Daffy pushes through the others*
Daffy:(yelling) WHAT?!! THAT RABBIT'TH NAME OVER MINE?!?! I'M THE STAR!!
*laughs from the audience*
Lord:(aside) Daffy, please! The Show's -
Daffy: THIS SHOW WILL PROVE THAT I'M-
*with a small gesture, Lord releases a sand bag from the stage and Daffy is flattened into a squashed black circle of feathers with webbed feet and a crumpled beak that says*
Daffy:(dazed) - Flatter..than a pancake.. Eeesh!
*Porky scoops up the pressed duck and shovels him backstage* *loud laughs from the audience*
Daffy:..Mawee had a wittle wam, it's fweese was white as cornflakes......
*laughter continues and there's some applause*
Lord: Now, before we were interrupted, I was going to thank my friends and family here for allowing this part of their lives to be revealed.
*applause* *The group of toons hug each other and wave as Bugs and Honey Bunny join them onstage* Fifi and Hamton step up to the mike arm in arm. Fifi looks radiant in a sheer silver gown *
Fifi: Ah'd like to thank everyone fur welcoming mah Grandpere` back to Acme Acres! *She smiles and leans up on tip toe to kiss Lord, then rereats with Hamton, who is blushing constantly*
*The audiences goes "Aaaaaaaaaawwww!"*
Lord: There's a few folks who've helped enormously with this chronical, but there's one person without whom it wouldn't have been possible - my stenographer - Pepe K.
*the audience murmurs and applauds as the skunk in the smoking jacket comes foward to the podium and stands at Lord's elbow. He smiles - rather gleefully embarresed*
Pepe K.: Hey, Thank you, Doc - and thank you, everybody..I uh - *he suddenly shouts* "I've never won anything before in my whole life!!
*the audience titters*
Pepe K. Thank yuh so much for yer appreciation. There's a number of people behind the scenes who I'd personally like to thank - my good friend Thorne, who's given moi lots of encouragement and good comments when I needed them. He's a helluvan artist and a boon to our TTA community - and he's coming out with a simply GORGEOUS Picture for ATTEPUH soon!
*A bespectacled mouse stands up in the 5th row and waves* *Wild Applause*
Pepe K.: Another furson who's been a great Aide de camp to moi and to the Doc here is Andy Fox!
*A red fox stops chatting in row three with Wile E. Coyote and stands to wave at the crowd. More Applause*
Pepe K.: There's someone here who's always been heard but seldom seen - who's been a help to moi since the beginning - great at keeping secrets - up there! It's Dark Helmet!
*In the top box seat, Eve Ill and Eddy the blue skunk stop throwing popcorn on the crowd and wave their fists in the air. Heavy Metal music plays*
Eve & Eddy: Woof-Woof-Woof!
*A shadowy armoured and cloaked figure stands and bows from the theatre box, like Hulk Hogan entering the ring*
*WIld cheering*
Pepe K.: There's a couple of shy guys out there - one who's not even here - but I know he's watching at home - mon frere`, VmC the artist!
*applause*
Pepe K.: I'll embarress him later, cuz he's a dear friend. Thanks, Vic! Someone who wouldn't have missed this is here - Duh Bunnyman!
*Brian Yelverton stands up blushing reluctantly and waves as the audience claps, then sits surrounded by his adoring escort of female rabbits and mice dressed in formal satin evening gowns*
Pepe K.: There's a certain Bunny here that has helped moi with historical accuracy and here he is to test his - Ladies and gentletoons - Peter Bunny!
*wild applause*
*As the Wackyland Rubber Band plays "Hail Coumbia!", Babs appears marching in with Buster and a tall white rabbit and a certain Miss Kitty - KatsJMaxis - from stage right. They wear the blue uniforms of the Union Artillery in the US Civil War. They move a 10-pounder Parrot rifle (a cannon) into position. Peter Bunny gives the commands to his squad*
Peter: READY!
*Buster and Babs and Miss Kitty scurry into position*
Peter: PREPARE TO FIRE!
*He looks to see that everything is safe*
Peter: FIRE
*He pulls the lanyard and the cannon roars! The cannon ball streaks towards Sylvester!*
Sylvester: ...uh-oh..
*The cannon ball ricochets and blasts a hole in the roof. Debris rains on the audience. Sylvester looks at his belly, where a cannon ball-shaped hole now exists *
Sylvester: Anybody got a band-aid?
*Audience reacts with cheers and laughter*
*Sheepishly and hurriedly, the gun crew retires offstage , as the Rubber band plays a speeded-up version of "Tramp, Tramp Tramp!"*
Pepe K.: Well, winding things up with a bang - (literally) - uh - there's another person without whom NONE of this would be possible - our moderator - Give it up for Kevin Mickel!!
*Thunderous applause*
*Kevin stands up in his theatre box and waves*
Pepe K.: Yes folks, it's through Kevin's efforts that this all happens. He works hard every month to provide us with information on our favorite show, the newest artwork, the newest stories and a forum where we can discuss it all - and he doesn't charge us a dime! It's all free and gratis. He does all this out of the kindness of his heart, so I think he deserves a big round of applause! C'Mon!!
*Pepe K. and all the other toons onstage stand and clap thunderously. The audience also rises in a standing ovation. Kevin blushes under his glasses and almost sits down, but Bugs, Buster and Babs are at his side and so he stands amidst the adulation, blushing and smiling. The applause lasts and lasts. Several minutes pass before Pepe k. signals for quiet*
Pepe K.: There's a few others here that bear attention... Three dear people who've always been there to listen - my wife Leslie and my sons, Robin and Nicholas ... who have listened to the chronical every night at bedtime and have had the patience to deal with my taking so much time to commit it all to paper.
*warm kind applause*
Pepe K.: Now I'll turn this back over to the real winner - Doctor Lord. Thank you.
*Generous applause as Pepe K. goes to stand with the other toons. Lord addresses the audience*
Lord: Thank you, Pepe. ..Ahem.. I'd like to thank you and everyone who's life is part of this.
*Fifi and Hamton join him, smiling. The three regard each other fondly* *He holds the small gold statue*
Lord: Thank you all very much for bestowing this honor on me. I'll try to continue to be worthy of it. I can honestly say.. that.. of all the titles I've been granted... this is the most recent.
*The group of other toons and the audience break up with laughter*
Lord: But seriously, this award means alot to me. It shows.. like the chronical.. that people can change...that those who are "differant"- are not bad - but can be good ...and that those who love.. they're the ones who last forever.
*There is a rising applause that sustains itself.Lord stands smiling and hugs his granddaughter and Hamton. The group of family and friends at the podium hugs and kisses each other*
*Finally, Dr. Lord signals for quiet*
Lord: Oh, and one more thing! Let's hear it for the band! I'd like to thank a friend of mine and a great composer - and our band leader tonight - Danny Elfman!
*Wild applause as as a sharp-looking man with orange hair and intense eyes stands up in front of the band in the orchestra pit. He slings on an electric guitar and starts to play . The horns, bass and drums of "The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo" Crash in playing "DEAD MAN'S PARTY". Every toon begins to Rock n' Roll - even the immortal skunk! *
Pepe K.: Thanks everyone! Take it away, JAM!!"
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The lights fade as Dr. Lord and the others leave, and then a spotlight shines on the podium, where The J.A.M. unwarps to again. On the screen, "CHARACTER AWARDS" still looms.]
"And now, our next category:" [He suddenly does a spin change. He's now wearing a black leather jacket, the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal is now "painted" in blood. His unsheathed claws were long and black, his headfur was messed up, his eyes were wild, and his fangs were one and half times their normal length. He let out a deafening roar, which generated a few screams from the audience. The screen now said "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST VILLAIN IN A FANFIC". He took a menacing pose, and began speaking with a heavy Spanish accent, and a very evil panting:]
"Hehhhhh.....hehhhhhhh.....Babsy eesn't the onlee one who can speen change......ehhhhhhh.......eh...........Veellains are eemportant........whether they are an akchual character, seetuation, force of nachure, deesease, or a deceesion............they provide a confleect against the Hero/Heroine...........we're honoreeng those.........oreeginal or established...............who provided the best confleect ...........ehhhhhh........and thus allowed the Hero/Heroine to feeneesh the story weeth flying colors.........eehhhhhhhhh............ehhhhhhhhhhhhh..........I won't warp thees time, señores..........ehhhhhhhhhh..........ehhhhhhhh................the top five nominees for Best Veellain In A Fanfic are:"
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, a bewildered character appears next to the Jaguar.]
=============================================================
A large yellow portal appeared in the middle of the room, and twenty or so Creations dropped out, followed by Alez Rat. Bugs noticed that the portal didn't close, like sectra portals normally did. "You have no idea how right you are, Bugsy, old friend."
"ALEZ?"
=============================================================
"Ehhhhhhh.............Alez Rat, from 'The Created: Bugsnapped 2', created by Matt Berman." [The audience gasps, and then cheers and applauds at Alez.]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, Alez disappears and is replaced by-]
=============================================================
The Chancellor wandered this strange, bright land warily. His experience had taught him that there were enemies around every corner, and so he tended to avoid going outside, but in this case he had no choice. 'Naked came I,' he thought to himself, although he actually had arrived completely clothed in a very snazzy outfit. Each time anyone came near him (which happened with alarming frequency), he was forced to duck into the bushes until they left. He wasn't making much progress in the department of exploration.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.
"Babs..."
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."
=============================================================
"The Chancellor and The Empress, from..........ehhhhhhh.........'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy'......ehhhh............created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [more cheering]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, they disappear and are replaced by-]
=============================================================
As the entire group begins to leave, a soft yet strong voice is heard, "Wait! Wait!" turning to the source, everyone's mouth drops.
Coming down the walk, a female toon is heading towards the group. A fox,(The animal, not a hot babe) she's wearing a light blue shirt and jeans, both are tight enough so that they show off more curves then thought possible on a toon.
She walks in a manner that makes Buster wonder if she is walking like that to just tease the guys. She continues towards the group, grinning, knowing and seeing that she is making many mouths moist at her appearance. She makes her way to be in front of Buster.
"You must be the one in charge here," her voice is a mixed with admiration and mockery, "my name is Camry. I hope I'm not too late."
=============================================================
"Camry Curvaceous...........ehhhhhh........from 'Transfer Student'..............ehhhhhhhh........created by Jeremy J. Jurrens.................ehhhhh........" [Some in the audience give whistle calls. The J.A.M. then looks at Camry and begins drooling.] "Oye, Mamacita, what yoo doeeng after de show?" [Camry is about to smash him with a mallet- ]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, she is replaced just in the nick of time (generating laughter) by-]
=============================================================
The sun rose the next day to the tune of Grieg's "Morning", and Babs prepared herself for the big confrontation with Ramona. She had already figured out her gameplan: Speak softly, and carry a big mallet. Babs got dressed and went over to the Looniversity track, where the girl's track team was having it's morning practice.
Ramona was still stretching her long, shapley legs when Babs casually sauntered over and smiled at her."Oh, hi," Ramona greeted her, "you're Buster's sister, aren't you?"
Babs let out a fake little laugh and replied: "Who, me? No, no, no. I am Babs Bunny. You've heard of me, perhaps?"
"No, Buster's never mentioned you."
Getting more and more annoyed, Babs had to struggle to keep her cool. "Well, I'm Buster's long time girlfriend, and I would really appreciate it if you left him alone." There, she had calmly said it. She was proud of herself for not going too far.
"Ha!" was Ramona's reply. "You're the one that lost him, sister! And with a body like yours, it's no wonder he dropped you for me!"
=============================================================
"Ehhhhhhh..........Ramona Rabbit, from 'Aw, Have A Heart'...........ehhhhh........created by Mike Cote............" [more whistling. The J.A.M. turns to her:] "Conejiiiiiiiiiiiitaaaaaaa..........." [more laughter]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[In a puff of smoke, she is now replaced by-]
=============================================================
All the toons looked down the hall to see a figure dressed in black clothing. He appeared to be in some form of ninja outfit. His head was completely covered by a mask. Behind him was a small black cape that flapped in the breeze. The figure stood in place and laughed menacingly.
"Just let me at him!" Plucky said angrily as he charged the figure.
"Plucky! Wait!" Buster called out.
But Plucky ignored him and continued to charge the Prankster, who just stood in place. "All right, Prankster! Time for pay back!" Plucky said as he stood in front of the figure.
"Happy Birthday!" the Prankster said, handing Plucky a wrapped gift. The Prankster then ran off.
"For me? You shouldn't have." Plucky said happily as he accepted the gift. He then unwrapped the gift and opened the box. The box then exploded in Plucky's face. "I was right. He shouldn't have." Plucky moaned, his head blackened by the explosion.
=============================================================
"Fifi LaFume as The Prankster! [loudest cheering and whistling at this point, since Fifi's ninja suit was tailored to be form fitting, and MAN what a form....] Eh.........from 'The Prankster' series........ehhhhhh.........written by Michael M." [He turns to Fifi.] "Wood yoo like a date on the Mexican Riviera?" [Fifi's response is to kiss him very French-like]
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[Unfortunately, she disappears in the middle of the kiss, leaving the Jaguar in a very ridiculous position. He quickly straightens out. In Fifi's place, a very large envelope, almost his size, appears.]
"And de weener ees......"
[He rips open the envelope, only to find a slightly smaller envelope inside. Growling, he rips it open, only to find the same thing. With another deafening roar, he dives at the envelope and rips it to shreds, very felinesque-like. After a while, he just stands there, panting, holding a small note on his left paw. He looks at it, then lifts it to his face, then steps to the podium, and finally roars:]
"THE CHANCELLOR AND THE EMPRESS, FROM 'MONDO NEGATORY TOONS: THE OTHER SIDE OF COMEDY', CREATED BY KEVIN MICKEL, MIKE COTE, REBECCA LITTLEHALES, JOHN FRIEDRICH AND MIKE DEMCIO!!!!!"
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]
[The two characters appear, and The J.A.M. disappears, as the audience cheers again.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
Hmmm... Not a bad trick, considering that they were both hanged at the end of the story for their crimes. Maybe these are their ghosts?
Seriously, I am quite honored that these characters are still manageing to prove popular after all these years. I must of course defer to my fellow authors on this one, they were the real visionaries in creating the specifics for these grand villians. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that they were a lot of fun to work with, in a sick and twisted sort of a way.
I have FWD'd the award to Mike, Mike and Rebecca, and will post any comments they wish to make, assuming they do. In the meantime, I'll leave it up to Nefaria to add anything more, if he should so choose.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Eh, just that I'm not overly fond of giving out awards for writing. Writing is a form of art, and art shouldn't be stuffed into a hierarchy with some labeled "winners" and others "losers". Good art usually has serious flaws and bad art often has redeeming qualities. My contribution to the MNTT story was far from my best writing.
Anyway, those who wish to see my current creative adventures should check out Usenet group alt.devilbunnies. There I play a mentally disturbed girl bunny rabbit who is substantially more deranged than Babs. It's mostly casual off-the-cuff message replies, but I am working on a big story there.
Mmmm, toes!
Nefaria
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[With the Chancellor and the Empress safely out of sight, The J.A.M. unwarps behind the podium once more. He's all normal now, if there is such a thing as normal.]
"Okay, now to liven things up a bit, after all that villain schtick. Here's something I prepared for everyone again." [He turns to the screen as the lights dim. The monitor declares "To err is Toony..."]
=============================================================
From "THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 2 1/2: 'Football: It's STILL A Looney Old Game...'"
"Why, RuBarb, (he he)" the rat said with an impish grin. "You look del-del- PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!"
"CUT!!"
[RuBarb looks at the camera, smirking while holding it in. Then she looks at Nigel] "COME HERE, YOU RODENT!!!!!" [she then proceeds to smear him with what was smeared on her. The re-setup of the scene took a whole day]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond daddles I sold-excuse me."
[Take 2]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a sash from those diamond saddles I sold-ARGHH!!"
[Take 3]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond saddles I told you, I hope, I h-NO!!!"
[Take 4]
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked, trying not to laugh while Monty and Danforth smiled for no reason. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond s-" [All three laugh hysterically]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend-um, what?" she asked.
[Take 2]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your [CENSORED] I CAN'T [CENSORED] BELIEVE I FORGOT AGAIN!!!!"
[Take 3]
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your...tail... out of this! Just tell me what my next line is and [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!"[She slams the phone down and laughs and stomps in desperation]
"Nigel! _Wait_!!" And with a combination of feline agility and youthhful exuberance, she leaped out of the open window after him. [She trips on the sill and falls on her face]
"Ow."
"Hey, I thought cats always landed on their feet!" said Nigel.
"[CENSORED]!!!!!!!!" was Rue's response, causing him to turn completely pink.
From SILVER SMUDGE
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) [THUD!!!] [The door didn't open again, allowing Buster to hit his nose in it.]
"CUT!!!"
"*Ow*" was all he could say.
[take 2]
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) "I think the-" (slam) "-hatch is limped!"
(slam) "Please don't call-"
"CUT!!!!!!"
"[CENSORED]!! *LATCH*!!! Sorry again!"
From WICKED WAYS
"What made you crash?" Monty asked as the two sat upside down.
"Like a glove!!!!" she replied.
"CUT!!!!!"
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," she chuckled.
"We don't have to re-shoot the crash scene, do we?" asked Max.
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the friend because-[CENSORED]."
[take 2]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their enemies alone-"
[take 3]
"The enemy is my enemy."
[take 4]
"Your enemy is my enemy."
[take 5]
"My friend is my enemy."
[take 6]
"The friend of my enemy is your enemy."
[take 7]
"Any enemy of yours is an enemy of mine."
[take 8]
"The enemy of your friend is my friend-"
[take 9]
"Sleeping with the enemy."
[take 10]
"Enemy."
[take 11]
"Love your enemy."
[take 12]
"I'm in love with my enemy."
[take 13]
"I met the enemy and I am her."
[take 14]
"I am my enemy."
[take 15]
"Enemy Mine, Mine Enemy."
"That was a stupid movie, Enem-I mean-Eve."
[take 16]
"Exactly. The emeny of the emeny is a memen-[CENSORED]."
[take 17]
"Memenemeny-"
[take 18]
"Exactly. The friend of the memeny is a friend-"
[take 19]
"The writer is my emeny-I mean nenemy-ENEMY, [CENSORED] IT!!!!"
[take 20]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their memenies-AAHHHHHHHH!!!!" [she grabs Monty, kisses him, and throws him down again, before stomping off.]
[take 21]
"Exactly. . . . . .[CENSORED]."
[take 22]
"Exactly. PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[take 22]
"E---what was I talking about?"
"ENEMIES!!!!" yelled the cast and crew.
[take 23]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become-what?"
[take 24]
"Exactly. The enemy-can we try this again?"
[take 25]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]
"I like enemies-I MEAN-Perfecto!!"
"CUT!!!!!" [Eve then smashed Monty with a mallet.]
[take 26]
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]
"I like Perfecto-" [suddenly both of them laugh hysterically for no apparent reason.]
From FRACTURED IMAGES: A PLUCKY DUCK STORY
"Sorry Plucky. No more delusions-I mean pollution-I mean-[CENSORED]!! Now you've got ME doing it!!"
"CUT!!!"
"Sorry, Shirl."
"I think I'm, like, hanging around you too much, or some junk. . ."
From "THE LIFE GOES ON" TRILOGY: MULTIFIFITY
"NO!" he cried, his emotional pain going beyond his physical. "Don't even think like that! I won't let you give up. Do you hear me? ...please don't give up. Who would Buster study French with in Forign Film 101? Who would Furrball dance with at the Cool Club? Who'd be here to tell the cue-card boy to switch them in time so I can read my lines? Who-"
"CUT!!!"
From THE LEGEND OF TOON PARK - PART 3
Then, we started back down the stairs to the large room-
KATHUDCRASHKERPLUNKWHAMBASHOOFBOPSMASHBAMBOOMWHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Everyone was lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs]
"Whoops, I slipped," said Ivan.
From WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Babs was cut off when a young man on a motor scooter rode up to them and said, "Package for Buster Bunny!"
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Babs.
"CUT!!!!!"
(The courier looked down and immediately backed up.) Babs concluded,
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] ENORMOUS RABBIT FEET!!!!!!!" while rubbing her flattened foot.
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background-
[SCRAPE]
The background was in a diagonal position.
"CUT!!! What happened?"
"Um, I think the background got-*jammed*-or something," replied Buster.
From KITH
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall complete the circle of life [Babs begins chuckling] and rule this campus together as Boyfriend and-
Babs: A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
"CUT!!!!!"
[take 2]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. [chuckling again] Join me, we shall complete the circle of life and rule this-
Babs: MWH-HHHHH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
Babs: I'M SORRY, BUT FURRBALL, YOU JUST LOOK AND SOUND SO RIDICULOUS LIKE THAT, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Furrball: I find that insulting, you know.
[take 3]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall-
Babs: KHH--HHHHHHHHHH----HAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
[take 4, after Babs took a cold shower]
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me-ahem-and we shall complete-he he-the circle of life and rule this campus together as-as-as-A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!
"CUT!!!"
Babs: See what I mean?
From BUSTER AND BABS BUNNY: RELATION?
Babs was trying to figure out what she was going to say when a custard pie spooshed into-
-Emily's face.
"CUT!!!"
"Why?" asked Babs. "She looks a lot better that way!"
"Oh, be quiet," she replied, smearing some pie on her as well.
Roddy was about to kiss her again, when without any warning, Danforth Drake suddenly sailed head first into the hottub-
[WHAM!!!]
-splattering water everywhere, and taking all of the romance out of the Rats tender (?) moment. "Danforth!" shouted Roddy as he and Rhubella leapt to their feet. [Danforth remains underwater, moving slowly] "You idiot! What is the meaning of this?" [Slowly he raises his head]
"Uhm. . . . . sorry . . . . . boss. . . . .ha ha. . . " sputtered the (strangely very groggy) waterlogged waterfowl as he struggled to get his head above water-and rubbing the top of his head. "But-but--[Roddy and Ruby begin giggling as Danforth can't keep from smiling]-but they-ha ha ha!!-OUCH!!! Well, they. . . . . .whoa there. . . they wouldn't-" [A HUGE bump rises from Danforth's head]
"CUT!!!"
"OH MY HEAD!!!!" And the three burst into laughter, splashing each other up. Danforth then pats his bump and leans on Roddy's shoulder, "weeping" in "pain" a-la Stan Laurel. Roddy "comforts" him in his time of "pain". Buster and Babs peek from the other door.
"Blooper again?" asked Buster. They saw what had happened and they too began laughing, and joined the splash party. Take 2 was the next day.
=============================================================
[The screen fades to black, and the spotlight shines on The J.A.M. again. The audience is laughing like never before, and he waits a bit. This was one thing that couldn't be silenced with a gesture. After a bit, he begins again:]
"Yes, mistakes pounce upon even the best of them, especially those who make surprise appearances in a fanfic. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST CAMEO"] Yes, we're talking about cameos. And to help me present these awards, ladies and gentlemen, toons and toonsters, and others, here is the Queen of Cameos, the lovely Mary Melody!!" [Mary enters from stage left. She's wearing a glittering dark blue strapless dress, which elicits plenty of wolf calls. She steps next to The J.A.M., who greets her with a small kiss.]
"Thank you, J.A.M. But just for the record, I *hate* being the 'Queen of Cameos'."
"Why? I think you do that part perfectly well."
"I know. I just wish some author out there would give me a bigger role."
"Well, allow me to brighten your day. With time permitting, I hope I have the honor of being the first author to include you in a major role in a fanfic." [Mary gasps, and so does the audience, who cheers. She give him a big hug.]
"Wow, J.A.M., do you mean it?"
"Of course. I've been wanting to write a Tiny Toons fanfic for sometime now, but Real Life has taken a toll on me as well. I hope that someday soon I'll have time to write your story. And hey [to audience] I won't mind if someone beats me to it."
"Well, I'm flattered just by the announcement! But now, on with our show. Our next award is for Best Cameo."
"Yes. These are moments, instants of inspiration, that when done correctly, can pull out a chuckle in the middle of a twisting storyline, or even a 'gasp', because of its suddenness and unexpectedness." Mary continued,
"The characters who make these fleeting appearances have an enormous responsibility to deliver their punch line in a *very* small space within the entire story. While a cameo looks simple to do-"
"And it isn't, and we'll discuss *other* cameos later-"
"-they require careful thought by the author and the character involved so as not to make the thing stick out like a sore thumb, or have it ignored by the reader as a minor commentary. The presentation itself is crucial and cannot be left to chance or whim."
"That's right, Miss Melody."
"Just call me Melody, hun."
"Oh, okay! [slight chuckling from the audience]. These are the recognitions to those authors and characters who provided these flashes of wit within their fanfics." Mary announced,
"And the top five nominees for Best Cameo are:"
[The lights dim again, and the screen lights up with the nominated scenes.]
=============================================================
"There! I beat you at your own game!"
Sitting back from his animator's desk, Hamton J. Pig set down his paintbrush and sighed. "Well," he said with a faint smile, "I did manage to hold my own against her for a little while."
=============================================================
[The screen displays the name of the character, cameo, story, and author, and The J.A.M. reads it out loud:]
"Hamton, in 'Hare Hysteria', written by Kevin Mickel!" [The audience cheers.]
=============================================================
When Buster finally got to school, he was relieved to see that the class hadn't started yet. Taking his seat next to her, he said, "Hi, Babs." She pretended not to hear him and turned casually away.
With a heavy sigh, Buster said, "Listen, Babs, about this morning, I..."
Buster was cut off as a large crate fell down from the ceiling to land only a few feet in front of him. As soon as the dust settled, the lid of the crate swung open and out popped Yakko Warner singing, "Helloooooo."
He was immediately joined by Wakko, who added, "Tinyyyyyy."
Then Dot joined them as finished up with, "Toooooons!"
=============================================================
Mary read, "The Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, Surprise Cameos 113, in 'Buster And Babs: No Relation' written by Kevin Mickel!" [even louder cheering]
=============================================================
A word balloon formed over Scrooge's head containing the words, "Well what did you expect at 50 cents a word?"
"I should have known," said Buster.
"Hey," said Babs to Scrooge's picture, "how come you're not animated?"
New words formed in the balloon. "Because I'm not a Toon like you. I'm a comic book character." [cut to next scene]
"What about you, Scrooge? What's your angle?"
A rather large word balloon formed over Scrooge's head, containing the words, "If you think I'm gonna let this ruling go unchallenged so that that animated imposter on DuckTales can get his feathers on my 16 fantastacatillion, umpteen billion-jillion, uncountabadillion dollars and six cents, then you're not as smart as I thought."
=============================================================
The J.A.M. read, "Scrooge McDuck, The Classic Toons Meeting, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [still more cheering]
=============================================================
"Hiya, girls," said Plucky, trying to sound cool, "let me introduce you to my lovely date ... Ms. Boo-etta!"
They stared intently as his date stepped into the light with a confused "Ba-quak?" Above a large yellow dress peered down a feathery face.
Babs and Shirley just stared. [cut to next scene]
"So, who did you end up bringing, Fowlmouth?" Babs asked, when they had calmed down.
Fowlmouth rested his chin on his fists dreamily, "The lovely Miss Sweetie Bird," he sighed. He hadn't looked so love-stricken since his crush on Shirley. Shirley secretly winked at Babs. Fowlmouth may be annoying, but it was good to see him happy! [cut to next scene]
"THROTTLE!!" Dot cried and dashed across the room and into his muscular arms.
"Hi babe," Throttle replied, and as they walked onto the dance floor, Dot flashed a gigantic grin towards Babs, who gave her the thumbs up back.
=============================================================
Mary read, "Chicken Boo, Sweetie Bird, and Throttle, The Party Scene, in 'Out Of The Tower And Out Of Their Minds', written by Karen Tindall!" [more cheering]
=============================================================
As the two fowl began an obnoxious argument and Prissy staggered in panic to keep from dropping the camera - a streamlined white racing car drove up and stopped nearby. A tall young man jumped from it's cockpit and trotted over to catch Miss Prissy and the video camera, just as they fell.
"There you are, Ma'am" the helmeted youth said with a smile, as he took the camera and helped the skinny hen to stand up.
"You need a tripod to hold that up", the handsome man said kindly, "Do you have one?"
Prissy pointed an elongated finger at the equipment boxes nearby and said "Yea -us!" As he easily retrieved a tripod and unfolded it, Foghorn delivered his final rejoinder.
"When Ah was a - AH SAY! When Ah Was a Young'un - AH *WALKED* TA SCHOOL! BAREFOOT! IN FIVE FEET A' SNOW!! UPHILL! BOTH WAYS!! Uh-" Foggy froze and stared as the young man removed his helmet.
"Why, Jubilation T. Cornpone!! IT'S SPEED RACER!!"
=============================================================
The J.A.M. read, "Speed Racer, 'The Race of the Millennium', in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. The screen displays a still picture of all five clips, and the Humanmaid and Jaguar opened the envelope, and together they read,]
"And the award goes to...........................................................SPEED RACER, 'THE RACE OF THE MILLENNIUM', IN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WRITTEN BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [thunderous applause. Mary hands over the trophy, and both presenters step aside.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
*the Speed Racer Theme is played by the band*
*Speed vaults out of the row of seats and is joined by the skunk in the orange smoking jacket as he climbs the stairs to get to the podium. His perfect smile is frozen on his face as he waves to the crowd*
*Applause and cheers from the audience*
*The action suddenly freezes.....the music still playing... .....and then the action un-freezes and continues*
*Speed and Pepe K. advance to the podium where Speed is given the trophy by the lovely Mary Melody.*
Speed: Gosh! Gee thank you very much It's really neat-o to finally receive an American award But really I was just there to help out Doctor Lord with his speed trials I've won lots of trophies from being a racing driver all over the world but I've never won anything quite like this!
Pepe K.: Well thanks Speed, for coming all the way from Japan for this ceremony.
*They bow to each other as a distictly Japanese fanfare plays briefly*
Speed: By the way Mister JAM sir it's keen to see the interesting ways you do things in this hemispere like those Bloopers you showed before We don't have those in Nippon.
Pepe K.: You don't have out-takes in Japan?
Speed: Oh we do have them but you'd never see them over here because everything is entirely dubbed over ha ha!
Pepe K.: Ah heh. ...Tell me Speed, these last two times you've come over here, you've managed to avoid your younger brother Spriedel coming along. How'd you do that?
Speed: Oh my little brother is such a pest sometimes Him and that scene- stealing monkey of his The last time I had the airline I was using put up a sign that said You Must Be This Tall To Ride so Spriedel and Chim-Chim couldn't get aboard the airplane This time they threw such tantrums that Pops looked mad at me and said YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM ALONG SPEED THEY'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY as he hopped from one foot to the other so I had to take them along with Trixie and me but this time I got smart and locked the trunk of the Mach 5 as soon as we got here so I locked them in and they're trapped in the car ha ha!
*the audience laughs*
*Spriedel appears at stage left with Chim-Chim*
Spriedel: That's what you think, Speedy!
*Chim-Chim climbs up the stage curtain and throws a pineapple at Speed, narrowly missing him, but hitting Pepe K., who arises rather wobbily with the pineapple on his head, looking like Carmen Miranda*
Pepe K.:(deadpan) Why do I have the urge to sing "Mama, Yo Quiero"?
*The audience breaks up laughing*
Speed:(Frozen, pointing up at Chim-Chim) OH!
*Chim-Chim gets to the top of the stage and promptly falls off, bringing the huge curtain falling down on top of Spriedel*
Speed:(still frozen with wide eyes and an open mouth) AAAAAAH!
*The curtain falls only on Spriedel, who rips through it and crys streams of tears at Chim-Chim, who stands there stupidly with a finger stuck in his ear making badly vocalised monkey noises*
Spriedel: WAAAAAH! You ruined my plan, Chim-Chim! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
*Bad comedy sting plays, as the audience laughs at them *
Speed: On that note I think we'd better be going Thanks an awful lot Mister JAM and thank you Miss Melody You're really Kuwai!
Mary:(Gives Speed a kiss on the cheek) Thank you Speed, I think you're cute too!
*audience says "Woooooooo!"*
*Trixie leaps out of the theatre seats and stamps her feet angrily as she pouts and steam shoots out of her ears*
Trixie: SPEED! *she runs up the aisle, swearing at Speed in Japanese*
Speed: Oh gotta go! Thanks for the Best Cameo Award!
*He takes off, running across the stage away from Trixie, Spriedel and Chim-Chim, who angrily give chase, making a ridiculous chase scene around through the audience who laughs and applauds loudly*
*Pepe K. looks at the JAM and Mary and the pineapple on his head and shrugs*
* Speed and the others race through the theatre, while the audience laughs*
*Pepe K. dances like Carmen Miranda*
Pepe K.:(Sings) Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer Go!
*he shrugs and motions to the JAM*
Pepe K.: South America - Take it away! ;)
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The J.A.M. and Mary step back up to the podium.]
"Well," said The J.A.M., "That was very interesting. Oh, and just for the record, I'm not from South America, I'm from Mexico. Well, you can call me a Latin American, if you wish."
***********************************
Foggy stands up in the audience
:):) "That was a joke, Son! It's the title of an old song from Broadway! "Call Me Mister!" Starred Ethel Merman, it did! It's a rumba she sang! Ah say, it's a song title, don't cha get it? He's got a pinapple on his haid! "South America - Take it Away!" Ya get it? It's a joke fer us older generations, Son!"
:):):):)
***********************************
"Um, sure. Our next award deals with those cameos that have the non- sequitur feel to them," said Melody.
"The *what* feel?"
"Non-sequitur. You know, those that really *do* stick out like a sore thumb?" [slight laughter]
"Well, maybe not so much a sore 'thumb', but more like a bump in the road. Nothing painful, just something that slows you down."
"And that has absolutely nothing to do with the story at hand."
"And where the character says something that is completely alien to the plot."
"That's what non-sequitur means, J.A.M." [He stops for a moment, as the audience chuckles a bit. He then looks at her with a raised eyebrow:]
"Well, that was pointless."
"No, *this* is pointless," she corrected, and turned to the screen. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: MOST POINTLESS CAMEO", and displays the following scenes:]
=============================================================
"It's good to be back home." Urian said
"That battle with barney was a true nightmare to the Tiny Toons." Babs said
"And Pizza cats." Polly said
"Don't forget Video Game Heroes." Bowser added.
"And let's not to mention, Fan-fiction artists." Kevin said
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "Kevin, in 'Die Barney Die, Prologue', written by Urian Dang X." [the audience gave a few confused cheers.]
=============================================================
Shirley: I don't believe it, it is time, and it was rumored that there will be two deaths.
James: This was a scam wasn't it.
Pinky: Some chant, you lugnut.
Shirley: That's liar, Pinky.
=============================================================
Mary said, "Pinky, in 'The Dangers of Drunk Driving,' also written by Urian Dang X." [The audience wasn't sure if they should cheer at this point.]
=============================================================
Babs gives a loud shriek of terror and makes a run for it, the Brain is trampled underfoot by the pursuing mob of males. Suddenly Apu of the Simpsons runs into frame with a torch and shouts over the din.
Apu:
Remember that we need 51 percent of the carcass to claim the reward!
Fox and Skunky come out of nowhere, grab Apu and begin handcuffing him. Apu hangs his head in shame.
Fox:
I'm afraid you'll have to come with us for questioning involving these unwarranted cameos.
Apu:
How embarrassing. I hope my mother does not see this.
Skunky:
Try not to bruise him, Moldy. I still haven't done an Autopsy scene yet.
Apu:
Noooooooo!
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "Apu, in 'Kith', written by Abel DuSable!" [the audience cheers more confidently now.]
=============================================================
One thing for sure though,a rumble started throughout the church, one that no one could ignore and stopped what Fifi was about to say.
The clinking of holy water bottles are heard near the alter, the priest rushes to grab them in order to prevent a spillage of salvation. The tremors build, at first attendants think it is and earthquake, but soon find it is too ordered in its vibrations to be one, moving in waves in a giant ocean.
Below the alter, in the center of the isle, lightning crackles off of the pews and the aisle itself. Forming then dissipating in the air, the colors of deep blue, orange, and yellow are seen in them.
Duncan Macleod from, "Highlander" pops into the scene.
Duncan, "There can be only one." he walks off, leaving a very confused audience.
Finally, the lightening builds to such a concentration that it focuses into one great ball of power, rumbling the church at its foundations. A very large and powerful porthole rips into the church, creating a crash that startles all in attendance, the whole scene ripples as a pond does when a rock is thrown into it..
Through this hole walk Alex, looking very determined and having a look of mischief upon his face.
=============================================================
Mary said, "Duncan Macleod, from 'Le Wedding De Fifi', written by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering again]
=============================================================
"Ahem?" said a small voice from the floor, "Please excuse the interruption, but I do believe you're mocking our material."
Lord and Slappy peered down to find the Goofy Gophers at a table set just for small toons.
"Yes", said Mac, "That's a variation on our routine."
"It most certainly was" agreed Tosh.
"Absowutewy twue" agreed Tweety.
"Oh yes, I've heard that bit of dialogue before" said Sniffles the mouse, "The gophers are always very very very nice and in agreement with each other and give each other endless endless endless compliments, cause they're overly polite and a little prissy if you ask me, but anyway..."
"Aw SHADDUP!" yelled a peeved Sweetie Bird from across the table.
The Bookworm with glasses nodded. But the timid Bookworm hid under Sniffles' chair.
"Si", chuckled Speedy Gonzales, "Ju talk too much, Senor Sneeffles."
This set the small table of toons to arguing and Lord simply said, "Sorry."
=============================================================
The J.A.M. said, "The Bookworms, 'A Time To Dance - A Time To Mourn', from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [Mary then opened the envelope.]
***********************************
Pinky: "Oh, Brain, that's so awful! All of those lovely cameos & not one poit among them. Troz! I know! I think I'll help those underprivileged carvings by giving them some of mine. (calls out) POIT! POI-IIT!! POO-"
Brain (snatching P's snout down): "Silence, Pinky! And this is not about those nonsensical syllables of yours anyway; the word is not 'poit' but 'point', which your head also possesses in abundance."
Pinky: "Ooh, okkay Brain. Um, Brain?"
Brain: "What is it?"
Pinky: "What's a non sequitur?"
Brain: "Your primary language, Pinky. Allow me to demonstrate: are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but 'numismatic' is still a funny word for it."
Brain: "I rest my case. Now be quiet that we may continue watching these awards."
Nathaniel T. Freeman
***********************************
"And the winner is......." [and both declared:]
"APU, IN 'KITH', WRITTEN BY ABEL DUSABLE!!!!!"
[Mary prepares the trophy, and both step aside again]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
As the orchestra played the TTA theme, a small black Sable dressed only in a red sash and white gloves climbed the stairs of the stage. Accepting the golden... ur... statuette, he shakes hands with the J.A.M. and Mary Melody before turning his attentions to the audience.
"Greetings to you one and all, my friends and criminal accessories..."
The audience chuckles nervously, glancing at the other people around them.
"Apu couldn't make it tonight, he's a little sewn up right at the moment..." Audience chuckles again " So I guess I will have to accept this award in his stead. First of all I would like to thank the creators of TTA Adventures without whom I'd have less to sharpen my creative skills upon. I'd like to thank the good people who work on the Simpsons for NOT going out of their way to track down and sue me and of course good old Apu who is being such a great sport about the whole thing. Let's give him a hand folks, despite his absence."
The audience applauds along with Abel as a freeze frame of Apu's horrified face is on the monitor for all to see. The applause dies down Abel hefts the statuette and flashes his blue eyes over the crowd.
"Now if anyone needs me, I'll be in the lobby with my date, taking advantage of the complimentry pizza and soft drinks that are out there."
Abel decends the staircase to the applause of the audience and is met by Harriet, who is an absolute vision in her golden off-the-shoulder dress. Able extends his arm and with a sly grin, the chocolate colored raccoon takes it and the two mammals walk down the isle to the lobby doors when Harriet give one final glance back at everyone within.
"Hey... it's his acceptance speech. He can do pretty much what he wants."
Exit: Able DuSable and the charming Harriet.
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The lights fade in, revealing a set of an old Mexican town, complete with adobe buildings with ceramic shingles. On top of a fountain, there's Speedy Gonzales, playing the introduction on a mouse-sized guitar. There's a balcony on the building adjacent to it, but it's empty. As Speedy begins playing, the audience claps.]
[The J.A.M., still in his *charro* suit, enters from stage left, eliciting louder clapping and cheering. He then speaks,]
"It was a moonlit night, in old Mexico. I walked alone between some old adobe haciendas. When suddenly, I heard the plaintive cry of a young Mexican girl:" [Suddenly, Rosita La Ratoncita appears in the balcony, looking at her boyfriend, Speedy, and sings VERY LOUDLY:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! [The J.A.M. and Speedy try not to laugh, but the audience does, and claps at her.]
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" [The J.A.M. sings:]
"You'd better come home, Speedy Gonzales!" [and the audience cheers when they recognize the song. Behind Speedy, Lightning Rodriguez, The Cybernator, Towi Raccoon, Daniel Gallo, and three LT Mexican mice (all in Mexican attire) pop up playing trumpets, guitars, and bass]
"Away from Cannery Row. [Speedy then gets a bottle, but The Jaguar snatches it and throws it away.]
Stop all of your drinking
With that floozy named Flo!
Come on home to your adobe! [He then steps to a wall and scrapes off plaster with his claw]
And slap some mud on the wall. [it begins raining momentarily on him]
The roof is leaking like a strainer! [And he kicks some insects.]
There's loads of roaches in the hall." [The others add:]
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]
"Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"Why don't you come home?
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]
"Hey, Rosita, I haff to go shoppeeng downtown for my Modder; she needs some tortillas and cheelee peppers!" [Speedy's accent causes laughter, and Rosita sings again, causing more laughs and clapping:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"" [The J.A.M holds up a small pregnant dog:]
"Your dog is gonna have a puppy! [throws it away, then holds an empty soda bottle]
And we're running out of Coke. [throws it away, then opens an empty fridge]
No enchiladas in the icebox! [kicks a television cabinet]
And the television's broke! [he then goes to Speedy and holds his collar:]
I saw some lipstick on your sweatshirt! [then pulls his ear lightly, and Speedy "winces" with a smile.]
I smelled some perfume in your ear! [then in mock anger:]
Well, if you're gonna keep on messing
Don't bring your business back a-here!" [The others add:]
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]
"Mmm-Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"Why don't you come home?
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]
"Hey, Rosita, come queek! Down at de cantina dey geeveeng green stamps weeth Tequila-!" [The audience roars in laughter at this statement, and continue laughing as Rosita takes it home:]
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! OOOO-
LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA................."
***********************************
Two psychadelic brothers suddenly start chucking cans at the J.A.M., with the obvious intent of getting him to stop.
"BOOOOOOO!! YOU SUCK!! BOOOOOO!!"
They almost immediately get escorted out by Security.
;-)
-Razorback Jack
***********************************
[the lights fade out, leaving one spotlight on Rosita, which slowly fades out. The audience stands and gives a deafening applause. The lights turn on again, and all take a bow. Then, they all take the time to hug each other, but Speedy gives Rosita a *very* tight hug. The J.A.M. notices this, so he says,]
"Let's hear it for Rosita!!!!!" [and all those on stage clap as well. Rosita walks up and takes a bow, as roses begin pouring on stage. Finally, The J.A.M. and Speedy walk to the podium, and as they do, the band plays "Guadalajara, Guadalajara". Everyone wails:]
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [and the audience laughs. The song stops, and the other Mexicans run back stage.]
"Thank you, Señor Gonzalez, Señor Rodriguez, Señor Raccoon, Señor Gallo, Señorita Rosita, and Speedy's Band!" [more clapping]
"And tank yoo, Señor J.A.M., compadre," [Speedy jumps on top of the podium.] "Man, I meess Guadalajara."
"Hey, who doesn't?" [slight chuckles] "Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, I'm not from Guadalajara, I'm from Mexico City, despite my accent." [slight chuckles] "And I want to take the time to honor the work that Robert McKimson and Mel Blanc did in creating Speedy Gonzales in 1953. [more clapping] However, I was quite stunned when I read just *how* you got started, Señor Gonzales."
"Oh?"
"Yes. The original idea for Speedy Gonzales actually came, get this, from a TTBS joke! For everyone's sake, I won't repeat it, but when I read that, well, Señor Gonzales, everything you say, including your trademark shouts before you take off running........well, they........um.........suddenly made *sense*.......um....." [louder laughter and clapping].
"Híjole...well, to be honest weeth yoo, de joke eesn't that bad. It goes like dees: What do yoo call-" [suddenly The J.A.M. clamps his paw on Speedy's mouth, causing laughter, especially since his paw is big enough to cover all of Speedy's head. After a moment, the Jaguar releases the Mouse.]
"Speedy, please, this is a family show."
"Perdón."
"Man, Speedy, [Mexican accent] yoo can sound more Mexeecan dan me!" [laughter].
"So can everyone een Los Angeles!" [more laughter]
"Say, whatever happened to your gold tooth?"
"One word: Dentista." [laughter]
"Oh. Well, you certainly served as an inspiration for Pat Boone in 1962 with this song. I really regret that you and Lightning Rodriguez weren't given a bigger part in Tiny Toons."
"I know. But dere were a lot of us Loony Toons, and some got two protégés. Eet was all a matter of air time."
"But you *were* given air time in Tiny Toons Adventures. And as a Looney Tunes character, you were also given time within the Tiny Toons Adventure Fandom, as did your protégé." [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF A LOONEY TUNES CAST MEMBER"] "This mailing list, all our fanfics, and the Tiny Toons Adventures series wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the characters which we all love and grew up with, those who, as the theme says, have been getting laughs since 1933. From Porky's first theatrical short, to 'Carrotblanca', the Loony Tunes characters have provided wholesome entertainment, and now, they share all their antics, and teach all the secrets of Toon Comedy in Acme Acres. Hence, it is only right that they, too, have a place within our fanfics, as they already have a place in our hearts." [The audience agrees with clapping. Speedy said,]
"De top five nomeenees for Best Use Of A Looney Tunes Cast Member are:" [Both now stay at the podium, as the screen gives shots (and fanfic clips) of the nominees in the audience:]
=============================================================
She regarded her youthful counterpart for a moment. Babs seemed to look quite interested. "Babs," she began, after a moment of silence, "Call me a crackerjack, but I have a not so funny feeling you're not here for a basketball lesson. I've seen your records, I know you can play. So, what's _really_ going on?"
The pink bunny gulped, but regained herself quickly. "I just, um, think it's about time I got back into stuff. That's all. You know, try to improve...." It was obvious that Lola wasn't buying it.
Lola crossed her arms, giving Babs a bemused look. "Come on, Babs. This isn't Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam you're talking to. I may be a Looney Tune, but I'm not dimwitted."
=============================================================
"Lola Bunny, in 'Lola vs. Babs', written by Lelony Bunny!" [cheering. Lola smiles. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
"YOUS CAN'T GET AWAY WI' DIS! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YER TALKIN' TO??" Bugs yelled into his office phone. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING, YOU CHANGE IT - RIGHT NOW OR HEADS WILL ROLL!!" Bugs slammed down the phone and turned to look sourly out his office window at the statues of himself and Daffy below.
"Is dis all woith it?!" he said aloud to himself, hanging his head. Frustration upon frustration ran through his head, till he shook them away, sitting at his desk. One thought remained...
=============================================================
"Bugs Bunny, een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. Bugs holds Honey's hand. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
The black duck's eyes spun with greed! "Thatths not a bad idea, you fffragrant fffrenchman you! But thince I have plenty of time to do everything I want - I firsst intend to return to my artisstic rootthzs - and and do thomthing I've been denying mythelf the pleasure of!"
"What might that be, praytell , D.D. - my loaded hero and mentor??" implored Plucky Duck.
"If you'll keep your drooling bill outta my bills -", Daffy said with disdain," I'll show ya!" He suddenly whipped the smaller green duck around to face him and in a moment - was running and hoo-hooing maniacally away with a bucket of black paint and a paintbrush. Plucky turned in astonishment, revealing a huge black painted mustache across his face.
=============================================================
"Daffy Duck, when he was painting mustaches on everyone, also in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [silence. Daffy simmers with anger, and his eyes turn red, causing laughter again. Daphne tries to calm him down. Next shot to-]
=============================================================
Porky dropped Bugs and stalked to the door.
"You're not worried about the other's looking bad - *you're* the one who doesn't want to be shown up! You don't want anyone around to be seen as better than you!"
Porky calmed himself, which made his words sting all the more.
"..You've hated Doc for years for things that aren't his fault. He's never said a word against you, but you treat him like this....Daffy's right - you are despicable."
With that, Porky stomped outside.
=============================================================
"Porky Peeg, again een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [the cheering resumes. Porky and Petunia hold hooves, smiling. Next shot to-]
============================================================
About then, a line of dirt came into view, indicating the imminent arrival of a rabbit. It stopped just a few feet in front of Buster, and up out of the ground came Bugs Bunny. "Eh, what's up, Doah-ha-ha-ooh-eeee- ahh," he faltered when he saw Bug's. "You!" he managed to get out at last.
"Yep, it's me. How y'doin', Texas? It's been a long time."
Bugs stiffened. "The name is Bugs. Bugs Bunny."
=============================================================
"Bugs Bunny, and Bug's Bunny, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [Bugs and Bug's shake hands, smiling. Now the screen shows all five nominees. Speedy opens the envelope. It's a bit difficult, since it is his size.]
"And de weener ees-" [Finally, he pulls out the card, and both scream with their Mexican accents:]
"BUGS BUNNY, EEN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WREETEN BY PEPE K.!"
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
**************************************************************************** *******
*As Daffy glowers, Bugs and Honey ascend to the podium, where Bugs confidantly takes the stage. Honey wears a flared and shiny copper-colored pantsuit and Bugs wears his usual white tie and tails ( all 3 of them)*
Bugs:"Eeh, Tanks, Speedy!
* Bugs smiles in his usually humble way and there's a pause.. Bugs seems about to make a typical speech, but his ears start to lop and he looks about nervously, losing his customary composure. He starts again*
Bugs: Ladies an' Gentlemen, I - I uh.....
*Honey comes to his side. Bugs looks at Speedy and the JAM uncertainly*
*the audience murmurs*
Bugs:(gulps) Uh.. Look guys, I uh.. can't accept this award ...alone......Would _All_ the Looney Tunes please join me up heah?
*amidst the murmuring crowd, the Tunes all slowly walk up to the stage, questioning each other. The from the confused group around the podium, Daffy stomps up to Bugs in a huff*
Daffy: All right, rabbit, you got us up here! Now get on with your gloatin'! You've won your award!
Bugs: I - I'm sorry Daffy... I can't do dat... because we all desoive dis award... so .. I'm acceptin' dis in de name of ALL of us.
*murmurs of amazement*
Bugs:(continues quietly) Look everyone...I - I been de front runner fer years.. and I couldna done it without everyone else. We're *all* of us what makes up da Looney Tunes..we're an ensemble! We're not seperate stars... we - we all woik together...as a team. I tink Space Jam sorta proved that - hey! -
*He sees Lola still sitting in the theatre*
Bugs: Hey Lola! Yous come up heah too! *he beckons her* C'mon! Yer a Looney Tune too!
Lola: ...But Bugs.. I was just in two movies...uh..
Bugs: Relax! Yer part uh dah team! *looks at all of them* Yah know... on stage and screen, we're always fightin' and arguin'...
*The LT's all look at each other and hang their heads a bit*
Bugs: ...like we don't like each udduh ...
Slyvester:(sadly looking at Hector) Like catthh and dogthh..
Tweety:(looking up at Slyvester) Or cats and widdle birds..
Elmer:(looking at Bugs) Or pweditor and pwey..
Wile E Coyote:(kindly putting an arm around the Roadrunner) Or the hunter - and the hunted...
(All the Tunes are humbled now in the silent threatre)
Bugs: - But - we're really friends.. and neighbors..
Porky:(putting an arm around Daffy) And g-g-g-uh co-workers! * Porky smiles. Daffy is sullen, but quiet*
Bugs: And it took - not one - but _All_ of us to make it woik. It started with Bosko and Honey and all duh Two-Tones.
*Bosko and Honey appear in their old original forms*
*applause*
Bugs: And all dem uddah Two-Tones helped make us inta who and what we are - *puts an arm around Porky and Petunia* ..And Porky was our foist star! He held duh title and is still a star!
Porky:(blushing) Uh be-b-b, Awww shucks! T'warn't nuthin!
*applause builds
*Bugs brings out a reluctant Daffy*
Bugs: And Daffy made a splash on dah screen and became an instant star! And he's one uh da biggest!
*sudden silence* *crickets chipping* *Daffy burns up red*
Bugs: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! ...This ain't a performance! ...C'mon! Give it up fer Daffy!
*Bugs begins to clap alone in the silence. Slowly, he is joined by Porky and one by one the others. Slowly the applause rises to a thunder which cannot be stopped*
*Daffy turns red and begins to cry real tears as he is embraced by Bugs and the others warmly. Finally Bugs signals for silence and the applause subsides*
Bugs:(As Honey joins him at the podium) Everyone who's here tonight is a star! All the Tunes!
Sniffles: God Bless us - Every One!
*The audience goes "Awwwwwwwww!"*
Bugs: Uh, yeah..... anyway, dere's... dere's many special humans who helped us too........who ain't around any more...
*the LT's all bow their heads*
Bugs:(almost tearfully) All our writers and Directors... Tex, Bob Clampett, Ted Pierce, Friz, Carl Stalling, Mike Maltese, the McKimson brothers, Art Davis, Norm McCabe, Frank Tashlin, Arthur Q. Bryan and many others! Thank goodness Chuck's still with us.....But dere is one fella who gave just about all of us somethin'.....
*Bugs is choked up. He holds up the award *
Bugs:(softly) .... Dis one's fer you, Mel.
*sniffs and wipes away tears* *there isn't a dry eye in the house* *Bugs walks down front and talks to the audience and the camera directly*
Bugs: Now .. uh...Ah'm gonna put dis award in duh teachah's lounge at Acme Loo - cuz it belongs to us all...
...and in a way ... it belongs tuh yous out dere. - Yeah, YOU! - sittin' at your keyboard right now readin' dis! ...De animator's, an'writers, an' directors gave us life... but all dos ov yuh who continue ... tuh watch us... on TV... in comic books... in pictures and stories everywhere-!
*the theatre is silent and breathless as Bugs shows a sensative side he never has*
Bugs: -Yous provide duh laughter.. and duh caring... dat keeps us toons young... Yah give us our lives.......
So.... I wanna thank yous for it....
*He slowly walks back to the podium*
Bugs:...Thanks...
*He smiles weakly as tears roll of his whiskers. He's embraced by Honey and all the others as the audience makes a a heartfelt standing ovation that seems to last forever. All the toons hug each other joyously and continue as each embraces the other. Bugs stands arm in arm with Daffy, Porky, Honey, Daphne and Petunia. They wave as they all walk backstage. The applause continues.
*Daffy stops Bugs backstage, away from the cameras*
Daffy: Wow! You thslayed 'em! That was thsome great sthspeech! Now, tell me! Who came up with the idea? Who'th your new writer, huh?!
Bugs: (turns in amazement) What writer?!!... I really meant that, Daffy!
*The Duck is frozen in disbelief. The others walk off as he stands there alone*
Daffy:(amazed) ...Yuh did?!?! ...Really??...(to himself)...Wish I'd said it....Hey, wait fer me!
*He happily runs after them*
:)
**************************************************************************** *******
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
[The tears are all mopped up, including those of The Jaguar. The lights are down, and the stage appears empty.]
[A soft piano began the song now, followed by a flourish of a harp. Then the spotlight shines on Fifi, still wearing her silver gown. She looks toward the light, and begins:]
"Where
Ze boys are
Someone waits for me. [she opens her arms]
A smileeng face, [and hugs herself]
A warm embwace,
Two arms to hold moi tenderly. [looking at Hamton, who blushes furiously] Ooh la la, Big Boy!" [the audience laughs. On the background, Babs, Shirley, Sweetie, Mary, and Elmyra back her up with soft "oo's".]
"Where
Ze boys are,"
"Oo..." [holding a paw to her heart]
"Mon true love weell be...Cherrie! [she sighs for a bit, as she walks to stage left]
He's walkeeng dawn, some stweet een town.
And je know he's lookeeng zhere for me. [Suddenly turns to Calamity and waves:] I'm over here! Yoo hoo! [He blushes too. The stage is now a setting of Paris.]
In ze town
Of ze meelleeon people; [Suddenly turns to audience and looks very determined]
Zees skunkette weell find mon Valentine! And zen you know what?" [gives a few hops up the scaled Eiffel Tower]
Zen I'll climb to ze highest steeple! [At the top, she raises her paws]
And je will tell ze whole world zhat he's mine! All because he's mine, uh huh!" [Calming down, she looks up]
'Teell he holds me-"
"Oo..."
"Je wait eempatiently [slightly frustrated] oh, yes I do!" [The others sing,]
"Where the boys are-" [she cuddles an imaginary lover]
"Mon crepes suzette-"
"Where the boys are-" [both paws to her heart]
"Oh mon petite shoo shoo!!" [sings with the others]
"Where the boys are-" [steps off the tower]
"Someone waits for me [giving the "yes" gesture] Oh, YES zey do!" [looks up again]
'Teell he holds me-"
"Oo..."
"Je wait eempatiently [with excitement] Oh, yes we do!"
"Where the boys are-" [smiling, she taps her foot]
"Je is waiting!"
"Where the boys are-" [one paw over her eyes, "searching". The music rises.]
"Zhat's where je want to be!" [closes her eyes, holds out both arms and tilts her head back, and shouts with the others:]
"WHERE ZE BOYS ARE-!!!" [The music stops. Holds both arms to her chest again, opens her eyes, looks up, and very tenderly:]
"Someone......waeets........for Fifi......." [The music concludes. Fifi suddenly gasps as she sees a Belgian actor walk behind the chorus]
"Ah! Jean-Claude! You beau lover! [Jean-Claude Van Damme looks at her, yikes, and dashes off. Fifi follows, in the traditional skunk skip] Here's your petite Fifi! Je am waeeting for you, mon leettle private teddy bear! [The audience laughs] Mon leettle crepes suzzete......" [as she disappears in the distance, she releases her fumes, but the chorus was ready with gas masks. The song ends, and everyone cheers like never before.]
[UNWARP!!!]
[The J.A.M. unwarps at the podium, also wearing a gas mask, holding what looks like a fire extinguisher. He sprays the stage with it, and Fifi's fumes are neutralized. He removes the mask.]
"Man, Fifi, who can *not* love you? [louder cheering] And thank you, Bugs, for that very moving speech. And, by the way, who can *also* not love this other beautiful femme? Ladies and gentlemen: Shirley The Loon!" [Shirley floats from the back of the stage, removing her gas mask. She's wearing a yellow shimmering dress.]
"Ooooowhatalooniam.....oooooowhatalooniam.....like, good evening, J.A.M." [she lands next to the Jaguar, and gives him a small kiss. The screen says, "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF SUPERPOWERS"]
"Good evening. You know, I've always wondered how you do that."
"Like, my levitation? Oh well, like, you just have to, like, keep your aura centered, er sum junk, like the way you warp. Like, despite all my power, I, like, can't warp the way you do, well, not yet anyway, er sum junk."
"Well, there are those few of us who were bestowed with powers and abilities beyond normal toons. Pepe and Fifi have their odorific powers, Beeper and Lightning have super speed, Babs has her spin changes, and Gogo has.......well......he just has them." [laughter]
"Like, exactly. It's also, like, important, when a character is given superpowers, to, like, not grab the whole story with them, and to, like, always introduce a weakness to, like, make sure they're not impersonating God, er sum junk." [light laughter]
"That's why now we're honoring those who have used their superpowers in a way that they advance the story, and enhance the character's personality, and even add a laugh or two, and not just provide a flashy light show. There is a great responsibility involved when using superpowers, and a great deal of skill as well. One has to make sure one doesn't accidentally zap someone, right, Shirley?"
"Well, like, I don't know. Plucky, like, has been conditioning my powers, like, into a hair trigger situation, er sum junk." [light laughter. The J.A.M. takes one step away from her, causing more laughter.] "Like, the top five nominees for Best Use Of Superpowers, er sum junk, are, like:"
=============================================================
SHIRLEY
Oh wow! I'm like, totally stressed-out! Let go Dizzy! All these mondo negatory vibes ... I could, like, totally lose control and become, like, Dark Loon! I could save my friends, but I might, like, totally destroy Acme Acres or some junk! Like, mondo moral dilemma or what?
BUSTER
Well toonsters, this looks like it! The last stand of the Yuksmen! Can anything save us? Are we truly doomed to fall beneath Pig-Neat-o's might?
The ceiling opens. An Angelic form, BABS as Angel Bunny, is seen silhouetted against a shaft of golden light.
BABS
Oh, I wouldn't say that!
BABS leaps into the fray, flying back and forth at high speed, scattering mops everywhere.
BABS
Yahooooooooooo!
HAMTON, in order to respond to this new threat, conjures a giant waffle iron and 'waffles' PLUCKY. Next, HAMTON creates a giant blender and tries to pull BABS into it's vortex. A bolt of lightning knocks HAMTON over, freeing PLUCKY and BABS. FIFI floats down from the sky on a thundercloud, her hair is up in a giant mohawk.
FIFI
Bonjour! Bonjour, mes amie! Ce'st moi!
FIFI casts more lightning at HAMTON who leaps up and runs away. He runs smack into PLUCKY who Opti-Blasts him at point-blank range. HAMTON reels around, stunned. SHIRLEY shakes DIZZY loose, telekinetically picks up the scattered mops and smooshes them into a ball around HAMTON. BUSTER fires his Ice Gun, sealing HAMTON in a giant ice ball. FIFI conjures a warm breeze around DIZZY to dry him off. DIZZY whirls over to the ice ball and begins juggling it. BABS glides down to BUSTER.
BUSTER
Hey! That was some classy entrance, Babs!
BABS
You have no idea how boring it gets waiting for the 'nick of time'.
BABS shows BUSTER a large watch with GOGO on it. The watch is marked "Almost", "Nearly", "Nick'o'time" and "Too Late"
GOGO
At the tone, the time will be later than you think! Cookoo Cookoo Cookoo!
A rumbling crash is heard. The far wall collapses to reveal ELMYRA, FURRBALL, CALAMITY and whoever else wants in on this scene.
ELMYRA
Ooooooooooooo! Look at all the cute fuzzy-wuzzies!
PLUCKY
Oh no! It's Queen Elmyra and the Heckfire Club!
Another wall tumbles to reveal MARY MELODY and a cast of extras in high- tech battle gear.
MARY
Forward, Agents of A.C.M.E.!
The Agents of A.C.M.E. and the Heckfire Club are suddenly scattered by ARNOLD riding a silver skateboard.
ARNOLD
Beware Earthlings! It is I, Radical Dude, herald of GALACTI-MAX, Slumlord of the Universe!
The roof is peeled away by a giant MONTY wearing a purple costume. MONTY reaches for BUSTER.
MONTY
Hiya, pals! Ready for the Ultimate Foreclosure?
MONTY lifts BUSTER out of the danger room. The scene becomes 'cloud edged' and slowly drifts apart to reveal ...
=============================================================
[The J.A.M. nudges Shirley for a moment.]
"The Yuks-Men and their enemies, in 'The Uncanny Yuks-men: A Tiny Toons Adventure', written by the Unfathomable Dr. Drew!!" [loud cheering, and the Jaguar gives the Loon a thumbs up.]
=============================================================
Not waiting to see if Hamton would do as she said, Babs quickly spun around and changed herself into Superbabs. "Up, up, and up some more!" she cried as she flew into the air to take on whoever it was that was shooting at them. It was a squad of some dozen mercenaries, and they were shooting at her with everything they had. She hovered over them and laughed taughntingly as their bullets bounced harmlessly off her chest. "Hahahahaha! You puny mortals'll need more than that to take down Superbabs!"
Babs saw that her taughnting had had the desired effect. One of the mercenaries was unpacking his bazooka and aiming it at her. "OOOOH," Babs shouted down at him, "I'm really quite scared!"
FWOOOMMM!
The bazooka shell streaked upwards towards her with incredible velocity. Just before it slammed into her form, Superbabs veered out of its path, and grabbed ahold of the projectile. After making a slight adjustment to the warhead to make it a bit less lethal, she swung it around and hurled it back at the mercenaries with all of her super strength.
KABOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smoke and debris filled the air, and when it cleared, Babs saw that the mercenaries were all covered with black soot and that they had a blank look of disbelief in their eyes as they passed out. "Awright!" shouted Babs when she saw it. "Score one for the good guys!"
=============================================================
[In the audience, Buster hugs Babs]
"Like, The Superbabs Schtick, in 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created, like, by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!! [She pauses to catch her breath.] Er, sum junk."
=============================================================
Montana, "I passed your test, now give me number two!"
Alex, "As you wish, Mr. Elmyra," winks at Montana getting him steamed, "face yourself!" Alex balls his hand, his fist charges with energy, then releases a glowing ball of energy sending his arm back in a recoil. The ball nails Montana in the chest, then passes through his body and out his back. Behind Montana the ball stops and materializes into a pale image of Montana, the being begins to speak.
Pale Montana, "Why doesn't anybody like me?"
=============================================================
"Alex Redolence, in 'The Legend To The Deed Of Acme Acres,' created by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering]
=============================================================
"Breathe with me" he said as the others watched. They both closed their eyes in silent concentration a moment before opening them again as one. Lord's white, triangular cat-like pupils dilated a bit and Shirley's aura arose from her body. The exhausted blue spirit began to glow a phosphorescent yellow and after spinning around energetically like a gyroscope, it dove back into Shirley's body.
Shirley leaped up.
"Like Wow! Thanks, Sensei! I'm totally jazzed to the max!" [cut to next scene]
Suddenly something blocked out the moonlight and covered her with it's huge shadow. Fifi looked up - and beheld the sight of Doctor Lord hovering in mid-air, standing with his cape billowing out behind him like great wings. His silver eyes glowed, staring at her and he floated slowly down to land on the grass before her. His white pupils shining like stars, Lord raised his clawed hand. She saw his five fingers open wide - the fourth finger curling down. As the small skunkette stood up to face the fantastic giant before her, she saw a brilliant purple aura forming around him, glowing and pulsating like a quasar.
"Who are you?" Fifi asked nervously.
Lord's hypnotic eyes fixed on her and his voice echoed in her mind.
"Ask me....who I was."
=============================================================
"Like, Dr. Lord's various displays of power, in like, 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' like, written by Pepe K., er sum junk." [very loud cheering at Pepe's latest nomination.]
=============================================================
"Orpheus - Go with Throttle Up!" called Breedlove.
Lord heard him and pulled his arms to his sides. The plastic composite suit sealed the seam and he brought his tail/ rudder up higher into the air.
As the music hit a climax, Lord's pupils dilated completely, his eyes becoming gleaming white orbs, as he pushed through the Sound Barrier. A circle of vapor formed before him and he plunged through it!
Across the desert came the sound of a sonic boom.
"Mach 1!" said Speed Racer at the control board. [cut to next scene]
The sky suddenly darkened as a powerful thunderstorm boiled down from out of the sky. The wind kicked up instantly and sand blew about, stinging everyone. Multiple lightning bolts zig-zagged across the sky. In seconds, it went from a perfectly sunny day to a raging dark storm.
Thunder rolled and resounded as another sound began.
A horrible screaming arose from everywhere. The horrifying sound was filled with rage and fear. It was vaguely human, but sounded more like the the agonized howl of a lonely wolf. The cry filled everyone with dread and both Fifi and Shirley fell to their knees.
"Ah feel sick!" gasped Fifi, as Hamton kneeled to hold her.
"Ohhh, like so much anger...and loneliness!" Shirley cried, holding her head in both hands.
"Fifi! What is it?!" Hamton shouted over the roaring storm. "Ah dunno!" she sobbed, " Zis eez - how ah felt when Mama died!
- Only Worse!!"
Hamton held her in his arms - sheltering her with his body from the gale- force winds that whipped at them.
"So... empty!" she cried, "Hold moi tight!!"
The wind and dust tore at them, their parasols had blow away and the mice and smaller toons clung to anything solid. Speed and Breedlove watched the readouts as another blast reached their ears.
"Mach Two!!" yelled Speed over the raging storm.
Breedlove looked at the blur on the screen and whispered in awe,
"...Godspeed".
The horrid screaming reached fever pitch and Fifi realized it was Lord's own voice!
=============================================================
[extremely loud cheering]
"Dr. Lord goes to Mach 2, in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' written by Pepe K.!!!!" [Both avian and mammal quivered with excitement. Shirley zapped the envelope, and said,]
"And, like, the winner is.........[both said] LIKE, DR. LORD'S VARIOUS DISPLAYS OF POWER, IN LIKE, 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN,' LIKE, WRITTEN BY PEPE K., ER SUM JUNK!!!!!!!" [both stepped aside as the audience roared once more]
**************************************************************************** *******
*Dr. Lord walks up to the podium quietly. He's dressed in a formal black and grey Victorian frock coat from the 1870's, vested and with striped pants. He shakes hands with the JAM and lightly kisses Shirley's hand.*
*applause*
Lord: Good Evening! And thank you for this honor. I do feel I should explain a bit about these so-called Super powers of mine. You see, unlike most of those who have them, like Shirley, here - I was not born with them.
Shirley: Like, you weren't??
Lord: No, they came to me fairly late in life and it's taken years for me to learn how to use them properly. They are mostly the use of directed mental energy - and not what most call "magic." I'm simply a telepath who can store energy for certain uses. For instance, I can't teleport or "warp" as the JAM does or forsee the future as you do, my dear.
Shirley: But you can, like - zap Plucky!" *giggles*
*audience laughs as Plucky grumbles in his seat*
Shirley: - and use your stored power to run faster than the speed of sound, er sum junk.
Lord: Well..yes. But I've learned that it's really better to solve problems without their use. I prefer to do things the old-fashioned way rather than the easy way. I do try to get out and run at high speed when I can, as it's good exersize. I also try to keep up with various physical skills.
Shirley: So... you really don't like ta - um, rely on these powers?
Lord: Not if I can help it. If I do, it's with a specific goal in mind or to prevent someone from getting hurt.
Shirley: Do you like, have any special weaknesses cuz of it, like, ya know - kryptonite?
Lord:(winces uncomfortably) Yes..I -I do, but they are..uh..unrelated to my telepathic powers...and it's rather personal.
The JAM: Does it have anything to do with that last scene? The desert storm?
*the audience listens intently*
*Lord freezes a moment, staring, then smiles congenialy* ...That.. is a failing of mine..and I'd rather not discuss it, if you don't mind.
*Shirley and the JAM look as uncomfortable as Lord for a moment The audience murmurs*
Shirley: Well, um, moving right along, heheh! Um, can you do.. um, like - telekinesis?
Lord: Causing objects to move? Yes, but that takes the most energy of all.
Shirley:(Smiles) I'm like, glad to finally have a Mentor.
Lord: You've proved to be wonderful student. But remember - the most important thing about power is not how you use it - but rather how 'not' to use it. *he smiles*
Shirley:(aside) Could I learn to alter Plucky?
Plucky:(leaping up from his seat angrily) HEY!!!
*audience laughs*
Lord: (smirks) Uh..Never suggest "being altered" around any males.
*bigger laughs*
The JAM:(aside to Shirley) C'mon, this is a family show.
Shirley: Eww, gag me! I meant his mind!
Plucky:(even louder) HEY!!!
*Shirley is wide-eyed with embarrassment. The audience snickers and laughs* *Plucky walks out into the isle in a huff and begins to walk slowly to the stage*
Lord:(with a bemused smirk) On that note, Thank you again very much for the award. I do appreciate it very much.
*Lord bows low and hurriedly returns to his theatre seat as the audience applauds. He steps aside as Plucky advances up the isle towards Shirley*
Shirley:(gulps) Um, JAM... uh maybe we should move on to a commercial..er sum junk...
*She casually whistles and retreats upstage*
*The audience laughs as Shirley ducks the duck backstage*
;)
**************************************************************************** *******
[The J.A.M. steps up]
"And once again, here's Leloni Bunny!!" [he greets her with a kiss, and warps away.]
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
